Thoughts of a Dreamer

i hate goodbyes

2012-01-30T09:22:00.002+08:00

I don't know why i stopped writing blog posts. I got too busy and lost time. But more than that I think I just lost the motivation to write. So I shall try to go back to my old habit and write again. I can't believe that the last post was over a year ago.

It's 2012. One month into it to be exact. January was such a blur that one could almost say, "time flies." It's quite ironic that the last post I had here I posted a video for a friend who left. Because just like that song almost 2 years ago, I feel exactly the same thing today. Last week my friend Bala passed away. It was all so sudden. One moment he was there and the next moment he was just gone. And since last week I've been grieving silently, honoring my friend with little snippets of posts in Facebook here and there. But I thought I'd write about him today. Bala was my second friend in Malaysia. He was introduced to me by Marissa who I met in one of those expat forums in KL. We met for the first time outside university LRT station. He picked up so I could join their badminton game in PJ. Marissa could pick me as she had work. I was a bit wary when I first met him. He looked like a wrestler more than a badminton player. But he was such a sweetie that i immediately knew he was like a teddy bear. Big and cuddly. Scary but actually sweet. Through the years Bala showed me true malaysian hospitality. He hosted parties for us, He always checked on me when I wasn't around for badminton. He made sure I was okay when things got a bit rough for me in KL. In short he was a great friend. He and his wife Natasha helped make KL home for me.

Until last night I thought I was okay with Bala's death. The truth is Im not. Saying goodbye too soon to a friend has left a big hole in my heart. And now my heart is broken. And it will be for a while.

I hope to be okay soon. I hope.

"For Good"

2010-11-07T22:29:00.000+08:00

"It well may be
That we will never meet again
In this lifetime
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You'll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend... "

Thanks for the memories dear friend. Thanks for the good times and the crazy times. It was one heck of a ride. I wish you well..

Thoughts on a Rainy Sunday Afternoon

2010-03-21T18:14:00.001+08:00

"I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it. I never said there wouldn’t be tears, I just promised to be there if there was. I never said it would be true love, I only said you’d know if it was. I never promised it would be forever, I only said to love unconditionally and generously with no recognition of time. I never said to hold on at all costs, I only said one day you’d have to let go and be free. I never said you’d get the rainbow without getting through the rain, I only said the sun is always brighter than the storm. I never said you wouldn’t cry, or feel like your heart had died. I never said you wouldn’t change inside. And if I had, I’d have lied."

I've been having these mini conversations with moof lately about life, love and the great big questions of life. I guess we've both been wanting answers to questions and more than anything else we've both been trying to figure out what's in store for us in the future.

Moof asked me last week how come I hope so much. How come despite everything I still remain hopeful. I really don't know how to answer her question. She's been telling me to fuck hope (yup! the cynic and the dreamer are good friends) and I guess in some ways I've become more cynical these days. But I guess moof was also right when she said, that despite my moments of seeming cynicism, I will never fully cross over to the dark side. ;)

Moof told me today that believing in hope is dangerous because hope can make you fall. Out of the blue I said, that's thing-- you need to trust in life enough to know that when you fall somebody will be out there who will catch you.

Maybe it was caused by having way too much maggie goreng ayam or roti chennai and roti tissue.. or maybe uncle drugged the teh ice and teh o ice limau, but I guess no matter how I really tell to myself that reality is a good thing-- i will always remain hopeful. Because Hope is a good thing. Hope is everything.

Once upon a time I told my one of my friends that the day I give up hope is the day I die. Maybe that's why I hold on to it with everything that I can. Because someday I hope that everything will be worth it. That all these crap and fucked up moments will be worth it. I need to believe in that.

I'm watching the rains pour from my bedroom window and I silently reflect about my weekend. And I find myself smiling. I learned to accept the reality of living in the moment and taking forever as a construct of time. Forever doesn't necessarily mean its never ending-- forever lasts as long as we want me to be.

Somehow this post may not make sense but it speaks a lot of my thoughts for the day. Life continues for me and I am learning day by day to live in the "hope" filled life I choose amidst the struggles of reality that I am in.

And my mini debates with moof will continue for as long as we both have the courage to face our fears and be willing to share our joys.

kasi nga moof.. hope is good..and even if hope causes you to fall, it always floats :)

Words Can't Bring Me Down

2010-02-19T08:12:00.000+08:00

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, i saw debris
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

It's quite sad to know that some people thrive in trying to make you feel less of a person because they want to feel good about themselves. I feel sad for them. They need to see other people sad so they could feel good.

Spent a big part of my life trying to find appreciation from people only to realise that in the end the only person who could really bring you up or down is yourself.

So here I am claiming that.

To some I may be the ugliest, most stupidest, pinaka mababaw, plainest looking person in the world. That's their opinion. And I respect that. You can't please everyone right?

But to me I am me. And I will be who I want to be. And I will be happy.

It's time to defy gravity

No words can bring me down.

Almost there

2010-02-04T16:17:00.002+08:00

I'm turning 33 in two days. Wow. That was fast. It seems like it was only yesterday when I actually turned 32. And when I think about the past year, it was as if it just flew by but at the same time I know so many things have happened. Life the way I knew simply ended once again. And once again I had to start again and live anew.

So in two days I will be 33. One more year of borrowed time over. I hope that just like last year, I dont waste these next 365 days. And if I am lucky to still be here next year, I hope I could also look back to this year just like the way I look to the past year-- with gratitude and grace.

I had my share of laughter and tears, of joy and pain. I had my share losses and gains.

I have lived.

3 years and counting

2009-11-28T01:15:00.000+08:00

"If i don't like it there it's okay for me to come back right? You wouldn't think I failed."

I told my mom these words three years ago. It was the morning of my departure for what would be the adventure of a lifetime and I was scared. I was leaving the one place I knew as home to go to a strange new world where I didn't know anyone. In between sobs of goodbyes I asked my mom to give me her blessings that it would be okay should I wish to go home even if I end up not finishing my contract.

Today I finished that contract.

1,576,800 minutes of my adventure is over. And I'm starting with the next one.

Time does fly by so fast. I've never cried as much, I've never been hurt as much but more than anything else, I've never been happy as much.. The past three years tried my spirit to the core and taught me some of the hardest lessons I'll ever learn in life. The Jaime/Hazel who left Manila three years ago is not the same girl you see now.Sometimes I wish I was the same but I know that life goes on.. We change. People change.

So today I say thank you-- to all those who made all these things possible. To the one who pushed me to say yes to this adventure (without even knowing it) and to the one who helped me stay true to my promise until today. And most of all to all those I've met along the way..

I am grateful.

Monday Hangover

2009-04-06T10:27:00.000+08:00

I have a hangover. And its Monday.Ayos diba? di naman ako lasing.. kulang lang sa tulog. My head is still whoozy that I am in no mood to work on my lecture tomorrow (well tapos na siya a couple of minutes ago but Im too lazy to review it pa). I had to wake up early today as I had an early meeting on campus but alas! the meeting was cancelled (argghh)

The weekend was filled with activities and there was never really much time to rest and just sleep the day away. Friday night, I went out for crabs with Angeli and Jay after a long day shopping for wardrobe cabinets and beds at IKEA. It turned into an all night inuman (till 2am) at our house. It was pure glutonny. haha. We took Angeli to the resto with no menu (a.k.a. Hokkaido) and had crabs, fish and the bamboo lala with beers. Jay said Angeli and I are a bad combination especially when it comes to eating. Correction, the three of us are a bad combo when it comes to eating.hahaha. We didnt notice the time until it was almost 2am. By then our topics covered the most mudane to the weirdest. haha. Ano yun? secret na lang!

Saturday was another packed day. After waking up I went for some Beauty stuff and had my hair done in the parlor. Afterwards I had a late afternoon chat with neighbor Jom and then off to Don Manny's birthday celebration in Sri Petaling. Don Manny's lechong kawali and binagoongang baboy were worth the travel. I went back at midnight and fell asleep immediately. I was just too tired.

On Sunday we cleaned the house a bit and I went off to run in the gym. I needed some exercise to keep my mind off stuff as well lose some of those unwanted calories gained from two days of glutonny.

The glutonny did not end there however as the F1 race gave us another excuse to eat. Angeli made some kebabs and bought San Miguel beer. Steve, whose in town for his modules joined our trio for an afternoon of eating and drinking. The F1 may have gotten rained out but the party went on. We chatted till almost 2am. Who would have thought we could consume so much time?! haha. Steve left early but Jay and I stayed on. If not for our early day in campus, we would have probably ended up talking the whole night long.

Now I think another weekend to recuperate.. haha. Sana wednesday na.

Restaurant with no Menu

2009-03-22T19:01:00.000+08:00

I just came back from another food adventure in this wonderful city called KL. I have been wanting to eat crabs since last month but we've been to lazy to go back to Restoran King Crab in Kelana Jaya. Who would have thought that I didn't need to go far. I just had to walk about 5minutes from my new place to a sidewalk resto called Restoran Hokkaido (we serve no pork)--ganyan talaga ang name niya sa sign board.

The foodtrippers (a.k.a. Jay, Stanley and Me) decided to have dinner out after Stanley's short visit. We walked down Jalan Lumut and stepped into the world of Hokkaido. Nope, there's nothing Japanese about their menu. In fact they don't have any menu at all.The auntie pointed us towards the cieling where they have a rough listing of the kinds of food (not the cooking style) they serve. After about 2 minutes of feeling lost, we decided to trust the suggestions of the auntie and ordered steamed fish sechzuan style (whatever that is) and their version of the chili crab (i was asking for the singapore style one but she said theirs is the specialty of the house).

And boy was Auntie right.. The fish was fresh and just had the right amount of spicyness in it- just enough to give it that extra kick. It was steamed with a combination of oyster sauce and several herbs and spices. It resembled the thai version of the steamed fish with a twist. Then of course the crabs. It was a slightly different variation of the belacan crabs (with dried chili). But boy was it good! yum yum! I was telling the guys that I didnt use to like eating crabs because I didn't like the mess of taking off the shell. But tonight, I had no qualms whatsoever (to think may sugat pa ako sa kamay so I had to be extra careful). I was the last person standing (a.k.a taga ubos ng tira) and was dubbed as "takaw" by Jay. hehe.. My diet was totally ruined (what diet?!) but Im telling you it was so worth it. The fish, the crab and the beer was worth gaining a few pounds for.

The best part was when I got the bill. I was expecting it to be quite expensive (we were in the city after all). I was surprised because it was really cheap for a seafood resto in KL. They even gave us a fruit platter for free to wash down all the "umay" of the crabs and fish.

Burp..

Penang Food Trip

2009-03-11T04:41:00.000+08:00

I travel the world in search of great food. Last weekend in Penang was no exception. The trip was originally envisioned to be a food road trip. Maybe rent a car in KL and drive around to those far flung restaurants and eat something new. After a bit of thinking, we decided to go to Penang instead and join the weekenders of Nokia who were going there for their team outing. We took the 12mn bus from Puduraya and after nearly freezing for 4.5 hours, we finally made it to the the island of Penang.

Our first food stop was the mamak stall in Batu Ferringhi. Nothing was open yet so it was the only choice. I had breakfast of Roti Bakar with Planta Kaya and 2 soft boiled eggs (did i mention that this is an artery clogging cholesterol laden food trip?) plus teh tarik. Went around the city a bit afterwards to practice driving (see my other blog) and found ourselves in front of the Le Maison de Blue (a.k.a the blue house) which we failed to visit the last time Jay and I were in Penang. Finally I saw the infamous unesco world heritage site.

The second food stop was the Long Beach hawker stalls for dinner. We had grilled stingray, char siew pork, oyster cakes, beer and for take away- char siew pao. Glutonny. haha. We brought a bottle of Bacardi Rhum with us so we all got drunk in the hotel while pigging out on satay and siopao. The rhum tasted like cough syrup but what the heck..

Day 2 marked more food trips and road trips. I was slowly getting the hang out of driving on the wrong side of the road. I finally understood the concept of the roundabout. We left the hotel early to have brunch at Lorong Selamat in that famous Char Kuey Teow stall. Unfortunately we were too early so we let our stomachs guide us to the nearby Dimsum Food Restaurant (yep! that's the name). At first we thought it was a wedding. Dimsum pala. Ordered hakaw (genetically modified ata sa laki), siomai, siopao and several other varieties of dimsum. The waitress offered us "ride pork rips" (fried pork ribs) which Angeli thought to be "rice pork." It was really good.

An hour later we were feeling the MSG and was getting sleepy.So we headed towards Bukit Bendera for some site seeing. Unfortunately the funicular was fully booked till 330pm and it was only 1pm. The rain started to pour so we took shelter at the nearby stall and had ABC (the malaysian halo halo). I nearly had to make a side trip to the ER (naka plot ang hospital sa GPS ni gidiyap) as the ABC had pineapples (i am allergic) buti na lang I saw it before eating so I traded orders with jay. After spending some time in Kek Lok Si temple, we headed back to the hotel to rest.

For dinner we searched for pork. Lechong Kawali to be exact. We stopped at three food stalls (two along tanjung bungah) and 1 in Gurney drive. Lahat bigo. We braved the saturday night traffic in Gurney drive to find the elusive roasted pork. There was a restaurant that looked interesting and popular but their "serve no pork" sign drove us away (Pork nga ang hanap namin eh!) Finally we decided to just eat the the Song River food stall in Gurney driver where we settled for pork ribs (minus the buto), bakuteh, fried rice, char kuey teow, crab spring rolls, and some weird squid dish (settling talaga ang tawag eh no?). To appease our disappointment over not finding pork, we bought some grilled chicken wings for our pulutan.

The nokia girls joined us after dinner for a night of drinking (ayoko na iuwi yung bote ng bacardi) inside our hotel apartment. Everyone was tired but still game to just relax and chill.

On our last morning in Penang we decided to return to Lorong Selamat and eat at that char kuey teow stall. This time hindi na kami papayag na umalis ng bigo. After finding parking, we went to the stall (it was open!) only to be told that there was a 45 minute wait for the infamous noodles. What?!!! 45 minutes?!!! That was the only thing we understood from our interpreter. But since we really wanted to eat at this stall, we said yes. Jay decided to order some oyster cake from the nearby shop to kill time. 20++ or so minutes later our orders finally arrived. The verdict? IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT. Can't say anything else. The oyster cake was also delicious by the way.

After a brief stopover at Starbucks to cool down and use the toilet, the travelling trio headed back to the bus station to go home. Another food adventure finished.

Next destination please.

Driving on the Wrong Side of the Road

2009-03-10T09:32:00.000+08:00

I hold a Malaysian drivers' license but I have never driven in Malaysia. Two reasons-- one I dont have a car and two-- they drive on the other side of the road here. I just applied for my license just in case one day I would need it but I never really had an idea when that one day would be.

That "one day" became a reality last weekend.

An impromptu gimik to Penang last Friday gave me a chance to test my driving powers in Malaysia. Jay, Angeli and I decided to rent a car in Penang instead of taking the taxi (which was very expensive) around town. Found a car through Mudah.com.my right before we left KL and viola, we had a car. We met the owners in the bus station and they introduced us to my first car in Malaysia-- a proton viva. After photocopying my passport and license the owners dropped us off at Tanjung Bungah and wished us godspeed.

So picture this- It wasn't only that it was a right hand drive vehicle, it was also 6:30in the morning(still dark in Malaysia standard), the roads were winding (tunay at wagas na zigzag ito), and I had no idea how to get to our destination (Sri Sayang Hotel in Batu Ferringhi). The owner just told me to go straight and I wont miss it (Okay.. sana nga). Talk about baptism of fire right? Jay reluctantly transferred to the front passenger seat to be my navigator slash driving tutor slash taga asar and off we went to find the hotel. And did I mention it was a manual transmission? hahaha.

Slowly I acquainted myself with the car. Figured out how to shift gears and look at the mirrors. It was hard at first as I was so used to shifting with my right hand and now I have to do it with my left. Several times, I found myself operating the windshield wiper instead of the turning signals(Oops! Patawa talaga!). Every second I was telling myself that I cannot and will not fail this task. Talk about raising one's self efficacy to the max (ay nerd).

20 or so minutes later, we found Sri Sayang Hotel (note mali ang direction ni car owner). Whew! made it. The room wasn't available yet so we ended up eating at the nearby mamak stall instead.

We had the car for three days and by the end of day 3 I mastered going up and down Batu Ferringhi's zig zag roads. That road became my EDSA. Everytime we'd get lost, I'll just find my way there. Buti na lang may GPS ang phones namin ni Jay so we were not totally blind. Yung nga lang minsan maling direction ang binibigay ni mapking. hahaha.

I survived my first attempt at driving without any major hitches. I realized shifting with my left hand wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. It was in fact a truly exciting experience. My only waterloo was the roundabout (nakakalito naman kasi yung exiting system niya) and the parallel parking. I didn't even dare attempt parallel parking in Bukit Bendera (Penang Hill) for fear of sideswiping the cars parked around me. My one and only attempt was at the bus station which nearly gave my navigator a heart attack (sabi ko nga di talaga ako marunong eh).

So now I am a true blue driver in Malaysia. I am still carl-ess but at least now I know I can drive here. Finally nasulit ang misadventures sa JPJ office last year.

When In Bangkok...(2.21-2.24.09)

2009-03-03T05:30:00.000+08:00

I went to Bangkok last year for my birthday so this time around I wanted to re-experience the land of Tom Yum differently. Whereas last year's priority was Shopping and Eating, this year there was no shopping whatsoever in the picture. When we booked that flight ages ago, we agreed that this time around Bangkok was for taking photos.

We took the earliest flight and arrived at Bangkok at about 8am Bangkok time. Too early. We found our way to the hotel and checked in. Rested a bit and went on to find lunch. First task? EAT. haha. We gravitated towards something familiar-- Sizzlers, a steakhouse we discovered in Hatyai back in 2007. What can I say? Beer and steaks for lunch is simply H-E-A-V-E-N-L-Y. After satisfying our craving for western food, it was now time to check out the mall-- Centralworld (actually CR ng mall! haha). Sabi ko nga no shopping this time around so we just enjoyed the aircon and walked around. A couple of hours later we found ourselves in the famous Chatuchak market. So many people! Bought a couple of souvenirs (sige na nga a little shopping lang) and searched the market high and low for a roasted pork stall we chanced about earlier. All for the love of pork! haha. Although tired and feeling sticky, we met up with Jay's old thai officemate for an early dinner at the Thong lo district. If I thought lunch was heavenly, Dinner was Heavenlier! (is there such a word?!). More beers and pork later, we headed back to the hotel for a quick shower and went out after with Pom and Manu.

In Bangkok I finally got to experience what clubbing was all about. We drank at the Indy Trees Bar first before heading to Route 66 for some authentic clubbing. Talk about enjoying life. By 3:00am we were all half drunk (may mas lasing sa kin though) and ready to hit the sack. Hey dude! What's up?! ang linya ng mga kasama ko. hahaha.. Yan pala ang epekto ng 1.5 bottles in JW.

The next day (day 2), we woke up with a hangover. I literally had to move our temple tour to a different time as waking up early was not exactly our cup of tea. By the time we left the hotel it was past 10am. Now it was time for some serious Bangkok photography.

Now that I have my own nice camera, I can experience bangkok from a photographer's perspective. Our tour took us to the Wat Pho temple and the Marble temple. Both temples were amazing. Although it was packed with tourists, it was still a good experience for the would be photographer like me. 4 hours later, armed with our roasted pork bbq (WE LOVE PORK), we decided to take an extra long siesta and order room service. No more energy left.

More food welcomed us that night with a lovely dinner/reunion with old friends at the Waterside Resort Restaurant. It was a good 30 minutes drive out of Bangkok to this beautiful resto on top of a lake (man made?). Our thai hosts took care of the ordering and I basically just ate whatever was served in front of me. My favorite was the fish tom yum that was totally delectable.

On Day 3, we took photographs of the Grand Palace and the Temple of the Emerald Buddha. It was a day long affair as the Grand Palace was huge. I nearly fainted of heatstroke because of the heat. But sabi nga nila, walang init, walang araw, ulan or lindol ang pipigil sa tin from taking pictures! The place was enormous but beautiful. I loved the weapons display the most. May sekyu din na nagfeefeeling napahiya tuloy ("outside!") After losing all the weight we gained to the heat, we headed for our last dinner in the city with Pom and Intira. More tom yum (fish head tom yum) and seafoods. What makes this country amazing is that every meal is a discovery. For this side street resto (which we nicknamed Benmore for the signage), the crispy pork intestines in garlic was to die for! Sa sobrang sarap, we ordered take out!.

After 4 days, it was time to get back to reality. After checking out, lugging my luggage up 2 flights of stairs in the BTS, and having lunch at mcdonalds (my tradition!), we killed time by watching Underworld 3. Soonafter it was an amazing race to the airport. One thing that I won't miss in Bangkok is traffic. My! May mas ma traffic ng lugar kesa sa pinas! Muntik kong sabunutan yung counter when he said the flight was closed! Duh! It was more than an hour before our flight. Yun pala he was looking at the wrong flight code. Our flight got moved a couple of weeks ago so we had a different flight code now.30 minutes later we were finally waiting for our flight's boarding call. whew! made it just in time. Adventure finally over..

Nope. 2 hours later we landed in KL only to get lost in the LCCT terminal. Our plane landed on the departure area and the lone steward pointed us towards the wrong terminal (departure! aba! aalis muli kami?). It was a long walk to the right hall and when finally we made it, the immigration people were shocked to see us. They asked us where we came from and we all had a laugh when we explained our misadventure in the terminal.

At 1030pm the adventure was finally over.It was back to reality. totoo na to.

So when in bangkok what do we do? EAT, take PICTURES, EAT, and take more Pictures!

Sige na nga shopping na din on the side.

Quietly Turning 32

2009-02-13T05:39:00.000+08:00

I celebrated my 32nd birthday last friday. But unlike the previous year where I made half of my KL friends drunk to oblivion (including myself), these year I celebrated my birthday quietly. I specifically chose not to have a big party this year because I wanted to make it more meaningful for me. Not that last year was bad. Turning 31 was very significant as I really thought I wouldnt make it past 30 when I was a kid (not to sound morbid or anything) so I wanted a big party to welcome that year. This year, I just wanted a quiet day to reminisce about the blessings I've had over the past 32 years (senti mode!)..

Ella and Classmate flew in on the 4th of Feb and on the eve of my birthday the four of us (Ella, Adrian, Jay and I) waited for Feb 6 on top of the Skybar at the Traders' Hotel in KLCC. We had beers and margarita and enjoyed the view after a lovely dinner at the foodcourt of KLCC. At 12 mn we headed back to the condo and waited for my actual birthday (I was born 12:55am). When the clock finally struck 12:55, I blew my make believe birthday cake (it was a chocolate flavored candle from Ikea) infront of my three friends.

The text messages and emails started coming in early in the morning. Karen was the first one to greet all the way from Manila. My sister called early Friday morning and most of my friends in Pinas sent in their greetings all throughout the day. It was such a great feeling to be remembered by them. Even my dad whom I havent seen or spoken to in over 8 years greeted me. I'm glad he remembered my birthday this year.

Friday night we had dinner at the Korean Bbq (suki na kami nito) where we pigged out and drank korean soju. There was a funny moment in the resto when I found a bug on the lettuce leaf and asked the waiter to take it away. He thought I was asking him to eat it and he said, "I don't eat bug!" I nearly died of laughter. All of us could barely keep it together. After dinner, it was a round of drinking at the house till 3am.

It was a small celebration this year but I kind of liked it that way. I got to celebrate my day with my closest friends and my bestfriend was here (Sana pwedeng ijeep na lang ang pinas para we can do this every weekend).

I got almost all the things I wished for on my birthday (may isa na lang na di natupad.. but sabi nga patience is a virtue)..

I am grateful.

And the Winner is...

2009-02-03T08:35:00.000+08:00

A couple of months ago there was a challenge--the adobo challenge to be exact. I even wrote a blog about it. Finally last night natest na ang adobo prowess ni gidiyap. We even had a special pot allocated for it (sponsored by Ikea).

The verdict? It was really good. Well worth the wait of 4 months (yata) and 3 hours (1030 na kami kumain eh) See good sport ako! ... walang bitterness yan! hahaha..

Sabi ko nga, I know when to admit defeat (sabi kasi ni Sr. Rose sa bridget before tuwing sportsfest that we should always have "humility in victory, and graciousness in defeat" ). So I am giving the adobo crown to my worthy competitor (parang nadal-federer match to.. long awaited..).. May iba pang challenges sa sunod. hehe..

