Thursday, December 29, 2005

What makes you want to wake up...

From Cha's blog...the question was: what really makes you want to wake up in the morning? whatever you answer to that is what you should direct your efforts at. that's where you should go.

I like to read cha's blog. It always have some words of wisdom that drives me to reflect and think about my own life.

What does make me want to get up every morning? I wish I could provide a simple answer to that but the risk of getting permanently barred from the house is keeping me from doing so. But I do know the answer. The moment I read Cha's blog, I knew right away what was my answer to that eternal question. I've always known the answer. I just wish I have the guts to voice it out publicly.

Maybe that is what's wrong with me. Maybe I think to much. Maybe I reflect too much. Maybe I just ought to act and do whatever makes me want to still wake up.

I wake up each morning with the hope that one morning i'd wake up and everything will fall in its rightful place. Toni once remarked that I had the patience of a saint. No I don't. I just do what I have to do.

Sana simple lang lahat.

But to bring back cha's word's of wisdom again, Kelan ba naman namin ginusto ang simple?


After 18 years I had my first tooth extraction yesterday. It wasn't as painful as I imagined it would be. In fact it wasn't painful at all. It actually came as a surprise that I didn't feel anything. I was expecting the worst. I was a walking nervous wreck all the way to george's clinic. But the moment doc wit art injected that skin test of lidocaine, I knew it was gonna be okay. The entire thing was over in less than 15 minutes. More than 24 hours later I still have to feel the pain.

Of course there are the hitches. My wound didnt stop bleeding until 7am today. And I'm currently feverish. All considered normal given my abnormal conditions. Hopefully the bleeding won't return or else I'd find myself back to the ER again.

One of my biggest fears in life is going to the dentist. 20 years ago, a botched procedure made me fear dentists for life. The sound of the drill or the mere mention of any dental procedure terrifies me. One time I even kicked a dentist who tried to look at my teeth. ouch! It took more than a year of psychological (and physiological din) preparations to get this extraction done. And if not for george and his funny faces, I would not have gone through it at all.

Now I only hope that my fever recedes soon. I'm bored to death here at home. I miss badminton.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

The Blessings of Christmas

party05012anongbawaluminom-copy.jpg'Last night I celebrated noche buena with the Angeles Family. Funny how a bunch of strangers turned out to be almost family. They had gifts overflowing under their christmas tree. Laughter was everywhere that I found myself reminiscing of the olden days when my christmasses were filled with such laughter as well. When I was a kid we used to go home to Davao for Christmas and I get to bond with my cousins there. Papa Ernie used to dress up as Santa using giant red japanese papers and cotton balls for a beard. Then he would distribute our gifts one at a time much to our gleeful delight.party05044theboysdaw-copy.jpg'

Gone are those days. We're all old now. Most of my cousins are either abroad or living far away. There are no more family reunions at christmas. And with the events of the past two days,it didn't sound like it was going to be a gleefully delightful xmas as well.
But nevertheless I find myself grateful this Christmas. I realized that I may have lost the old christmas traditions that characterized my youth but I also gained a lot of blessings in the process. And for that I am grateful
This year I received so much blessings that I don't think i'll ever thank enough. I won my first championship in badminton despite losing my racket.

party05028etopoanglasing-copy-copy.jpg'I passed my phd comps. I even got to get off my medications after more than two years. For the first time since Feb 18, 2002 I am actually normal.

party05034winnerkatalagageorge-copy-copy-copy.jpg'I gained a new tropa this year too-- a tropa that would change the way my tths life goes. But perhaps the greatest change and blessing of this year was the friendship I found along the way.v

This year I found a friendship that changed the way I viewed life.
I found a friend who helped me see things in different ways that I can never imagine. This year life became so different but a lot lot happier. I used to be trapped in a world of books and make believe. I didn't have much of a life. I was happy but there was something missing. But this year it became different. party05082ibangposenaman-copy.jpg'

This year I found a friendship that opened a door of adventures and wonder. This year, I found a friendship that made life's struggles worth it-- I found someone who could make me smile even at my most darkest moments; someone who made me the happiest and saddest person at the same time-- someone who made me feel that its okay to be ME and someone who made it appear that it didnt matter whether I had a phd appended to my name or not. Someone actually saw me beyond the perfect persona I tried to create and saw the ordinary girl that lurks behind it all. What made it perfect was the fact that with him, it felt okay just be that ordinary girl.

party05071peterandhazel-copy.jpg' This year I found a friendship that has lasted more than a decade of life changes and growing up. We both grew up this year. In a way, we both refound ourselves despite the messes we went through. And through it all, we were there for each other. Throughout our kulitans and asarans, I found my bliss. And in the process I found me. Through this blessing I realized that what makes me happy is what matters though it may sound crazy to some. And for the first time in my life I finally took the courage to follow my heart. It may sound complicated to some and its actually driving some people nuts but it's actually a simple relationship-- a simple friendship made special by two kindred spirits.

party05041thegirls-copy.jpg'That is the blessing of this christmas. This Christmas and this year, I finally found where I belong. And whereever it may lead, I am just happy that life chose me to be given such a wonderful blessing.

If I were to live 2005 again, I'd choose no other way. I'd still choose the same rugged paths. I wouldn't have 2005 any other way.

Thank you.

Friday, December 23, 2005

My Grown Up Christmas List

I used to pray to Santa every christmas to give me a really nice gift. And years after I discovered that Santa and my parents were one and the same, I still pray for his magic to visit me every christmas time. This year is no different. I still hope that santa will listen and deem me nice enough to give me my christmas list. I do not wish for much now-- gone are the days of barbie dolls and toys. I have a simple wish this christmas-- I wish I could celebrate a christmas without tears.

I wish that I could finally be free from all the sad events that seem to haunt me.
I wish I could finally be free to just be me.
I wish I could make her understand that I am not perfect but I am happy.
I wish I could make her realize that my happiness is may not be happiness for others but its happiness for me
I wish she would understand that my dreams are mine and I can't live hers for me.
I wish I could smile again.
I wish he would call.
I wish I'd win the lotto so that I don't need to go through these crappy things.
I wish I get to finally find the guts to go for my heart's innermost desires and go for it.
I wish he was here.
I wish I finally get to hear the words I've so long to hear.

I had a magical moment last night that made it all worth it. And for that my heart still hopes that maybe one day my grown up list will finally come true.

Well, I'm all grown up now.
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Sleepy Moments

I feel extremely sleepy right now. I want to curl in my bed and just forget about the things I have to do and just rest. ...Practiced for 7 hours yesterday with matching shaddow drills and the dreaded planting rice (or should I say planting shuttlecock). Why do I torture myself? Coz I don't want to look like a fool on sunday. We have another tournament coming up (our last for the year) and although its a fun tournament I don't want to let my partner down. We've always been successful as a partnership and I don't want to break the trend. =) Win or lose, we've always done our best. Kahit pa nung pareho kaming may hangover sa court. hehehe.

Inaantok na talaga ako

Monday, December 12, 2005

Kris Kringle Nights

My vocabulary expanded over the weekend. I never knew that there exists a word such as "kachumba." In truth, there is none-- but out of the blue, the never heard of word was introduced to me by Mark. A by product of being drunk I guess. Not to mention 3 hours of playing badminton nonstop with no rest. The gang's usual weekend.

Over the past three weekends, we've been having kris kringle nights. Gifts cannot exceed 20.00 (Napakadami palang mabibili sa 20 pesos) and it should follow the theme for that week (Something long and hard, something soft & chewy, something hygenic) . For some reason, my "mother" decided to give me an endless supply of mentos. Well at least last night, he/she decided to add on a bar of soap (opened), toothbrush, rejoice and vaseline shampoo sachet (unfortunately allergic ako dun) and a piece of sanitary napkin (wow! alam niya na meron ako!!) to the my weekly supply of mentos. Kaloka. Whoever my "mommy" is, naku! humanda siya sa kin!.. As for my baby, lost child pa din siya.. Di pa rin niya gets na ako ang mom niya (Sino ba naman kasi ang maglalakas loob na mang asar sa yo no?!!!). Pero "he" claims he knows who my "mommy" is. I'm sure gusto na niya akong sapukin sa king mga ever "creative" gifts. hahaha.

The gang set another record last saturday. We stayed up until 4:30 am at Len's just laughing our hearts out and teasing each other to death. I never knew that there exists a person who can't say the letter "r" (Peace mama yen!) . We laughed about the most mundane things. Even just saying each other's name brought about fits of laughter (Petel, geoge, mak, macle, hasel, etc.). Luis called for several timeouts coz he couldn't breathe anymore. Peter didn't have a watch and my celphone and I took a break from each other so no one really bothered to look at the time.

We had our usual menu of food, beer, and asarans. I cooked hotdog, pesto and invented a new cheese dip. Lahat ng absent ginisa. Pati ang present ginisa din... It was a great night indeed. George didn't leave us for one thing. Twitheart made it to the long goodbye session without falling asleep and we finally saw Luis feel tired (siya ang natulog!). We had lengthy discussions about some serious stuff (wish!!) like the great girlie question, "which is the better napkin, non wings or with wings?" Peter even gave us a mini lecture on how to use a tampon (at pano niya alam? ewan!). George also gave a demo on how to use disposable ear currettes (pangtanggal ng tutuli for short). It just shows how bonded our group is that everything is almost an open book about us. Conversations went from one topic to another (nahihilo na nga si partner eh!). And no one was spared from the teasings---Len's "Brrrr", George's "hair" (or lack of it), Mark's "kachumba", Macre's "maam len!", Luis' "ref", Raffy's "T" (yung nawawala!), Peter's "hongdeng razor" (mag shave ka na daw kasi! hehehe) and lots more. Even I had to endure several "hazel" moments.

