Saturday, July 30, 2005


Today is my best friend's birthday. Last night our barkada gave her a mini surprise party and we met her birthday with our own version of "happy birthday" (di nga lang tayo papasa sa kahit anong singing contest). Almost all our friends were there-- lyzet (sige na nga celeb ko to for my MA comps!), Peter (na may "revelation"), Aldwin C. & Lady (sayang aga niyo alis), Clarence Cares (mare! break the curse now!!!) and Aldwin E (Nag time in ka na ba muna bago umuwi?).

I feel blessed to have Ella in my life-- she's been with me through the years-- through the laughter and tears and pains and joys of life. So happy birthday dear friend. Thank you for the gift of friendship.

Of course my day won't be complete without the usual hazel bloopers. Got bitten by some insect while waiting for a tryke in the social sciences parking. In a matter of minutes my eye became puffy and started to swell. Argghhhh!! Fortunately, claritin worked and by the time Ella's surprise came, it wasn't so bad anymore. =)

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Long Weekend

GMA's SONA paved the way for a much appreciated (and much needed) long weekend. Had a busy weekend in fact with me going on my 4th straight tournament weekend. My mom is already nagging me about playing too much.

Kimoni seemed to have brought a round of bad luck to my friends and I. My friends Peter and Mike did not make it to the round of 16 but was able to compete in the director's cup. Unfortunately they also lost to a pair of quick youths. Macre and Mae made it to quarters but Mae fell during their game last Sunday, twisting her knee and causing them to default the game.

As for me, Marie and I lost our round of 16 bid at Kimoni but it was not without a good fight. I am grateful to my partner for keeping me focused on the game. And making me feel good despite my numerous "fatal" errors. It was a good fight. And it was even made more memorable by the cheers of friends (Peter, Lory, Macre, Mae, Mike) who cheered for us all throughout the game.

It seems only Addictus fared well at kimoni. He's playing for 3rd place this weekend.

My luck turned for the better during the queing at SB that night when Macre and I drew each other from the pool of players. It was one lucky draw. Anyone who partners with macre was most likely to emerge victorious in the games. I had a good time playing that night. For the first time the tourney became a relaxing one. Finally I know how it feels to be in "control" of the game. =)

The long weekend did not stop on saturday night. Sunday I went shopping with my mom and sister at ever. We pigged out for lunch (yummy bbq) and dinner (lechon!). Monday I spent it with my mom in the parlor having our kikay moments. Had a haircut, hotoil and pedicure. Afterwards, we had a short trip down memory lane by hanging out in SM cubao just like we used to when I was a kid. Cubao still looked the same. Except this time Fiesta Carnival is now open air and gateway mall towers over the horizon. And you can't park in alimall if your car is an SUV (at baka sumabit ang bubong mo).

Now it's back to reality. Back to school.Back to work. Back to training again as well. Maybe we'll finally have our lucky break in the next tournament.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Kulitan Escapades

Yesterday my stressors and issues took a back seat for a few hours to give way to an afternoon of non stop kulitan with my friends Peter and Mike (my two partners). We have this habit of just bumming around Shuttlesbest doing nothing except tease each other to death. Total waste of time to some but for us, it was one welcomed break.

It was an impromptu get together-- I was bored to death in the internship site when I decided to practice with my partner for Kimoni this sat. We qualified in the round of 16 but in division 3 which is close to saying "wala kayong pag asa!" Mike texted me that he was on his way din to court and when we got there I texted Peter who appeared a few minutes later. In the process I never got to practice and ended up just laughing with the guys all afternoon long.

Peter was hands down the winner of the "pinakamakulit" award. My powers were nothing compared to his! We debated over the most mundane things-- is gerry giraffe really a giraffe or is he a cow (with measles according to Peter)? Why did tirso cruz qualify in the round of 16 and not them?Did Epson cup qualify?(ano nga ba kasi ang name niya?) My craving for french fries was even challenged (I won this challenge by dragging Peter to the mall so we could buy me one). The things we drive each other crazy with will leave spectators wondering, are we really logical individuals or are we candidates for Mandaluyong's Mental Hospital?!

