I remember having a recurring dream all these years--about me being sent back to highschool and needing to finish some unfinished subject that I seem to have forgotten. I used to dream that dream every semester in college till I finished my MA. Then it would come once in a while again. Usually it would come when I am most stressed and I would be feeling blue about something that was about to happen in school.
Two nights ago I had the same dream again. But this time I was happy to be back in school. It was like the previous one I had (right after I moved to Malaysia). This time however, P was there. For some reason he was in that dream too this time. He was back to his old self-- the P that used to care for me- the one I called my second bestfriend. He was happy to see me again. He was saying something about things being all right for me and how he would be there. I dont know if the dream happened in the future or was it in the past (when we were still friends). But I do know that in that dream the sad events of 2006 did happen and it was like the first time we got back together since that event. Kinda weird I know.
But despite the weird scenario I remember waking up feeling extra happy. Not because I dreamt of him but because it made me remember the happy memories we once shared. Maybe it was due to the fact that I needed some happy thoughts that morning since I was starting my treatment for my cysts. Or maybe because I know his birthday is soon coming up. And if things didnt end up badly last year I'd probably be planning some surprise by this time.
Back to the dream-- it was just like that-- a happy memory. And though it may appear that I am still hung up on him, I know I'm not. I believe that the dream was telling me that he did fulfill his promise-- that we'd always be friends despite everything. Even if it was only a dream. At least I got to feel him to be there again.
It brought back memories of the time I took my comps exam and I was feeling so bad after the first day. I remember calling him on the phone and crying because I felt I was going to flunk. He told me to meet him and the chuts' gang for lunch and we ate at mushroom burger. Afterwards he took me to see troy in Robinson's Metroeast. He spent the entire afternoon cheering me up. Two months later when I got my results, he was the first one to come and greet me congratulations. I still remember that day. He was not in his best moment after suffering his own heartbreak but he still shared my special day with me. He skipped work and instead went off to fetch me for lunch. He surprised me that day by showing up in SB coz he was just telling me that he was off to work on the phone. Mas masaya daw mag celebrate
So many moments that I hardly remember now. And the dream brought them all back. It was fitting because that morning I knew my world will change anew. I won't be the same hazel again. I'll be back in my weird body again.
I know I can never hate him. And despite everything he will always be one of my dearest friends.
Knowing that even if only in my dreams he was there for me was enough to keep me smiling.
Who knows in the future right?
Maybe we could even laugh together again.
I can dream can't I?