I can't wait for saturday night once more.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005


This morning, my hospital rounds brought me to the ICU once more. Topher was sent there after being brought down to the wards the week before. He celebrated his 12th birthday in the hospital and I wanted to check if he got the gift I sent him. He was jolly despite the gloomy surroundings. But he was also worried because he had blisters all over his wrists and legs. Somehow, he developed an alergic reaction to the micropore tape nurses use to hold his IV lines. Visiting Topher is always a bliss. He's so talkative and cheerful that you'd never guess that he is seriously ill (he has end stage chronic renal disease and needs a transplant to save his life).

I think the ICU is the saddest place on earth. So many sick kids and it makes you feel helpless. Everywhere, you hear alarm bells ringing and nurses scampering to aid a seriously ill patient. Parents are not allowed inside the ICU so the kids there are all by themselves. Aside from Topher, there were other patients that we visited like this young girl who was admitted for chronic anemia but developed severe infections afterwards. Tubes run all over her comatose body. Another teenager is comatose for viral encepalitis and this morning I witnessed him suffer from seizures. In the intermediate ICU, one of my patients Ian was also seriously ill. Just last week he was bubbly and healthy. This week, he's attached to so many tubes that you hardly recognize him.

I left the ICU with a heavy heart. My head was also pounding. It drains me to see these young children suffer so much. But perhaps what drains me more is knowing that there's nothing I can do about it.

Then I remember Topher's smile. And it gives me hope-- that maybe someday the other kids would also smile like him. And maybe it's not futile to visit the ICU after all. I just life would be a little less sad for these kids.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Survey (again)

1.YouR HoRoSCoPe?
:: Aquarius

2. SiNGLe oR TaKen?
:: It's complicated. =P

3. iN LoVe?
:: Forever

4. HaVe You eVeR BeeN SeRiouSLY HuRT BY THe PeRSeN You LoVeD
:: yes. It's part of the package that comes with loving.

5. WHaT WouLD Be YouR ReaSoN iF You TuRNeD SuiCiDaL?
:: I really have no idea. I think I value life too much to even contemplate on suicide.

6. iS SuiCiDe ReaLLY KiLLiNG YouRSeLF?
:: It's not living the life you're meant to live.

7. CouNTRY oR CLaSSic?
:: In what sense? Furniture-- any.

8. PReFeR CuTe/iDioT oR SMaRT/uGLY?
:: smart/ugly na lang. I hate talking to people who make no sense

9. aRe You iN a STaBLE ReLaTioNSHiP WiTH YouR BF/GF?
:: Boy na friends and Girl na friends.

10. You`D eXPeCT a TeXT MeSSaGe uSuaLLY FRoM
:: anyone but peter (peace!!!)

11. HaVe a BeST FRieND THaT iS in the oPPoSiTe GeNDeR?
:: yes.

12. WHaT Do You LiKe DoiNG WHeN YouR DePReSSeD

13. CHeeRFuL oR BoRiNG
:: cheerful... kakaiba ang trip sa buhay

14. DeSCRiBe a PeRFeCT DaTe?
:: spending time with the person who makes you feel that every ordinary moment is an extraordinary time. .. eating bbq in the fast food with the one who makes you smile.

:: Never bothered to ask.

16. eVeR BeeN HuRT BY LoVe?
:: Several Times

17. WiLL You eVeR MaKe THe SaMe MiSTaKe aGaiN?
:: We have our stupidity moments or should I say weak moments but I try to learn with each mistake :p

18. eVeR HaTeD aNYoNe LiKe HeLL???
:: almost

19. WHaT WiLL You Do WHeN a PeRSoN BReaKS uP WiTH You aFTeR oNeDaY?
:: I have no idea. Feel hurt I guess. But learn to live.

20. GiVe oNe WoRD THaT BeST DeSCRiBeS WHaT You`Re FeeLiNG Now?
:: sleepy but happy (ay three words pala yon)

21. Do You BeLieVe iN YouRSeLF?
:: most of the time I do.

:: hmmm.. pag katangahan lang.

23. eVeR VeRBaLLY HuRT YouRSeLF?
:: negative self talk at times during tournaments

24. MoTTo iN LiFe
:: live each moment as if it was your last; love with all your heart.

25.WHaT iS YouR PuRPoSe iN LiFe
:: to love and make a difference in another person's life

26. HaVe You eVeR HaD FeeLiNGS aBouT a FRieND FroM The oPPoSiTe GeNDeR?
:: what kind of feeling? Hate? yes. Love? Hmm.. no comment na lang. hahahaha

27. iF YeS, WhaT DiD You Do
:: Ask my girlfriends.=P I used to be the bravest girl in the world when it comes to dares, now, I don't know what happened.

28. iS FaMe & MoNeY THe MoST iMPoRTaNT THiNGS iN YouR LiFe?
:: Not the most important but you do need some of it. I know what matters to me.

29. Do You MaKe aNY MoVeMeNTS oR SouNDS WHeN You`Re SLeePiNG?
:: turning from sides to sides. unconscious shadow play with my arm (mimicking my badminton swings)

30. aRe You DiFFiCuLT To WaKe uP?
:: i can answer the phone after one ring while asleep.

31. HoW oFTeN Do You SLeeP?
:: depends on the day. TTHS-- barely. Sundays-- WHOLE DAY

An (extra) ordinary weekend

Spent another weekend with my good friends playing badminton, pigging out on food, and laughing our hearts out until 3am today. I guess, you could call it tradition now-- we play then we eat and party. Yesterday, we decided to go marketing instead of the usual potluck. Len and I went to Marikina wet market last friday to do shopping for our dinner last night (Filipino dishes was our theme). I cooked tokwat baboy and salsa (for the chips) while len made tahong & shrimp soup and raffy broiled liempo. Karen also made pasta and dessert.

We played at Greenpark first. I had a great game with Mike Liit againsta Peter and Aldwin. My knees nearly gave out due to fatigue but it was worth it. Mike and I were able to win 1 set against our formidable foes. Kei and I also partnered in womens doubles and had a blast running all over the court. We came from an 8 point deficit to win one set. Though we lost a lot of games, it was fun nonetheless. It was never about winning but getting to practice some new tricks and learning new plays. After play we headed out to Len and George's house.

Our kris kringle is already on its second week and our theme this week is "something soft and chewy." My mommy kringle appears to have an affinity for mentos that I received another pack of it for this week. Last week he/she also gave me one for "long and hard." I can't wait to find out who he/she is. mababatukan ko yon. hehehe. We also posted our wish lists on the garage walls. My wish? Anything but mentos. hehehe. My "baby" is still clueless about my identity. And I can't wait for my baby to discover who I am. Im sure that he/she (secret kung anong gender!!)would love to clobber me now after all the gifts I've given. Kung alam lang niya na ako yon at di ang mga suspects niya.hahahaha

We had a blast laughing all night. George nearly clobbered me with the stool when I told him that my wish for him is to have more hair. hehehe. I was running all over the garage trying to dock away from him. We had a grand time lambasting our "favorite" folks and "okraying"each other out. Even Daddy stayed with us for some time to give Karen her usual "homily." But the most unforgetable part for me was when Karen said those "magic words." I nearly choked the coke I was drinking in shock. Hopefully everyone was too drunk to remember it. =P

It was already 3:30 in the morning when I got home. Peter, Luis and I finally said goodbye to our barkada at around 3:15. Of course, it took us forever again to get out. Sabi nga ni peter, isang oras ang paalaman sa barkadang ito.

We rarely get to appreciate ordinary things in life. Most of the time we forget about them. But then you realize that its the ordinary things that are the most extraordinary. And it makes you appreciate these ordinary events more. One time, a friend asked me why I never get bored with my barkada-- we talk about the same thing three times a week and we're all practically together almost every day.

I have a simple answer to that-- because these ordinary folks make life extraordinary. And moments that seem so simple become so special.

my life became extraordinary when you came along. thank you.

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

The Moments That Take your Breathe Away

"Live life not by how many breathes you take but by the moments that take your breathe away"

1. Tagaytay bonding with friends.
Our barkada decided to go on a food trip and trekked over to Tagaytay last Monday. We had lunch at The Grill by Antonio's (bad service, bad food), played billiard, drank coffee (and tsaang gubat for mike) and lovely dinner at Leslie's (made up for the bad lunch!). Nakakamiss din ang bondings na ganun.
2. Eating tawilis and ensaladang mangga at Leslie's Tagaytay.
3. Herb shopping for tita let at Gourmet's cafe.=)
4. The cool sunsets at home.
and capturing it on film.
5. Meeting Topher and Jaime at Pcmc today
Wonder kids who emulate bravery and resilience at its best.
6. Ouch moment at playersbest last night (with the matching sore thumb)
Peter literally took my breathe away when we accidentally collided on court during play. Ouch.My thumb is currently black and blue because of our little accident on court last night. Peace partner! buti na lang kaw yon..hehehe
7. Midnight Dinner with Oliver last night
I don't get to bond with my baby much these days whose so malambing. We literally fell asleep together while watching Ed and Desperate Housewives on cable tv.
8. Big R grocery shopping. =)
Kulitan with Raffy, Len, Gabs, Sophie and ang biglang nabuhay na si Peter while shopping for our respective kris kringles (the 20 peso challenge--something long and hard)
9. Picture taking in tagaytay.
10. Greenwich pizza (minus the pineapple)
At ang walang kasing lakas na tawa ni len.