And sige na, maalat talaga ang adobo dati. :)

Ang pagbabalik...

2009-02-03T08:26:00.000+08:00

I have been remiss in my blogging for the last 2 weeks for 2 reasons: going back to work after a month long holiday is chaotic. Had to catch up with a lot of stuff not to mention I had a graduate class to run. But more than that moving houses is another chaos. I decided to live closer tot he city and be nearer the KL campus thus I packed my stuff over the Chinese new year break and embarked on another adventure in KL..I never realized that I could accumulate so much stuff in a little over 2 years of stay in Malaysia. Literally I gave away 1 whole balikbayan box of clothes alone. Andyan pa ang mga stuff like stuffed toys, books, etc. Ay naku! ang daming kalat.. Buti na lang may mga loyal workers (ay super heroes pala.. itago natin sila sa mga pangalang C J & DM) na matiyagang nakibuhat sa aming mga gamit nung grand lipatan day. May utang pa kaming mamak meals sa inyo. hehehe..

And finally kagabi nagka internet na sa aming bagong home sweet home.

Yahoo! back in circulation again. ;)

The last 24 hours

2009-01-12T04:01:00.000+08:00

I started packing this morning. I was halfway to achieving another master packer level of packing when a sudden wave of sadness hit me. It was a cross between homesickness and feeling lost. I guess that's what they call the "neither here nor there" feeling. I have 24 hours left in manila (26 hours to be exact before my flight). Tomorrow I will be back to reality. Part of me is excited to go back, but a part of me is also sad because I have to say goodbye again. And I hate saying goodbyes.

Last night I went by Luis' place to give him my long overdue gift. I haven't seen my badminton partner in a year. I didn't want to go down at first but Luis made me stay a bit so we could chat. The reason why I didnt want to go down was I knew I was just gonna feel homesick after. Oh Well. It was nice chatting with Luis though. We crammed everything that happened to us in a year in 1.5 hours of talking while waiting for Byo. Our lives really went on different adventures na. But some things haven't changed like the couch I used to hang out in his place while watching football (favorite ko to!) and the trophies/medals we won when we used to compete as partners.

Today will be a day of saying goodbye again.. I'll have my last dinner with Ella and Adrian and hopefully that traditional last night coffee with Anthony. It's all about traditions today. And figuring out how to fit everything in my luggage.

Sana pwedeng iextend ang 24 hours. :)

Meet Ups and Reunions

2009-01-06T03:45:00.000+08:00

Since I only have a week left to my vacation, I need to start meeting up with the people I haven't seen since I last visited. I didn't realize that time flew by so fast that my 27 days of break is almost over. Sa dami ng roadtrips na nagawa, ang dami pa palang dapat imeet at kamustahin.

So yesterday I had a marathon reunion session with long missed friends. I met up with Weevens for coffee in the afternoon and had a grand time laughing about our favorite folks and reminiscing about the events in our lives. After coffee I went to have dinner with my partner, Denden, who treated me to a super delicious tapsilog in Banapple (For some reason I've been having these tapsilog craze...). I haven't seen den in a long time so it was really great to see him again. It was like recalling one's life events of the past year in a very short period of time. Pinilit talagang pagkasyahin sa 2 oras lahat ng kwento. I didnt realize how much I missed my dinners and chicka nights with Den. We used to do this a lot a couple of years ago after our gym evenings at Moro.

After dinner I went to GBC where I haven't been to since January of 2008. Wanted na daw ako sabi ni Harry since I missed the two recent events-- the christmas tourney and the christmas outing. I borrowed Harry's racket so that I could play. This year I didn't bring home a racket since I had limited luggage space. It was nice playing with the old guys again. As usual tawa pa din kami ng tawa nina tita cons. I met some new faces and had a nice reunion with the old ones. I played 10 sets in all (5 matches), the most I've played since last year. I don't know how I lasted. haha.

There was a tinge of sadness when I walked out of GBC at 1145pm. I guess its the realization that despite my visit, I kinda miss being there every monday and thursday night. Parang bitin yung once a year na bisita.

In a week's time I'll go back to reality. Tama si Chu33y3itch wag na lang isipin muna yun coz malulungkot lang kami.

The Ultimate Road Trip Part 2

2008-12-31T10:10:00.000+08:00

Everytime I go back to Manila, I always make it a point to drop by my favorite steak house inside the Subic freeport. Ella and I discovered it a couple of years ago when we took our first north luzon food trip with Peter back in 2005. This year is no exception. I woke up early (6am!!) to meet up with Gidiyap at the Shangrila LRT station (marunong pa pala akong sumakay ng jeep. para mama!). After giving him a tour of UP Diliman and having breakfast at the stall fronting rodics (which unfortunately was closed), we waited for Classmate and Ella to arrive at my house. At around 10am we were finally off to Subic.

We took the new SCTEX (with a brief stopover at Petron or caltex ba yon?) and arrived in Subic at 1230pm just in time for lunch. Sleeping beauties kami sa likod ni Jay since mga puyat ang mga balikbayan. Si ella ang naging designated taga aliw ni driver classmate. There were a lot of people in queue for the restaurant but since we travelled close to 200kms just to eat steak, we were willing to wait. We all ordered the NY cut steak, medium well with mashed potatoes and veggies on the side. Classmate had an additional rice (carbo diet daw siya!). Yummy. Sulit pa din ang byahe. Andun din sina Billie Joe Crawford at Nikki Gil na pinagkakaguluhan ng lahat. Care naman namin kasi for us ang star ay ang steak ng meat plus!

After resting briefly and taking pictures at the new Subic Lighthouse, we were once again on the road. Di ba road trip nga to? The road trip was now heading towards QC for a session at the Ace Water Spa. Despite the traffic we were in good spirits when we reached Del Monte Ave at around 6pm. We had merienda first at Le Ching Tea House (i missed this place!!!) and laughed our way to eating dimsum and noodles. ("Waiter, mai tan!") Ella and I introduced Jay to Le Ching's famous Shark's fin dumpling. It's still the best dumpling for me. Classmate was so hungry, he literally inhaled the wanton noodle soup (walang mainit sa vocabulary ni classmate!).

Inside the spa, Ella and Adrian introduced us to the wonders of hydrotherapy. I tried different water jet massages (my favorite was the bubble chair and the bubble bed) that was truly relaxing. Sulit ang instant shopping ni guru. hahaha. We went for a short swim in the lap pool and classmate showed us his famous breast stroke (but dahil walang flippers, balyena stroke daw yun). Lastly we took a dip at the heated herbal pools. alam ko na ang pakiramdam ng manok na tinitinola. hehehe. We loved the 38 degree pool (just right). After dipping in the 40 degree pool, we all jumped into the 0 degree ice cold pool to close our pores down. Gising ka talaga bigla!

After nearly 3 hours in the spa, we were done. But the road trip was not over. We went for a midnight snack/dinner ni classmate at Dencio's in Capitol Golf. We chose the place for its location (near my house where the pit stop was ). Unfortunately they were about to close so most of the stuff we wanted to order was gone. No more crispy pata and sisig (WAAAA), no more calamares (WAAAA), at later on no more Red Horse (Ay nako magsara na kayo!!!!). Still we managed to eat lechon kawali, inihaw na liempo and sizzling mushrooms and 2 buckets of beer-- red horse and san mig strong ice. Before we knew it we were being asked to vacate the place already. It was 230 in the morning!. hahaha. The road trip went on overdrive again. Ella and Classmate dropped us off and Jay drove home after. I finally fell asleep at around 4am after making sure all three of them got home safely.

This morning my uncle asked me if I am not yet tired from all these road trip. And I told him "Tito, bawal mapagod sa Pinas! Sa KL na kami babawi ng tulog." hehehe.

1.5 more weeks in Manila, more roadtrips to do so little time left.

Ultimate Roadtrip by the Balikbayans

2008-12-29T17:33:00.000+08:00

After spending the day at Corregidor, one would think we would be tired. But no, Bawal ang mapagod sa Pinas. It was just the start of what would be a 22 hour roadtrip by the balikbayans. Naconvince namin si Chu33y3itch na magdinner sa MOA (yup MOA lang po) kaya after magikot sa intramuros (at kumain ng taho sa manila cathedral), nag drive na kami papuntang MOA. Medyo mahirap ang parking but we managed to find one then we met up with Jom sa National na may sendoff brigade. Kaso ang MOA ay stopover lang pala. We decided to go to Pier 1 in PICC but last minute decided to go to Island Cove bago mag Tapsi sa Kawit. First time kong makita ang island cove so enjoy na enjoy kami bilang mga tourista (may libreng driver at tour guide pa!). Nag picture taking pa kami sa gate ng Island Cove. hehe.

We had a round of beers and the ultimate pinoy pulutan fare of Crispy crablets, calamares and sisig (walang tahong!huhuhu). Syempre isang masarap na inuman pag may San Mig Light. Ahh.. this is defining happiness. sarap! We decided to call Charles and Cecille para imbitahin ang aming mga sarili sa kanilang hacienda. Ang passport ay Red horse, inihaw na liempo at manor mula sa Andoks (sana may ganito sa KL!). Go naman sina C&C so off we go kami. Walang nagawa si Chu33y3itch dahil nakidnap na siya! hahaha.

We stopped over one bakery on the way to taste what Gidiyap described as the best pandesal. He also introduced us to the Bonete (tama ba? basta masarap siya!). Shucks! Winner talaga. My car smelled like bread. Heaven! After another stop over to Jay's own hacienda (detour) tumuloy na kami sa pittstop (a.k.a. Charles' place) where the Abedejos family was already waiting. We set up the inuman table in front of their gate and drank the night away.

Habang lumalalim ang gabi, may isang nagtratransform to a tikitext. We didn' know kasi na may date pala kaming sinira (peace lah!). But it was fun nonetheless. Laglagan lahat. Walang kampi kampi (merry christmas jom!). Si charles ang kulet! (sino daw si diego lisang?) Pati si cecille nakikulet din! Lahat sila lasing except me since I was the designated driver. I drank a glass only of red horse then was placed on strict orders not to drink anymore.

Time flew by and before we knew it, it was already 2am. Imagine I was already awake at 4am. Career na ito! hahaha. After a long goodbye (may humahabol kasi), Jay, Jom and I finally left Charles and Cecille to their "date". Jay drove and we dropped him off at his place. I dropped jom off after.1 hour later I was finally sleeping in my bed. It was already 330am. May mga manok ng tumitilaok!

Iba talaga ang impromptu gimik. Natutuloy. Mahirap ang planned eh. hahaha. Nadala lang ata si Chu33y3itch sa min, kasi MOA lang daw eh. hehehe.. Kasi naging Imus. hahaha. But it was worth it naman. Finally the KL gang got to be on true blue Pinas mode. Kulang na lang yung mamak na pupuntahan after the inuman.

And my tapsi craving was not yet sated. Funny, sa dinami dami ng inisip naming kainin at kinain, di pa din naming natupad ang wish ko for the ultimate tapsilog. So what does that mean? Roadtrip again!!!

Walk through history

2008-12-29T17:14:00.000+08:00

Sabi ng department of tourism wag daw maging dayuhan sa sariling bansa. Kaya naayon sa thema ng pasko na "tara byahe tayo", naglakbay kami sa isla ng corregidor nung December 28. Ang aga ng gising ko, 4am ata nung narinig kong tumunog ang " you got message" sa cellphone. Blank text (may secret code?). tumayo ako ng mga 5am (tawad ng onti). Past 6am ata nung dumating ako sa Roxas blvd na ubod pa ng dilim. Matapos ang ilang blooper (Asan kasi ang Jollibee sa Vito cruz? ay asana muna ang vito cruz?hehe), nagkita din kami ni Jay sa may CCP.

Matapos ang breakfast (san pa eh di sa Jollibee!), pumunta na kami sa sun cruises terminal sa loob ng harbour square. 1 hr 15 minutes ang byahe (tulugan time!). Pagdating ng corregidor, pili na kami ng tour bus (gusto namin sa 5 kasi nakakaaliw yung tour guide). Tangan ang mga camera, sinimulan din ang corregidor adventure.

Inikot namin ang buong isla. Sabi ni Mang Carlos, "its an island that is the shape of a tadpole" (aba looks like nga!). Madami akong natutunan gaya ng corregidor pala ang pinaka malaki sa lahat ng isla sa mouth ng manila bay, 5months bago sumuko ang corregidor at bataan sa mga hapon, at marunong palang mag mura si Quezon. Nagstart ang tour sa middle portion ng, umakyat sa top at nag end sa tail. Ilang army batteries ang inikot (di daw yun dry cell kundi mga gigantic canons) namin, plus pa ang mga ruins ng mga barracks. Parang naimagine ko yung panahon ng gera. Ang ganda siguro ng mga buildings na yun bago ito nabomba. May pagka eerie ang dating ng lugar. Madami daw espiritu dun. Pero sa totoo lang, parang pumasok ka sa pahina ng history book natin nung college/hs. Mararamdaman mo ang pagka Filipino mo dun sa lugar na iyon (naks!).

After lunch sa best hotel in corregidor (its the only hotel in corregidor), nag malinta tunnel tour kami. scary at nakakatindig balahibo yung light and sound show. feeling mo talaga asa malinta tunnel ka nung gera at binobomba kayo sa labas. Teka, lam niyo ba bat Malinta tunnel ang name niya? Kasi Madaming Linta! Ayos talaga mag bansag ng pangalan ang mga pinoy.

Pauwi ng Maynila, di ko maalis sa isipan ko ang kasaysayan ng corregidor. Nakakatuwang nakakalungkot. Nakakatuwa kasi nakita mong napaganda niyang lugar. Pero nakakalungkot kasi ang daming buhay ang nabuwis dun.

Pero ang masasabi ko lang.. sulit ang bayad.Di lang maganda ang tanawin, maganda din ang matutunan ang kasaysayan ng bansa natin. Saka sabi nga ng DOT, dont be a stranger to your own country. Kaya tara! byahe na tayo!

Revisiting Lupon

2008-12-23T18:21:00.000+08:00

The last time I went to our family's farm in Lupon, Davao Oriental was back in 1990. Today I visited the pride and joy of our clan after 18 long years. Lupon has always been considered our family heirloom. It is not only huge but also it is home to our family's dreams, blood, sweat, and tears. Papa Ernie started the farm from scratch after retiring from his office job. And now it is being managed by my uncle.

When I was younger we used to go there more often. Back then, the roads were much more rough and we had to ride a Kia truck all the way from Davao City to Lupon. Talk about a bumpy ride! By the time we get to the farm, our hair would be plastered all over our faces. Unfortunately we all started growing up so the thrill of a 3-4 hour bumpy ride lost its zest. At the same time issues about security started to arise. There was a time when the farm was raided by armed men thus our visits became less and less.

So last night when tito joey asked me if I wanted to come with him to the farm, I immediately said yes. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Imagine, to be able to go back to one of my childhood playground? That is a dream come true.

The ride was still long but more comfortable. The roads were much better now and our car was definitely more high tech (Tito Jo's new Sportage was taken for a test drive). But the place remained as beautiful as ever. When we entered the rough road leading to the farm itself, I saw farmers planting rice amidst the background of mountains. It was just such a beautiful sight.

After arriving at our farm, I tried to refamiliarize myself with the old surroundings. I saw the old copra trees covering most of the land along with other fruit trees such as mango, suha, and mangosteen. I didn't get to see the lanzones and the fish pond because we didn't have time to go around.I It was still the same old place I remembered from 18 years ago. The trees may look slightly bigger but it was still the same old Lupon that my cousins and I used to roam around in while riding a makeshift carriage dragged by a carabao.

2 hours later we were on our way back to Davao City. I slept most of the way as I was dead tired by then. I silently said goodbye to the farm and left a promise-- that I won't wait another 18 years to come back.

Holiday Bum

2008-12-22T17:08:00.000+08:00

I've been home for a couple of days now. I flew to Davao the day after I arrived in Manila. So I've been feeling a bit of jet lagged for the past couple of days. On the day of my arrival I immediately went on gimik mode and met up with ella, adrian and anthony at our favorite coffee place in corinthian hills. Nakakamiss din ang coffee dates namin. We stayed till about 12mn before heading home just in time for me to repack my suitcase for Davao.

Here in Davao my gimik mode got curtailed a bit. The lack of people to go out with and the early bed time of the folks around me makes me feel more of a bum than a bakasyonista. Buti na lang I managed to go to the beach twice to see the sea. One thing nice about Davao is that the beach is so near. Just a short 10 minute drive and you're already there. Yesterday we took the ferry to Samal island and had lunch and dinner at two new resorts-- Blue waters and Blue jazz. Both were nice but I still favor paradise island. The best pa din ang orig.

I managed to do some "musts" like shopping (a bit pero kulang pa) and parlor (kulang pa din) in between driving for my uncles and my mom and grandparents. I'm so in love with the new Kia Sportage and its automatic transmission that makes driving so easy even on rough roads. My uncle let me drive his new SUV kaya naman game na game akong maging driver. I still have a long list to go through for my must do's (call bank, buy pasalubong, more parlor, etc..) not to mention a pile of checking to finish.

Talking to ella earlier over th phone, I told her how I miss our hanging out together. Hopefully we get to do that when i get back to Manila on friday.

3 more days and its Christmas!!!

Saturday Night Dinners

2008-12-20T18:18:00.000+08:00

One of our long running traditions in the Llaneza clan is the Saturday night dinner at Mama and Papa's house in Mallard. Everytime we are in Davao, we always have that Saturday night reunion when everyone would be there for dinner. Tonight was no exception. We had lechon, lapu lapu, nilagang baka, and inihaw na blue marlin. Yummy. Simple dinner lang daw. Wala kasi yung cook. Nagbakasyon.

Through the years, the dinner's composition changed. Old faces left, new faces came in. When we were younger, there was a kids table for the young ones ( I got elevated to the adult table when I entered HS). We had our special mini table near the toilet. When we got older, the girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands and wives started joining the dinners. This year I introduced everyone to something new too-- the malaysian sambal (hehehe.kala nyo sino noh? Something po not someone!)

Nevertheless it is still the same old dinner with the same faces. We share the same stories (sayang wala si ves to tell her famous mitra/cory jokes) and laugh at our past misadventures. It's fun to have these kinds of traditions. Makes you realize that at the end of the day, the memories and bonding we share with our loved ones are the ones that matter the most.

209K

2008-12-19T05:03:00.000+08:00

Almost 6 months after I landed in the ER for itp relapse,I was declared on remission last wednesday.My platelet stood at 209,000 after being taken off prednisone 1 month ago.Dr Rudy said,he hopes not to see me again till 6 months from now.Barring any hitches, I am hopeful too. I am now back to normal.Well, almost.I still have the pred weight to lose.But that's just a minor issue.
It was a wonderful early christmas present.Moreso a pleasant surprise because despite the stressors recently, project platelets still worked miracles.

believe.hope.dream.
wishes do come true.

Double Eww with icing on the side: Lisensya adventures in KL

2008-12-12T03:35:00.000+08:00

Yesterday neighbor and I went to the Malaysian version of the LTO to get our driver's license. Wala lang gusto lang namin maging tunay at wagas na legal driver sa Malaysia. Saka na isipin kung san kukunin ang kotse. Who would have thought na hanggang dun pala eh aabot ang makamandag kong charm? hahaha.

The line was quick. 140 people in 15-20 minutes. Wow. Talk about quick service. When my turn came up I was feeling good. Mabilis lang to. Tamang tama na-ccr na ako. But of course kelangan maging complicated. Kaya nga adventure ang title ng blog na to diba? It started with the picture. The girl said my pic was too big and that I had to have another picture taken. She directed me to this photo me booth (meron pa pala nun?!). 7RM for 2 copies. Major harang but sige na lang. saka in fairness maganda ako sa picture. hahaha. When I came back with my newly developed picture, she told me to go to this other booth where two supervisors were. One was a girl (i saw her making chikka before) and the other was a guy (na thundercats na..). They started questionning my certification from the embassy, even insinuating na it was a doctored one. Syempre I argued back. I did not issue that certification. Sa loob loob ko, ang mahal nga ng cert na yan eh. kung pwede lang eh ako na lang magtratranslate. I finally introduced the "Dr" card so medyo nashut up siya. Parang spinach ni popeye yan eh. aatras si brutus once lumabas ang "I am a Dr." card. I was getting pissed since neighbor got hers in less than half the time and they never questioned her picture (na kasing laki ng aking orig) nor her certification (na identical to mine).

To make the long story short, kaya lang tumagal ang proseso ko dun eh kasi si manong thundercats ay gusto makipag friends. ANAK NG.. EWWW EWWW EWWW (reminiscent of Joana's voice). He used the two chuwariwariwaps under him to talk to me. Sabi ni girl super, "can my boss be your friend ah?" That is probably the worse pick up line ever! May kasama pang " does he look young? " at dinagdagan ni manong thundercats ng "can i call you sometime?" EWWWWWW. But syempre dahil goal oriented tayo, kelangan sumakay ng onti. Sabi ko, "you want to be my friend? sure. i have a lot of friends!" hahaha. baliw. Pero mas favorite ko yung sagot ko sa can i call you line-- "if im there i will answer the phone. but today im not in so i cant answer the phone" (makikulit daw ba?) Aba! torture ata syang tingnan so dapat lang makuha ko ang lisensya ko.

All the way to KLCC, reg and I were laughing like crazy. Talk about charm. Lumevel up ang charm ko kahapon. hahaha. Neighbor said that pang ms universe ata ko sa mundo nila. Angeli says its the hair (my highlights really makes me look more local now). For some reason I guess I am a hit to the weirdo community of KL. Haay. I know it should be flattering, but NO! isang EWWW talaga. Matatake ko pa yung mga janno gibs na pahello hello sa tabi tabi tulad ng aking mga guard fans (btw, nadagdagan na naman sila kagabi) Kala ko worse na yung si manong kindat nung sat sa pertama kompleks at si manong jani na pa hi hi sa LRT. di pa pala! hahaha. Eh si manong thundercats pa naman eh pwede ng maging bangkay sa shake rattle and roll part XX ang itsura.

Ewww Ewww Ewww Ewww.. Ang mga balahibo ko sa braso nagtayuang muli. Even when the orig girl was already printing my license, manong was still leering in the background.Sabi ni Jay and Angeli balik kami to get their license. Sana wala na si Manong dun. WISH KO LANG. Or better yet maghanap na lang kami ng iba pang branch ng JPJ. hahaha.

As I was leaving the dreadful booth with my newly laminated 2 year license (cheapitita. di man lang card type.), Manong thundercats said goodbye with a wave and smile. Eww. anong goodbye? good riddance kamo! hahaha.

If the Shoe Fits: Fashion Disasters

2008-12-10T03:14:00.000+08:00

Last month I made a resolution that I will not buy any new shoes till 2009. It was my attempt to curve my semi addiction for foot fashion. sabi ni neighbor, pwede na akong maging stockholder ng vincci sa dami ng sapatos ko. So I told myself, no more new shoes. I will make do with my current stock.

Unfortunately, I was forced by fate to break my resolution. Last monday while out with the guys on an extended lunch break (hmm.. gym?haha), I broke the strap to my ever reliable grendha slippers and was forced to make that stopover at my favorite shoe store and buy myself a new pair. Funny, I actually felt so guilty about buying and breaking my resolution that I could only choose one pair (unlike before na I can buy 3 or 4 pairs at a time). Pero sabi nga ni Angeli, its a sign.. I really have to buy shoes. That fashion disaster was actually fashion disaster number 3 in just 2 days.

The first one came on Sunday as I was walking to Bukit Jalil LRT. I tripped and the strap gave out so I had to walk all the way back home and change. Nalate tuloy ako sa aking breakfast dahil ang tagal ng LRT. A few hours later the replacement shoe (my favorite charles and keith flats) started smiling after tripping (again). Anak ng.. define clumsy! ah.. its the sour thing that you put in the pancit canton? hehe. The replacement shoe made it home thank goodness. Thus last monday's fashion disaster 3 was the icing on the cake already.Or so I thought.

Last night on my way home, I realized fashion disaster 4 was about to happen. May isang sapatos na nakangiti na naman. Buti na lang pauwi na ako. At the rate I am going, I'll be shoe-less by next week!

Its time.

It's time to go shoe shopping.

Breaking Walking Records

2008-12-08T03:26:00.000+08:00

Lizda once told me that if I could walk the entire KL, I'd probably would. They're all amazed in the office at the amount of walking I could do in a day. One time I walked from Hang Tuah to Chulan Tower which is unheard off for a lot of my local friends. Another time I walked all the way from Imbi plaza in Bukit Bintant to KLCC in a little over 10minutes time. I was meeting up with some friends for dinner and I didn't want to be late. It just never occured to me that it was that far. Heck I walked half of London in a little over a day's time in my quest to see London in its entirety over one weekend.