Imagine we were on court for almost 5 hours yet we never played a single game. Mike got to hit the shuttle for a while with Mike Liit but Peter and I were just literally there-- bumming around. We sat by the door of SB and when we got tired we sat inside naman. Even manong was not spared from our kakulitan. I don't consider it a waste of time though coz it was one laughing experience to remember. We even had a song for the afternoon-- Mike's "tulala.." which was dedicated to Peter and his "tulala" moments (Bakit nga ba?).

These two guys may tease me to death but they did made my day yesterday. Been having a lot of issues for the past few days and it was actually the first time I smiled in days. I missed laughing. I missed smiling. Our kulitan adventure was a rainbow after a heavy rainstorm for me. So even if I deny it to them, I actually look forward to these kulitan moments. =)

Somehow after my afternoon with them, I actually didn't mind going home anymore. The battlefield seemed a bit nicer yesterday. And its all because of two friends who brought back laughter in my life one rainy afternoon.

A Simple life is all I really crave for-- a life with friends and laughter and love. I realized yesterday how its not the material things that will really make you happy but the people you share it with. The simplest things bring forth the greatest joy.

Thanks guys..But i still believe giraffe si gerry at di siya isang bakang may measles! =P

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

A Sad Morning

The battle rages on and its slowly draining me. I'm getting frustrated at life events right now that I'm feeling the frustration draining my energies. Sometimes I just want to quit and run away. Wish I could but I know I have so many things to do and so many promises to keep.

It's hard to love people when they're making it hard for you to love them. It's hard to please someone when the one thing that's making you happy is the one thing they are jealous of.

Honestly I am really tired. I just want to rest. For once I'd like a chance to enjoy the happiness I fought for for so long. I know she loves me but sometimes I ask myself does she even know what makes me happy now? I wonder. And would she ever accept my choice? Or will I be forever the kid who yearns the freedom to be who she wants to be?

Sad isn't it?

I hope the rainbows come out soon. I just hope.

Monday, July 18, 2005

short lived happiness

Happiness is always relative. Just when it hits you full blast, something will come to remind you to appreciate it while it is still there because you'll never know when it will be taken away from you.

Had a great tourney over the weekend. It was my best performance so far in a women's doubles event. It was not about winning but actually playing well. I told Weevens that for the first time I didnt even think of scores or winning the game-- but just playing for fun. And it worked. My shots were great, my timing was good. I finally saw how strong I could be if only I put my heart to it. I even got to play against the best of the best. My partner and I went up the ladies level 1 champs of powerade 1 and 2- noreen go and rommee tan. We lost of course but it will be a game I shall never forget-- the chance to play against the best is an honor. And hindi kami na zero. We scored a miraculous 1 in the first set and another miraculous 3 in the 2nd set.

But the fun didnt stop there. Prior to that game my partner and I zeroed our opponents in the first game. My partner never even served a single shot. It was a total shock. Then we also won our last two games despite the fact that I was running the backcourt and my partner was in front.

We proved to ourselves last night that we could play well. No matter what others think of us, we did well.

But again happiness is short lived.

I may have won the battle on court but when I got home life became a battlefield. It's quite ironic that to the person who matters that most to me, my glory is not enough. No words of congratulations not even an acknowledgement for a good job. It's even taken against me that I am actually doing well in a sport I love.

Wish life was a bit fairer at times


Friday, July 15, 2005

A surprising comment from the jaded sister

Here's a message sent to me by my sister who hates anything remotely romantic. It was in response to my musings that what I wanted most out of life at the moment was something so remote and farfetched.