I've been getting a lot stressors lately and I realized that if not for these moments, I'd be long gone from this world. Literally. It's when you get to have beautiful moments such as these that you realize that life is beautiful despite everything.

:) you taught me to make each moment count. thank you.

Thursday, November 24, 2005


So how does it happen, great love? Nobody knows... but what I can tell you is that it happens in the blink of an eye. One moment you're enjoying your life, and the next you're wondering how you ever lived without them (Alex Hitch, "Hitch")

Sometimes, someone arrives at your doorstep and changes the way you actually live your life. Little by little your life begins to change and without you knowing it, you realize that things are not the same anymore. But Life was so different for me when this year started. Everything changed this year. I used to know what I want and where exactly I want to be next year. Now everything is left in question. I'm actually asking myself all these existential questions that I thought I have answered a long time ago.

I don't feel bad about it. In fact I'm happy. I've never been happier than these past few months. But I also know that I've never felt miserable also as these past few months. How can one be happy and sad at the same time? I think its part of the package. And maybe that's what makes all these things real-- knowing that the one thing that makes you happy is also the one thing that has the power to make you sad. Sometimes I ask myself if what if I just go back to the way things were before-- I was ok then. But I wasn't as happy as well. I was ok. And now okay is not enough anymore.

Life can be unfair at times. Or maybe I'm fast becoming a cynic. Or maybe I just feel tired. Or maybe I just miss the smiles that I look forward to seeing.

I mean, I've waited my whole life to feel this miserable. I mean and if this is the only way I can stay connected with her, then... well this is who I have to be (Albert, "Hitch")

okay back to reality...
" Because that's what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise. you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the *hell* did I jump? But here I am, falling, and the only one that makes me feel like I can fly... is you" (Alex Hitchens)

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Burning Out

It's been only a week since school started and I am slowly yearning for vacation already. I'm starting to feel burned out. And to think I haven't even reached the second chapter of my lectures! This sem is a particularly tough one. I have to (note: have to) finish all that needs to be done--my internship and my dissertation by march. How do I do that I have no idea.

Since Monday I've been suffering from migraines. This is the first time in years since I suffered continous migraines. The last time was when I was 16. I've also become quite irritable. And frankly, there are times when I just want to lock myself up in my room and do nothing.

Two things make me happy these days-- badminton is one. It is the sanity pill in my yucky lifestyle. Even if I feel physically drained, it keeps me up. At least on court, I know I could easily laugh at my errors and try and try again.

I find myself often thinking how I know what would make me happy yet I can't seem to find the guts to go for it. Sometimes I think Lyzet is right-- I'm becoming a turtle with no direction. Argghhh!! I think the problem is I know that if I go for the things that make me happy, the people I love would end up being disappointed with me. And I don't know if I can take that. The psychologist is fast becoming neurotic. hahaha.

The second thing that make me happy is not a thing but a person-- You. Kahit nakakainis ka minsan, you keep me smiling. Sana lang alam mo yun.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Weddings and Championships

Last weekend was a fruitful one. We had our usual saturday night sessions at Len's. It was supposed to be a welcome back party for me (for my 2 day trip to Singapore two weeks ago). I cooked baked mac (special request na elbow macaroni) and salsa. Even helped Len with her laundry before I played. The gang was supposed to stay only till midnight at most but true to form, that never happened. We went home at 2:30 am. Peter was able to influence Mark to drink (kahit bawal coz we have tournament the next day) and the entire gang had a riot picking names for our kris kringle (next week's 20 peso challenge: long and hard).

Sunday, I was suddenly awakened by Len's phone call at 6am telling me our games was rescheduled earlier. From 9 am it was moved to 8am. I found myself rushing to the bathroom for a quick cold shower and driving like mad to Len's house. I drank two cans of revicon Ion energy drink to wake me up. The barkada was playing in a benefit tourney at the Alabang Raquet club for the benefit of national team member Bog's Amahit's mom who has cancer. Despite lacking sleep, we managed to win in the tournament. I partnered with Mark in mixed doubles while macre and len partnered in women's. Mareng Karen partnered with Winky in mixed doubles as well. My first time partnership with Mark proved to be fruitful as we swept our games and captured the XD level 3 championship. Len did a super woman (played double event) and won the WD level 2 championship with Macre. I have a pasa in the forehead as a souvenir, but what the heck, it was worth it. =)

After our games, I rushed home to attend Carly and theodore's wedding at the Oasis Pavillion. It was the most unique wedding I've been to. The bride was wearing flip flops underneath her gown and for cocktails, they served fishballs, squidballs and dirty ice cream. Cute. The ceremony also was quick. It lasted for only 15 minutes or so. But though it was short, it was filled with love. I realized then that it's never about how lavish your celebration is but how much love is there. You could see Carly and Theodore beaming with love and happiness and I wish them nothing but the best.

I wonder what this week holds for me. Last week started with a lot of headaches but ended quite happily. I hope this week is a good one.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Car Less Day

Having my car fixed again today. The overheat opened a pandora's box of problems with my car costing me about 10K already. Today I went back twice to Kia trying to get the parts needed. Fortunately I don't have class. Kundi bad trip to. I realized today how dependent on my car I am already. I can't live without it.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Practice Love(life)

Is there such a thing such as a practice lovelife? Over dinner last night, Lyzet was telling me to find one. And I find myself wondering, is there such a thing?

According to my friend, its the boyfriend (or girlfriend) you never take seriously-- the practice kind-- the one whom you just practice your skills with before you find the real thing. AKA the boylet. I need that according to Lyzet. She even asked Peter to find me one. hehehehe.

A hopeless romantic, I 've never really thought of love that way. I guess I've always believed (and hoped) that when you ask someone to be in a relationship with you, you actually mean it.Perhaps there's something wrong with me, but I find it hard to think of love as a game that you play. I guess I'm just not built that way.

I have to admit I am pathetic at love relationships. I've never had one-- one that is beyond the sort of-almost-but not quite us-pseudo boyfriend-girlfriend kind. Sometimes I end up laughing (or sometimes crying) over my love experiences. They always end up like each other. Talking to my two friends last night, I find myself thinking, is there anything wrong with me? Though I've never had problems with having guy friends around, finding that Mr. Right seems to be taking quite a complicated path. I've always been one of the boys and as much as I am around guys all the time, I often end up as their buddy than their gf.

Two things I know about relationships-- 1. When you love someone, you love them enough to want them to be happy and 2. Treat another person's heart as you want to treat yourself. I think its the second one that's keeping me from resorting to that practice lovelife. How sad it must be to be treated as a panakip butas or practice lady. And I don't want to treat another person as such. Perhaps waiting may take a long time and maybe I am indeed one track minded in the name of love but at least I know that when I give my heart to someone--its the real thing.

One thing my friend told me that I agree with. I've already met him-- the real thing that is. We just haven't "seen" each other yet. Medyo slow kasi kami. =P

I think I know why its hard to find that practice bf. Because my heart has long been taken even if I do not admit it. I cannot give away something I've already given to someone. It's been yours all along.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Faith in People

Last Tuesday, on my way back from Singapore to Manila, I spoke with a fellow passenger on board Tiger Airways. She is the wife of an OFW based in Singapore and was also on her way back from a vacation in the the beautiful country of Singapura. We talked about how clean Singapore was and how it was so efficient. For one thing, they don't have the traffic jams we suffer through everyday. People are very disciplined and rules are followed. She spoke of her plans to migrate there and how she did not like living in the Philippines anymore.

I have to admit, I found myself agreeing with her in a lot of areas. True, our country is pitiful at the moment. Our traffic jams are monstrous and poverty is seen everywhere. I often hear people say that our country is hopeless. Corruption is everywhere and a lot of times, the system disappoints me.

But last Sunday, I found myself realizing why I love this country despite its pitiful condition. I was on my way home from my traditional saturday gimik of badminton and tambay at Len's at around 1:30 am when my car broke down in the middle of UP Balara. My sister as usual panicked (She locked herself inside the car the entire time). We were in the middle of a curve and there was barely any light around. There was also a group of semi-drunk tambays lurking around the corner not to mention the trucks that kept on passing by. After several seconds of shock and denial, I called my own version of rescue 911 (a.k.a. peter--ang forever rescuer ko sa aking mga bloopers) who miraculously answered his phone!!!! (hahahaha!) Peter guided me over the phone on how to fix my overheated car (turned out my water pump broke down, causing the radiator to lose water). I'm not well versed in car language but Peter explained the steps well enough that I understood what to do. He was so calm over the phone that I forgot to panic as well.

After several minutes, a car stopped in front of me and a middle aged lady approached me to ask if I was okay. She just wanted to make sure I wasn't alone and that I wasn't injured or anything before she drove off. A few minutes later again, a manong who lived across the street came up to me and offered to help. He went with me to the nearby car wash to get additional water for my radiator. By then Luis also called and volunteered to bring more water (it turned out Peter called him to assist me coz he lived nearby). I declined the offer since I was able to get more water and was about to try to get the car running again. Another tricycle driver stopped and offered to help. He even called me Maam. After a few more minutes, my car finally ran again. And I drove home.

I was touched by their generosity. Imagine, I was a complete stranger yet they all took time out to help. Even the lady stranger who was probably on her way home was so nice. Even if she just stopped to see if I was okay, it was such a nice thing to do.