Yesterday I broke another walking record-- I walked from Pudu Plaza in Jalan Pudu all the way to Wendy's in Raja Chulan. If you take the LRT/Monorail that's a total of 5 stations in all. And it wasn't a straight forward walk. It included a stroll in 3 malls (Pudu plaza, times square, sungai wang) and several stop overs along the smaller side streets of jalan pudu. Before that I already walked from my apartment to the LRT station (10 minutes), and from Masjid Jamek to St. Johns to Kotaraya.

And what was in my mind when I did it? wala lang. naisipan lang namin mag explore the world. I realized yesterday that you discover a lot of hidden stuff when you're walking (i.e. ang lechon pala sa malaysia eh may ribbon sa buntot at tenga--ay ginawang girl si babi). You discover a lot of new places (may isa pang camera shop sa pudu plaza kaso closed pag sunday ng umaga at may short cut sa eskinita ng jalan pudu papuntang times square) and learn new things (dapat marunong tumiming pag tumatawid kundi matitigok ka ng maaga!) It was super tiring but it was so much fun. Wendy's frosty never tasted so good after a long day's walk.

When I finally got to PWTC for the education fair, my legs wanted to fall off. At least nabawi ko yung di ko paggym during the weekend. Major cardio workout. Angeli and Reg were laughing about my fashion disasters (that's another story) amidst my walkathon. I was so hungry at 530pm that Angeli and I finished a pizza and an order of wings in no time at all. I'm entitled to it she said. After all that walking I truly deserved to eat. hahaha.

Two Years and counting

2008-11-28T13:33:00.000+08:00

Two years ago I left Manila to embark on a journey that changed my life. Two years ago I decided to jump on my biggest adventure-- moving to a totally strange country away from all the comforts of home. It's been two years already today when I moved to Kuala Lumpur. Imagine that. I survived 730 days already. 730 days since I last called Manila my home. Two years to the day I said goodbye to family and friends.

Ang bilis ng mga araw. Parang kelan lang lahat ng iyon. Ang daming nangyari, ang daming naganap. Ibang iba na ang buhay. It has been one hell of a ride I should say. I stumbled a lot along the way, but looking back, it was a good two years. There may have been tough times but there sure were good times too. And somehow looking back, all those struggles finally made sense. They all led me to where I am today.

This morning a friend asked me what was my career plan. I told him that I'm in a job that I love. And though its tough at times, it allows me to do something I am passionate about. So I guess that answers my question on what is my career plan for now.

For now I choose to be here. For now this is where I belong.

99

2008-11-17T05:41:00.000+08:00

I was bumming around the other day when my friend Jom dragged me with her to a birthday party of their new colleague. After a short stay in the party, we decided to have our own mini party (thanks to the 2 bottles of club 99 we were supposed to give the birthday celebrant) at her house in endah regal. There was a bit of drama on the way home to make things exciting ("Nawawala ang wallet ko!"-C.A.) plus the return of world peace ("let there be peace on earth!"). We even got to stop by to see the latest gimik place in Endah Regal Block C (Hapi Cook Cabaret branch. hehehe).Finally we started the session at around 1am.

I haven't been drunk in a long time. But last Saturday we were all out of it. No one was throwing up or doing anything scandalous or gross. It was pure wholesome, fun drunkenness. There was dancing and laughing and major soundtrip (Anong kanta nga yon?). Mommy J (a.k.a. Classmate J) was the star. Newbie J (dalawa kasi silang J) was the photographer while Mr. Peace Charlington and I were the resident bartenders (bago ko sila tinulugan that is). Ces finally gave in to the party after a bit of canjolling from the BI's (Beautiful Influence! hehe). Ang nawawala lang ay si Ann na ininjan kami. (hahaha..sige na nga we understand..tinirahan ka naman namin).

Yun pala ang epekto ng club 99. Kahit na sabog sabog ang senses it was still so much fun-- tawanan, kantahan, sayawan (nadiskubre ang mga hidden talents!) at may mga "revelation" moment pa (i remember...haha) . At one point I remember I wanted to cook whatever food I could find in Jom's freezer because I was so hungry (Ang kulet!!). Ended up eating chicken nuggets with rice before I fell asleep. zzzzzzzzzz...

I woke up at around 7am with a splitting headache. Classic Hangover. I was barely comprehensive on the phone. Backed out of my photodate that morning and went home to sleep. Bangengers. Sabi ni Charles natapos ang session ng 5am kasi nagalarm ang cellphone ko. Di ko na naalala yun. I was in dreamland na by then.

Hanggang dito na lang daw ang kwento. What happened in C-12-1 stays in C-12-1.

Till the next session...

I call them Battle Scars

2008-11-17T05:21:00.000+08:00

I was 16 years old when they first appeared. I gained over 30lbs in one month due to prednisone and lost almost all of it in a span of another 2 months. My body was like a baloon that got inflated and deflated. I have them all over my thighs, butt and shoulder. And because I was young and a bit low on the EQ then, I scratched whenever they itched and that made it worse.

They're stretchmarks. Battle scars from my relapses with ITP.I tried all possible creams you could think of. But they just don't work. They fade away through the years but they get bad again whenever I relapse. Recently they became very evident again. My recent relapse brought back those unsightly scars. My resident derma told me that if I wanted to I could get them lasered out. But of course that would be costly.

I used to be so conscious about it. I refused to wear shorts and swimsuits. There was a time that I even used concealer to cover them up. Then I realized, those stretchmarks, no matter how ugly they look, is the small price I had to pay so that I could live. If I didn't have them, I wouldn't be here today. So I told myself, what the heck, I'd wear whatever I want to and just live. Now whenever I look at my ugly marks, I am reminded of how I made it through life's toughest battle scarred but not broken.

And those stretchmarks, are my medals.

110 Reasons to Say Thank You (for the 110 days of Prednisone)

2008-11-14T20:19:00.001+08:00

On July 27, 2008, I sent out 3 text messages for 4 people whom I wanted to say thank you to. I thought to myself that if something happened I wanted to be ready. I think I scared them as I was scolded by one for being too morbid while the two others cheered me on to not give up.

I was on prednisone for a total of 110 days, a drug, though lifesaving had a multitude of side effects that created chaos in my sense of being.

They say the measure of a good life is not by the amount of riches you gain but by the number of people who love and care for you. This is a long thank you note to the 110 people who made the past 110 days possible. It was a long process listing all these folks down and I know I may have missed a few. But to everyone whether your listed or not, THANK YOU..

So here goes...I am grateful..

1.For God – for the gift of life and well, for everything else.

2.For my Mom, Maria, for letting me go on my adventures even if I know she’s worried about me.

3.For my sister Vesper who taught me the value of ambition and soaring for my dreams

4.For my bestfriend Ella who has always been there for me, through thick and thin even if at times I am not there for her. Thank you for being part of my life

5.For Jay, who kept my spirits up during the times when the side effects of pred were taking its toll on my sanity; for rescuing my PAP convention paper and for treating me as if I was just the same old me.

6.For Oliver my beloved pusang kalye, my baby and my friend who never forgets who his “mommy” is despite our distance.

7. For Anthony, for making me laugh and keeping me company in Davao. Thanks for calling every so often to check up on me.

8. For my neighbors, Ria and Jesse who kept me company in the hospital and looked out for me during that hell week

10. For classmate Adrian’s endearing sense of humor and his courage to remove the bandaid.

11. My aunts and uncles—Tito Mannie & Tita Malou, Tito Joey & Tita Lucille, Tito Ted & Tita Thel for their never ending love and support. Thanks Tito Mannie for all the text messages you’ve been sending everyday.

17. My Ninang Rose and her family—papa june, che and pey—for their concern and care.

21. To Nongni, Tita Dada, Vince, Bobsi for picking me up in the airport whenever I go home.

25. Tita tats—my doctor away from home.

26. For my pamilya badminton—Tita Nel, Tito Noel, Kei, & RB. Thank you for always remembering me in your thoughts and prayers. I miss you guys!

30. My mentor and namesake—Fr. Jaime Bulatao. You’ve been there for me since even before I was born. I am honored to share your name.

31. For Fr. Ben, whose been there for me and my family for as long as I can remember.

32. To Michael, Jay’s friend whom I don’t know and haven’t met but took time out to help sort out my tarpaulin crisis in August. You saved my presentation. Maraming Salamat.

33. The Jollibee Plus Travel Group—Ma’am Lisa, Jovil, Marivic, Nicole, Ma'am Veron, Maam Anna & Hubby, and Earl—for welcoming me with open arms.

41. The Perfect 10 Girls—Divina, Tetet, Jai, Mariel, Kim, Flo, Beth & Aries —my personal cheering squad and bodyguards all rolled into one. These girls will go to war for me and I love them to death.

49. For Angeli, who is not only a great boss but also a great friend. She makes Nottingham feel like home.

50. To Angeli’s brothers and their families—Randy, Rose, Zoe, Rob, Selena & Zach—for the wonderful time we had in the cruise and for making me feel like I was a part of their family. Thanks!

56. For Charles, my safeguard Malaysia (a.ka. my konsensya).. He keeps me grounded to reality. Pano pag nag adik ka, he will smash you with the shuttlecock.

57. For Jom, my perennial sounding board. Rarely do you find someone worth keeping so she is a treasure to cherish.

58. For Bala & Natasha- for their understanding and care.

60. To Marissa, my first real friend in Kuala Lumpur.

61. To My doctor, Dr. Rudy Yeoh for his faith in my body’s capacity to heal itself. Rare do you find a doctor who listens not just with the mind but also with the heart.

62. To Dr. Rudy’s assistant—I don’t know your name but you make blood test as painfree as possible for me and for that I am so grateful.

63. To my manila doctor—Dr. Lisa Naranjo—for keeping tabs on me even if Im far away.

64. For Len & Witart George for their friendship. I look forward to my visits with you guys everytime I go home.

66. For Karen & Marlu who taught me about friendship and staying true to who you really are.

68. To Mimopie, my original “boyfriend” whose faith in me is amazing. Thank you for your love and trust even from afar.I promise if and when I get married, you will be the officiating priest (hahaha.. if it ever happens..)

69. For Friendship Maan’s support of my “crazy antics” and “adventures.”

70. To Oliver, the human (hahaha).. Teroy’s visit was one of the most fun times I had in KL. I’m glad you’re happier now.

71. To my Nottingham family—Liz, Azlan, Regina,Dian, and even Melissa (you’re still part of it) for taking me in and not making me feel alone in a strange land.

76. For my soulsister—Charrie whose impending motherhood is something I’m so excited about. I know you will be a great mom partner.

77. To Mardet & Jeff, my big brother and sister in the counseling program of ateneo. You always remember.

78. To my GBC family—Tita Cons, Tito Mau, Marlu, & Harry and everyone else who queue every Monday and Thursday nights.. Thanks for always welcoming me back to my beloved GBC.

82. For Denden & Kirby—for their cheerful hi’s and hello’s and for always keeping in touch. Thanks for breaking the curse kirbs!!

84. To Josh, my sis in SG, for being one of the few people here that I could talk to with all honesty. I’m so glad we became friends.

85. For Giselle & Shella and their generosity. Thanks for keeping our mom company in Manila.

87. To the PPPeyups gang—Vivi, Gilbert, Merly & Tin, good friends through all these years. Ano kaya ang announcement ni Tin? Thanks guys for believing in me.

91. For my cousin Tryke and his beloved Michelle who were my personal tour guides/drivers while I was in Davao back in August and whenever I am there.

93. For my comps’ gang—Chin, Bambi, & Obeng, for sharing my ups and downs even years after our famous exam.

96. For my ARP students—Sham, William & Hui Ying for being patient with me whenever I’m too sick to advise them.

97. For Ralyn & Ben whose lovestory gives me the hope that people do find their soul mates.

99. To Prednisone, the drug that saved my life.

100. To Niel,AJ, & Weevens, my ateneo friends and colleagues whom I bug every now and then for favors.

103. To Peter and the rest of experimental psychology & psych testing students in Ateneo for reminding me always of why I love my job.

104. To my UP Math Barkada-- Aldwin, Lyzet, Sheryll, Kim, Aldwin E., & Peter.. Good friends that I surely miss.

110. And to YOU, you know who you are-- for driving the symptoms away by simply being there.

I am forever grateful.

Goodbye

2008-11-14T02:33:00.000+08:00

After 110 days I finally said goodbye to prednisone, the medication that boosted my platelets up and saved my life. My platelets are finally deemed normal enough to warrant a chance to do things on its own. For those unfamiliar with Thrombocytopenia, what happens with my platelets is that for some unknown reason, my body has developed antibodies against its own platelets. So when the blood is sent to the spleen for filtering, instead of just filtering out the bad stuff, the good platelets also gets the ax. Thus causing abnormally low platelet counts.

Yesterday I went to see Dr. Rudy again and we had our usual blood tests. For the 2nd time around, no blood came out of the syringe! ouch! The med tech had to fan the needle a bit (double ouch!) to catch the right vein. 2 hours of waiting later (dr. rudy had a bone marrow event), i came out smiling from ear to ear. Count was at 190,000.

So its goodbye prednisone. I hope this would be the final goodbye.. but if not, i hope we don't meet for a very very long time.

Back from Cambodia

2008-11-10T13:41:00.000+08:00

It took almost 6 months of planning and now it's finally over. We're back from our 4 day adventure in Cambodia. If I could use one phrase to capture the trip it would be this-- "hope and blessings amidst magic" (nagpapaka deep lang po ako ng onti! hahaha). But seriously, the trip was indeed magical. Worth every sweat and stress we experienced along the way.

True to form ang mga bloopers ko. Andyan yung muntik akong di makasama kasi naiwan ko ang passport ko sa bahay. Ano nga daw ang tawag dun? Strike one. Strike two-- wrong gate ang pinilahan (but it turned out to be right naman!) kaya naranasan naming mapage sa LCCT ng di oras (calling passengers xxx,xxx,xxx,xxx...iiwan na kayo ng eroplano!). Strike three, four, five and so on---ilang beses akong muntik mabalian during the entire trip dahil naiisipan ko laging mag acrobatics (a.k.a mapatid, madulas, atbp). But of course these bloopers only made the trip more fun.

Upon arrival, adventure na ang paghahanap sa aming munting hotel. Nakatago kasi siya sa likod ng isang malaking karatulang-- People's Party of Cambodia. Di mo tuloy alam kung kami ay pupunta sa isang meeting de avance or mababakasyon sa bahay ng isang malayong kamag anak. Matapos mag settle kay "Auntie's House" sinimulan na agad ang grand tour. Nireview ni K (ang aming driver na sabi ni Jay ay kmukha ni chuckie dreyfus at romnick sarmenta kaso di namin talaga makita ang resemblance) ang itinerary kong ginawa at nirevise ito ayon sa format na naayon. Bumili kami ng temple pass (sorry po... di na pala kelangan ng passport pic--blooper number 9?), at pumasok na sa kakaibang mundo na ang tawag ay Angkor. It looked liked we were transported out into a totally different timezone! I was in total awe.

The photography outing started with the Angkor Thom temple (a,k.a. Angkor Thom's Cabin). Kasagsagan ng init ng araw pero game pa din kaming kumuha at magpose para macapture ang truly priceless moment na iyon. Ang daming mga turista, pati mga tour guide. May gwapo, maganda, pangit at mukhang paa. You name it. May kamukha pa si Oliver (kung siya ay may alopecia at ginawang isang GI). Ayos day 1 pa lang, ang dami na naming nalait.

Matapos ang isang oras na siesta (at shower! sa sobrang init, 3x a day kami maligo..), we found ourselves saying ooh and ahh at the Angkor Wat. Reg and Tina ventured inside the temples first while Jay and I took time to take the pictures outside. Sa sobrang tagal namin eh nasarahan tuloy kami ng temple. Di na kami umabot sa center part (the famous three towers of Angkor Wat) kasi sarado na for the day. We did witness a beautiful sunset though and finally I understood why the Angkor Wat was the most popular of all the temples. There was the "oomph" factor that you would feel when you enter its domain. We also had a side trip to the jewelry store. Sabi nga ni neighbor, "may papamana na ako sa aking mga anak.."

Day 1 ended with a good dinner at the Soup Dragon kung san may special menu of "Pork Escalopes (a.k.a. pork with HARM and cheese.. ano daw? sinaktan na baboy with queso?). Neighbor Ria found true love in the beef leklok (kaya everyday niya itong inorder) while Tina feasted on the veggies. Jay and I were introduced to Angkor Beer by K. Panalo siya! walang bitter aftertaste. The drinking session continued in our room along with Jay's magic show and the traditional tong its. Taob kami ni Jcool kay neighbor, kami ay mere mortals lamang..

Day 2 was spent visiting more temples starting with the Roulous Group. It was in the outskirts of the town but definitely worth the travel. May miniature version ng Angkor Wat pa. Then we visited Ta Prohm, the site of the movie Tomb raider. Among the ruins, this was the one that was most left untouched. So feeling mo talaga eh nasa jungle ka. I found myself doing an amazing race Ta Prohm version since tina and i couldnt find reg and jay. Buti na lang pumayag si tina sa idea kong bumalik sa pit stop kasi true enough andun na sila. Sa sobrang pagod ko, nakatulala na lang ako nung lunch. Pero syempre go pa din tayo. After a brief siesta (plus shower again!), we went to the market to go shopping and then off to Tonle Sap Lake. Medyo minalas kasi umulan kaya matapos ang ilang sandali we decided to head back to shore. Neighbor wasn't feeling well din plus nakakadepress din ang site ng mga boat people na nakatira along the river. It was so muddy on the walk back that I think I grew a couple of inches taller. Buti na lang andyan si Efren (It's a bird, it's a plane!, no its Efren!) para ireenact ang washing of the feet sa huling hapunan.Di nga lang niya hinalikan ang aming mga paa. hehe.

The rains didn't stop but fortunately we had beef noodle soup for dinner at this run down house. Tina and K had the pig's brain version while Jay, Reg and I had the normal version (di po ako ganung ka adventurous). Our Bill? 80,000! In khmer money lah! hahaha. Kala mo ang mahal eh no? Pero panalo talaga yung dinner na to- khmer version of the shabu shabu. One thing I love about Cambodia, there's no such thing as bad food. Lahat masarap! yummy! After dinner we headed to Auntie's house (a.k.a. our hotel) and then had another drinking/pusoy dos session. Nakakainis yung taga sira ng plan ko for world domination, talagang ayaw akong papanalunin. Buti na lang napagbalasa din namin siya sa dulo.

On Sunday morning we decided to revisit Angkor Wat. Jay and I wanted to see the other parts we missed while Reg wanted to re-experience the temple minus the mud. Finally I got to take my beautiful pictures of the famous Angkor Wat. Career nga lang ang pag akyat sa matarik na hagdan! We visited another temple afterwards (nakalimutan ko ang name basta siya ay dirediretsong pinto), before finally calling our temple tour a success. We even got to ride a tuktuk kasi may tinataguan na fans si Gidiyap (5 for 1 dollah! buy 10 for 1 dollah!) na paboritong dumugin ng mga vendors. haha.

For our last lunch in Cambodia, K took us to this carinderia by the river. At 1.50 USD per order, it was a total bargain. We ate over 10 dishes plus drinks and paid only 20USD. Ayos! My favorite was the pork ribs ( in khmer, they call it... pork rip.. a.k.a. pinilas na baboy!).Of course di nawala ang ever favorite beef leklok ni neighbor.

The rest of the day was spent shopping for souvenirs and bags. We all got matching North Face Backpacks for a real bargain. Idol sa baratan si Neighbor. Wala kong masabi. Talagang level up! Talented talaga si neigbor..pati pick up skills ay level up. Imagine, 1 boylet a day ang kanyang record. Hmm.. eh ako? nah.. change topic please.

After a two hour shopping spree (bought some dri fit shirts from nike and addidas), we went back to the hostel and rested a bit. K picked us up at 930pm to take us to the Pub street for dinner and drinks. We decided to eat at the Soup Dragon again and drink all the Angkor Beer we could drink. Kampay!!! Kulitan at its finest.

Pagbalik sa hostel, it was time to pack up. Master packers in motion. May nangulit at nangurot pa on the side. kasalanan po niya yung pasa ko sa braso. ;) Nadiscover kong may talent pa pala ako sa wrestling.

Gumising kami ng maaga kanina para mag breakfast in bed este picnic in bed pala under my romantic dimmer light (hep! wholesome picnic po ito). Ang aga kumatok ni Jay para daw may oras pa makipag chickahan with Doro the explorer..At 6:20 am, K picked us up for the last time to take us to the airport. Back to reality na.

The master packer status still holds- Jay was the ulitmate master packer at 14.2 kg, followed by neighbor at 13.6 and me at 13.1. Si tina,kulang pa sa practice. 9.6kg lang. newbie.

Ganung kabilis ang apat na araw. May separation anxiety nga daw kami sabi ni neighbor. Ang tagal kasi plinano ng trip na to. At one point sa sobrang tagal, nakalimutan na namin siya. Nawala na ang excitement. Pero nung dumating, parang kay bilis natapos. Bukas back to work na muli. buti pa sina jay eh naka 1 day leave pa. A part of me wished it didn't end yet. Siguro nga kasi sa loob ng apat na araw na yon, I saw a world totally different from mine and I got to experience it with some very special folks.

What else could you ask for right?

Usapang Pag Ibig ni Bob Ong

2008-10-26T05:25:00.000+08:00

I'm reposting this from Neighbor Ria who reposted it also from her friend Maita who crossposted from her friend, Tricia's blog (pahaba ng pahaba ang references... oops not in APA format)

=================================

1. "Kung hindi mo mahal ang isang tao, wag ka nang magpakita ng motibo para mahalin ka nya.."

- ay parang John lloyd line ito!

2. "Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawak ng iba."
- kailan ko magagamit itong linyang ito. MY TURN! MY TURN! (I agree Neighbor!)

3. "Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."
- baka mapikot ka at di ka na makabitaw

4. "Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."
-may mga taong sadyang ganito. mahilig humawak ng kung ano ano

5. "Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

- kasi may ibang tao ayaw maglakad sa hagdan...

6. "Kung maghihintay ka nang lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay mo. Dapat lumandi ka din."

- Amen =) . All is fair in love and war ika nga...

7. "Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na
araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."
- Whatever!

8. "Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi pagkukusa."
- "Remove the bandaid agad.. wag maging masochista... " But yeah likas sa tao ang maging tanga

9. "Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin na di mo mahal pero mahal ka.

Kaya quits lang."
- Kaya nga tinatawag na "It's Complicated"

10. "Kung dalawa ang mahal mo, piliin mo yung pangalawa. Kasi hindi ka naman magmamahal ng iba kung mahal mo talaga yung una."
- hmmm... in feyrness may sense

11. "Hindi porke't madalas mong ka-chat, kausap sa telepono, kasama sa mga lakad o ka-text ng wantusawa eh may gusto sayo at magkakatuluyan kayo. Meron lang talagang mga taong sadyang friendly, sweet, flirt, malandi, pa-fall o paasa."
- Hep! Sounds Familiar..."Wala naman sa usapan natin na you will fall in love with me."

12. "Huwag magmadali sa lalaki o babae. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon, mag-iiba ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong hindi pala tamang pumili ng kapareha dahil lang maganda o nakakalibog ito. Totoong mas mahalaga ang kalooban ng tao higit sa anuman. Sa paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan nagmumukha ding pandesal, maniwala ka.

- Papanget din siya.

13. "Minsan kahit ikaw ang nakaschedule, kailangan mo pa rin maghintay, kasi hindi ikaw ang priority."
- Youre nothing but a second rate trying hard... second choice. Ouch!

14. "Mahirap pumapel sa buhay ng tao. Lalo na kung hindi ikaw yung bida sa script na pinili nya."
- hep!hep! Kaya maging kapuso ka na lang.. Ikaw pa ang Bida.

15. "Alam mo ba kung gaano kalayo ang pagitan ng dalawang tao pag nagtalikuran na sila? Kailangan mong libutin ang buong mundo para lang makaharap ulit ang taong tinalikuran mo."

- Regrets come too late kung asa kabilang dulo na ng mundo ang tinalikuran mo. Mahal ang ticket ngayon sa eroplano.