"May I repeat what I said-- wag magfocus sa "official." Kulang pa nga ba? When you love someone, you should do so with an open hand. Just offer the love and that is joy already to the one who truly loves. "

Even my sister was surprised with her words of wisdom. But maybe she is indeed right. Maybe all I really wanted has been infront of me all along, not in the packaging I thought it would be but still, it has always been there. Maybe there's no such thing as official anymore. Maybe we just have to let things be. And be happy.

Funny, it took a jaded sister to get me to realize that.

Kupals and the (crazy) things we do for love

Recently I came across some real life jerks out there. Saw how some friends fell prey to jerks and in the guise of being in love, managed to get their hearts (and sometimes credit cards) trampled on. And it left me wondering, why are there such kind of people in this world?

I have always been an idealist and an eternal optimist much to the dismay of my loved ones. I've always given people the benefit of the doubt and I've always liked to believe that people are basically good. But sometimes, jerks and kupals show up that I wonder, are there really good people out there?! True, they may have had rough experiences and really lousy childhoods, but they had no right to hurt people in the process.

Like my friends I also got victimized by a jerk once. We call him the jologs. I attribute it to plain and simple depression. It was a weak moment (or a stupid moment when my IQ was kidnapped by an alien!) in my life when I lost everything I held dear. And lucky for him, he was there. Fortunately for me I got out before things got even serious. And I thank God everyday for that blessing.

This is my simple policy in life-- we all have a choice. No matter how lousy the cards turn out for you, its still your choice to either be good or be bad. And no matter how much hurt you are, you have no right to hurt someone else. Honestly, I pity the kupals out there. I think they have a really sad life.

Thinking about all these made me realize how lucky I am to have some really really good friends-people who look out for me and even if I sometimes take them for granted, they are always there.

thank you for your concern and for always watching out for me.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

still sick...

Despite efforts to get myself well again, I'm still under the weather. My fever has been on and off and my voice is fast disappearing. Yesterday no one played in our barkada because a number of us were sick. My two partners-- Peter and Macre are both down with coughs and colds too along with several other officemates.. I think nagkahawahawahan na kaming lahat.

What I hate most about being sick is actually the act of pretending to be well. I know it sounds crazy but I can't be seen as sick at home or else my badminton days are doomed. My ever protective family will cream me if I get sick. They always assume that I overtax myself ( I admit I sometimes do but not always. =))

I wish I would feel better soon.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

sick today

Been sick since yesterday. I guess the fatigue finally got to me. I started to feel feverish yesterday morning and despite my futile attempts at stopping it, I finally succomb to fever and coughs. I do hate the feeling of being ill. It makes me feel helpless and weak. At the same time I feel so lethargic that I just want to lie around in bed and sleep the whole day.

So today I rested. Skipped work and school and just slept. I need to take care of myself more. Been taking care of a lot of people that I sometimes forget to take care of me.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Celebrating Friendships

Celebrated our annual get together for Aldwin's birthday last night. It has become a tradition in the barkada to celebrate his birthday at my house. It was fun having the whole gang around-- Peter, Aldwin E., Lady, Ella, Lyzet (peace na tayo ha! cute naman ang cotton candy talaga eh!), Banjo (na forever pa ring maaga umuwi), willeah & Mark (mga late!). My throat may be sore right now but it was still worth it. It's been a while since we had such a get together.

We reminisced last night about the good ol' days in college-- our misadventures in driving and the antics we did at mmc. We laughed about stupidities and katangahans. And boy did we have a lot (ella's famous handbreak incident, willeah's tire na ayaw matanggal, aldwin's hot wiring adventure na palpak, my side mirror mishap, etc.). It was just great being with the guys again.

Now I'm super sleepy but what the heck, what more could I ask for last night? =)

well maybe... =P

Monday, July 11, 2005

The ironic twists of tournaments...