I called Peter when I finally got my car running again. He waited for me to get home safely and gave me more instructions on how to bring my car to the mechanic the next day (Thank you talaga partner). Even Luis waited up for me too. They are my living angels. Despite feeling extremely tired, I was actually smiling before I trekked to bed.

Sunday morning, my mom asked if I ever plan to migrate abroad. We spoke about how beautiful singapore was. But I found myself answering that despite everything, I'd still like to stay in the Philippines-- not for the traffic or the hassles of daily life--but because in our country people are basically good if you give them a chance. There are still angels in the Philippines if you take time out to look.

There are still heroes out there. We just have to keep faith. So I may be stupid for not wanting to leave just yet-- but I have now several more reasons to stay-- my two friends and the three nameless strangers who brought back my faith in the people of my home.

Friday, November 04, 2005

My Body..the weird

Had my checkup yesterday morning. My platelets are up again and so are my other blood results. That's good news given the fact that I've abused my body so badly the past couple of weeks. The gimiks of our badminton group have led us to sleep at 3:00 am almost every day for the past two weeks. Funny, that yesterday my hemoglobin count finally went normal. For months I've been getting low counts and my doctor was advising me to take some iron supplements. Ironic, kung kelan pa palagi kong puyat at lasing, dun pa siya normal.. My body.. the weird talaga.

I'm gonna miss these afternoons when school starts again. I wish it was vacation forever.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Walang Magawa kaya Survey Na lang..

Serbey again... (courtesy of Ina's blog!)
-huling taong kinausap mo?

Si Vesper.
-ano kulay ng damit mo ngayon?
Fuschia Pink and blue
-kamusta ka naman?

Eto Inaantok
-anong ginawa mo ngayong araw na to?

Sleep, eat, watch tv, check my email, surf the net...for short katamaran
-ano nasa paligid mo?

The bed
-may alaga ba kayong pusa?

Of course!!si olie, hospy and mozart.
-malamok ba dyan?

-marunong kang kumanta?

medyo. carry ko naman ang kumanta ng nasa tono.
-kelan ka huling natawa ng malakas?

kagabi while out with Mark, Macre, and Peter. Walang kamatayang tawanan..
-huling tinext mo?

-describe yourself in ONE word?

Romantic (but extremely realistic.)
-huling ginawa mo bago matulog?

Last night? Ay umaga na pala yun.. texted Macre and Peter that I got home na..
-nakapunta ka na ba sa cebu?

yup nung 2004
-huling inutos sayo ng magulang mo?

maglinis ng kwarto
-magulo ba dyan sa lugar nyo?
define magulo? kung magulo as in makalat, yes!! but kung magulo as in may mga bwiset, peaceful kami dito.
-may bf/gf ka ba ngayon?
No comment. Or gayahin na lang natin yung friendster... It's complicated. hehehe
-nakapunta ka na ba sa malabon zoo?

When I was 12 or 13 years old.
-huli mong kinain?

Beard Papa Cream Puff
-huli mong ininom?

Water technically..Alcoholic?--san mig light nung sunday night; non alcoholic & non water?--peppermint tea ng figaro
-huli mong kinanta?

Ang dami naming kinanta kagabi eh. Fallin ata ang last song ko.
-naka-experience ka na ba ng lindol?
Yes. Several times
.-huling tumawag sayo sa phone/cp?

Si Vesper kagabi.
-huling nagbigay sayo ng testi?

Si Marekoy Jeanette
-huling binigyan mo ng testi?

I can't remember..But if you count my thank you notes here in the blog, sina peter,len, mark, macre, and the rest of our cheerers in powerade 3.
-anong oras ka natutulog?

For the last three weeks? 3am.
-nagka sore eyes ka na ba?

Nope and I don't intend to.
-anung sinusuot mo pag natutulog?

Shirt & shorts.
-may malala ka bang sakit?

kaflipan (counted ba yn?). Seriously, I have Idiopathic thrombocytopenic Purpurra. ITP for short. Bleeding disorder.
-anong ginawa mo kaninang 8am?
-may sarili ka bang payong?

.-kelan ka huling nagpagupit?

3 weeks ago.
-nakagat ka na ba ng aso?

nope. pusa several times
-nasan ka kaninang 3pm?

3:18 pa lang.
-kelan ka huling nakakita ng rainbow?

a couple of months ago.
-madalas ka bang magchat?

-nakitulog ka na ba sa bahay ng classmate mo?

Kina ella or kina divina lang madalas.
-fave radio station mo?

96.3 WRock
-kelan ka huling na-badtrip?

Konti last sunday pm.. but yng tunay na bad trip? 3 weeks ago ata yun. Kasi may pasaway.
-nakapunta ka na ba sa megamall?

Naku hindi pa. Syempre naman! may tao bang di pa nakakarating dun?
-nakasakay ka na ba ng pampasaherong bus?:

-ano huli mong napanaginipan?

-san ka ngpnta nung new year?

Sa house lang.
-may kaaway ka ba ngayon?

None that I know of.
-san mo gustong pumunta sa ngayon?

Sa mall. kahit san.
-masungit ba kapitbahay nyo?

Depende kung sino.
-anong kulay ng bag mo?

Kagabi? cream

Videoke Night

Decided to spend November 1 differently this year. Instead of staying home and lazing around the house, I went out with three friends for a night of bonding fun. I slept most of the day off due to our inuman the night before that lasted until 3:30 am (goodbye na lang inabot pa ng 20minutes). When I woke up it was already 3pm. I picked up Mark and Macre at 6:00pm and we met up with Peter in Greenhills shortly after. Driving was a breeze that we made it to Greenhills in less than 15 minutes.

The four of us had dinner together at Tender Bobs then went around the opened shops for some late night shopping. Macre and I had fun checking out The body shop's sale while the guys went to the local hardware store nearby (namiss daw kasi ni mark). We had coffee at Figaro afterwards and had some desserts. I tried their oatmeal fudge bar while macre tried the rum butter cake. The four of us were ready to go home when we decided to go videoke. Peter and Mark had a concert inside World Music Room KTV. May mga hidden talents pala! Peter dedicated "kahit maputi na ang buhok ko" (Sayang walang what a wonderful world) to Mark while Mark did his own rendition of "Quando Quando Quando". We sent MMS messages to Twitheart and Len who were in Tagaytay for a family outing. We had our usual national anthems--macre's breathless and my new version of till they take my heart away. We tried duets but ended up massacre-ring the Company's Now that I have you (mas maganda naman yung take two natin partner diba?hehehe). We were supposed to sing for only an hour but ended up staying till 1am laughing and singing our hearts out. Songs of the night include Whereever you go (twice pang kinanta ni peter!) and Sampaguita's Katawan.

Our videoke night was a different gimik for the four of us. It was actually our first gimik as a group outside the badminton court. Peter and I had fun watching Mark and Macre act so sweet with each other-- may pa HHWW pa. =) It was a nice change to our usual badminton. Of course we still had a usual set of asarans and bloopers. Who could forget our appetizer that ended up being served last at Tender Bobs or our misadventure looking for a CR (mga ayaw magbayad ng 10.00)? We also found ourselves semi-lost in the parking area of greenhills at 1:30 am because our navigator (peace!!) brought us out the wrong way (pasaway kasi, may harang na pasok pa din!). Goodbye took extra long as well-- talagang patagalan ang goodbyes natin no? We even had time to chat for one more time along Meralco Avenue before the four of us separated for good.

It was a perfect ending to a great night. Nothing was planned but we ended up doing all those fun things. I didnt even feel tired despite the fact that we've been going home in the wee hours of the morning for the past 2 weeks. And even though we see each other almost everyday an barely separate for a few hours, we never seem to run out of things to talk about.

Great food, great songs, great company-simply perfect.

Videoke Night

Decided to spend November 1 differently this year. Instead of staying home and lazing around the house, I went out with three friends for a night of bonding fun. I slept most of the day off due to our inuman the night before that lasted until 3:30 am (goodbye na lang inabot pa ng 20minutes). When I woke up it was already 3pm. I picked up Mark and Macre at 6:00pm and we met up with Peter in Greenhills shortly after. Driving was a breeze that we made it to Greenhills in less than 15 minutes.

The four of us had dinner together at Tender Bobs then went around the opened shops for some late night shopping. Macre and I had fun checking out The body shop's sale while the guys went to the local hardware store nearby (namiss daw kasi ni mark). We had coffee at Figaro afterwards and had some desserts. I tried their oatmeal fudge bar while macre tried the rum butter cake. The four of us were ready to go home when we decided to go videoke. Peter and Mark had a concert inside World Music Room KTV. May mga hidden talents pala! Peter dedicated "kahit maputi na ang buhok ko" (Sayang walang what a wonderful world) to Mark while Mark did his own rendition of "Quando Quando Quando". We sent MMS messages to Twitheart and Len who were in Tagaytay for a family outing. We had our usual national anthems--macre's breathless and my new version of till they take my heart away. We tried duets but ended up massacre-ring the Company's Now that I have you (mas maganda naman yung take two natin partner diba?hehehe). We were supposed to sing for only an hour but ended up staying till 1am laughing and singing our hearts out. Songs of the night include Whereever you go (twice pang kinanta ni peter!) and Sampaguita's Katawan.