16. “Mas mabuting mabigo sa paggawa ng isang bagay kesa magtagumpay sa paggawa ng wala.”
- does this qualify as "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"? letseng mga hirit yan.. hehe..affected... ( I agree neighbor!)

17. “Hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay katotohan, at hindi lahat ng hindi mo kayang intindihin ay kasinungalingan”
- Denial and projection and tawag diyan.

18. "Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang puso mo. Tumitibok lang yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon, kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sma ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo: magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso, utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi IKAW mismo!"

- At the end of the day, tayo ang namimili na maging TANGA.

19. "Pakawalan mo yung mga bagay na nakakasakit sa iyo kahit na pinasasaya ka nito. Wag mong hintayin ang araw na sakit na lang ang nararamdaman mo at iniwan ka na ng kasiyahan mo."

- But then again.. we need to take risks. minsan wagi, minsan plakda.. weather weather lang yan..

20. "Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang mga taong malalapit sa iyo. Gamitin ang utak para alagaan ang sarili mo."

21. "Ang pag-ibig parang imburnal...nakakatakot mahulog...at kapag nahulog ka, it's either by accident or talagang tanga ka."

-or dahil mahal mo lang talaga siya.. hep!

Wag Ka Iiyak: I hate Goodbyes

2008-10-25T21:44:00.000+08:00

Momsy left for Manila tonight after a brief visit to KL. We spent our last full day together going around the Orchid and HIbiscus Parks in Taman Tasik Perdana and shopping for souvenirs and clothes in Central Market and KLCC.

My mom loved the Orchid Garden. She kept asking me to take pictures of every possible orchid she could set her eyes on. Sabi niya, babalikan na lang niya ang memory in the pictures that I took. She also enjoyed shopping at Central Market. Akala niya nung una, palengke talaga ang pupuntahan namin. Nagulat siya nung pagpasok namin eh airconditioned ang palengke. Daig pa daw ang GH. Hehehe. We had lunch after in Nandos in KLCC and then we hit Isetann Mall's sale. At 80% off my mom couldn't resist not buying new beddings for her bed at home. It's so cheap, it's a sin not to buy it. We went clothes shopping and I got to buy a new suit. Back in Manila, I used to be mommy's personal driver during sunday trips to SM City/MOA/Galeria/Megamall and whenver she'd go shopping, I always get the little treats. I know I'm too old to be shopped for by my mom but I know my mom also loves knowing that I'm still her little girl. Kanina sinuggestan pa niya ako ng isang frou frou blouse (with heart design). Only my mom would suggest that I wear that. hehehe. The color was great but the design was just too Ms. V for my taste.hahaha.

After buying out most of the sale and getting her supply of shisheido products (i swear dapat lang gaganda ka sa mahal ng produkto nila), we went to Galeri Petronas to view their latest collection. Mom was so happy. Buti pa daw sa malaysia libre ang museum. She soaked in the art as if they were meditative tools. By the time we got to Kinokuniya, my mom was in Seventh Heaven. Books, books, and books.

We ended our shopping trip with a good coffee break at the Dome courtesy of Skylark's ninong. Mom finally got her new toy back. Yehey ayos na siya! I got so hyper after drinking the coffee. It was a good thing coz I needed all the energy I had to pack Mom's suitcase and give her a crash course on how to operate her new toy while helping two friends with their respective bloopers. Multitasking at its finest.

At 1030, I brought momsy to the airport together with neighbor and my suking taxi driver Mr. Jason. By 1145, momsy and I finally said goodbye. Tapos na ang bakasyon. I didn't cry or I did my best not to cry. Bawal daw kasi mag emote sabi ng isang tao. "Wag ka iiyak" But I guess I just couldnt help but miss momsy a bit more tonight. After all I waited 2 years for this event. And parang kay bilis lang. Tapos na agad ang matagal na pinagplanuhan. Fortunately neighbor was there to make me feel less lonely and may clown na malakas mang asar. They both kept me less sad. And for that I am grateful. Sabi ko nga eh pagbigyan na ako just for tonight. Minsan lang ako magpakita na ako'y mere mortal lamang. hehehe.

I just hate goodbyes. Till our next gimik momsy..

Ang Pagbisita ni Maria sa KL

2008-10-25T04:32:00.000+08:00

My mom is here is for a visit. It's just a short one. In fact mamayang gabi uuwi na siya. Ayos kasi gumawa ng flight booking eh.

Start pa lang blooper na dahil ang sinabi niya eh dadating daw siya via Tiger Air. Pagdating ko ng LCCT, ayos, walang tiger air dun. Panic ng onti but thanks to my online technical support, nadiscover ko na she gave me the wrong airline (note: Tiger air doesnt fly to KL from Bangkok). 2 hours later, my mom finally appeared. She took Airasia..haha. We finally got to my condo around 1:30am.

We haven't been to a lot of places because of the time limitation. I've taken her to my university and she met my closest friends in KL. On Thursday, I took her to see Nottingham. She met my officemates there and discovered our newly revived restaurant (hahaha.. spicy food alert!). Then we went shopping for her new toys (laptop + cellphone) in low yat with Angeli and Jay. Ang gagaling ng bargaining powers nila! Mom discovered the wonders of restoran super noodle on thursday night. Then we took her to a night tour of KL via the monorail on our way back home.

Di pa din mawawala ang bloopers syempre. The laptop had a bad sector and it kept on going bluescreen. So we had to take it back (and have it replaced) yesterday. Nag amazing race malaysia ako sa taxi as my technical adviser had only an hour's lunchbreak. hehe. Buti na lang naayos din. And my mom will finally get her much anticipated toy today.

Of course di mawawala ang trip to the bookstore. Yesterday, Reg and I took her to Borders in Berjaya Times Square to shop for books. Nalula si mudra sa dami ng selection. Ang sarap daw mamili. hehehe.. That's my mom, she'll trade jewelry shopping or any shopping for that matter for her books. After the shopping trip at borders (and with the promise na meron pang susunod bukas) we made our way to Ampang Point to eat at the Korean bbq place that my friends and I discovered a couple of months ago. (sabi ni mother, halatang kung saan saan ako dinadala ng aking food trip). Late man dumating yung dalawang taga bundok ng Petronas (sige na nga matraffic naman kasi), enjoy naman kaming lahat. Pigged out in yummy pork bbq'd the Korean way and got a bit tipsy on the Soju. My mom enjoyed telling her Emily Rose story (nakatulog ka ba charles? hehe) during the moomoo discussion.

This is not my finest moment as a tour guide pero given the weather and the time constraint, madami na din kaming naaccomplish. Sana nga di pa tapos ang bakasyon ni mudra. But of course, good things must come to an end. Back to reality ika nga. Haay.. eto ang ayaw ko sa mga pagdating ng bisita-- ang panahon ng pag uwian.

Pero may oras pa naman.. mamaya pa ang flight. Mamasyal pa kami.. Enjoy the last day ika nga..

Defining a Good Day

2008-10-20T18:51:00.000+08:00

Define a Good Day.

Its when you wake up without expecting anything out of the ordinary to come your way but ending up getting surprised.

It's when you are dead tired from a long and tiring activity and someone makes you feel that you can still find the energy to laugh and just be happy.

It's listening to the silliest songs while learning about magic.

It's hanging around, doing nothing, without care for the world.

It's finding a good buy (new tripod!) in the middle of a somehow boring photography fair.

It's eating nachos and drinking beer, making walking in the rain oh so worth it.

It's when you get good news one after the other despite the fact that you are sick.

It's when you receive a teddy bear from a sister who is sorely missed or an email from a friend who brings the good news of a thesis finally finished.

It's when you get to share the day with the people who matters to you.

A good day is like a magic card trick. You never know when it's coming but when it does come, everything just seem to fall rightfully in their place.

For the Love of Photography: Malaysia Moto GP 2008

2008-10-20T18:12:00.001+08:00

5:15am, Linggo ng Umaga-- Kasalukuyang nasa gitna ako ng isang masyang panaginip (actually di ko na maalala pero lam ko nanaginip ako), biglang sa panaginip ko may nag ring. May tumatawag. Gumising ako bigla at nag hello.. "gising na.. magbreakfast ka na" yan ang bati sa kin ng aking human alarm clock. Napaisip ako, anong oras na ba? May 15 minutes pa ko dapat. Pwede bang tumawad? Ay hindi.. Tumayo na ko at nagbihis. Matapos ang 45 minutes (new record sa banyo), dali daling umalis ng Endah Villa upang makipagkita sa aking mga kapicturan na sina Jay, Rey & Stanley.

Ganyang kaaga kami gumising upang mapanood ang Malaysian Moto GP Race sa Sepang Race Circuit. Fan ba ko? Nope. Never watched the Moto GP race before. In fact, wala pa kong race na napapanood ever. Familiar ako sa F1 pero sa totoo lang ang alam ko lang na race eh yung sa Sta Ana (nadadaanan ko kasi dati pag hinahatid ko sa ves sa manila. hehe).

9:30 am asa Sepang na kami. Nag ikot ikot, nag picture ng mga cutie beybs (may nagpakodak pa) at nagbalak mag shopping ng motorsiklo (isa pa to! di pa din ako nakakasakay ng motor!). Imagine may mga bikes dun na mas mahal pa sa bahay ko sa Pilipinas. What the hell? Bisekleta lang?! Masaya na po ako sa aking mountain bike na kinalawang na (last time kong ginamit, naghahanap ako ng clutch. hehehe).

5 hours later nagsimula na din ang Moto GP. Naka ilang practice run muna, at mga preliminary races (ma at pa.. yung picture lang ang pakialam ko) bago nagsimula ang main event. By then 2pm na. Halatang nagugutom na si Gidiyap dahil nakailang tanong na siya ng "saan tayo kakain?" (one million ringgit question na ata ito!). Kahit ako gutom na din. Pero dahil love natin ang photography, carebears kung magka ulcer tayo.

Matapos ang lahat, di ko pa din kilala sino ang mga kasali sa Moto GP. Habang palabas kami tinanong ko si Jay, "so sino nga ba ang nanalo?" Ayos. 5 hours kong inintay di ko man lang alam sino ang nag winner takes it all. Sabi ni Jay si Valentino Rossi daw (hmm.. I still don't know him). Dapat pala ang tinanong ko, "sino ba ang kasali sa moto gp?" Halatang iisa lang talaga ang mission ko sa galang iyon-- ang makakuha ng isang disenteng litrato. Grabe, matapos ang daan daan na kuha (nagkaubusan na kami ng memory cards buti na lang andyan si Digimate para higupin ang mga litratong kuha namin), di ko alam kung ilan dun ang papasa sa quality control. Ang hirap pala ng sports photography.

Pero masaya ako kasi may mga bago na naman akong aral na natutunan--

1) kung may photogala, matulog ng maaga. Maging maagap. Kundi matatalo ang clusivol motto na bawal magkasakit.

2) Magbaon ng sunblock. Grabe ang init sa Sepang. Umuwi kami na may libreng blush on sa pisngi at ilong. May picture ka na may libreng skin cancer pa!

3) Length matters. Sa larangan ng sports photography importante ang may mahabang lens. Gusto ko na ng 70-200mm! hahaha.. Sino kaya ang magreregalo sa kin nito? Wish ko lang!

4)Mag occular inspection. Hanapin agad ang pinaka magandang pwesto (note: yung may pinaka okay na view-both ng pipicturan mo at ng mga sisilipan mo).

5)Masarap ang shaker fries ng mcdo. Well kapag gutom ka na, lahat masarap. And yes, Gidiyap, Size does matter (hahaha..) kasi ang large coke ay mas masarap kesa sa medium coke

6) Patience is a virtue. Sa haba ng pagiintay ko sa moto gp na yan, talagang na stretch si patience. Not to mention kelangan mong makipag hide and seek sa araw kasi ginugulo niya ang settings ng camera ko.

7) Be friendly. Taob kami hands down sa Mr. Friendship ng grupo-- sino pa eh di si bossing. He not only made a new friend eh kinalimutan agad ang name, "ano nga ba pangalan mo? Rey diba?" Ay mali. Melvin pala.

8)Taghirap ang cute sa Sepang. Mamimili ka lang sa mga Janno Gibbs (borrow neighbor's term), o mga mukhang paa (o sige, para politically correct, visually unpleasant).Madaya, kasi madaming eye candies sina Rey, Jay at Stanley. Pero ako, Wala! waah!

9) Maging WAIS. Itago ang mga contraband items sa tamang taguan. Ang aking mga baong candy ay nakatakas sa inspection salamat sa secret compartment ko,

10) Focus and Be Alert. Mabilis ang daan ng mga motor. kaya dapat, alive, alert & enthusiastic lagi.

At the end of the day, tinanong ko ang sarili ko, ba't ko ba ginawa tong self torture na to-- mainit, nakakagutom at nakakapagod. Isa lang ang sagot-- pag may mission ka, kahit gano pa kahirap, kakacareerin. At nung Sunday, iisa lang ang mission namin-- ang makukuha ng isang magandang litrato na maipagmamalaki naming ipost sa flickr.

Time to hit the editing room..

Imagined Conversations (ang mga linya nina John Lloyd at Sarah)

2008-10-14T20:22:00.000+08:00

Ang mga powerhouse lines...

Pano kung bigla kang sabihan ng ganito..

“Because there’s so much pain in your heart, kaya hindi mo mararamdamang mahal kita.”

Sagutin mo ng ganito...

“Don’t make me feel I have to love you back.”

At pag sinabi niyang....

“Mapapagod ka lang umasa.Mapapagod ka lang maghintay Mapapagod ka lang umasang mamahalin ka.”

Eto ang ultimate finale line...

“Kahit minsan hindi ko naramdamang nakakapagod kang mahalin…Ngayon lang.”

Sabi sa movie, "maniwala tayo sa goodness". Sige I will do my best. sana pag gising ko naniniwala pa din ako. I love John Lloyd movies jologs na kung jologs.. i lab it!

"Basta ang mahalaga di ka pa ubos. Andyan ka pa rin. Para pag dumating yung taong magmamahal sa yo, may maibabalik ka pa.”

Nalalapit na ang Paghihiwalay (Sana)

2008-10-13T18:19:00.000+08:00

Malapit na ang paghihiwalay namin ng aking munting puting kaibigan. Ilang buwan na din kaming magkasama kahit san man ako mapunta. Mapa Manila, Davao, hanggang hongkong, vietnam at china, magkasama kami. Minsan naiwan ko siya, talagang bumalik pa ako ng bahay para sunduin siya.

Siya si prednisone a.k.a. life saviour ko for the past three months. Dahil sa kanya ang aking platelets ay umakyat sa lebel na normal. Kanina matapos ang isa na namang masakit na pagdonate ng dugo sa isang injection, sinabi ni doc rudy (a.k.a my hematologist), isang buwan na lang at magpapaalam na si pred (barring any hitches.. kaya project platelets muli tayo the next 4 weeks). Hanging tough ang aking platelet count kanina sa bilang na 156,000 (sabit lamang kami sa normal! hehe).. Pero enough pa din para muling mabawasan ang pagsasama namin ni prednisone. Mula sa 1 tab a day, ngayon 1 tab every other day na lang.

good job.

sa mga tao at hayop (miss yah polie!) na nagpapataas ng aking mga platelets, salamat.. Bagay tayo. Bagay.. (pinipilit ang linya! hahahaha)..

It's Complicated

2008-09-17T13:23:00.006+08:00

Oliver showed me a nice entry from his friend this morning. There was a quote there that struck me. So I'm reposting that quote here.

COMPLICATED

It’s when you don’t know where you stand in a person’s life.
It’s when you are hanging on to dead air and knowing you can be thrown off anytime.
It’s like when you are more than friends but not really.
And it’s like you are lovers when it’s really otherwise.
Sometimes, you would want to wish to have never met that person at all,
But at the back of your mind, you are thankful you have

Who wants complications? I know I don't. But I think the reason why we gravitate towards it is because the excitement of it makes life interesting and if for some reason its the only way to be with someone you want to be with, the complication gives you that spark of hope that one day things might end differently. But then again, its a matter of choice isn't it? Ang tanong diyan eh gano ka tatagal sa complication? hanggang kelan ka magtitiyaga?

Ika nga ni Laida, maniwala na lang sa goodness.

hahaha...

The Great Adobo Challenge

2008-09-11T21:31:00.002+08:00

For those who read my previous entry.. this is the adobo story that I promised to write..

Kung may isang ulam na dati rati ay proud na proud akong lutuin, yun ay ang adobo. Grade 3 ata ako nung una ko siyang natutunan lutuin. At sa dinamidami ng versions na alam ko, kahit nakapikit maluluto ko ito (hep! wala munang kokontra!). Until today. Sabi ko nga ke neighbor, ilang milyong beses ko na siguro niluto ang adobo and kanina ko lang nakuha ang tanging reklamo (o siya maliban dun sa time nakalimutan ko siya at nasunog ito) about my ever favorite pinoy dish.

Maalat ang adobo. See I told you, walang kokontra... Promise di ko talaga malasahan ang alat (hmm my tastebuds must be haywire?). Pero sabi ng aking food critic, maalat daw. Plus minasaker ko daw ang pakpak ng manok at namukhang minced chicken siya (they just crumbled you know! haha). A for effort ang grade ko but S for Salty sa taste. May kanta pa yang katumbas (pano nga uli yun? basta asa tune ng london bridge.. kanina LSS ko yun eh).

My self confidence went down the drain (o sige table ng Nando's). Sama mo pa diyan ang blooper ng itlog na pula (Itlog na maalat) na di lang kulay itim dito sa malaysia eh kelangan pa palang lutuin (malay ko bang may option pala sa malaysia na fried salted egg or scrambled salted egg..Sa tin naman iisa lang ang pulang itlog.. at siya ay luto). Parang bigla tuloy akong napaisip--Marunong pa ba akong magluto? (Lasagna will be my redemption!) Sabi ni Food Critic may saving grace naman daw ako-- masarap daw ang garlic fried rice.

But in fairness, the criticism was constructive (with a lot of pang-aasar on the side). Di tayo pikon so we should learn to take criticism with a grain of salt (hep! maalat again!). Although ilang beses ko din siyang muntik masaksak ng tinidor and nabatukan, I must admit, nabusog ako agad sa kakatawa (hmm.. bagong diet tip ito). Saka nainsulto man ng husto ang aking formerly world famous adobo, naubos din naman nila (kasi gutom daw sila.. sige na nga!). So all's well ends well.

So now there is a challenge- My food critic told me that he would cook me an adobo that would cause me to forget my name in the process (talaga lang ha!). Papakita daw niya kung pano ang tunay na pagluto ng adobo. Sige na nga, payag na ako.ng malaman ang katotohanan (mataas ang standards ko!). basta aabangan ko yan.. Teka kelan ba yon? For my part, I will be making my famous lasagna again (so lets rename this as the adobo vs lasagna challenge) and I promise to redeem m myself.

at sisiguraduhin ko ng luto ang itlog na maalat.

Sana may application na ganito sa facebook.. ang saya siguro nun.. :P

Went Up The Waterfalls and came down with a New Toy

2008-09-11T20:34:00.004+08:00

I went up the mountains of Selangor today to take photos of the Sungai Chongkak waterfalls. It was a totally different experience for me since it was my first time to take serious photographs in a forest setting. I woke up early (5:30am) to prepare my gear (Lesson 1: always remember your battery, diba?) and dress up. After breakfasting at Mcdonalds (Lesson 2: tradition eto..bawal ibreak), we were on our way to experience the ice cold streams of Sungai Chongkak in the state of Selangor.

My first impression was that the waters were kind of deep (lesson 3: fashionwise, mali ang uniform natin! ang kulet kasi.. mag uniform nga dapat..) But what the heck, a serious photographer will wade through mud if needed to take that one perfect shot right? So ayan, nagpaka dyesebel kuno ang lola niyo at lumusong sa ubod ng lamig na tubig.Ilang beses din akong muntik madulas at madapa (Lesson 4: Dignity and Decorum). Syempre kelangan set ang priorities-- Camera first before safety. Mahulog na ang lahat wag lang ang camera.

But I will tell you this. It was worth it. I learned to use the ND filter set thanks to my mentor (and number 1 taga asar!) and learned a new skill in landscape photography. I never thought I could capture those sceneries in exactly the way I envisioned them to be. I was happy even if my butt was wet and I had to take a pee inside the "gabi ng lagim" like hole they called a toilet (lesson 6: dont look, just pee). hahaha.

On the way back we stopped by the Semenyih Dam and the lookout point where we not only got to take gorgeous landscape photos of the dam but we also witnessed a very interesting "scenery" on a nearby car at the lookout point. hahaha. Panalo talaga ang telescopic eyes ng aking mga kasama.. napansin pati ang pumping scene (ewwww) na nagaganap sa aming tabi(Lesson 7: pag may balak gawin, siguraduhing walang makakakita)

After a long late lunch and Nando's with matching pangaasar from my food critique (Lesson 8: sige na! maalat na ang adobo! huhuhu... abangan na lang ang entry dito..) na may matching kanta pa (eraserheads? di ko kasalanan bat nagkahypertension si ely buendia no), we went to look for a camera strap (strap lang!) but ended up going on a retail therapy mode (Lesson 9: always have an excuse: my excuse-malungkot ako sa adobo;his excuse-kelangan ni hazel ng kadamay) and bought a new lens. It's the lens that I was once told to "be a sin if you don't have it"- 50 mm lens from canon. For just 370RM (with UV and close up filters, I had a new toy. Although it was totally out of my plans for the month, I couldn't resist the great deal (Lesson 10: happy naman tayo diba?) so I withdrew from my grief allowance (Lesson 11: meron pala ako nun) and bought a new toy for my favorite toy (of course ano pa? Hep!eh di yung camera!) Nagamit ko ang aking convincing powers (di daw effective pero Bad influence daw ako...hmm... sino kaya?) and napabili din si guru although mas sosyal yung kanya (Lesson 12: happy ka naman diba?)

So I went up to see the waterfalls and ended up with a new toy-- thanks to my lovely credit card and the convincing powers of one photoaddict like me... Masamang combination daw kami. Sa susunod iwanan ang credit card sa bahay. hahaha.

Kasalanan to ng adobo eh.. at nang api sa adobo..peace :P

My Weekend Date

2008-09-08T21:09:00.004+08:00

I had another date yesterday with the dentist . I woke up in so much pain so I decided that I will see her and find a way to get rid of the terrible feeling once and for all. The verdict? I needed a root canal. Just the thought of having one scared the living daylights out of me. I've always been afraid of dentists and ever since the mere mention of the words "bunot, pasta, drill, injection,etc" is enough to make me run for the door. But yesterday I had to face a choice-- live in pain for the the rest of my days here or face my fears. And since I couldn't stand the piercing pain that was giving me migraines, I semi agreed to the procedure (semi lang coz were on a we shall see agreement depending on the state of things..and the state of my wallet! hahaha). The dentist placed me on double dosage of anesthesia and for the next 1.5 hours drilled her way to my roots. I was high on anesthesia but was still so tense that I had to ask for two bathroom breaks to relieve my bladder. I focused on the most mundane things on the cieling to distract myself (symetrical pala ang lahat ng sides ng water sprinklers at slightly blurred pala ang print ng brand na philips sa flourescent lamps nila..). At times I would look spaced out that the dentist would ask me every couple of minutes or so if I was okay. I told her I was focusing my energies on thinking about happy thoughts and she laughed. Every ounce of courage that I had was tested to the limits especially when I started seeing all those tiny needles. I really hate needles. But I had no choice. I had to be brave.

I left the dentist past 2:30 in the afternoon, tired and hungry but proud of myself that I survived . I couldn't feel my face and I felt my smile was a bit weird. I was warned about eating as I might accidentally bite myself. I met my cheering brigade at Sogo where I had my first real meal for the day-- chicken nuggets and fries from mcdo. Syempre puro pangaasar inabot ko (pero patawarin natin since pinatawa naman ako the whole day which i must admit kept me sane..) since I was not only eating so slowly, I couldn't even bring my lips together to sip the iced lemon tea! bwahaha.. panalo. Para kong may bell's palsy (tama ba ang ispelling?) Wala pa din silang Yoda so di pa wagi ang collection namin. After eating, I did some retail therapy and bought a gift for my mentor, Pabu. When I got home, I fell asleep almost immediately. Saka na lang ang quest ko for 1M points in bejewelled. 2 Rest muna. Hayaan na nating manalo si gidiyap for now.

