Tuesday, May 02, 2006

The Deal

"Why love, if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore: only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I've been given the choice: as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."
- C.S. Lewis

The other day I was rereading the life and lovestory of CS Lewis, the famed author of the Chronicles of Narnia. CS Lewis, known to friends as "Jack" fell in love with a divorcee named Joy Gresham but lost her to cancer. She was a fan of his work and they met in one of his famed lectures at Oxford. When they got married she was already dying. He was a theologian who had all the answers to life's big questions but he admitted later on that he only started to live when he met Joy.

I remind myself of his words everyday. Sometimes I find myself wondering whether I did the right thing or not. I still cry from time to time especially when I am reminded of what was so beautiful then and how so many things have happened since then. But then again, I am reminded of the deal I made- the pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal.

I cleaned my room yesterday and I found myself laughing over the memories that I have accumulated over the years. It was bittersweet because I realized how much a part of my life my friend already is. Everywhere I look, the memories are there. And I guess that's what makes the deal hard sometimes. But still, I am glad. I was giggling the entire morning while looking at old pics (boy! we sure did look yucky then!) and going through old gifts from the years gone by. It was such a nice way to remind me of what made me happy then and its a symbol of hope that someday, things will be back to the way they were.

Forever is a promise to keep. I always keep my promises. Friends forever. That's the deal.


Anonymous said...

We should never stop experiencing life because from experience we learn to give, by giving learn to love, and by loving we let others experience life.

* * * Popsy's Princess * * *

Hazel said...

thanks mare.. thanks for enduring my never ending litanies all these weeks.

i still hope and pray that someday things will finally be okay.