Our videoke night was a different gimik for the four of us. It was actually our first gimik as a group outside the badminton court. Peter and I had fun watching Mark and Macre act so sweet with each other-- may pa HHWW pa. =) It was a nice change to our usual badminton. Of course we still had a usual set of asarans and bloopers. Who could forget our appetizer that ended up being served last at Tender Bobs or our misadventure looking for a CR (mga ayaw magbayad ng 10.00)? We also found ourselves semi-lost in the parking area of greenhills at 1:30 am because our navigator (peace!!) brought us out the wrong way (pasaway kasi, may harang na pasok pa din!). Goodbye took extra long as well-- talagang patagalan ang goodbyes natin no? We even had time to chat for one more time along Meralco Avenue before the four of us separated for good.

It was a perfect ending to a great night. Nothing was planned but we ended up doing all those fun things. I didnt even feel tired despite the fact that we've been going home in the wee hours of the morning for the past 2 weeks. And even though we see each other almost everyday an barely separate for a few hours, we never seem to run out of things to talk about.

Great food, great songs, great company-simply perfect.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Victory at Powerade

powerade3027WinningPartnership-new.jpgThey say that the third try is always the charm. We proved that right last sunday when after 3 tries and 3 different partners at powerade, I finally emerged victorious and won the level 8 women's doubles championship. It was one tournament I'll never forget. After all, it was the first time I qualified beyond the elimination round. The first time I joined powerade last march, I suffered a heartbreaking 0-3 win loss card. During the second powerade, my partner Marie and I improved my standing to 1-2. Unfortunately, pressure and better teams got to us. Now for the third edition of powerade, I teamed up with Taryn and finally emerged victorious--champs at last.powerade3030Werenumber1-new.jpg

Our first game was an easy one. We easily defeated our foes 21-5. The second game was scary-- we lost a 10 point lead to trail 16-13. We had a lot of errors that our opponents took advantage of.

powerade3031hazelanongdramayan-copy.jpgFortunately for us, we were able to regroup in the end and managed to squeeze in victory at 21-19. The last elims match was another easy win. We went up against my perpetual groupmate Bing and her new partner Match. We won easily 21-6. From the semis till the finals, I think I was in a perpetual daze. I kept on throwing up in between games due to tension. I forced myself to eat endless bananas to keep my strength up. Peter sized up our semis match and told us we were up against a strong team. True enough, they were both masipag on court and nearly killed us with their crosscourt drops. Taryn was on that game and proved to be one hell of a partner when she took control of the game for us. We won and found ourselves on our second trip to the finals.powerade3012posemunakami-copy.jpg
The round robin finals pitted us against my old partner Marie and Binky and another pair of ladies. We went up against Marie and Binky in the first round in a thrilling 3 set match that lasted for 1 hour and 20 minutes. Taryn and I lost the first set 12-15 but came back in the second set 15-5. It was such a thrilling match. We were running all over the court and only our will power and peter's cheers kept us going all throughout. Binky and Marie had a band of cheerers but partner Peter did his one man show for us. He gamely cheered and coached us during the match. Len also arrived in time to give us game tips. Honestly, I was lost by then. I even took a nasty fall on court. But Taryn, Peter, and Len kept me going.

During the third set, Binky collided with Marie and destroyed her racket in the process. We took advantage (it was a tournament after all) and captured the match 15-9. I was screaming all over the court with joy when we were declared winners. My hand was shaking when I signed the umpire's score sheet. Afterwards I just sat in the line man's corner and wept my heart out. Len went up to me afterwards to congratulate me.powerade3015peterhazeltarynandlory.jpg
It was heartbreaking at the same time heartwarming. I was so happy with my victory yet at the same time sad because I took victory away from my own friend and moreso my own partner. Marie was my first successful partnership and we have good chemisty. Taryn and I used to be opponents in fact. But now were the new partners. If there were some way for us to share the championship, I would have gladly chosen that

Our last finals match was an easy win compared to our game against Marie and Binky. We easily defeated our foes in straight set victories. The crowd was long gone by then. Only Peter, lory, Chenai and Malen were there.Our other friends were now concentrated on Len and Macre's own championship game (my amigas also won the championship for level 4). powerade3033ChampsLevel4-new.jpgAnd thus at 6:30pm last sunday, we were officially declared champions.

Last sunday I went to olympic to play badminton. I didnt know that I'd get to play the game of a lifetime. To win the championship in front of the most important people in my life will be a moment I shall cherish forever. And to win in front of one's coach is a moment I'd gladly repeat over and over again. Our more than 1 year of training finaly paid off. Victory never tasted so sweet.powerade3037Thechampions-copy.jpg

The championship would not have been possible if not for these people-- they kept me going and believed in me even when I found it hard to believe in myself. And they taught me that dreams do come true if you believe hard enough and you go for it.powerade3051Championkamipareho-copy.jpg

1. Peter-my one man cheering squad, water boy, coach, alalay, motivator, and friend rolled into one. He's always been there for me not only during the games but also in many ways possible. This one's for you partner.
2. Len-Whatever I know about badminton, I owe it to this lady--my coach and friend who believed in me and taught me that anything is possible if I work for it.
3. Taryn- My partner and friend. Galing mo talaga partner!!
4. Lory, chenai, malen, and our other cheerers (and jeerers)-- whether on or off court, you guys cheered us and pushed us to fight on. For the rest, thank you for challenging us to go beyond our capacities and believe in our dreams
powerade3040Theofficialcheerleaders-new.jpg5. Our opponents especially Marie and Binky-- for giving us the fight of our lives. Great game mga marekoy.
6. Karen,Mark, Macre, George & the Pamilya Badminton- For practicing with us and for believing in us.
7. Weevens- the one who got me stated into competing in badminton tournaments--truly world class ka senyorito.

and for the all the others who I failed to mention, Maraming Maraming Salamat.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

A "Tire"ring Day

The magnet of bloopers strikes again. For the nth time, I was once again rescued by partner in another one of my would be classic bloopers. I went to Len's house to accompany her in grocery shopping for our upcoming Ilocos trip. Was out of sync the whole morning due to lack of sleep and Karen's ground breaking text message. Literally I was a walking zombie. Len and Raf were telling me that I was "windang" the entire time. Even Len's parents' in law noticed how I was out of my self. Who wouldn't be?

As I was leaving Riverbanks to go to Ateneo, I noticed that my car looked slightly different. True enough it was. I had a flat tire! Imagine my shock at seeing my front tire dead flat. My hangover completely disappeared. After 30 seconds of letting it all sink in, I called Len and told her about my wonderful blooper. Len in turned texted my resident super hero/rescuer-- sino pa eh di si Tommy este Peter pala. :) The -one- who- never- text responded so quickly to Len's text that Len wanted to have mass said in his honor. hehehe.

Len and I attempted to change the tire on our own while waiting for Peter. In principle I knew how to change a flat tire. I've assisted in one before (with my other car) but theory doesn't always work perfectly. A manong came by to help us because we really looked pathetic. When he asked for the jack, Len gave him the tire wrench. The look on his face was enough to drive me to fits of laughter.

The night before Ella, Aldwin, Peter and I were even having a discussion about our spare tires and how we've never used ours. I thought it was prophetic in a way--who would have thought that I'd end up using mine just the day after. My flat tire was the perfect ice breaker for Peter and I. I wasn't sure if he would want to talk to me again yesterday after what happened earlier that morning. But he came. And again I saw how he really took time to help me in another one of my classic scrapes. Too many to mention na the times he had to rescue me from my bloopers.

After changing my tire, he went with Len and I to the vulcanizing shop because it turned out my spare was also almost flat. By then it was already past 3pm and we were both color coded for the rest of the afternoon. He could not go home anymore so we ended up going to Len's place and chatting till past 10pm. Macre and Mark wanted to play badminton but ditched plans because of court problems. Macre was so kulit over the phone (no comment lang ang masasabi ko mare.hehehe) Our other set of friends-- Ella, Lyzet and Aldwin also wanted to go out for dinner but we declined. We were both quite tamad to leave our posts. As George mentioned before, mga fixtures na kayo dito sa garden! We feasted on cheeseburgers, cheeseroll, spanish bread, junk food and our favorite choco nuts. We had a grand time teasing each other to death with our never ending stories. I don't know how we do it but we never run out of stories to tell about each other despite seeing each other almost everyday. When George arrived, the two boys had a drinking session while Len and I were the gro's. By the time I noticed it, it was already 10pm.

What can I say? The day started with a bang and ended up in bliss. I was so lost in the morning because of the shocking things that happened and lack of sleep. I was really out of it. But life has a way of giving you lemonade after picking lemons. And I realized that no matter how bad things may seem, rainbows will always appear after the rains. And once again I am shown how much I am blessed with my friends. Peter and Len really took care of me yesterday. I will always be grateful for them.

Someday when I am old and I am asked by God if I had a happy life, I'd think about yesterday and gladly say yes. Life may not be always perfect but with wonderful people in my life, it's almost heaven.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Non Negotiables

Over my 6th beer at 3:00 am this morning, birthday boy Tojie grilled me on the complexities of my so called life. Cha and I were bitching about our current life stressor--thesis and dissertation along with the pressures of getting things done by march. Tojie asked why I keep on going when I could just walk away from my self imposed "shoulds and musts". But I wish it was just that simple. I told Tojie that in my life there are certain non negotiables. The first non negotiable is that I have to finish my phd. It's not a matter of me not being happy about it. I know that I'd never be happy if I don't. And even though I know that I am at a point in my life that I question the very reason why I am doing this, I know that at the heart of it all is that I know I want it. The desire is just getting lost amidst the stress. I always keep my promises. And 12 years ago, I made that promise to myself and my family that I'd finish my phd before I die. I am just fulfilling that promise.