A whole weekend with the dentist. It wasn't exactly the weekend I had hoped for. I had a different gimik in mind. But I guess life has its way of surprising us. And despite everything, I did have a good weekend. I may have cried a lot but I did laugh a lot. Di man natuloy ang original plans ko, nagkaron naman ng mga ibang plans na masasaya din. Andyan ang birthday ni Kobet na puno ng kulitan, ang telethon na nang ubos ng load ko at ang mga tawag nga mga taong chineer up ako the whole day pati ang phone calls ni mamsy at ang mcdonalds chicken nuggets with bbq sauce.

Most of all I realized how many people do actually care for me (Thanks!) And for that I feel blessed.

In Pain

2008-09-07T08:47:00.002+08:00

My tooth hurts. I had a filling replaced yesterday because for 2 days it was hurting slightly. Now that hurting has worsened. And I don't know what to do with myself. The dentist told me to take mild pain relievers like panadol. But I know panadol cannot alleviate this nerve pain. Half my face is already in pain.

What makes things worse is that taking pain meds is not exactly an option for me. Ever since I can remember, they have been one of the triggers of my ITP relapses. And my platelets right now is not exactly at an optimum level. I just can't risk it. Even at a stable level of 112,000 (as of 3 weeks ago), it's still not normal. I just hope I can stand the pain a little bit longer. Otherwise I might need to break my " in case of emergency" glass and take that medicine that I know will remove the pain but might cause havoc to my count. And honestly, my psychological powers is being tested already to its limits. I seriously need a distraction...

just breathe..

My Travelogue

2008-09-06T18:51:00.002+08:00

Ella and I were talking recently about our travels when she realized that I travelled at least once a month this year. I didn't even notice. Looking back I didn't realize how much I've travelled that past 9 months and how much travels I still have to look forward to the next 3 months.

January-- Davao (for the new year); Back to KL (January 13)
February-- Bangkok with Angeli for my Birthday; Pulau Penang with Jay, Tina and Wilai
March-- Pulau Redang with Jay, Tina, and Wilai
April -- Day trip to Melaka with Anthony and Jesse; Overnight in Port Dickson with Anthony
May-- wala.. (ata..)
June-- Cameron Highlands with Jay, Reg, and Tina
July-- 5 weeks of no weekends due to work so I had to stay put. Plus I landed in the hospital
's ER
August-- Manila and Davao (with momsy, anthony, and the rest of the PAP folks)
September-- wala pa (start pa lang eh..) pero dadating si Oliver next week so gala again
October-- Hongkong Cruise with Angeli and her family (with Stopovers to China and Vietnam)
November-- Cambodia with Jay, Reg and Tina
December-- Philippines again with a "Tara Byahe Tayo theme" (for short, gala time again)

Whew! The list alone makes me feel tired. It is by far from exhaustive. May mga "not to be mentioned" trips here and there pa yan. hahaha.

None of these trips were planned when the year started. Most of them were spur of the moment thingies with the exception of Cambodia and my Xmas trip home. The rest were hatched and planned mostly 1 week or so before the actual date. The shortest planned was Penang which was hatched less than 24 hours before we departed. Our trip to Redang got moved because of the rains so in our effort to find a replacement "byahe," and thanks to the wonders of the internet, my friends and I got sidetracked to Pulau Penang where I ate the nicest food ever.

The list made me realize that the reason I'm poorer this year is because I spend most of my money on plane, bus and boat tickets all over. But what the heck, we're supposed to do what makes us happy right?

Reg and I made a pact that before we move back to the Philippines, we'd travel the entire southeast asia region first. I think I am well on my way to achieving that goal.

Tara Byahe Tayo...

One Rainy Day

2008-09-06T18:27:00.002+08:00

I was supposed to go out this afternoon. Unfortunately KL's erratic moonsoon weather didn't cooperate with us. So I ended up staying at home and fixing my room (or shall I say attempted to do so). I had brunch with my neighbor atebillie, tita nitz and K earlier before I had my date with the dentist in carrefour (lost a filling two days ago). I even did my version of singing in the rain walking back from c4 to endah villa. Fortunately no one witnessed my near slip in the foyer downstairs. After talking in Skype with a friend I decided to rest and and take a nap.

I think I got about 15-20 minutes rest before my prednisone induced mania kicked in and pushed me out of bed. I cleared the bed and kept my clothes that were laying around. After that I fixed the mess all over my room. With nothing else to do, I browsed the net for some vacation tips and ended up talking to my student about Cambodia travel tips. I googled my way out of boredom and ended up making an itinerary for our adventure in November. Funny, how life finds a way to keep you occupied.

It's quite ironic that there are days when you seem to have no time on your hands to fit everything that needs to be done. Then there are days like this when you have so much time on your hands.

Gutom na ko.. Makakain na nga lang...

Fasting Month Moments

2008-09-05T16:27:00.003+08:00

Last monday, I was having dinner with two friends in the mall when we were asked by the waiter if we wanted to wait for buka puasa before our food would be served. Hungry as we were, we had to quickly explain to the waiter that we were not Muslims and were not fasting. That was the second time I got questioned about my eating during Ramadan since I moved to Malaysia two years ago. Funny, coz I've always taken it for granted that I was a non-Muslim in a predominantly Muslim country. At times I would find myself confused as to why people were staring at me when I would eat during the fasting month. I tend to forget that I look like a local. My friends also looked local. So it came as no surprise when we were stopped from eating.

The same thing happeend on Wednesday when the server at Nando's was apparently waiting until buka puasa to take our order. I was so hungry and was constantly signalling the waiter to please come and take our order. When they realized that we were not fasting, ayun pina order din kami.

I can't imagine myself ever fasting. Yung 2x a year requirement nga ng Catholic church never ko pang nagawa. I've always had the excuse since I was hyperacidic. I can abstain from pork during the holy week but to actually stop me from eating anything is impossible. That's why I really admire those who can.

10 Lessons Learned at the Merdeka Parade Through the Eyes of a Would Be Photographer

2008-08-31T22:46:00.003+08:00

10. The Early Bird catches the Worm este the train-- Di pa sumisikat ang araw lumayas na ako ng endah villa. 6:15am exacto tumawid ako sa carrefour para habulin ang bus. Umabot. Kaso pag dating sa LRT wala pang train. Kakaalis lang niya. Dapat pala mas maaga pa ako sa 615. 15 loong minutes later may dumating din kaya't nakaalis din ako sa kadiliman ng istasyon ng Sri Petaling. May araw na ng dumating ako sa Mcdo Masjid Jamek, just in time para sa aming 7:00-7:15 meeting time nina gidiyap at stanley (yahoo di ako late!)

9. Patience is a virtue-- Kung balak mong maging isang ganap na photographer, kelangan patient. Never take no for a final answer ("no deal!") at wag magpapadeter sa mga pulis na mukhang masusungit. Ika nga na aking "guru" paglumingon yung bantay sa kabila, diretso na lang ang lakad. After all, only the brave gets the gold.

8. Height is might-- disadvantage talaga ang "cute" pag gusto mo maging photographer. Puro ulo ang makikita mo sa lugar na siksikan tulad ng Dataran Merdeka. Pero sa singitan, panalo ka. Pwede kang sumuot sa mga lugar na di kaya puntahan ng mga giants. Wag ka lang papahuli sa gwardya kundi matutulak ka palabas.

7. Check your gears-- wag na wag sasabak sa labanan na di kumpleto ang arsenal. Sa gitna ng parade, biglang nagdilim ang langit. Narealize ko na wala akong payong. Patay. Kung ano ano tuloy na battle plan ang naisip namin just in case umiyak ang kalangitan. Syempre ang first order of the rains ay protect the camera at all cost unless waterproof ang camera mo.

6. Mag Costume-- Kung balak maging photographer, kelangan eh live the look. Di ka lulusot sa gwardya sibil kung di ka mukhang press people. Diyan ko idol yung manong sa LRT. Kumpleto sya from camera to vest to tripod to even a hat. panalo. Gusto ko nga siyang tanungin kung may antenna pa siya ni ernie baron sa vest niya kasi parang buong bahay niya ang nakasabit dito. Kaso wag na lang baka magalit eh or worse di niya magets.

5. Vanity is not a sin-- Di excuse ang pagbilad sa araw or paglalakad ng matagal para di maging well groomed. Kelangan ang kikay kit ay kasama sa list of must things to bring. Andyan ang towel, alcogel, facial wipes, tissue at syempre ang suklay. Samahan na din ng powder at leepistik kung may sisingitan ka pa. Remember, beauty is also a deadly weapon. Isang ngiti lang sa masusungit na bantay eh makakalampas ka kung maganda ka. :D

4. White & long is the best-- Kung ang lens mong bitbit ay kit lens, mere mortal ka lang sa merdeka parade. Kung naka telepoto ka, wagi ka. Kung naka L lens ka, ganda mo. Pero kung papalarin kang makagamit (or better yet eh magkaron ng kaibigan na papahiramin ka) ng isa sa high end fixed focal L lenses na kasing haba ng baril ang itsura, plus 1 million cutey points ka! Kanina natry ko ang 70-200 F2.8 Canon Lens at ang 100-400 Canon Lens. Wala akong masabi. Hanep. Parang nag dudumbbells ka nga lang sa bigat ang camera mo, pero men sulet the effort. Kahit ata yung langaw sa noo ng tao sa kabilang kalsada eh pwede mong kunan. Sabi nila "once you go black, you'll never go back." Mali. Once you go white, you'll wish you had a sugar mommy or daddy to buy you one. hehehe.

3. An empty tummy is a sad tummy-- Mahirap ang sumabak sa parade ng gutom. Mahaba ang program. Kaya kelangan bago ang lahat, magpakabusog muna. Kanina kumain kaming 3 sa mcdo bago pa man ang lahat. Hayaan na nating wala tayong maupuan sa parada. Ang importante, wag galitin ang mga alaga sa tiyan... oo nga pala, wag din kalimutan magbaon ng tissue, para sa call of nature after. hehe.

2.Mahirap ang Buhay Paparrazzi-- Grabe pala ang pagod na inaabot ng mga taong humahabol kina Britney Spears at Madonna. Kaya naman pala ganun na lang ang singil nila sa mga pictures nila. Ang buhay ng isang paparazzi ay parang buhay ng isang nakatakas na preso. Tago ng tago sa mga humahabol na bantay. Matututo kang gumapang, lumuhod, tumayo, humiga, atbp makuha lang ang tamang anggulo ng litratong gusto mo. Lahat ng ways gagawin mo para lang makuha ang "that one perfect shot."

1. You must love me-- Yan ang sabi sa kin ng camera ko. It takes a form of passion and love to be a photographer. Di pwedeng half hearted commitment ang ibibigay mo sa hobby na ito. Bukod sa mabubutas ang bulsa mo, this passion requires all the heart you can give from composing the shot to taking and editing the pictures. It is a very expensive hobby-- both financially and emotionally (lalo na kung frustrated ka sa tinake mong pic). Pero I guarantee, it is something worth doing.

09/01/2008
1am

Worth Fighting For

2008-08-29T14:19:00.003+08:00

Some things are meant to be let go of but there are things that no matter how hard, no matter how painful, you find a way to fight for it.

I told my best friend recently that she shouldn't let the chance of working things out with someone she had a misunderstanding with go especially when I know how much that friendship meant her. I jokingly told them both that they shouldn't let it escalate to the point that it would turn into a "me" and the "him" 2 years ago. And although I've moved on and have lived a generally happy and fulfilled life, that has always been a sad memory for me- the fact that I lost a good friend.For all the things that were said and done, we had 12 years of wonderful memories.

So I told my bestfriend... fight for the friendship and just tell the whole world to shut up. The world may try to dictate what you ought to do, but in the end, what you believe in is what matters. And at the end of the day, we stay with the ones we want to be with.

Sabi nga ni classmate, "Geniune Happiness for us!"

Laughter is the best Medicine

2008-08-14T23:15:00.002+08:00

I just came from an impromptu coffee gimik with Idol. We walked from his hotel (sige na nga dorm) to the Damosa Gateway area to have coffee. After a whole day of listening to papers on adolescents and other "depressing" issues, it was a nice change of pace. We had a full day at the conference site. And we didn't exactly enjoy the food (lalo na ang depressing lunch). I was tired as from my presentation (at the same time agonizing over two other presentations I still have to do) and I just wanted to sit back and relax. So we ditched Momsi and went to the nearest coffee shop we could find.

So we just sat there and laughed. We had some semblance of serious conversations every now and then but most of the time we just gossiped about the latest issues in town.. Mga pawang laitero talaga kami pag magkasama. Kawawa tuloy ang mga biktimang sina "Emerging Adulthood" at si "Forensic" (sama na din sina biboy, bibay, atbp). I have this knack for making Idol laugh. Siguro likas lang akong funny or mukha akong clown?

Nakakatuwang isipin na ang dami na naming nalakbay ni idol at madami dami na ding coffee shop ang aming nabisita. We've been all over MM, Kuala Lumpur, and now Davao. It's nice to just be able to sit back and relax and just laugh your hearts out. As my friend Ronnie said this morning, happiness is the best cure for all ills! I totally agree.

Bukas balik presentation na naman.. Mag dedebut na ang tarp na dinesenyo nina gidiyap at mike. My mom is excited. "Proud Mama" is her persona tomorrow since the paper is a joint research between me and my sister Ves. I hope it would turn out well.

Sana lang magising ako. hehehe.

Lifesavers

2008-08-12T16:24:00.002+08:00

The past two days have been chaos thanks to my ever colorful life (sabi nga ni Joseph, "hazel, ang kulay ng buhay mo!") and my cramming nature (aaminin ko na i am getting to be good at this) plus the fact that I was reeling from some of the side effects of my medicines. I also had a lot of errands to do (bank, car tune up, papers, etc etc) for the house. But I made it (so far!) thanks to lifesavers and friends.

Sa dalawang araw na nakaraan, natutunan kong iappreciate ang aking mga kaibigan at pamilya na kahit taranta to the max na ko sa poster na yan eh "Go go go" pa din ang cheer (Thanks Mareng Divina). May greetings pa from as far away as the UK at KL to cheer me up all throughout the past two days.

Ang dami kong naabala dahil sa poster na yan. Sina Divina at Friendship Maan ay ilan lamang sa mga nagulo ang umaga (at gabi). May ginising pa ko ng ubod ng aga (kilala mo kung sino ka) para lang kulitin niya ang kanyang kaibigan na gawin ang disenyo ng poster ko. To think na busy busyhan din ang kanyang araw at nakatulugan ko siya nung gabi bago kahapon (hehe).

Nakakatuwa ding isipin na may mga taong kahit di ko pa man sila kilala pero handang tumulong sa isang eng eng sa larangan ng poster making na tulad ko. By the simple virtue na friend of a friend siya eh naging instant friends kami. Buong araw ko din siyang kinulit kulit sa text. Pati yung printer sa may Marikina na nirush ang aking tarpaulin kanina eh ang sarap yakapin. Minsan minsan lang na ang serbisyong pinoy ay with a smile pa. Sana lahat ng tindahan sa Pilipinas ganun.

In between all these chaos, I had visits and gimiks along the way. Oliver came by to visit and I enjoyed our impromptu merienda all the way to dinner chickahan while on standby sa aking tarpaulin design. Sumegway din kami ni ella, adrian, nicole at maam liza sa Dannylicious para muli kong matikman ang isaw at bbq na matagal ko ng inaasam. Kanina naman dumaan ako kina Len at George para sa ming traditional lunchout ni len pag ako ay umuuwi. Pancake house naman kami. Pinastahan din ni Witart ang aking ngipin. Good as new na siya.

Kalimutan na muna ang diet. Next week na lang muli.

Huling araw ko na pala sa Manila. Di ko man lang naramdaman.

Bukas Davao na!

Ang kulay ng buhay

Trains

2008-08-11T06:39:00.002+08:00

11.08.2008
7:00am

Several years ago while driving to Manila, Ves and I found ourselves in a life and death situation. We got stuck in traffic along the railway tracks in espanya and the train was already coming. The cars around us were starting to panic yet I managed to just laugh about it. I don't know why but I was just sure that we'd get out of there alive. We managed to move just in time(syempre kung di just in time eh di wala na ako dito ngayon). That experience became our running joke that whenever we'd go through crap and stress, we'd always tell ourselves that if we got past the train in Espanya, we'd get past through anything.

Last night I had an "Espanya" moment. Maybe it was fatigue, the heat, the meds or a combination of them all but I wasn't doing well last night. When I got home from MOA I was suffering from my vertigo symptoms again and my head felt like it was splitting into two. Everytime I'd close my eyes the symptoms worsen. I had trouble breathing again. Add all those to my ever cramming nature and of course viola! I needed to finish a poster for the PAP conference on thursday and I found out that all my files were in KL. Then there's the issue of how to layout the poster for which I have no idea of (thank goodness may photoshop guru diyan..)

It became so bad last night that I just fell asleep because of the bad symptoms. I was supposed to talk to my friend about the poster layout and I didn't even here his messages. patay! Woke up around 1am only to realize that I totally missed the call.

Hay life. Exciting. May iniwan pang regalo si Large sa carpet.

Then I saw Ves' email this morning. She was having a crappy day herself. She wrote "wala naman akong jtaime powers against the Espanya train." And I found myself remembering-- I did it before. Why can't I bring myself to believe right now?

My sister believed in my panic mode powers. I nearly forgot I had that ability to withstand pressure despite everything. So maybe I need to just remind myself of that. I made it (well we made it) through the Espanya train. I can do this.

5 minutes of self pity over.

Back in Good Ol Pinas

2008-08-08T06:11:00.002+08:00

08.08.08
7am. Pinas

Matapos lahat ng drama sa aking kalusugan, ako'y nasa bayan na naman ng Pilipinas. Wow! di ko akalain na aabot ako dito kahapon. Para akong addict sa dami ng gamot na nakapasok sa systema ko kahapon (steroids, anti side effect ng steroids, anti side effect ng side effect ng steroids, atbp) pero yun lang ang paraan para masurvive ko ang 4 na oras na lipad ng eroplano. Ilang araw din kasi akong hilong hilo dahil sa side effects ng gamot ko. Masyadong bumaba daw ang hemoglobin ko dahil sa dapsone. Kaya kinailangang tanggalin ito. Buti na lang si Mr. Platelets eh normal na so pwede na muna kaming magbreak ng dapsone.

Syempre may drama pa sa loob ng airasia. Di kami naka landing agad sa Pilipinas! haha. Unang beses kong naranasan na mag take two ang landing dahil sabi ng piloto "we were not fully prepared". Di ko alam anong ibig sabihin niya sa "fully prepared" (hmm nakalimutan niyang ibaba ang landing gear? prumeno? or na ccr na kaya siya?) pero yun na nga, kinailangan ang take two sa landing. Pagkababa, inabot ng santo santo ang aming maleta (kala mo naman napakalaki niya) at matapos ang kaunting glitch sa customs (nacurious si manong sa mga baon kong bra. joke!) kami ay nakalabas din ng paliparan ng diosdado macapagal (welcome to philippines! mabuhay!!!)

Sinundo kami ng tito ko at pinsan ko. First stop? Sa SM Clark para kumain sa Max (jufran! jufran!). Nagdetour din ako para magshopping (vicarious grief allowance ni ate billie) ng passport holder at ng bench cologne para ke charlington (mission accomplished). Matapos nun eh lumakad na kami papuntang Maynila (o sige nag kotse pala). Dinaanan namin sina tita dada at vince sa Bulacan tapos ay tuloy na hanggang sa aking home sweet home.

Sa sobrang tagal kong nawala di na ko kilala nung gwardya namin. Muntik pa akong itawag sa bahay. Syempre umiral ang pagkamaldita ko at sinabing "im doctor ramos." Nalito siya kasi ang Dr. Ramos para sa kanya ay ang nanay ko. Pano pa kaya kung kapatid ko naman? Isa pang Dr. Ramos yun. nosebleed na si manong malamang! In fairness, eh narealize ni Manong number 2 kung sino ako a few seconds later at sinabihan si Manong 1 na "anak yan!"

Pagdating sa king bahay nakita ko agad ang aking baby--si Oliver ang pinaka cute kahit gusgusin ang look kahapon na pusang kalye sa mundo. Nakilala ako agad ng aking kampon at tumakbo papunta sa kanya nagiisang "mommy". I was home. Naramdaman kong sulit lahat ng pagsusuka, pagod at drama. Nayakap ko na muli si polie. At kahit mukhang isang buwan siyang di naligo, kebs ko na lang kasi yayakapin ko si baboytelli.

Nagluto si mommy ng spaghetti para sa aking pag dating. Madaming nabago sa bahay. For one thing ang dami naming picture sa sala. Dumami na din ang mga bulaklak sa paligid. Malalaki na ang mga papaya (para daw ke classmate) sa zen garden (with papaya and malunggay) ni Mother.

Matapos ang kaunting pahinga, sinundo naman ako nina ella at classmate adrian para simulan ang aming foodtrip. Malapit lang muna. Diyan lang sa taas ng bahay (clubhouse) kung san may dencio's na overlooking QC. Healthy daw muna kami kaya umorder lang kami ng Bulalo, Sisig, calamares at ensaladang mangga (kaya nga healthy!) ANG SARAP. Kalimutan na muna ang diet (although half rice lang po ako!). Ika nga ng aking kaibigan sa KL "mangginggit ba?" Maagang natapos ang gimik. Pagoodshot muna ako. Ngayong gabi na lang muli.

Nakauwi din. Sa wakas.
olympics na pala!

Home at last

2008-07-31T18:58:00.003+08:00

I got discharged this afternoon.My platelet count has risen to 41000 (not yet normal but already considered safe) so my doctor deemed me fit to finally get out of my hotel (este hospital pala) room. I went through the discharge process like clockwork. Gleneagles was quite efficient from preparing my bills to taking out my IV (although medyo nanghina ako nung nag spurt ang dugo..). Am I glad na covered ng employer ang aking bills. My four day stay cost nearly 50,000 pesos in hospital charges alone. Yikes!

I just got home and am still reeling a bit from all the nausea of the ride. It was traffic going back and the taxi was quite hot. But I'm just glad to be back.

Now the real battle begins. The side effects of the drug is starting to come out-- hotflushes, thirstiness and my ever favorite manic phase. hehehe.. imagine pag dating ko dito sa house, i felt the urgent need to just classify my stuff. I organised the pantry (sabi nga ni reg, mare malala ka na pag pati kwarto ko inayos mo!), and sorted out the leftover freebies from the hospital. I felt the need to do something productive. I'm drinking water like crazy and I feel like a boat. Pinigilan ko na lang ang sarili kong linisin ang kusina. Over na yon. hehe.

I know it will be crazier in the next few days as I negotiate the side effects of prednisone and dapsone. And I am apologizing in advance to all those who will witness my kaadikans (tama si gidiyap.. magaadik na naman ako nito. hehehe). I've been through it before. Buti na lang may KFC to comfort us.

But these moments will past. I know they will. I have to believe they will.

31/07
7:30pm

16000 and counting

2008-07-31T10:41:00.002+08:00

My platelet is up to 16000 as of yesterday. My first major good news since landing in this hospital last Sunday. I actually one my bet with Liz last tuesday-- we had a bet on what my count would be. Hers was 10000, mine was 16000 (say mo Madame Auring, exacto ang prediction ko!) and the price was was lunch over at Mamma Klassik Kitchen (vegetarian set for 1.60RM?)

Of course, there is a price to pay for this boost-- I now look like a real honest to goodness oompah loompah. O sige para mas cute ng onti-- mukha kong monay. hahaha. Pramis. I can't even feel my face now. Ganito siguro ang pakiramdam ng mga nagpapabotox. I told my friends that I feel like helium gas was pumped into my cheekbones and I look like a balloon.

Pag naging kahawig ko na si Hetty, i think time to panic na yun. Worse pag si jollibee na. hahaha. For now sabi ni ves, magpakasaya na lang muna akong maging newest member ng "teletubbies"

:D

My Bestfriend's Birthday

2008-07-30T10:25:00.002+08:00

I'm taking time out from my health issues today (30/07/08) to greet my bestfriend on this special occasion. Ella and I first met back in 1998. I was a batch older than her but since I shifted I hanged around UP a couple more years after my batch graduated. We became friends because of Peter, who was like me, a forever tambay of the org UP MMC. I still vividly remember the first time we really became friends--she asked Peter to ask me if they could use my car to get her PC from the house. She and her groupmates needed it for a project in school and since she was color coded, she couldnt go home. After that encounter, we started hanging out more and more.

I think our friendship just bloomed naturally. We became real close and we'd hang around almost everyday. We became the eternal lunch buddies and we'd even meet up as far as away as makati for lunch (even when we were working) just to eat together. The years went by and we became the best of friends.