I've always been a magnet for tournament bloopers. Name the blooper and I'd probably have done it or experienced it. Like one time I forgot to bring my rubbershoes to a tournament and discovered the blooper about 45 minutes before my game. Thank God I had a good friend who rescued me and raced to my house to get it for me. I thought that was the worst thing that could happen until last saturday.

My friend Macre and I partnered once more last saturday and sunday at the 1st Igan Cup held at Yonex Badminton. We were placed in D1. Here is the blooper-- we got mistakenly set against a team from another level (level c) and we won. The blooper? That was the only match we won in the tournament. We lost our matches in our group but actually won a match against a supposedly better team. The sad part though is that the victory was not counted-- it was declared a technical error on the part of the tournament committee. Totally heartbreaking.

I told my sister that I don't know whether I'd be happy or sad. I was happy because we actually won against a more powerful team. But sad because that game cost us the rest of the tournament. We got battered and was so tired after the game that we really collapsed. Our next game was even called barely 20 minutes after that wrong match. As my partner said, Bakit sa lahat ng teams na kasali dun, tayo pa ang minalas na magawan ng ganung error?

I know I made a lot of errors during our plays. I apologize profusely to my partner and my coach. I don't know why but I was so tense. Our errors killed us in the first match and the third match. I guess I just feel so frustrated at myself and my play yesterday. I felt I let everyone down but most so myself. Add that to the equally heartbreaking loss of my coach in her own match. The only thing that cheered me up was a message from my sister who told me she was still proud of me despite my seemingly never ending blooperfilled day.

It was never about losing or winning for me in badminton. Although winning would have been great-- it's really more about knowing you were able to play your best. I know I tried and even played in great pain (pulled a muscle in my left leg) but it was not good enough. And I have to admit, I know it was not my best play. Tension got to me and my partner. Seeing the disappointment in the people I cared for hit me yesterday and it really saddened me. And I know I need to find my heart in badminton again.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Your Heart Will Lead you Home

If you feel lost and on your own
And far from home
You're never alone, you know
Just think of your friends
The ones who care
They all will be waiting there
With love to share

And your heart will lead you
Where you belong
I know your heart will lead you home

-Kenny Loggins "Your Heart Will Lead You Home"
The Tigger Movie Soundtrack

practice, practice, practice

Had a fruitful day. Didn't feel well last night so I slept early. Woke up still a bit woozy but managed to finish my work without falling asleep. After work I went to lunch with my friend Ina at Pho Hoa. Yummy food. Then it was practice, practice, practice. With our next tournament coming up in two days time, its definitely crunch time for macre and me. =)

My arm hurts right now. Len's training regiment can be quite taxing at times but the challenge is really amazing. I swear there were moments there that I wanted to quit but knowing how she believed in me made me strive some more. I've been asked before why I push myself (my mom even calls myself slightly manic) and my answer is really simple-- because I love what I am doing and trying to push myself to improve more is the only way I know I could give back to the sport that gave me so much.

I've never done much excercise prior to badminton. Now I can do 500 jump ropes and 30 situps. Before 5 sit ups was my limit. And jump rope was limited to the "i love you teddy bear..." version. Sports was basically watching others do it on tv.

Aside from practice lunch with Ina was really nice. We got to do our bonding kwento that I missed for a very long time. I owe my friend big time especially since I missed our barkada dinner three weeks ago. I miss my girlfriends. I miss our bonding sessions. I know I've neglected them a lot these past months, but I just feel blessed because they continue to love me-- with my issues and all.

The world may become crazier and crazier these days--but one thing remains the same for me-- I am loved by good friends.

What makes it all worth it is you. Thank you.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Rainy Day

The rains and I have a love hate relationship. I love the feeling of rains coz it cools down our perpetually humid and hot weather. Plus it also leaves a feeling of coolness in the breeze.

But rains also bring forth traffic and floods. Traffic in Katipunan always go on a standstill when rains start pouring in. And floods more often than not will lead to cancellation of classes. Not I don't mind having no classes, but this time rains will bring an extra challenge for us loyalists of SB. Rains mean-- floods and floods mean our second home will not be available for play.