Tojie asked why I make such an effort to make the people around me happy. Why can't I act as if I don't care?Simple lang-- that's not the way I am built. What makes me happy is to see the people I love happy. It doesn't really matter to me if I am happy personally but seeing them happy is enough for me. Call it martyrdom or even stupidity but that's the way I am. It may sound surreal but that is definitely me. I'd do anything to see the people I love happy especially my mom and sister. So even if it kills me, I'd do my best to give them their bliss.

The other non negotiable at present is my comfort zone- the reason why I continue to smile despite the stress of it. It may be perpetually hanging at the moment, but I'd rather have that "limbo" that not have anything at all.

I don't think I'm making much sense right now. Lack of sleep. Hangover from drinking last night. Happy birthday Antover! Dapat sinabi mo agad na birthday mo para we had a party!

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

With Psych People at the birthday celebration of Weevens at Azzuro Bistro Makati

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Kakornihan...The math side of me

Browsing through Kath's blog led me to this site...

For the mathematicians and statisticians in us. I admit some of the jokes are really funny especially when you understand the language. Some samples..

Old statisticians never die they just become nonsignificant.

I'm not an outlier; I just haven't found my distribution yet!


"My life is an experiment I never had a chance to properly design." -- Diana Ballard.

And Life Goes On..

I admit, the past couple of weeks have been a struggle for me both physically and emotionally. The last weeks of school was so hectic that I barely had time to even write here in my blog. Add that to the emotional rollercoaster that I've been going through. Not that I wasn't happy--most of the time I was and I still am. But still, it was one hell of a ride.

One thing I learned though is that no matter what happens or how stressful life may be, life goes on. Even if you don't want to at times, it does go on. And even though things don't look any clearer than the way they were several weeks ago, things eventually settled down to being okay once more. It took one pair of smiles. Babaw no? But that's me, mababaw lang ang kaligayahan.

Lost in a major tournament last week but I was still happy. It was my first mixed tournament outside of the ateneo circles and the pamilya badminton group. My partner was my favorite mixed partner-peter and we breezed through our first two elims. Unfortunately, a case of bad food combinations and hangover from george's birthday did us in the next day and we lost. No one's to blame. We both had our share of errors (lots of it). We're really partners I guess-- if one is playing good, the other one is playing good as well; pero pag bad game naman, pareho na bad game. hehehe.

So now its sem break for me, but I don't really feel it. Still have a lot of lose ends to tie up before I leave for Ilocos next week and Singapore the week after.The questions still remain for now. But as I said earlier, life has to go on.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

The last days of school

Been so busy the past week trying to get everything done. Don't even have time anymore to write here. It's been one crazy week--papers to check, things to do, kids dying, badminton practice--name it.

In a few days it will all be over. I can't wait.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Eclairs & Slides

Sometimes I wish life was a simple slide--you go up and down and just play around.

Sometimes I wish I could walk away from stress and just laze around the whole day.

Sometimes I wish I could simply forget and return to the old times when I didn't care.

Sometimes I wish I could just sit forever at sweet inspirations and eat all the eclairs I could get my hands on.

Sometimes I wish I could just turn off feelings and just say to hell with everything.

Sometimes I wish life was simply simpler- when i didnt have a care in the world about you. I was okay naman then eh. Wasn't that happy but I was okay.

Pero, teka, kelan ko ba naman ginusto ang simple?

Ika nga ni Tojie at Cha, mga masochista kami eh.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

The Perfect Guy

The search for love is often associated with riding a bus. You try various routes and bus lines until you find that perfect match. Sometimes you get to ride a nice airconditioned one, with all the perks that makes the ride great but sometimes the bus also breaks down and you find yourself changing a big flat tire. Or sometimes you just have to get down the bus and try something else.

And we wait for that one perfect bus to drive by.Or simply put--we wait for that perfect person to come into our lives. The great love who would rock our worlds and make us believe that happy endings do happen.

But in the course of my search for that one great love, I realized that there's no such thing as a perfect guy or a perfect match. In fact I don't think I'll ever meet him. No, I am not trying to be pessimistic but let's face it--Is there really a perfect person? Is there really someone out there who was made especially for you to make your world the perfect place?

Over late dinner yesterday I realized how perfection is achieved in the most imperfect packages. When you choose to love someone--you're choosing to LOVE that person just the way they are--perfections and imperfections included. He may actually drive you nuts but he also makes you perfectly happy. My two girlfriends Macre and Len were complaining about the weird antics of Mark and George--how they gross them out because of their weird behaviors. Yet despite that, I saw how my friends are perfectly happy with their imperfect guys. Peter and I were laughing all throughout their stories of George's car bomb explosions and Mark's fairy tale collection. My friends found their perfect match. I remember what Len told me once--that George never fails to make her laugh. While watching my two friends tease their guys to death, I found myself smiling--I'm happy for them and I wish that when my turn comes, I will also find myself perfectly content just like them.

In the movie The Perfect Man Chris Noth's character said that the perfect guy is someone who could be anywhere else in the world but chooses to be there with you because life is simply much better with you around. True. Last Friday, in the mids of my own existential anxieties and insecurities, I found myself remembering that. Sometimes I tend to doubt people especially when things don't exactly go as I planned them to be. It's a sad habit of mine but I am trying to get over it. When I remembered that line from the movie, I found myself feeling peace. He chose to be here right now and not somewhere else. And that is the only thing that matters. Love may not come in the package we idealize it to be but it is there. Sometimes we are just too blinded by our our ideals to see.

The Perfect guy does not exist. And I don't want him. I want someone who is real--someone who will drive me crazy and bug me out but will also make me feel that I am home; Someone who makes be both angry and happy and sad and joyful-- someone who will see that I am basically an ordinary person who lived an extraordinary life. Someone who will make me laugh with the most mundane statement like a whether a top is a trumpo is or whether or not a coke bottle will actually explode when we open it. Someone who is also imperfect like me.

The Perfect person is not someone who comes charging in a white horse out to rescue you from your evil stepmom and sisters. He is someone who comes slowly into your life that makes you feel that life is happy just because he is there. He is someone who makes you smile and makes you feel that it's okay to be imperfect and you don't have to be strong all the time. He is someone whom you choose to love not because he is perfect but because he is not yet you choose him still. He is someone whom you would see at his grossest moment yet you find yourself sticking it out. Likewise, when he sees you commit the most stupid blooper, he is someone who stays put.

Simply put, the perfect person is someone who makes you feel that that by being who you really are is perfection.

He is out there somewhere. Just have faith.

Have I found him? Who knows ;)

The weekend is almost over again. All this idea of perfect people and perfect moments left me feeling nostalgic. The weekend is not perfect but I am perfectly happy about it.

This weekend, I cried and I laughed and I enjoyed every moment of it. Friday night, I was at weevens' party and it was great. I had a joyful time playing dress up with lyzet who was fairy godmother personified. Peter and I had an adventure searching for a dinner place in glorieta and after 4 tries we finally found a restaurant. And who could forget our misadventures in driving that night. Partner ran over a yellow road sign (yung pangharang na no parking) because he didn't want me getting wet in the rain so he drove backwards. We even entered a one way street on our way home only to realize our mistake when we saw how the arrows were pointing towards us and not the other way around. During the party, we had a lengthy discussion about fidelity and relationships. I never realized that partner has a natural flair for psychotherapy.

Yesterday was another badminton day. We played for 7 hours non stop. Peter and I practiced for this saturday's tournament. I also practiced with the girls. We were 16 in all. Despite being courtless, we actually remained one big happy family. After the games, Peter and I along with Macre and Mark trekked over to Len's and George's for our traditional after games get together. We had late dinner and got drunk with coke and sprite. Of course Mark and George couldn't fight their urge for beer so they bought some and Peter never had a chance to say no. The six of us were laughing all night that we actually forgot the time. We had to keep our voices down so as not to wake up Mommy and Daddy (George's parents) but it was such a wonderful time-- a perfect moment if there is such a thing as one. It's quite amazing how we never run out of things to talk about despite being together almost everyday. We laughed about George's skills in grossing len out and Mark's kulit behaviors. We talked about our favorite stories from Pugad Baboy to Harry Potter (arry Peter according to Mark) and comics. The gang checked out Peter's collection which I had a the honor of borrowing. It was a simple get together but was filled with much joy and laughter.

By the time we realized it it was already 3:10 am. Packing up time took another long period as saying goodbye in our group includes more chikka time. When I got home at 3:40 am I just plopped on the bed and fell asleep immediately. I was dead tired but I was perfectly happy.

The perfect weekend spent with the imperfect people. Simply bliss.

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Blue Morning

I woke up crying this morning. I had a really bad dream. Someone I care about got hurt and there was nothing I could do about it. It turned out okay in the end but the shock of seeing the person hurt really rocked me and even though I knew it was just a dream, it left me feeling exhausted and scared. When I woke up, I could barely breathe.

Paolo Coelho talks about this thing called "the other"-- the fears and insecurities that surface whenever we face our ultimate challenge--love. It usually starts cropping up on you once you start to care more and more for someone. I think part of the reason for that bad dream is that--the other is arriving.

What scared me most about that dream was not the fact that the person I cared about got hurt-- but the feeling of panic it left within me. Does that mean that I cared that much? Past expriences of hurts and mishaps have left me both hopefull and wary. I have to admit that despite being a self confessed hopeless romantic, I am also a hard realist--sometimes even bordering on being pessimistic. Ironic isn't it? But true. I've always believed in hope and remaining optimistic but I also know the reality that sometimes it can hurt.