Now 10 years later, we are soul sisters. Ella knows me far more than any other person in this planet. She saw me triumped, fall, pick up the pieces, and try again. Throughout the drama of my so called life, she has always been there. And even though there were times when I'd neglected her, she never left my side. Kahit na nung isang araw, nageemote ako because of my platelets, she refused to let me feel sorry for myself.

So I thank her today and wish her the best birthday ever. And eventhough I wouldn't be able to fulfill my promise of celebrating her birthday with her personally this year, I am there in spirit. belated na lang ang celebration namin next week when i get home. For now, classmate ikaw na muna ang proxy ha! :)

July 30 2008
10:35am

I Hate Needles

2008-07-29T08:00:00.002+08:00

I was woken up at 530 this morning by the nurse to get my blood and other vitals (Bp, temperature, pulse rate, etc). Half asleep, I gave my right arm to be pricked. Without warning, she just jammed the needle right into my right arm. Anak ng tinapa ni Batman at superman!!Masakit men!!! Sige exag yun ng onti. Pero shet pwet I nearly stood up and punched her there. I already semi warned her that I am scared of needles. I've never really gotten used to them despite being pricked probably thousands of times since I was 4 years old. Usually the other nurses would give me the pep talk first (okay just breathe, etc etc) and warns me right before that big prick. But no! siguro inaantok din siya or akala niya I was joking when I said that I was afraid of needles. After all at my age, I shouldn't be (but I'm unique!!hehe). The worse part was after the prick, she had to show me the blood dripping. And do you know what I'm scared of more than needles (well sige, heights but more than that?) BLOOD. Hay lord! natest ang powers ko.Gusto ko na mag faint pero nakakahiya (buti na lang Vanity is a sin talaga!) It was so darn painful for the next 30 minutes that I wanted to punch someone only I couldn't because I would get a pasa in the process.

Buti na lang may net na this morning. At masarap ang nasi lemak for breakfast. :)

Kidnapped For Ransom: My Platelets

2008-07-28T23:22:00.003+08:00

After nearly 3 years of being officially under remission (5 years after my last relapse), my lifecoach is back-- my ITP that is (to all those who are unfamiliar with this, itp refers to idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpurra. Spelling? Pink na lang po! hehe.. its a bleeding disorder). Yesterday I discovered the presence of red petechaies (red lang talaga ang petechaie, cannot be blue, or green) all over my legs and arms (imagine na pinagtripan ako ng mga kids at sinulatan ng red pentel pen all over).

After attending the dedication ceremony for Chris' daughter (syempre nakiparty muna bago magpaconfine diba?) and naaki "alive alive" kay Pastor Rudy (na gustong palitan ni ninong jay) I went to Gleneagles hospital (our version of Asian hospital) and had a blood test. Pinagpustahan pa ko ng mga residente at attending sa ER kung gano daw kababa ang platelets ko. Ayos! gawin ba kong lotto number? Ayun awa ng dios, talo silang lahat. Kasi ang platelet ko is down to a magic number called "4" hehehe. (fyi ang normal is 150 x10 to the 6th power). Mas nagpanic sila sa kin dahil naglalakad pa daw ako. A transfusion was ruled out by the hematologist since I wasnt bleeding. I just needed to stay put in the bed.

One day later eto, nagpapakapasaway pa din. Syempre kelangan ko mag internet. Namamatay na ako sa boredom. hahaha. kaya please kausapin niyo ko sa YM. haha.. Im normal apart from the pasa and bruises. Same old hazel na taga book ng badminton court (although si charles ang in charge muna.. uy! parang yung tv show!) si hazel na nangungulit sa mga tao. Now i have no excuse to finish my two presentations for the PAP conference 2 weeks from now (see im still planning my vacations).

I am not in denial. Nor am I not taking this illness seriously. But I've had this ITP since I was four. And one thing i've learned through our 27 year friendship is that ITP was never meant to make my life miserable. It was meant to make me appreciate life more. And I hate it when people look at me with pity in their eyes. I have enough self pity to go around thank you. But just like Morrie (Tuesdays with Morrie), I only allow myself 5 minutes of self pity per day. Then I move on. I need to move on. Because I only have 23 hours and 55 minutes for that day left to live the best life I could live.

So thank you to all those who texted and wished me well. Thanks to all those who visited and called. But most of all thank you to those who made me feel that I was still the same old me even if they were having a hard time hiding their concern. You don't know how much I appreciated that-- to be treated just like I was the same old me.

So kung sakasakaling masalubong niyo ang platelets ko, paki sabihan na umuwi na sa rm 502 ng Gleneagles. Para naman makapagempake na kami sa paguwi ko sa pinas. Excited pa naman akong kumain na muli ng crispy pata at maging coffee kay idol sa starbucks (ay Figaro na ba tayo?).

If there's a will,there's always a Jaime.

Impossible? Not!

Mushy Movie Night

2008-07-25T11:13:00.002+08:00

"Dear Holly, I don't have much time. I don't mean literally, I mean you're out buying ice cream and you'll be home soon. But I have a feeling this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful... literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you" -Gerry Kennedy (P.S. I love you the movie)

I was talking to a friend the other night while watching a movie I recently downloaded. It was an old film starring Hilary Swank and that guy from 300. Basically in the film HS lost her husband and every month for a year he sends her letters telling her how to move on and live a life without him. It's absolutely mushy i know. But there was something about the film that moved me. Especially when Gerry sent his last letter. I was really crying after Holly read the line "Dont be afraid to fall in love again." My friend laughed at my admission of being mushy again. Imagine me sitting infront of the pc bawling my eyes out hahaha. It's been a while..

The film reminded me of our fear of getting hurt. Life isn't always about happy endings and for some it could be one sad goodbye after the other. And sometimes, those hurts pile up until they reach a point when we become so afraid to even try. We become cynical and closed to even the possibility of investing in our feelings once more. And that to me is the saddest possible thing that could happen.

So I always remind myself of that-- that I shouldn't be afraid to care or to risk. The chance of laughing and smiling like crazy once more is enough to warrant taking a leap of faith every now and then. Gerry was right. If we fear making mistakes then we are in the wrong species. ("Then you're in the wrong species, love. Be a duck")

My kapitneighbor ate billie told me a while ago how I'm so easy to read and how I light up everytime I am happy. And now I realize that I want that light to always shine on me.

Coz I deserve that kind of glow.

Itago niyo na lamang ako sa pangalang...Hazer

2008-07-21T21:30:00.006+08:00

Magsusulat ako sa tagalog para sa "entry" na ito. Wala lang. Para maiba lang ang istyle ng kwento. Saka mas masaya siyang ikwento sa wika natin. So ano ba ang kwento? Excited ka naman masyado.. o sya sige. eto na siya.

Nagpareserve ako sa Restoran King Crab kahapon para sa hapunan ng aking mga kaopisina at kaibigan. Huling hirit bago muling maglakbay si bossing (sabi ni atebillie yan). So yun nga, tumawag ako, isang tsekwa ang nakasagot. Sabi ko, "can i make a reservation for dinner later? 6 persons." (with matching British accent pa). Tinanong niya kung kanino ipapangalan at sabi ko, "Dr. Hazel Ramos" Pinaspelling pa niya sa kin kaya kahit hirap na hirap akong isipin ang A-B-K-D, dahan dahan kong binigkas (again with Matching British accent and spelling) "Haytch- Ei- Zed-E-L, R-A-EM-O-ES" Sabi nung babae, "okay see you later!"

So ok na diba.. Fast forward na tayo sa oras ng kainan.. Gutom na gutom naming binagtas ang Kelana Jaya LRT line at naglakad patawid ng hiway (para kaming naglalakad patungo sa dulo ng bahaghari). Pagdating sa restoran (ganyan ang spelling dito) eh tinanong ako nung receptionist "do you have reservations?" Buong gilas kong sinagot, ng "Yes, under Dr. Hazel Ramos." Parang di niya ako naintindihan so pinakita na lang niya sa kin ang listahan, wala ang pangalan ko, pero may isang kahawig.. Hmm.. inisip ko, ako ba ito? siguro naman.. Di ko na kinontra at since gutom na ako, sabi ko na "that's it pancit." Tinuro niya ako patungo sa isang malaking lamesa sa may dulo ng kwarto. Pagdating sa aming hapagkainan, may malaking papel (cartolina na pinutol upang maging isang nameplate) na may pangalang nakasulat.

Ayos. Binigyan ako ng panibagong pangalan. In the feyrness, andun ang doctor. At least tumama dun diba? Sayang naman ang anim na taon ko sa sa grad school kung di man lang magagamit minsan minsan ang aking titulo (kahit na sa restoran lamang). Yung Hazer pwede na din.. sounds like naman.Parang binigkas ni Batman ang "Hazel" (Para sa mga nakapanood ng The Dark Knight, napansin niyo ba na nagiging nasal si Batman pag siya ay Batman at di na si Bruce Wayne? Siguro naiipit ng costume niya ang ilong niya no?) Pero yung Loros? hmm.. sang planeta galing yun? Maingay ako tulad ng isang loro (di ako nagpapanggap na shy tulad nina Shyboy 1 at Shyboy 2) pero malayo naman ata sa Ramos ang Loros (inispelling ko pa diba?). Hmm.. baka naman yun ang apelyido ng aking soulmate? Nagkita na ang aming pangalan pero kami hindi pa? (naligaw na naman siya?! Oh gosh pulgash, he desperately needs Mapking)

Mali man ang pangalan ko, masasabi ko pa ding, panalo ang Restoran King Crab (para sa inyong impormasyon, may branch din sila sa Johor kung nalalapitan kayo masyado sa Petaling Jaya Branch). Ang sarap ng Crabs (syempre Restoran King Crab nga eh!) pati na ang steamed fish, Tofu with mushrooms and itlog na pula, Chicken in dried chili (na may pinya huhuhu.. kaya pinasa ko ke shyboy 2 ang manok), mixed veggies (para healthY) at nasi puti (kanin po). Kahit na sobrang sakit ng tiyan ko (food poisoning ang drama ko the whole day), kain pa din (crabs to noh, walang sakit sakit ng tiyan dito). Salamat sa aking drug dealer (este Mobile Mercury Drug pala) na dinalhan ako ng kremil s at gamot sa dyspepsia ("Baka naman dyspepsia yan!" wika ng ad sa pinas) ay nakakain ako ang malumanay. May second round pa. haha.

Matapos ang 2 oras ng paglamon, naubos din namin ang pagkain.. Parang dinaanan ng bagyo. Nagbayad kami (super sulit men!) at nagyosi break ang mga yosi boy and gel habang ang iba sa min ay namasyal sa aquarium ng crabs. Kelangan daw kasi naming humingi ng tawad sa mga kamag anak ng mga alimangong minurder ng kusinero para sa aming kasiyahan at magiwan ng aming mensaheng "sa susunod kayo naman ang kakainin namin"

Naglakad muli kami pabalik ng tren at umuwi na sa aming mga tahanan.

Ayan tapos na ang kwento. Ang hirap pala magtagalog. Shucks, its been so long (bwahahahaha)...

Dati call me stanley ang drama ko (mas mahabang kwento ito, saka kung gusto mo malaman, kelangan maging mega super duper overly close friend kita muna) pero ngayon,

itago niyo na lamang ako sa pangalang HAZER.

Frozen Delight

2008-07-20T16:11:00.002+08:00

I now know how meat feels in the freezer. I'm in Chulan tower right now for our class on "Occupational Health and Safety Laws: An international perspective" and we have the whole floor to ourselves (all 5 of us). And its freezing like winter. I've already downed several cups of hot water that my tummy now feels like a hot water bag. My head is aching and I am shrivering. It's not helping my feverish feeling at all.

I don't really understand how come there's no darn thermostat control in this office building. It's either galit sa TNB (malaysian version of Meralco) ang mga tao dito or gusto nilang isimulate ang UK weather sa Nottingham Malaysia Campus. Even Angeli (whose from the UK) is already complaining.

Hmm... I wonder if i could request for a fireplace here. Para authentic na talaga ang winter theme namin. :D

Just for Today

2008-07-18T01:52:00.002+08:00

And there we were, in a kind of harmony; and the evening was so beautiful, that it made a pain in my heart, as when you cannot tell whether you are happy or sad; and I thought that if I could have a wish, it would be that nothing would ever change, and we could stay that way forever...
-Margaret Atwood "Alias Grace"

Some things are worth remembering. Even if you can't say them.
An ordinary day turned extraordinary
One simple grace at a time.
Enough said.

Miss Universe Question

2008-07-14T22:36:00.002+08:00

Student: What is the relation between these movies and our lectures?

Hazel: (thinking out loud)... wala gusto ko lang kayong torturin at papanoorin ng global warming.. We are talking about health after all and the challenges of developing policies for health and safety. With that comes a multitude of issues and questions such as those posed by the issue of global warming (what the heck.. wala akong maisip na iba.. pwede na ba?)

Student: Ok.

Hazel: (thinking out loud pa din)... yun lang! yun lang ang reaction mo..
Class Dismissed.

It wasn't my best moment today. Not only was I dead tired from the day long administrative but I was also suffering from a bad migraine. The cafeteria food did not help (Kelan pa naging chicken burger ang tasty bread?) nor the rains that made the entire building freezing. I wasn't really supposed to teach but unfortunately my colleague wasn't well. kaya ayun, nasabak muli ako.

Another adventure in a day in the life of a teacher..

Next question please

Falling from Grace

2008-07-13T22:58:00.004+08:00

I did a Miriam Quiambao yesterday. I was walking with Angeli along Bukit Bintang when I lost my footing and tripped. I fell on the side of the road right in front of the JW Marriot Hotel/Starhill galery. I immediately got up and walked away as if nothing happened. haha. I didnt even check for broken bones. My only concern was if anyone around was laughing. hahaha.

To my credit Angeli said I did fell gracefully. I think I've mastered the art of slipping/falling thanks to badminton that the moment I knew I was falling I braced the fall to minimize damage to my bones. Unfortunately my knees graced the hard cement and caused two peso size bruises to appear.

For several minutes, I felt like I was five years old again to the time I fell flat on the on ground while chasing after a basketball rolling down the street where we lived. I came home bleeding on both knees and receiving a long sermon from my mom in the process. Now 26 years later, I was still my clumsy self. Only this time I was wearing heels.

When we got to the restaurant, my knees were stinging. I finally found the guts to look at them and true enough there were bruises and cuts all over. I silently said a prayer of thanks for the minor bruises (it could have been worse you know) at the same time laughed at myself for the act of stupidity.

There's a saying that the reason why we fall is because we need to learn to stand up again. With every stumble, we get up and try once more. That's life. It's all about falling down and getting up, falling down ang getting up once again. ..And sometimes when we are lucky enough, someone will there waiting to catch us. Kaso mukhang naligaw ata siya.. di kasi gumamit ng mapking. hahaha.

Tiub

2008-07-11T23:55:00.002+08:00

I was walking from KL Sentral to the Monorail station when a sign board in one of the stalls along the narrow pathway caught my eye-- Tiub 10RM. I thought to myself, what the heck is a "tiub?" I was thinking, there must be some new fad that is gaining popularity as there were a couple of signs that posted it. Then it hit me-- the store meant "Tube" or what we girls like to wear under see through blouses or as a standalone top. I was laughing all the way to the office and couldn't help but remember all those funny road signs that we have in manila. Meron din pala dito.. parang Iejept ni Manny.

All throughout the day whenever I wanted to laugh I would think about that small sign. It has been a really long day. I had my class for Org Development and Change, I prepared for my Law class tomorrow (yes, you heard it right folks, im teaching law... este Health and Safety Law), and even went to the Philippine embassy to get my OEC and driving license authenticated (na hinayupak na 96.25 RM..panalo! mas mahal pa sa actual license kong 247.50 lamang sa pinas).

The "tiub" reminds me of appreciating the simple stuff-- and the things that make life unique. After all, according to Jerry Maguire, "we live in a cynical cynical world." I mean despite the stress of work and cramming, I still had a relatively good day. I got to relearn strategic leadership from Peter Senge's point of view. I got to eat ruffles sour cream cheddar chips which is an absolute comfort junk food. I had a really nice lunch of bbq roasted chicken with shrimp dumplings. I managed to get my OEC without needing to queue up for a long time. And I managed to finish my lectures and readings for tomorrow so I could actually take time off to write this blog. After class I went out for dinner and ate my favorite club sandwich from DOME cafe which is a must try for anyone. And after a long chat with Angeli, I managed to get back home safe and sound.

See sometimes appreciating simple things really do change our perspective. Mali man ang ispelling at mali man ang pagkabigkas, pinaalala pa din nito na sa isang sulok ng kanilang mundo, may mga bagay na nabibili pa din sa maliit na halaga. Sa halagang 10 RM may bagong TIUB ka na.

And at the end of the day you'll realize that everything that happened made sense. That everything is part of the giant adventure called life. And you just have to learn to enjoy the ride.

The Return of the Other

2008-07-01T19:03:00.002+08:00

The last time "the other"visited was several years back.I was still in Manila living a totally different life. I was very optimistic then that I welcomed the other's arrival with open arms. I thought at that time it was things will turn out differently. Unfortunately it didn't happen. Life had its way of changing course at the least expected moment. And so despite a heavy heart, I had to say goodbye. After all it wasn't something that I could hold on to. I held on to the good memories but I've learned to let go of the bad.

I learned about "the other" from my favorite author-- Paulo Coelho. Call it fear, insecurity or both. It usually comes after the moment of bliss. It arrives the moment you learn to admit that you care. You start feeling insecure and helpless, as if your heart is being torn into pieces for no reason at all.

When I left, the other left and stayed away. And though it meant having no fears, it also meant that a part of me died-- the part that remained hopeful about the mysteries of yet to come. I remained the dreamer that I was but part of me stopped believing in those dreams. The other was never meant to destroy us but rather to strengthen us and make us choose the right path to take. The other was sent for us to take that leap of faith-- to jump into the unknown and embrace whatever comes your way.

The other night I had a dream. I was watching a video and I was trying to make sense of the violence in the video. I told my friend who was there that I needed to understand--I needed to understand what happened so that I could keep my faith in people intact. I believe the dream was speaking to me about my own faith in people and how in the recent years my faith in people have wavered. Maybe I've grown a bit cynical or maybe I just went through so much that I needed to become wary. I don't really know.

But now "the other" has come back. I sensed it creeping slowly. And though I am scared, I feel a sense of bliss-- because with its return also meant that the part of me that died several years ago is coming back to life. And maybe little by little I am slowly going back to how I was before.

I am rambling again. And I dont really know why. Maybe its time to take that leap of faith. Or maybe I am just being me once more. :)

Twilight

2008-06-29T00:08:00.004+08:00

It's been a while since a book kept my interest peaked that I forgot to stop reading until I was almost finished with it. Maan has been telling me to read the twilight trilogy since our long chat over 2 weeks ago. I couldn't find the books (particularly the first book) at first and I was actually resigned to just waiting until I get back to Manila in August to read them. Fortunately yesterday I managed to find a copy among the teen books section of MPH.

So in my effort to keep myself preoccupied during the education fair at KLCC today, I brought the book along. Not only did it keep me from sleeping, it actually kept me glued to the story of Edward and Isabella almost the entire time. By the time the fair closed at 6pm I was 3/4 done. I continued to read even while I walking towards the train station and while I was on the train until I arrived at my house in Sri Petaling. How I managed not to bump onto something or get run over was one for the record. hahaha.

The story is actually simple- its a love story between a human and a vampire. But the twists and turns along the way kept me on the edge of my seat and craving for more. I literally had to pull myself away from the book so that my eyes could rest and that I could play badminton. I'm down to the last 70 pages or so and I'm quite excited about the ending. Part of me doesnt want it to end and another part is excited to read the next book in the series-- New Moon.

Friendship Maan was right-- This book is not for those with tight schedules and those that need more than 8 hours of sleep a night. Because once you begin, there's no turning back.:)

Letting Go

2008-06-27T18:32:00.003+08:00

Over lunch I told my friend that he shouldn't be too attached to things and that we should all learn to let go. How ironic that a few hours later I find myself pondering over the very same issue. I have this history with celphones that could fill the pages of a book entitled "A hundred and one ways to lose a phone." I thought I already managed to try every possible way of losing my phone (i.e. theft, forgetting where i hid it, crushing the lcd from the car door, etc). But no, I had to another today.

And so it goes this way-my phone of almost 2 years died of an untimely death this afternoon courtesy of the bottle opener key chain in my bag and the cross trainer in the gym. How it happened I do not know. And up until now I am still berrating myself for another act of stupidity that ranks highly on "jaime's blooper list"

It wasn't as devastating at first. I told myself, its just a phone. Let it go. It's not the end of the world... then I realized that it wasn't just the phone that died-- but all the stuff i placed inside it as well- particularly 21 saved messages that I keep close to my heart. They were messages from friends all over ranging from the usual hi's and hellos, to forward texts, and take cares. Simple stuff. But they mean the world to me.

Funny isnt it that my last entry was only a couple of hours ago and I wrote about Bliss and how finding it was simply magic. I think of that moment right now and realize that those memories are really really important because they keep us going in times like these.

ayan kasi sabi na wag magpapaka senti..

let go nga eh.

Bliss

2008-06-27T14:41:00.002+08:00

Every now and then you find yourself in a place where everything is simple and life even for a short time, relieves itself of complications. It's a moment when things just fall into place and you realize that though you may not have everything you want, you have everything that you need. And somehow you wish that it could just stay that way forever.

That's Bliss. Pure and simple.

2008-06-26T11:50:00.002+08:00

I saw Disney's Beauty and the Beast last night at the KLCC Plenary Hall. It was my first time to watch a musical here in KL and so I was very excited to watch this Tony awardwinning Broadway Musical brought to KL. The last major play I watched was Miss Saigon in Manila back in 2001 (with Lea playing Kim). I missed Mama Mia when I was in Hongkong back in 2004 so when I heard the news that a broadway musical was coming into town (the UK production), come hell or highwater I was determined to watch it.

Reg, Wilai, Jesse and I managed to secure tickets in the upper balcony (thanks to Wilai's 30% discount, it cost only 105 RM instead of 150). It was quite far from the stage but still close enough to see the faces of the characters. After all we didnt need to be upclose since we are all familiar with the story of Belle and the enchanted beast.

Though the story and songs were familiar, there was just something magical about watching a live action musical come to life infront of your very eyes. My favorite character was Lumierre who was so funny. Chip was as cute as ever. And true to form, Beast was still "cuter" when he was a beast instead of a Prince. The rest of the characters were funny and heartwarming. Even Gaston was lovable (talk about self esteem!) The highlight of the show was the "Be our Guest" number. But my favorite scene was when Beast let Belle go. Haay, how romantic. hahaha.

I was a bit disappointed though when they changed the scenes for the "Something there" number. It was one of my favorite part in the original cartoon (when Beast and Belle were playing in the snow). And of course no one could still beat the original singers, especially Angela Lansburry's version of the theme. Belle's golden dress looked better in cartoons. In real life it looked like a giant cake topper. hahaha.

I hated the audience members who were rudely texting and some were even taking pictures! Talk about poor theater etiquette. If you're going to just text the night away, why bother going to the theater at all.

The play ended at about 11pm. For almost 2 hours I was magically transported to a world different from mine--where candlesticks and napkins dance, clocks and wardrobes talk, and a beast could be tamed. It was worth every ringgit spent.

2008-06-22T22:49:00.002+08:00

The last time I went hiking/camping was years ago when we went to Caliraya Lake in Laguna (the tent collapsed while we were sleeping during the night). So it was a welcomed retreat when Marissa invited me to join them in a day out to the Sungai Tekala Waterfalls in Semenyih.

The waterfalls was about 20minutes away from the nottingham campus. We hiked all the way to the highest possible falls in order to avoid the crowds which camped out in the lower grounds. The only problem though was that the toilets were down in the lower area. The group numbered about 12--mostly expat friends of marissa and mike. Jesse, Purna and me were the three Filipinos. Apart from the expats, we also had a cat in our midst (Marissa's pet Snooky) who enjoyed herself with all the attention that was showered upon her.

We had a potluck for lunch. We brought chicken adobo as our share. I also made some salsa since we had a lot of cherry tomatoes from Cameron Highlands. The place was nice even if the huts were mostly dillapidated and some of the changing rooms reeked with the stench of urine. I just felt a bit sad when I saw some of the "campers" littering. After all, such a beauty of nature shouldn't be treated so unkindly. The whole gang swam except for me. I didnt want to risk my ears again since I'm supposed to stay off swimming for 6 weeks.