So this morning when I woke up and saw the rains, I actually did not wish for cancellation of classes (like I used to before!=P). I wished that it would stop because tonight my friends and I are playing. Yan ang signus ng tunay na addict.=P

I hope the heavens listen

Monday, July 04, 2005

If you had one day left to live...

If you have one day left to live what would you do?

Trying to jumpstart my brain into the thinking mode, I decided to ask myself this question. I feel so sleepy today and I know I have to work. So let me reflect and pause for a while...

If I had one day left to live, I'd do the following
1. I'd wake up to watch the sunrise and see its beauty one more time. I'd eat my favorite breakfast while watching it (all the filipino favorites-- tocino, hotdog and danggit. Tutal wala ng diet diba?)
2. I'd go to the library and donate all my books.
3. I'd call my bestfriends and thank them for the gift of friendships.
4. I'd play badminton one more time and enjoy every minute of it.
5. I'd eat lunch in Tagaytay and enjoy the breeze
6. I'd watch the sunset in Manila Bay (never done that before) and visit a church nearby.
7. I'd tell all the people who matter how much I love them.
8. I'd eat my favorite foods one last time-- isaw, fishball, bbq fries, tacos, etc..
9. I'd spend my final moments with the people who mean to me.

Simple lang diba? We all live on borrowed time. And we don't know when we shall really go. So why wait? Do the things that matter to you now.

Okay back to work.

Sunday, July 03, 2005


My favorite mixed doubles partner Peter and bossing Mike won the Level C championship at Ace badminton's first tourney today. Galing galing!!! Nearly lost my nerve cheering for them especially during the crucial moment. "Daddy" even said I was becoming pale already. I'm so proud of my partners. Winner kayo! 5 stars for Peter (plus two croissants!) and 5 gatorade bottles (sorry walang activade) for Mike.

Lost my own quest for the elusive championship trophy but Im still happy coz my friends won. And I know I tried my best. Partner Macre was a trooper. We never gave up till the end. And that to me is the true sign of a good game-- when you're able to fight to the end and know that you gave it your all. Even if we lost the crucial match, rallying from 8 to 17 was still a big feat. Thanks partner!!!

One thing I learned today is that in the end, it doesnt matter whether people tell you you suck or you played well. What matters most is how you thought of your own performance. If you can look yourself at the mirror and tell yourself, I know I tried my best then you are a winner. Although it would have been nicer to bring home the medal, in the end, the medal of being winners and losers all lie within us (how profound! Just imagine how tired I am right now)

My dreams came true when I found you-- my miracle.
If you could see what I see, you're the answer to my prayers
And if you could feel the tenderness I feel
You would know it would be clear
That Angels brought me here.

I sang this song once and I thought it was for someone. Now I realized that that someone was you. I just didn't know.

Believe in your power to create your own miracles.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Gimik Night

Friday is fast becoming a regular gimik night for me and my badminton buddies. We play until around 11pm then eat a really late dinner togethr (or maybe we should call every night gimik night?). We joke around that badminton will eventually kill us due to ulcers.

Last night we had our usual killer games (last minute practice for fasthand tomorrow) then we went off to our official after game hangout-- Bonfire grill. Ate our usual fare of sisig and rice (this time with blue marlin and liempo). Mike showed off his vocal talents once more as he jammed with the live band (galing talaga ni bossing) while falling victim to the merciless (hehehe) teasings of peter and mark (bait niyo!). It was great hanging out with the gang. Even karen was all smiles (hmmm... why?) and Mae nearly showed off her badminton skills with the lady singer (yung taga san nga ulit, mark?)

Life goes on as usual for all of us. I realized last night that simple joys are the best. =) Being with the people who matter to me makes life seemingly perfect despite the hassles of daily living.

Practice again today. Hope we do okay tomorrow.