Perhaps what my dream is telling me is this-- now is the time to face the music-- to finally admit to myself that I actually care that much and stop pretending not to. I don't know it just left me feeling confused and scared and happy and sad and joyful-- a mixture of feelings I know, and it bothers me.

Or maybe its called hormones. =P

Why do you tug my heart so? What did you do to make you matter that much?

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Happy Birthday Senyorito!

Today is the birthday of my good friend Weevens-- my forever lunch date in admu who hates any notion of love, relationship and marriage. He's the anti romance guy. But he's also one of the most kalog people in the world. Life would never be dull with the weevans around. From Weevens my vocabulary expands by the hour-- cheapness, cheapetita, surelyly rosemarie,etc. And who could forget his famous singkit taray look? Or his numerous rituals on and off court?Kidding aside, if someone is to be blamed for my addiction in badminton--si weevens yon. He taught me to love the game. He was the first person to ever get me to play really serious badminton. But more than that, he is such a great friend to have around.

My wish for senyorito? That he find the love of his life soon so that I'll finally get to see him fall head over heels hopelessly devoted and pathetically in love. Or maybe I should just wish to finally see him wear the sleeveless look on court? I wonder which is more likely to come true?

Peace!! Happy Birthday!

Monday, September 26, 2005

A new smile in heaven

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about my leukemic patient Roland who also had diabetes. I organized an impromptu surprise party for his birthday last August 19 (but we celebrated it the 18th). He gave me the most precious smile I've ever received in the hospital. It made the struggle to search for a sugar free cake worth it.

Today I found out that Roland passed away last week. I never saw him again after his surprise. I got busy with other work in the hospital as well as my own dissertation. According to Beth, our hospice staff, Roland stayed for two more weeks in the hospital. He was sent home afterwards and then passed away. His cancer spread to his lungs.

Roland was just 19. He was supposed to start college last June when he got sick. His mom abandoned them years ago and his dad was his sole supporter. Roland never lived to see his wish come true--a scooter. That was his birthday wish-- to own one.

Now there's a new smile in heaven. And his name is Roland. I wish him well there. I know he is finally at peace.

Adventures at Adidas

Adidas ended another tourney saga in my long list of badminton adventures. I learned a lot in that tourney especially about what my goals are in terms of playing the game. I learned that you have to choose your tournaments well and not be blinded by advertisements. In adidas, I played only 2 games. The rest were all defaults in our favor. So how do you enjoy that? I want to win but not through walkovers. It's all about playing a good game thats all-- winning or losing is just secondary.

I was sick during the last two days of adidas. But that did not stop me from cheering my heart out for my friends. Since I was already out anyway, I decided to lose my voice while cheering for len & macre and peter & mike. Len & Macre won the women's doubles level c championship. Unfortunately Peter and Mike lost in a hotly constested three set game in the quarterfinals. I admired the fighting spirit of my favorite partner--despite not feeling well, he still managed to fight with his heart and soul. Kaw pa rin si Flash Gordon for me partner!

I learned about the beauty of friendship during the games. I learned who my real friends are and who are the people who matter to me. I learned not to care about what others may think of me but instead follow my heart and know what my goals and priorities are. So despite having a crappy tournament experience, adidas actually was a good memory--if only for the time I spent with my friends. Olympic's parking lot now has a newfound meaning for me.

In adidas I learned to laugh at defeat and enjoy the moment. I learned that in the end, we choose to either enjoy our lives or be bitter. Life is always a choice. We always have a choice.

But most of all, I learned that when you love something or someone, you allow them the space they need to be themselves. And you allow yourself the space also to be who you really are.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Winning & Losing

It's not about winning and losing that matters but how you play the game.

Yesterday I learned that about myself. I went up against a pair that was obviously stronger than me and my partner. My partner was so pissed off because they were obvious sandbaggers. I decided to fight. We went down hard-- losing in a heartbreaking fashion. But we didnt lose because we fought--we lost because my partner gave up. And that broke my heart. I was sick the entire day already and was actually on double dose of fever and cold meds. I didn't want to let her down. I fought my heart out. Even at 1-14, I was still willing to fight (even ran straight into the net). I knew winning was impossible but at the least I wanted to try. Karen remarked how my fighting spirit was strong despite the inevitable loss-- True. I didn't want to give up. I owe myself and the game that.

So we lost. And I cried. Another chapter ended. Another hard lesson learned. As Mang Jun told me later on-- in the end its how you act on and off court that matters.

Humility in victory and graciousness in defeat.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Being Happy

There's a smile on my face this morning that no one can erase. And even if I lack sleep, I know I will be okay. Because today I am happy. And today I promise to be happy despite feeling unwell. I came down with slight fever yesterday but true to my go go self, instead of resting I ended up gimiking until 2am. I had dinner with my college friends in honor of Peter's birthday. It's been a while since the gang got together as a group and it was nice to see everyone once again. We had a blast drinking beer and eating our share of early death food (aka crispy pata, pusit, kare kare). I got drunk a bit as I managed to down 4 bottles of beer in about an hour. Fortunately we were near the cr so it was not an issue for me when I had to take a cr break every 10 minutes or so. We talked about the latest chickas going on with our respective batchmates and basically updated each other on the comings and goings of our lives.

After dinner we trekked to starbucks, first in metrowalk, but after about 10 minutes of struggling for parking we decided to go to their emerald branch instead. There we witnessed Peter's latest car blooper (hehehe). Lyzet remained the star of the night with her nerve wracking statements and questions. Nearly fell of my seat because of some of them.

Last night was a nice ending for a tough work week. I've been through hell this week. But I made it through the hell because of some really great friends.

time to go to adidas...

Thank you for putting the smiles in my life.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Happy Birthday Peter

One of my dearest friends is celebrating his birthday today. My favorite mixed doubles partner and kakulitan on and off court Peter is turning one year older (and wiser?!) today. Last night our badminton group gave him a surprise celebration while playing at club 650. It took several weeks of planning, but the surprise went well. I made some lasagna and brought cookies and cream cake from sweet inspirations while Karen brought softdrinks. Tita Nel and I were the ones who brought in the food at around 830 while the boys took turns at distracting our birthday celebrant.

I've known Peter for more than a decade. 11 years to be exact. I was a freshman in college when we first met and were co-applicants at UP MMC. Through the years we've become really good friends and if there's one person besides my best friend Ella who has been there for me through the ups and downs of my life, that would be Peter. We have had a lot of adventures together. Some of the most memorable moments include our two trips to Mt. Banahaw (groupmates kami both times) and our famous grass flavored sinigang plus our extra long tambay hours at UP MMC (mga furnitures ng tambayan) and our numerous trips out of town (Subic pa din ang the best!).
Peter has been there for me through all my bloopers and managed to rescue me from a lot of them. Like the time I forgot my car keys inside the car back in college (siya pa ang naghanap ng magbubukas) or when I forgot my badminton shoes during Alfonso cup (he zoomed to my house to get it). When my racket got stolen recently, he readily came to my rescue again and brought me his (and even became my cheering squad throughout the games). I wouldn't have won that championship without him. Kung ililista lahat ng moments na nirescue ako ni partner, mahaba na ang utang ko.

On court Peter gladly partnered with me during the first pamilya tournament despite my pathetic skills. He graciously encouraged me to improve my skills and inspired me to train and aspire for greater glory. He keeps me grounded and sane when things get really hard for me at work and at home. One time I was so down from comps, he cheered me up the whole afternoon. And when some people recently bad mouthed me because of badminton, he made sure that I was protected from their bitchiness. He's not much of a showy person but he's always there. He's my second best friend and I am glad that he is in my life.

Masayang kakulitan si Peter. Sa kanya ko lang nalaman na ang sta mesa ay nasa laguna at ang giraffe ay may dalawang paa. Dahil sa kanya nagkabukol ako sa display window ng wellcom sa riverbanks (oh god how we laughed that day). I often end up doing the most stupid things when with him but he always manages to make me feel good about it.

He may be the most pathetic textmate in the world but when you need him, he will always be there.

Happy birthday partner! sorry sa mga piso ko sa yo kagabi! promise di ko sinasadya!!! =P

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Surviving Defense

Defending my dissertation was my priority for this week. Up until Monday morning I was still in semi-limbo as to who will my panelists be or even whether my defense will actually push through at all. So yesterday, when it finally happened, a big thorn was finally taken off my chest.

I had my usual classic bloopers (misspelled title slide, no page numbers in my paper, etc) but at least I survived. I have been having nightmares over it for the past week already and I was starting to even somatize colds, headaches and fever. I was getting panicked as each day went by.

It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. My panel had a number of questions and issues with regards to my conceptual framework but they were generally helpful. It helped also that my friends were there to support me (My phd comps gang--bopeep, fr. cha & mira; My notetakers-Mardet, Cha, My photgrapher-Karen & the tape recorder--Peter). Their presence helped boost my sinking morale during the course of the defense. There were moments there that I felt I couldn't answer anything anymore and it was the presence of my friends that helped me rally that much needed energy to keep up with the questions.

After nearly 2 hours of presentation and questions, I finally got to sit down. I plopped beside Peter and took my first real relaxed breath in more than a week. It was finally over. My audience and panel had a nice merienda (Cara and I teamed up to make our meals match) but I still couldn't eat. I was just too tired. After clearing up the room I headed to Ves' condo to celebrate her birthday. Unfortunately, I was up only long enough to eat some dinner and greet her. I was asleep by 8:00pm.

Now the real work begins. I have to start gathering data and begin my dissertation. And hopefully finally defend the full study by my birthday in February. I hope so.