Overall, it was worth the trip. For a mere RM1 as entrance fee, the place was a good place to relax. My advice to those who intend to go there-- stay away from the lower area and go up as high as you can through the forrest. And most of all-- bring your cameras!!

My litter sister all grown up

2008-06-19T23:30:00.002+08:00

My baby sister (my only sister) is leaving for the US tomorrow to start her own adventure in life. She's doing her own version of grey's anatomy (hopefully minus all the dramas) by doing her residency in the US. I guess I've always known that this day would come but I felt sad anyway. This morning when I received her email saying she was leaving tomorrow, I thought she meant today. Her flight is at 2pm and it was already 12nn. So I dialed my mobile phone immediately hoping to catch her one last time to say goodbye. Turned out yahoo got the time stamps mixed up so I still had my chance to say goodby tonight via skype.

With the onset of technology I know communicating with her will be easy. But still, there's that slight sadness that I feel knowing that starting tomorrow my entire family will be spread all over the world. We wont have our usual dinner arguments anymore or our mini fights over who gets to control the remote while watching tv.

But still I am happy and proud. My baby sister is finally spreading her wings. She's finally following her dreams. She's finally getting her chance to show the world her "awesomeness"

Maktub.

Strawberries @ Cameron Highlands

2008-06-17T22:27:00.002+08:00

The moment I saw the picture of the strawberry strudel in the Billboard, I was put on a trance. For a mere 6RM, you could actually taste a piece of heaven in three layers of flaky pastry with cream and fresh strawberries inside. YUMMY. The restaurant was called Strawberry Moments located at the center of Brinchang town in Cameron Highlands. From the name itself everything on the menu was strawberry based.

My travel buddies (Jay and Tina with the new addition Reg) and I went to spend the night in Cameron Highlands last May 24. We took a a tour package we picked out over the internet (Naging BFFs kami ni Mr. Tan at Mr. Thiru) and endured a 5 hour trip (one way) to eat the freshest strawberries and vegetables in Malaysia (not to mention see the biggest Tea Plantation in Southeast Asia).

The place was perfectly cool (19degrees) during the daytime that you won't even feel the sun's hot rays. We stayed at a hotel called Irish House. It was nice and clean and spacious enough to fit all four of us in one big room. It was also fairly close to the town centre so we could just walk around town free and easy.

We enjoyed the pasar malam where we shopped and ate till we drop. I tasted the sweetest corn in the world(I call it the two toned corn) and tried the weird looking but yummy deep fried mushrooms.

Our package included a tour of the city so we visited Cameron's famous sights-- The BOH tea estate, the butterfly park, the honey bee farm, the market square, the rose and orchid garden, the strawberry farm, and the chinese temple. It was hectic and tiring but the sites were magnificent.

Going back we endured another 5 hour bus ride (with a bunch of noisy girls who wouldnt stop talking and some "smelly passengers" to add flavor to the ride! hehehe). Reg downed two tablets of dramamine while I drowned myself with the songs saved in my ipod. It was a fun filled trip.

Another successful adventure from the travel buddies of KL.

Till the next adventure.

Dignity & Decorum and a Free Movie

2008-06-17T22:05:00.004+08:00

We saw the ad in an issue of Today Newspaper in Campus-- free movie passes to the premier night of Made of Honour, a new movie starring Mcdreamy himself. Reg and I made a pact-- we'd go to the event but we wouldnt do anything extraordinary like run, sing, scream, etc. We would maintain dignity and decorum at all costs. Most importantly, it was going to be a top secret mission that would stay one if we were not successful.

It was one of those things that would be part the "things I to do before I die" like going to a fans day for a favorite artist (done that!) or riding a rollercoaster (hmmm..still thinking) or visit the eiffel tower (planning to..).

Anyway, so off we went to Pavillion Mall in KL which is about 60 kms away from our campus. We got there about 630pm and by then the line was about a hundred meters long. It looked doable so we lined up. 45 minutes later we were armed with our first movie passes to a free premier night. We had an extra ticket so we did a good deed by passing it on to a group of locals who lacked one ticket. Throughout the line I was silently praying that no one I know (esp the students) would recognize me. hehehe.

Afterwards we celebrated with a hearty meal at the Pancake House (yes! you heard it right! may pancake house na sa KL). I had my favorite Tacos and I tried the Tinapang Bangus (tinapang bangus! tinapang bangus! masarap at masustansya....tinapang bangus)

The movie was okay. A typical chick flick that would make the hopeless romantic say "sigh" an "aww." Mcdreamy delivered his dreaminess and the rest of the support cast were so funny. We had fun despite the fact that we were seated on third row with our heads almost in a horizontal position because the screen was right infront of us (but no complaints! after all libre ito!). My eyes hurt like hell afterwards and by the time we got home at 12mn, I was deadtired and my migraine was acting up.

All for the chance of watching a movie for free.

hahaha..

Crispy Pata, Sisig at Pakbet: New Adventures of the Food Fanatic

2008-04-22T21:03:00.004+08:00

One hot sunday afternoon, the food fanatics travelled to the other end of the Kelana Jaya lrt line in a quaint little restaurant called Cagayan to sample a taste of home-- our much missed Crispy Pata, Sisig (with egg!) and pakbet.

It was a artery clogging taste of heaven. Yummy! Worth every cholesterol and trans fat (or whatever fats) that will probably shorten my entire lifespan for a couple of hours or so.

Met up with Jay and Tina at the Masjid Jamek LRT around 12nn and despite the heat of the sun, we trekked all the way to Bandar Utama to eat at the Pinoy restaurant. I was excited to eat my favorite Crispy pata which I have missed a lot. Tina ordered sisig (which is another yummy dish) and just to add some semblance of health on the cholesterol laden dishes we ordered, we had some pakbet.

There was just something about eating something very pinoy when you're in a foreign country. I guess it adds more "specialness" to the act of eating something seemingly ordinary. We gobbled everything as if there was no tomorrow. Galit galit muna.. There was nothing to complain about the place. It was truly authentic. And for almost an hour there, I thought that I was actually in Manila and not in Malaysia. I just wish they had a honest to goodness authentic pinoy halohalo. I miss that. Kahit na yung chowking version lang.. But syempre the best pa din yung sa tabi ng kalye.. homemade.. with all the germs and bacteria. haha.

After our hearty lunch we walked around a bit and did some window shopping. We then transferred over to nearby 1 utama where I finally managed to find my long searched size of crocs! After almost 2 years of searching I finally managed to find a size for me. Tina and I bought matching pairs. Unfortunately Jay didn't have a size in the design he liked. We were still full but we craved for some Mcdonald's Sundae for dessert so we searched for Mcdo and I had my craving for chocolate sundae filled.

It was one long day. Going home we got stuck in the LRT station for about 15 minutes. The train just stopped and refused to budge. It was raining heavily so there must have been some technical glitch somewhere. It didn't dampen our spirits though. We were just simply too happy to spoil our day. I was excited to try on my new crocs. Tina couldn't wait anymore, she wore it as soon as she bought it.

I got home barely having enough time to dress up for badminton. I had to burn the fats off so I was quite excited to play. I played 3 sets before I retired for the night.

Another food adventure... Another food craving satisfied..Onto the next one...

***

ella wish ko andito ka.. para me kadamay ako sa king new diet--eating diet! haha ;)

Words of Wisdom..(Repost from Jean Pierre)

2008-04-19T22:39:00.002+08:00

If the time comes that you are not already sure where you stand in someone’s life, it’s best to leave things behind so that if they drop you off, it will be easier to forget them. Don’t waste time waiting for nothing; when efforts are not recognized, it’s best to ust give things up. You’ve done your part, let them do theirs…

… though it’s hard maybe it's the right thing to do...

From my former students' Eunice and Jean Pierre.

No further explanations needed. I think the words say it all..

Giving up is not necessarily a bad thing. It simply means you're giving yourself the chance to start fresh...all over again...

The Measure of Happiness

2008-04-19T09:39:00.002+08:00

... laughing out load while having your haircut.

... eating your favorite food without care for calories

... petting polie while he blissfully sleeps in my lap

... finding charsiew pork in the middle of pasar malam

... travelling close to 60kms just to eat lunch

... seeing the world's beautiful beaches

... Reading a well written essay by one of my students

... setting up my new WIFI router and not destroying it

... playing a good game of badminton

... eating butter prawns

... Finding clover at Mercato and Nagaraya at Sogo (pinoy food junkie!)

... tocino on a lazy sunday afternoon

... planning my next travel gimik

... having great songs on ipod

... learning to use my new camera

... taking a great picture

... watching a good movie

... having a nice chat

... getting to know someone

... talking to ella

... talking to my mom and sister

... finding a good book

... spending time with the ones who matter

Does Heaven or Hell Exist?

2008-04-19T09:31:00.002+08:00

A friend asked me this question while munching through Mcdonald's french fries and chicken nuggets one lunch time. I've always believed in heaven and hell and I think all of us do in a way. But did we ever wonder what do they look like? A lot of movies have asked the question like Robin Williams' "What dreams may come?" or Meryl Streep's "Judgment City."

I gave my friend a weird answer. I think I said I don't really know. But I'd like to believe they do. And if they do exist I'd like to believe that all of us will end up in heaven because after all God loves us (in the words of comedian George Carlin, "he loves you!"). Seriously, I'd like to believe that everyone has a place in heaven.

So what about hell? I don't know. But what I do know is that if I ever end up there, I'd make it the happiest place for me.

After all happiness is a choice right?

Steamboat Night

2008-04-13T09:46:00.002+08:00

Always in search of great food finds, my friends and I went on another food adventure last night despite my being ill and the rains that threatened to dampen our day. We went to Sunway Pyramid and ate at the Steamboat place (I never got to really jot down the name!) across the mall near mcdonald's. For a mere 18RM each, we ate the prawns and other streamboat favorites that we could stuff ourselves with.

Jay, Tina, Jesse and I arrived about 5 minutes to 5pm (the official opening of the place). Jay was right when he said we had to be there early. By 6pm the place was packed with a long queue waiting outside for the next vacant table. We sat near the buffet table and was immediately started off to my first steamboat adventure by the waiter. We had half chicken soup and half tomyam soup for the steamboat. I basically just took as much prawns and shrimps I could eat. That was it. haha. I tried some of the fish and squid balls and even tried the mini lobsters but I was in prawn heaven most of the time.

I tried their famous chicken wings which literally flew off the buffet table the minute it was laid there by the servers. Jay had to fight his way through the small crowd to get our much awaited chicken wings. It was worth it though-- it reminded me a bit of Don Henrico's buffalo wings (which I love in Manila).

After gobbling all those seafood, veggies and meat, we ended the dinner feast with endless scoops of ice cream (I had mango, strawberry and chocolate) topped with coffee jelly. Yummy. I could barely walk out of the restaurant and was burping the whole night long. By the time we all landed at Endah villa, we were all sleepy. hehe. Jesse managed to play badminton (to work off the calories daw) but the three of us just basically sat down and relaxed.

great food, good company, lots of laughter, and more great food.. what more could one ask for?

A little unwell

2008-04-10T22:37:00.003+08:00

There is a saying that "when it rains, it pours." I think the saying goes the same way with respect to my health. I don't usually get sick but when I get sick it really pours. Since coming back from Redang I've been to the doctor three times already. And it looks like I'm going again tomorrow. My ear is terribly painful. Two days ago it was the flu. The week before that it was my ear again.

It is during these moments that I miss home the most. In manila if I get sick, the doctor is just one room away. Here I have to plan how to get to the hospital. And most of the time I have to wait for at least a day.

I just wish I could feel better tomorrow morning

143444 (The Pulau Redang Adventure)

2008-04-06T18:12:00.016+08:00

This is not an entry about love-- it doesn't even closely resemble anything about love. I promise you I won’t write anything about people holding hands with matching “pa sway sway pa!” It's not an entry about romantic trysts and lovebirds dating.

But why the famous "numbers" (plus one that is)? 143444 was the vault combination in our room at the laguna redang resort in pulau redang where I spent 3 days and 2 nights last March 29 till the 31'st. The trip was originally set for the end of Feb but unfortunately the weather was not permitting hence the delay.

We left for Kuala Terrangannu Friday night. I felt as if I was on the amazing race since I was coming from work at 9pm and the bus was leaving at 10pm. True to form I had a classic "hazel" blooper moment when my thing just fell out of my bag while running from the monorail to the LRT station in Titiwangsa where Jay and Tina were waiting for me. Afterwards we met Wilai at the PWTC bus station where our journey was set to begin. The bus took 7 hours. We had a quick breakfast at KT (nasi lemak and teh o ice limau) while waiting for the Merang Jetty port to open then afterwards we took a 1 hour boat ride from the jetty to the resort.

12 hours after our journey started we finally made it to Pulau Redang. The heat was scorching hot but the beach was so inviting. After a quick freshening up in our fully airconditioned room, we trekked to the buffet hall where we pigged out on local and western dishes. I enjoyed the beef and lamb dishes and the roasted chicken was also great. After lunch we went back to the room to dress up for our first trip to see-- the open water snorkeling.

Snorekling in the open water was such a wonderful experience. The coral reef was amazing and the fishes were a sight to look at. I've never seen so many colorful fishes in my life. The fishes were so friendly that you need to only submerge your head in the water and they will actually come to you. We fed the fishes with some bread and enjoyed the cool and clean water. One hour later we headed back to the resort to swim in the pool.

While waiting for Tina and Wilai to shower Jay and I enjoyed a cool beer by the beach. We met the pinoy bartender and a couple of other pinoy resort personnel. Afterwards the four of us headed off to dinner-- buffet number 2. This time they had the roasted beef and man was it good! After dinner the four of us went back to the room and drank the mango rum I brought all the way from the Philippines. I guess it was the fatigue of travelling and swimming that after 4 shots I was sleeping already.

I woke up really early the next day-- 7:00am which is considered still very dark in malaysian time zones. Jay was about to leave for his sunrise photo session so I quickly got dressed and followed him. I walked along the shoreline while watching the sun rise. It reminded of a previous blog entry I made-- the things I'd do if i had 24 hours left to live. Now I'm glad I didnt have to wait till that day came to watch the sunrise. There were a number of early birds--couples and photo buffs in the beach area. Willai said I was easy to spot because I was all by myself playing by the water. I didn't feel alone though. It was just pure bliss. One doesn't get this chance to experience one of nature's miracles too often.

After breakfast we went for a swim in the waters. Jay and I taught Willai to swim (funny, i don't know how to myself hehe). Tina on the other hand decided to go for a walk in the beach. Willai and I had the time of our lives gazing at the hunks that seem to magically appear everywhere in the beach. haha. We thought of nica and how he would be so happy to be there (although he did say he was happy to be back in KL with Roby. hehe)

By 12 noon we were too hungry to swim. We went up to the buffet hall again (its my favorite place in the resort) to eat lunch. The sun was very hot already so we decided to hide for a few hours. I had a short siesta before waking up for our Marine park trip.

The marine park was the island's protected area for sea creatures. About 15 minutes away from the resort, we were taken there by the resort's boats. We fed the fishes and marvelled at their beauty and number. I've never seen so many fishes in one area in my life! There were fishes of all colors-- blue, green, combinations of gold and black, white and black, blue and green, etc. I loved watching the schools of fishes roam around searching for bread crumbs brought by the tourists.

After getting back to the resort, Willai and I went to the resort's shop to buy conditioner. I also bought some souvenirs for myself. After showering, Jay, tina and I went for a walk along the other end of the island on top of the rock formations. We took some majestic pics (see Jay’s flickr site for more of these—http://www.flickr.com/gidiyap_padingdong). Willai joined us a little later and afterwards the four of us headed to the BBQ buffet where I had the best beef bbq (ok, it’s the second best next to Bala’s cooking).

We spent our last evening in the resort drinking the rest of the mango rum and playing cards. We did several rounds of tong its, the classic 1-2-3 pass and bluff. Panalong panalo ang mga sinungaling(Go jay cool! Hehe).Favorite ko yung “Four threes!” ni tina while bringing down only three cards.

The next day itwe woke up early to watch the sunrise one more time. We took countless pictures and the island gifted us with the most magnificent sunrise ever.

After a quick breakfast, we quickly packed up and went back to reality—we took another 12 hour journey back to KL. We finally made it to PWTC at 8pm. We had dinner at the Chinese mamak near Jay and Tina’s place and afterwards Willai and I went back to our homes in Sri Petalling. The vacation was over.

So like I said, this is not an entry about love. But it’s about a lovely time. It’s not anything remotely romantic but it can be sentimental. After all you have a dreamer here telling the story. It was 3 days of beautiful memories—memories that I’ll treasure forever.

For more pictures.. visit my shutterfly site: http://redangadventure.shutterfly.com

Happy Birthday Tita Nel

2008-03-19T20:19:00.002+08:00

We call her Tita for short-- the surrogate mom of the former tambays of Shuttles' Best Riverbanks and 1/4 of the much loved "Pamilya Badminton." And today is her birthday. I haven't seen tita in a long time since I am always moving around whenever I go back to Manila. The last time I saw her was in GBC when I popped in for a quick visit to see everyone. I still remember Tito (her better half) Noel teasing me about my weight and my partner Kei asking me what I did to balloon so much. hehe.

I rarely write about people and their birthdays in this blog but I thought I'd make an exception this time. Because today is a special day-- today is the birthday of my second mom. So I am writing this entry to tell the world how grateful I am to meet someone like her.

I first met tita in SB with tito noel. They asked me along with Vince to play with them in one of their regular games. I wasnt good yet back then. But they were geniunely nice to me. We had a great time. Then as the weeks went by I found myself spending more time with them. Eventually I became partners with Kei, their daughter and the rest was history.

Tita has this ability to make me feel loved even at my worst moment. She listens and geniunely cares for you. In one of our "talks" I remember her comforting me but at the same time she did not side with me. And that's how she is--fair. She loves all her kids (surrogate ones included) even if they bicker and fight. She will do her darnest to bridge peace but at the same time she knows when to let us fight out our own battles.

So happy birthday dear tita. I miss you lots. I miss saturdays with the rest of the pamilya. sana sa susunod kong balik, magkita kita tayong muli.

I Survived!

2008-03-17T19:18:00.002+08:00

The hell week is over-- 37 hours of lecture in a span of 8 nonstop days of working. I survived. When my last lecture ended yesterday I felt like crying and laughing at the same time. I sat down for a few minutes and just stared at the view from my classroom at the KLTC. I actually made it. I guess it took a while for the entire reality of it all to finally sink in. It was finally over.

It wasn't my problem to bear in the first place. I could have said no. But unfortunately, I was called to service. And I guess it was just true to being the Hazel everyone know, I took on the challenge. Back in January, Angeli and I were laughing about this possibility of having the PG and UG modules clashing. But we were both confident that Reg will be here soon. Unfortunately, things didnt exactly go as planned. It was no one's fault. I guess it was fated to be that way talaga. But in the end I learned that I could do it. And hey it did make life extra exciting! haha.

After packing my bags and stuff, I went out of the building to celebrate "Freedom!" I was so happy that I couldn't care less if it was drizzling or jammed outside. I was in pure bliss. To celebrate the day of liberation, I went for an early dinner with friends at a Bakuteh stall in Jalan Imbi. We didnt get to order the pork entrails that we were craving for but what the heck. I was still happy. The food was great. We had the pork meat bakuteh, fried tofu with sweet chili sauce, veggies in garlic sauce, prawn with egg, and fried glass noodles. I didnt plan on eating much rice but it was too much to resist. So I gave in. And I deserved it. After all that strain for the last 8 days, I deserved to pig out. haha.

Going home we were all full and sleepy. We nixed the idea of dessert as we could barely walk out of the restaurant already. I think I learned a new definition of happiness in the process-- happiness is being able to laugh and relax at the end of long and tiring day.

When I got home I chatted with my sister and mom using skype. It was nice to hear their voices again. I also chatted with Wilai and Jay and other friends in passing. For the first time in 8 days I could actually chat without guilt.

It was the perfect ending to a long week.

Halfway

2008-03-13T16:54:00.003+08:00

I am halfway through my so- called "hellweek." And I admit I'm starting to feel the fatigue. The past 4 days I've been feeling this uncontrollable twitching of my right eye. It is not painful but it is irritating and can a bit distressing. My sister tells me, it is the sign that my body is already stressed.

So far I've been surviving. I'm not performing in the usual 100% performance level that I know I could do, but I am happy that at least I am getting by.

Yesterday I had my checkup for my ovarian cysts. And as I expected there wasn't that much of goodnews. Although there was a slight decrease in the size of the cysts (all 3 of them), the rate of decrease did not go as hoped for. And after 6 months of medication, we had to decide what was the next course of treatment.

I mentioned that it was kind of expected on my part. I know my body and I know when its well and when it is not. I knew that all these craziness is taking its toll on my health. And I was just hoping (and praying) that at least it won't be something disastrous. So the little good news was still welcomed. It may not have disappeared as hoped but at least it did not increase anymore. Somehow I am also taking the side effects well and I am learning to just live with the nuisance of losing my hair a bit and going through my weight gain (but hey! I lost weight too!).

For about 2 minutes I allowed myself to feel some form of self pity. Then afterwards, as if on cue, I sighed, and went back to reality. I'm used to this kind of setbacks. I've lived through 27 years of relapses and remissions for my ITP. And with each setback I learned to pick myself up and try again.

My doctor and I discussed the pros and cons and it was agreed that I was to go on 3 more months of medication and make a last try for a cure. Who knows right, miracles might happen?

I know I need to destress my life a bit for this thing to go away. That will be my next project, once I survive this hell week.

18 hours of teaching to go.

29 Hours to go

2008-03-09T23:16:00.002+08:00

My countdown continues. I finished the first 8 hours of teaching today and I survived. That leaves 29 hours to go before I can rest (just for a day). The first day of a new module always give me the most anxiety. Not because I don't know the topic but because its a new group of people to meet again. I used to dread the feeling of anxiety and nervousness. I would fidget and do everything I can to take the anxious feeling away. But now I realized that I need that anxiety to perk me up. Kinda like positive stress-- it motivates me to do the work that needs to be done.

My voice nearly ran out today but I was happy nonetheless. When the clock finally struck 5:00 pm which signalled the end of the day for me, I finally felt all the tiredness that I simply pushed back throughout the day.

I relaxed a bit by watching 10000 BC. Don't know why but there was something missing in the movie that I can't seem to pinpoint. I just didnt enjoy it as much as I hoped I would. Or maybe it was simply because my mind refused to do any more thinking than it ought to.

Now I'm watching badminton. I have a few hours of rest before the craziness start all over again.

Loyalties & Hell Week

2008-03-08T11:27:00.003+08:00

Some may think of it as an asset while others would probably think I'm slightly crazy. But I have this principle in life-- That if You hurt my friend , I'll be your worst nightmare. I am extremely loyal to my friends. I will defend them to the last breathe of my life.

So be warned.

***
Today I missed home again. I missed it so much that I felt like wanting to just go to the airport and grabbing the next ticket available. Only I can't. Because tomorrow is the start of hell week. I will be teaching 37 hours in 8 days. Isn't it wonderful? I call it my extra challenge for march. So who could say life is boring right?

But going back.. I guess the homesickness is linked to the entry above. I miss home. I miss the people I love back home. I miss friends whom I know won't betray me or won't talk behind my back. I miss having honest to goodness REAL people around me-- people whom I could really trust. There are a few here, Im not saying there is none. But just for today, I'd like to surround myself with the warmth of my friends back home before I go into battle tomorrow.

IF you feel lost and on your own
And far from home
You're never alone you know
Just think of you friends
The ones who care
They all will be waiting there
With love to share
And your heart will lead you home.

V day thoughts

2008-02-15T23:22:00.001+08:00

Back in 2000, I went off on my first non-romantic date for valentines. It was a triple date with two good friends in Katips bar and grill. I still remember our drinks of mango sago shake which was heavenly. It was the best v-day date ever. I think it was after that event that I stopped pinning for a romantic v-day date. I realized that valentine's is meant to celebrate happy times. And being happy doesn't necesarrily include someone "special" in your life.

Fast forward to 2008 and I find myself in malaysia celebrating my second v-day in a foreign country. My girlfriends in manila spent days in planning their respective romantic dates via our email while I simply contemplated on what my lecture would be for that day. Didn't have plans and didn't intend to have one.

So how was valentines'? It turned out to be a surprised filled day that included moving from one building to another in campus, setting up my pc and settling down in my old room, to watching korean movies while munching on chippy and pigging out the most amazing halal thai food I've ever tasted. I haven't had chippy in a long time so when it was presented to me, I was simply at bliss. hehe. Who says valentines day is only for the taken?

