The Deal

"Why love, if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore: only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I've been given the choice: as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."
- C.S. Lewis

The other day I was rereading the life and lovestory of CS Lewis, the famed author of the Chronicles of Narnia. CS Lewis, known to friends as "Jack" fell in love with a divorcee named Joy Gresham but lost her to cancer. She was a fan of his work and they met in one of his famed lectures at Oxford. When they got married she was already dying. He was a theologian who had all the answers to life's big questions but he admitted later on that he only started to live when he met Joy.

I remind myself of his words everyday. Sometimes I find myself wondering whether I did the right thing or not. I still cry from time to time especially when I am reminded of what was so beautiful then and how so many things have happened since then. But then again, I am reminded of the deal I made- the pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal.

I cleaned my room yesterday and I found myself laughing over the memories that I have accumulated over the years. It was bittersweet because I realized how much a part of my life my friend already is. Everywhere I look, the memories are there. And I guess that's what makes the deal hard sometimes. But still, I am glad. I was giggling the entire morning while looking at old pics (boy! we sure did look yucky then!) and going through old gifts from the years gone by. It was such a nice way to remind me of what made me happy then and its a symbol of hope that someday, things will be back to the way they were.

Forever is a promise to keep. I always keep my promises. Friends forever. That's the deal.