One thing I learned about this entire experience is the fact that I am loved by so many people. And even if the world turns against me from time to time, I will always have angels to see me through hell.
Thank you. It meant a lot to me--more than you'll ever know.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Weekend without SB

Our first weekend without our beloved homecourt was spent at the adidas badminton challenge. Everytime people asked where our group played we found ourselves at a loss on what to answer. It was a sad reminder of the bitter truth that as of last friday-we wer officially badminton nomads-- homeless people searching for a new court.

The gang tried Greenpark badminton last saturday after the boys' rounds 1 and 2 matches at adidas. Nearly everyone was there except for Mike and the Pamilya Badminton. The court looked nice and the flooring was definitely a big improvement compared to SB. But still, it was different--it wasn't home. There was no smokers' tambayan outside with our beloved benches for one thing. And because the court operates on a first come first served basis, we had to continously play in order not to lose our court.

After playing for nearly four hours, we trekked to Len's and had our usual saturday night inuman. Peter and Mark took turns in being makulit and maingay (hala! nagalit tuloy si mommy!) while laughing over George's car blooper last thursday. We had a sumptous dinner of grill queen products with san mig light and coke. When we ended at 130 am we were all ready to fall asleep dead tired.

Yesterday, it was the women's turn to play at adidas. First up was Binky and Liezel who anihilated their opponent at level D. Next was my partner Marie and me also at Level D. It was also an easy match but when we watched our next opponents' match on the adjacent court, it appeared that we're up for some really tough matches next week. Karen and Joy also won over their opponent at level E while Len and Macre had an exciting match against their equally tough opponents in level C. The gang joined in the protest against a team that was totally mislevelled at level C. Apparently the team was a relative of the tournament director.

As of yesterday our team had the following win-lose records: Men's Level C-Rodel & Zorro (0-2), Isaias & Mang Jun (1-1); Men's Level D- Peter & Mike (2-0), Terry & Jabar (2-0); Women's Level C- Len & Macre (1-0); Women's Level D- Hazel & Marie (1-0), Binky & Liezel (1-0); Women's Level E- Karen & Joy (1-0), Ella & Lanie (1-0); Mixed Level C- Tito Noel & Tita Nel (0-2)

We ended our night with our traditional dinner this time at hotrocks-- it's actually our first weekend without bonfire. Somehow, nakakamiss din pala ang walang kamatayang sisig at salpicao.

Our first weekend without SB. I miss our home.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Saying Goodbye to SB

I hate Goodbyes. I don't think there's anything good about it. It always brings about sadness and tears.

Last Night we said goodbye to our beloved homecourt--Shuttles Best Riverbanks. No one wanted to leave until the last flourescent lamp was shut off and the doors were finally locked for the last time. We played and partied till closing time and even got to celebrate one of the court's staff (Rodel) birthday in advance. We played great games, ate good food, and even drank some wine. We raided the cabinets of SB one last time and collected memorabilias. I got a bench (from our beloved Smokers' Nook) while Len and Rb got their respective championship banners. George collected all the shuttlecocks he could find while Karen, Josh, and Macre autographed our beloved court 1.

When the last game ended at 11:45, there was a sense of sadness in the air. Our beloved court was finally closing and we shall never be able to play in it again. My last game was a women's doubles game with Marie against Terry and Jonjon. I played 8 games last night-- one singles match, 5 women's doubles and 2 mixed doubles. I shall forever hold those memories dear.

The people who love SB were all there despite the heavy downpour- Peter, me, Mark, Macre, Karen, Annie, Bong, Mike, Tito Noel, Tita Nel, Rb, Luiz, Len and George (habol!!) plus some new friends like George, Mang Jun, the badmintown duo who gave us great mixed doubles challenges, etc. The staff was also complete-- Marie, Terry, Jonjon, Rodel, Isiaias, and tenten. Some who were not able to make it were also with us in spirit (Binky, Mike Liit, Marekoy Jeanette). It was great to be with the guys one last time.

While fixing our stuff Peter and I talked about how SB became our home the last couple of months. We actually spend more time in it than our own homes. "Wala na tayong tambayan" said Peter. I nearly cried when I heard that (buti na lang madilim!). Ella would often tell me that if I am missing at home, there's only one other place I'd be-- SB. SB changed the way I ran my social life. Before my gimiks were movies, coffee shops and bars. Now it's all badminton.

We've had great memories there in Shuttles Best. In SB I found my good friend again and formed a bond I shall cherish forever. Now I not only have a mixed partner but also found a second best friend. In SB I found my soul sisters--Macre, Karen, Len, Jeanette, Joy, Binky,and Marie. In SB I found my second mommy and daddy--tita nel and tito noel and honorary siblings--Rb and Kei. And in SB I found my kulit boys Emerson, Mike, Mark, George, and Luiz who never fail to make me laugh kahit na favorite akong asarin. I may have spent a lot on court fees the past year because of my daily habit at SB but I gained much much more.

In SB I found home.

The thought of not going to SB anymore on our usual TTHS habit depresses me. I think I am still in denial. I wish time stopped last night and the court never closed. Mark even joked that we'd form a picket line demanding that the court not be closed.

So at 12:35 am we trekked to our cars in the parking lot and looked back for the last time to the place we called home for over a year.

Goodbye Shuttles Best Riverbanks. Thank you for the wonderful memories.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

A good cry

I've never really cried about school. A geek all my life, I've never had problems with studies at all. Despite the challenge of being ill most of the time, I've always managed to breeze through school without much trouble. The first time I cried about school was when I failed calculus in UP. It was the first time I failed at anything. But despite that I managed to get back on my feet and haul myself back to achievement. The second time was when I learned I was not going to graduate with honors in college. Four days prior to my graduation, I was told that I was not going to be given my much fought for cum laude because of a technicality. I cried then for my parents who were expecting the award. But still I was proud-- no one could take away the fact that from a pathetic qpi on the brink of being kicked out, I was able to get it to as high as 1.666.

Yesterday I cried for the third time in my life. The frustration of getting my dissertation defended finally got to me. It's been really hard for me the past two weeks with school, work, and even personal problems. And yesterday I just felt so bad about school. Everytime I have personal problems, school has always been my comfort zone. I'm used to excelling in it. But the past year or so and moreso these past weeks, I've come to realize that its not enough anymore that I excel because the powers that be control my fate. And that is frustrating. To be told that your topic is not relevant is like saying that what I went through for the past 24 years of my life is useless. And that hurts.

So I cried-- for me, and for the all other graduate students who are also going through the hellish world of thesis and dissertation. It's hard to keep faith in a world that keeps trying to pull you down.

Sana mas maganda tong araw na to.
On a sadder note, SB is closing today. I'm heartbroken about it

Monday, September 12, 2005

Sleepy but Happy

I am walking zombie today. My arms and legs hurt and my mind feels like shutting down. But although I'm sleepy and can barely move my body, I am extremely happy. =)

For perhaps the last time, we played our Pamilya Badminton tournament at Shuttles Best Riverbanks yesterday. SB is set to close this coming Thursday and to bid our home farewell, we decided to have our favorite mixed doubles tournament. Peter and I were paired again for this round and my favorite partner and I managed to win 4th place. We had a magnificent run at the eliminations, winning all our matches. We tried a new playing strategy which worked for us. We played good matches in the semis and 3rd place but bowed to two formidable foes. Binky and Mike Liit eventually won the championships with Karen and Mike Tangkad taking 2nd place. My partner Marie and Rodel won 3rd.

The tournament held a special place in my heart as the past few days have been really taxing on my heart and sanity. Winning also meant that in all the pamilya tournaments, I've managed to win at least runner up place. 3 of those were with Peter as my partner and 1 was with Mike Tangkad and 1 with Mike Liit. =)

The past few days, I've seen the ugly side of badminton-- the politics and intrigues that come with competition. It really broke my heart to see how people can go to such great lengths (even to the point of hurting friends) just to ensure a win. Sad. Just like what Tito Noel told me, everyone just have different purposes in playing I guess. Some play for fame, some for glory, some for the money and win. But some also play for the love of the game.

But yesterday all those issues took a slight backseat (sort of) to give way to the fun tourney at SB. We played our patayan games once more--6 matches in the elims, 2 matches in semis and finals. Peter was with me all throughout especially when things got a bit stressful due to the issues on court lately. He made sure that I'd be okay. I am touched beyond words. He was all over the court once again which made me want to also do my best. Karen, Macre, Len and the rest of the players were extremely supportive too. I shall never forget how my friends protected me over the past three days. It made me realize how lucky I am to have them in my life.

After the games we trekked over to Len's house (our forever tambayan) and had a great dinner there (what else?! food from bonfire grill!). We chatted over the day's games again and the colorful events once more. We looked at the pics and had a grand time teasing each other about our bloopers on and off court. Karen had an instant homily session with Daddy but was all smiles when the much awaited text messages came...The gang was complete--Honey & Chocnut, Cookies & Cream, Goya & Curly Tops at of course-- Langka & Durian. Sino sila? Guess?!

We went home at midnight, tired but happy. Peter nearly didn't get home coz he couldn't open his car door--kala ko magbubukas kotse gang na kami! hehehe. Karen as usual was the first to speed away.

I'm gonna miss SB when it closes. I still have a silent prayer wishing for it to remain open. SB is quite dilapidated actually but its home. In SB I found my place in badminton and in SB I found my heart. I shall miss our smokers' lounge and our benches. I'll even miss the silaw on court. In SB I learned that badminton is never about equipment or court quality but it's about people. It's about playing the game to the best of your ability and being with your friends.