At the end of the day, I find myself humming to the theme song of Il Mare and wondering if such story could actually exist. I don't know how but I've been feeling disillusioned about all these "mushy" stuff for some time now. I think it somehow got lost amidst the cynicism of stress and disappointments of heartbreaks. But last night I found myself wondering once more. And the dreams that I thought have gone missing are slowly resurfacing back.

Slowly, in tiny little steps, I feel the old hazel coming back. And I'm starting to believe in happy endings once more...

Some Ramblings about Turning 31

2008-02-11T22:58:00.000+08:00

I turned 31 last thursday. I am not afraid to admit my age. In fact I happily tell people how old I am. When I was about 10 I never saw myself living beyond 30 so it was particularly important for me to honour this gift of one more year of life. Not that I want to sound morbid here, but I guess I've always thought that life was going to be short for me given my history of illnesses. So in a way I've always lived life as if I was on borrowed time and thus I try to live it to the best that I can.

This year I told myself I would have a different birthday. After all one doesn't turn 31 every year. So this year I celebrated my birthday in Bangkok with Angeli, my friend from the university.After finishing our "official business" in the land of tom yum and chili crabs, we relaxed by enjoying the fruits of our hard labour. We went on a food trip, a shopping trip, and even a massage trip. We have been both under a lot of stress lately because of work so the trip was equally important for our work as well as our sanity.

After I returned I had my traditional birthday dinner/inuman with my pinoy friends which was fun. Everyone was drunk especially me. haha. I missed having ella and the rest of my manila barkada around though. I have to admit not seeing their faces in my party was abit nostalgic for me. I even miss having olie try and steal the food from the tables.

In turning 31 I learned some important life lessons. I learned that life is simply how we make it to be. We may blame fate for our circumstances but in the end our so called "circumstances" are actually our own doing. I learned that happiness lies only in 1 place--ourselves. Nothing and no one can make us truly happy but ourselves. Sadness and loneliness comes about when we choose to give the power to make us happy to someone else.

Over the past few weeks Ive been instilling some changes in my life by taking back the power of being happy and finding my bliss. I'm slowly finding myself again. And I'm learning to love myself more-including my imperfections and my neurotic mood swings from time to time.

I've learned that being on my own may have given me freedom. But that freedom is choice. And whatever I choose, I should be ready to pay the price. I finally come to accept the truth behind the saying--you can have anything in this world as long as you are willing to pay the price.

I've learned that I have a gift-- a gift of being able to bring together people who normally would not even be together. Seeing my friends get drunk last friday night reminded me of that gift. My mom used to marvel at how varied my group of friends are. When you look at them they don't have anything in common but whenever it was time for my birthday or any of my parties at home, everyone would show up-- and even for a couple of hours they would actually get along.

Most of all I've learned not to settle for anything less than what I deserve. I am not seeking for perfection. But I've also learned that settling for anything less that what I really want is depriving myself of what I ought to have. And if I am fortunate enough to have this extension in life, I know I should not only live it but I should live it WELL.

enough said.

Trapped in the 13th floor

2008-01-29T13:02:00.000+08:00

I found myself trapped in my apartment's elevator this morning. I was on my way to work when the lift (that's how the British call elevators) decided to go crazy and take me for a terror morning ride. I was trapped in the 13th floor (what a number right?!) with the lift's door only partially open.

I was on my way down when the lift suddenly bolted up instead of down. The indicator lights for the 14th and 15th floors lit up so I thought someone must have pushed that button before I boarded to lift. Then suddenly I felt a large jerk. Then the doors opened about 2 inches then stopped. That was when I realized I was stuck!

Trying not to get myself in a panic mode I began to push the open button. I dared not to push any other button as it might cause more problems. I pushed the alarm button to signal to the outside world that I was trapped. I had my phone and started to think of people to call for a rescue. Unfortunately I didn't have any of my apartment's maintenance people saved in my phone book.

It started to feel extremely hot after several minutes. I realized that the ventillation system wasnt working and if it werent for that tiny open slot i would have been suffocated for lack of air. My arm was already starting to numb from pressing that darn alarm button (it would turn off whenever I pull my finger out). After a few more minutes I saw an Indian guy pass by. I yelled for him to notice me. He looked lost first and finally noticed my voice. He was kind enough to call for help downstairs to the main security post. 10 minutes later two guards came to rescue me out. The two gentlemen were the guards I have come to befriend in the condo. Every morning we would say hello. When they saw me trapped there, they immediately rescued me out.

They had to pry the doors open with a wrench. That tiny slot saved my ass again. For had there been no opening, I would have had to wait for a technician to show up since the guards wont be able to pry it open at all.

It was 20 minutes of hell. By the time I got out I was sweating like a pig. The guards escorted me down and for a few moments there I actually contemplated on taking the stairs instead. I was so grateful to my two superheroes.

I used to just hear stories about people being trapped in elevators. Now I know how it feels like. And its a feeling I don't want to ever repeat again. Sana man lang may gwapo dun sa loob ng elevator diba?

Another misadventure in the life of an expat. It makes you realize--life is indeed full of surprises.

Chocolate Memories

2008-01-29T12:53:00.000+08:00

"Life is a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."

Forrest Gump once said this words to a stranger sitting beside him. When you think about it, its really true-- life is indeed full of surprises like that of opening a chocolate box. And even though the chocolate you have in front of you is actually one flavor, each bite is a surprise.

Staring at a worn toblerone box last night, I remembered the happiest day of my vacation. At the same I remembered that that day was also the saddest because it was the day of goodbye.

Life is like that in a way- full of ironies and twists of faith. Hello's and goodbyes always go hand in hand and Happiness and sadness will always be partners. And like eating chocolate, it gives you a high that leaves you feeling low once the sugar crashes your system.

But you'll always most definitely will remember the happy moments.

I hang on to those happy memories these days.
I hang on to them for dear life
Until the day I can relive them again
Until that day,
I'll look at my toblerone bars and smile.
And remember...

Ariantart's visit

2008-01-20T04:27:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I had my first visitor for 2008-- Arian. We were orgmates in college and while she was still an applicant she became my sort of "adopted buddy" by virtue of her being Peter's buddy. Through the years weve remained in contact. We've never forgotten each other during the important dates like birthdays (she shares the same birthday with peter) and holidays. We even got to play badminton once or twice. She was like a little sister to me in MMC.

So yesterday she came over for an overnight visit on her way back from Melbourne to Manila. We went around KL to explore some of the city's highlights. Of course there was the traditional trek up the skybridge of Petronas and the "must" stop to buy vincci shoes. We walked around Merdeka square and took pictures around the city's well known landmarks.

It was nice to reminisce with her about our old college adventures. Ang dami na palang kinasal, ikakasal, nagbreak, nagkabalikan, nagbreak muli, etc. After a long day of nonstop walking, we took her to Kinrara to introduce her to malaysian streetfood.

Till the next visitor...

24 hours

2008-01-16T14:55:00.001+08:00

If you had only 24 hours left to live, how would you like to live it?

Some people do not know the value of one day. They take it for granted. I almost did. Fortunately Ella reminded me of how special 1 day was. On my last day in Manila, I spent a few hours bitching over the fact that I couldn't do the things I want because of duties. And although it was childish and fickle, I was really so annoyed that I was "losing" my last day to just waiting in traffic and lining up in empty hallways.

Then I realized that I still had the rest of my 24 hours to live. By being annoyed and bitchy I was depriving myself the chance of being happy on my last day. So I did the next best thing-- I enjoyed what was left of my 24 hours and created memories to last me through until my next trip home.

In the final 24 hours I...

... played badminton with my original badminton group-- CUBES at Chut's. Had a blast playing with the boys once more.
... partnered with an old friend in a mixed doubles game that reminded me of my old form-- despite the long hiatus of our old partnership, he still brings out the competitive side in me.
... became friends again, even for a few minutes with someone. Kahit isang saglit.
... met up with the p10 girls for a traditional shakey's dinner of our favorites-- pepperoni crunch, basket of mojos, chicken and chips, and captain's choice of appetizers.
... paid a visit to enzo and Kim. took gazillions of pics again of our beloved inaanak and made some last minute chikka about our lives.
... played pusoy dos with my cousins after almost 10 years of hiatus. We used to have pusoy dos challenges when we were younger with our own scoring system to match. Ves used to win those games hands down. Until now she remains the champ.
... met some long lost relatives whom I haven't seen in ages.
... ate crispy ulo from baliwag's lechon and bought sweet corn from ateneo.
...called ella one time to many to update her about my whereabouts and doabouts-- I will miss our telebabad nights again.
... bonfire grill with divina, tetet, and jai. I didnt feel like "emoting" at home so I decided to show up to the post shakey's hangout.
... had my final eat out with idol at Figaro in sgt. esguerra. He treated me to a cup of freshly brewed coffee and a small chocolate cake-- this was tradition-- something Idol and I haven't broken (technically). He's always the last person I go out with every time I am home.

As I Anthony and I were leaving Figaro, I felt a twinge of nostalgia and regret. Idol gave me a box of toblerone chocolates (like the ones he gave me back in September) and we finally said our final goodbye. Weren't it for the realization that my mascara wasn't waterproof, I was literally on the verge of crying. Because at that moment it finally hit me-- that that was goodbye. I was going back to Malaysia the next day.

The tough part about going home I guess is leaving again especially when you've come to realize how much home meant. It would be a while again before I could just make a quick call to ella and classmate adrian and just say out of the blue, "tara lunch out tayo!" or have one of my late night dinners with Luis and Byo at Eastwood or tease idol in person while sipping our favorite cups of coffee (winnie the pooh and honey pie!hehehe) plus seeing weevens cringe with "imbyerna" whenever we speak about the soulmates RQ and V(Q?)

But still I'm happy. I'm happy I had 21 beautiful days. And I had 24 final hours to relish each one of those days.

Coffee-Hyperiffic day

2008-01-09T12:35:00.000+08:00

I used to be a noncoffee drinker. I used to hate the smell of coffee so much that I would even ask Banjo back in college not to drink it while I was around. Ganon ko siya kaayaw. But through the years I learned to occasionally drink it until I discovered coffee in the UK. Ever since my UK trip, I've turned into a new coffee lover.

Last monday I experienced my first real coffee high. hahaha. I was literally in hyper mode the whole day thanks to the multiple coffee stops idol (a.k.a. winnie the pooh) and I made the entire day while working on his "baby" aka "thesis." We had breakfast in mcdo followed by coffee in starbucks. Then we had lunch at Dencio's (where I had coke) followed by tea in Figaro. By the time we got to Figaro in commonwealth I was in extra hyper mode already.

Yesterday I was in day 2 of my hyperrific coffee day. I don't know what was in the coffee at idol's house but after I cup I was in hyper mode na. To shut me up, he gave me his discussion chapter to read. hehehe. Di pa kami nadala, nag figaro pa uli kami while waiting for welibird to come out of class. More hyperness. hehehe. By the time we were eating lunch I was in my extra makulit mode already.

Thus when I got home last night I felt the sugar crash in my system.. plakda! After my chikka with ella, I was asleep faster than one could count from 1-10. hehe.

The hyper mode worked though coz we did manage to get a lot of work done. Kaya dapat matapos na yang thesis na yan.. para yung libre ko matuloy na. hehehe.

Celebrating the New Year in Davao

2008-01-03T20:42:00.001+08:00

I'm here in Davao City for the New Year. My uncle was very gracious to invite us to spend some quality time with the rest of the family which includes my 86 year old grandparents, 2 sets of aunts and uncles, 4 cousins, and a brand new niece. Although I visited Davao right before I moved to Malaysia, it has been years since I got to celebrate the holidays here. When I was a kid, we used to go to Davao every Christmas. And growing up was filled with fond memories of our "family reunions."

Although definitely "older," we were like our old selves still. We had the traditional dinner in the 27 year old dining table with Papa and Mama at the helm. Gone is children's table since we all fit in the big table now but all the jokes and food are the still very much the same. We went to Paradise Resort for our traditional trip to the beach and ate our ever favorite calamares (now with Beer on the side! haha). Tryke, Kaye, Ves, and I swam our hearts out in my favorite beach of all time. I discovered that I wasn't totally hopeless in swimming as I could actually float in the seawater. I made a pact with Kaye that next Christmas, I'm coming back for my diving lessons courtesy of my cousin the dive master.

New Year's eve we went to Merco to eat our favorite ice cream dessert. When we were young we used to dare each other in ordering the "choo choo train" their humongous dessert. Pippin was the one we successfully dared that time who actually vomitted after eating too much ice cream. Pippin was our baby cousin then. Now he's a college student (and now I feel old! hahaha). Ves and Mikko ordered their ever favorite chocolate parfait (our favorite) while Kaye had the banana boat (2 scoops of ice cream as compared to the three scoops that comes with the Banana split... kaya boat lang siya.). I on the other hand finally succumbed to my halohalo craving and ordered my most missed dessert. Merco was on a christmas sale and everything was either buy one take one or 50% off. So I partnered with tito mannie so that I dont have to eat two orders of halohalo (kundi goodluck my diet naman diba?).

This reunion introduced us to the newest baby of the Llaneza clan-- Kikay, Mikko's cute baby girl. I met kikay when she was just about a month old last year but now 1 year later, she's as bubbly as ever. She loves to dance and smile. She's afraid of statues and giant bears but once accustomed to them she warms up nicely. She enjoys being carried by me and we bonded over goats and our penchant for headbanging while giggling together.

Then there's Pips and Happy-- my uncle's two dogs. Pips is an overweight golden retriever whose so lazy because he's so big. Last night he was too lazy to come and greet us in the porch from his post in the garden that he would only wiggle his tail to acknowledge hearing his name when we called him. Happy on the hand is the datschund with ADHD. I think he was injected with anti depressants or uppers. He can jump all day and all night without ever tiring himself.

Tomorrow were going back to Samal.. And saturday we'll be back home...

Kamusta na kya sina olie and annie?

Home For the Holidays

2007-12-25T16:54:00.000+08:00

I am home again. Classmate said, "Welcome home for the nth time classmate!" signifying how this year was one travelling year for me. Now I know where all my money went. haha. Ella calls it the first year adjustment period. I think I prefer to call it "sanity trips."

My first day back was spent shopping in SM clark and a late night toma session with ella, classmate adrian, and earl. I miss the taste of ice cold san mig light. ahhhhh.. Total bliss. I forgot my pledge to diet during the holidays all together (what's a few more pounds?! hahaha).

For xmas eve and noche buena, mom and I went to Malolos to spend christmas with my uncles and aunts. It was a different noche buena for us as we've been so used to having just us for noche buena. Last night there were more people and I had all the noise I've been craving for all these months. My cousins and I spent the night teasing each other to death. It was just like the old times-- I could bully my cousins like crazy and get away with it (perks of being the ate!haha) only this time we're a bit older to do all the crazy stuff we used to do. Pigged out again with the traditional hamon, queso de bola, bbq, etc. There was even goto with isaw and a GSM blue spiked punch. Bobsi and I even got to watch Zaido and laugh our hearts out while watching the outrageous costumes. I credit the show for its creativity but di ko pa din carry ang costume designs! hahahaha.

My uncle asked me how come I never seem to run out of energy. I told him that when in manila, bawal ang matulog!bawal ang mag pahinga!bawal ang magkasakit! I will just sleep when I get back to KL. hehe.

Merry Christmas everyone.

The Runaway Lecturer...

2007-12-17T17:37:00.000+08:00

It was a scene out of possibly a telenovela or one of those soap operas where the heroine has to find a way to run away from a villain. A true battle of wits that in the end that one who emerged victorious was the one who managed to outsmart, outrun and outlast the other. Mala survivor ika nga or pwede ding Amazing Race (Broga version?)

I thought it would just be an ordinary day. I had nothing much to do but I chose to report to the office in order to hit the gym and do some admin work. I was perfectly relaxed and after 2 hours of excercise I was prepared to just bore the day away (perhaps even catch an episode of private practice in between). But no, life has a way of twisting your day up into a pandora's box of surprises. An hour into my "semi automatic boring day" my life's peace was disturbed.

Like the princess in the enchanted, I had to think fast (syempre feeling princess, sayang lang walang mcdreamy to come and rescue me!). Thank God I had a long history of skills in scriptwriting and managed to concoct an elaborate script to escape. And with the help of some equally talented confederates, we managed to pull off the great nottingham escape. haha. It could rival the intricate plans of michael and lincoln in prisonbreak, with a slight detour to a place we fondly call "yu'sless" for some nasi ayam and nasi goreng pataya plus a sidetrip to the putu bamboo place (of course importante ang may baon diba?!). After several tense minutes, I was able to board a taxi to freedom. I was armed with only the essentials-- my wallet, my keys, my two mobile phones and my baon na puto bamboo. I left the rest of my stuff in my room. I just couldn't risk going back. ..Medyo chaka nga lang kasi naman di ko nafactor in sa great escape ang getaway bag ko. For the lack of a better alternative I had to make do with a pink plastic bag like the one they use in the palengke. hahaha.. Oh God, nakaka wapoise.

In the end I managed to outrun the halimaw sa banga, at least for now. Last I heard, my informants told me he left the building. I guess napagod din siyang bantayan ang pinto ng kwarto ko. It was scary though. And for a few moments, I felt a sense of panic building up in me. But I realized I didn't have the time to be scared so I had to push it out of my head. I had to think fast. And I had to use my brains rather than wallow in my fears.

I'm celebrating my small victory by cooking and thanking the heavens for the gift of great friends.

Once upon a time, everytime I would get into some weird mess, my friend would always be there to rescue me from my bloopers. When he left I thought I'd never find that kind of friend again. I was wrong. I may not have found someone like him, but instead I found many others who could be there to help me when I fall. So maybe I'm better off now. Coz instead of one, I have plenty.

Sabi ni Rok, "Ang haba ng hair mo day!"

Magnet ng stalker. Yikes. Pwede bang iba na lang?

One more chance...

2007-12-07T21:47:00.000+08:00

I thought about it maybe once or twice, generally in passing, but often I shoved it at the back of my head. Why? I don't know. Perhaps it was because I've seen so many stories like that and didn't want to be part of yet another casual statistic. Perhaps, it was because I knew it was something not possible. Or maybe perhaps at the back of my head I knew that if things were possible I knew it might work out, but somehow after all the times I've fallen flat on my face, I never want to risk rocking theboat again.

So now I'm left with a list of maybe's and what ifs. Although I don't have regrets, I find myself wondering still what if. I think this is due to Popoy and Bashia's melodramatic moments plus the enchanting romance of mcdreamy and giselle in enchanted. Haay namoody tuloy ako. hahaha. But generally I am okay. I'm kinda happy with all these things. I'm very happy for my friend. I think I'm just in that Julia Roberts' phase in My Best Friend's Wedding. It's just a phase. I want it to be just a phase.

Of all the what if's and maybe's, there's one that I find myself being lonely for at this moment-- the one I look forward to whenever i'm about to leave. I don't think it'll happen again. My friend Wilai is right, nakasanayan eh. Mahirap talaga pag nasanay. ..

Yun nga lang ang nakasanayan, pwedeng sanaying wala na din.

I had too many one more chances. Unfortunately this time, time ran out.

For now.

***
Kasalanan to ni classmate. :P

Some Random Thoughts, One December Night

2007-12-03T19:50:00.000+08:00

Perhaps it's the uncanily cold weather that makes the wind smell like christmas or the brightly lit lights that traverse the streets or the mini christmas trees that fill the insides of the malls. Or maybe it's just the nostalgic feelings brought about by the wedding of a friend and the news of a newfound interest of another.

But whatever it is, I just feel profoundly sentimental tonight. I'm a hodgepodge of emotions from utter delight to happiness to twinges of loneliness and regret. I guess you could say, tonight is a "halo halo" of emotions. And as I ramble these lines in my blog I can't help but smile and wonder, is this what they call bliss?

Yes. Bliss. Despite the sadness accompanying the nostalgia, I am happy. Something about the air here makes it filled with bliss. There are some things I refuse to think of maybe because i just dont want to spoil this moment of rarity--when things, though not perfect, is simply all right.

I can't help but think though of someone who used to be part of the bliss. Is he happy too? Does he know about her? I just hope that wherever he is, he would also find his bliss.. just like i found mine tonight.

Tama si wilai.. minsan ayaw mo na tlagang umalis...pero ang bawat hello may goodbye.. ang bawat simula may dulo.....

525,800 minutes in Malaysia

2007-11-28T17:27:00.000+08:00

five hundred twenty five
thousand six hundred minutes
five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear
five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
how do you
measure? measure a year

in daylights,
in sunsets,
in midnights,
in cups of coffee,
in inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife

in five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
how do you
measure a year in a life?

Right now it's almost 5pm in my watch. 525,800 minutes ago my plane was taxiing out of the NAIA runway and I was looking at my final glimpse to the place I called home for 30 year.

That's right. It's been a year since I moved to Malaysia. Who would have thought that I would survive? hahaha. I still remember the night before I left. I played badminton one last time at GBC and Luis and I had our last traditional "drive home." It was semi emotional in a way for me. And part of me didn't want to leave at all. I even held off packing my luggage until 4am of my departure date. Talk about delaying tactics. I cried when November 28 finally came. I remembered crying to mom and asking her that should I want to would it be okay for me to go back. I didnt want to disappoint her but at the same time moving away and leaving everything that mattered most to me was just too damn hard.

Ves took me took me to the airport with fr ben. We drove through jollibee to have my last meal on my beloved Kia sportage. Hurriedly I rushed to the insides of NAIA terminal 1 so that I wouldnt have to cry infront of my sister.

Now here I am a year later. When I left I made a bargain with myself and told myself just see it for a year and then decide afterwards. If I survive one year I will be okay.

I did. And I think I more than survived. And now looking back, I know I would have made the biggest mistake if I didnt at least try this adventure. Sure, there were downsides and times when I just want to completely pack my bags and go home for good. But there were lots of good times too. I may have gotten sick a lot but I also learned a lot. I learned more about myself than perhaps any other time in my life. And when I grow old I would always look at this life changing event as perhaps one of the best adventures of my life.

I left Manila to find myself again after everything I went through. Now 525,800 minutes later, I've befriended myself again and not only that I've learned to remember him in better times. I've learned to cherish the good and wash away the bad. And I've learned to forgive.

So what will happen now? I really don't know. I still have two more years in my contract. We'll see how that one goes.

For now, life goes on...

five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes
five hundred twenty five thousand journeys to plan
five hundred twenty five thousand suix hundred minutes
how do you measure a life of a woman or a man

in truths that she learned
or in times that she cried
in bridges he burned
or the way that she died

its time now to sing out though
the story never ends
let's celebrate remember a year in a life of friends

Singapore Finds

2007-10-17T15:17:00.000+08:00

I have to admit I am addicted to shoes.

There is something about shopping for shoes that makes my heart flutter and my eyes twinkle. My mom tells me that I have so much shoes already but I feel that unless I end up having 3,000 pairs of shoes like Imelda does, I don't think I'll ever have enough. I always find myself browsing through shoe stores and trying on my next must haves or search for discounted pairs that would be too hard to resist. One of the joys of finally landing a good job is being able to shop without guilt for the shows I love.

While in Singapore last Saturday I gave in to my inner child by splurging on my favorite accessory. We checked out Charles and Keith at Vivo city mall on our way to Sentosa Island and saw that there was a sale. Charles and Keith was quite expensive back in Manila so seeing them priced so reasonably in Singapore was like manna from heaven! haha.

I instantly fell in love with a pair of bronze 3 .5 inch high heels with a velvet ribbon. It was quite high but man did it feel so nice (Forget varicose veins, I'm getting these darn shoes!) After about forty minutes of browsing (i'm a quick shopper) I came out 100SGD poorer but much much happier with my nice finds. I also bought a pair of black pumps (I call it the sensible classic pumps) for work and a pair of black leather flats that were to comfy to resist.There were other designs that I would love to buy but I stopped myself or else I might end up spending my entire salary on these lovely creations.

I was kinda worried going back as the malaysian customs might question my purchases. Fortunately I breezed through easily. Whew! When I got home I immediately tried them on and walked all around the house. haha. It reminded me of the things I did when I was a kid whenever mom would take ves and me shoe shopping. We'd always model our finds at home.

After modeling my new finds, I carefully wrapped them back in their original boxes and stored them in my cabinet. I wish I had one of those gigantic shoe cabinets o I can arrange them in a display fashion but I guess labelling the boxes will have to do for now.

If love makes the world go round, then shoes make the walking around the world lighter. :)