Wednesday, May 25, 2005

close call

Just came from my doctor today. Had a close call. My platelet count stands at 185,000. Its down from 250,000 last month. I guess the stress of comps and the tourneys along with all other issues finally got to me. Even my weight plummeted by 6 Ibs. I was able to breathe a sigh of relief when the results came normal despite going down by nearly 70,000. It was a close call but it worked out nonetheless. For that I am grateful.

Had a scare last week when a great big bruise showed up for no reason on my right leg. I may not look like it, but it sure did rattle my spirit. It's been 2 years already since I relapsed and I'm almost on the way to remission. I just don't want to lose it at this point when I'm so close to getting better. It's not only about the cost of maintaining my drugs but also the toll it has taken on my spirit. Living in chronic limbo the past two years has rocked my world.

So i guess i got a lot to be thankful for despite everything. I'm still here. And I'm still normal. My meds has been cut down again. If I can maintain the count for another month, I get to be tapered off once more. To be finally medicine free would be such a bliss.

A parent of another patient asked me this morning, what was it like when I first got sick. Her son was recently diagnosed with Leukemia. And he's just 5 years old. I told her, I could barely remember. I was only 4 then. And all my life that's all I've ever known. I don't even know what its like not to have my ITP. I guess it must be scary for her. But I saw she had so much hope that I really believe that things will work out for her baby.

"Belief is the substance of things hoped for; the evidence of things not seen."


****

Despite everything I am thankful to you.. For bringing back the songs to my life. no regrets. I wish you well.

And Im thankful for great friends who were sent to me from heaven even if I tend to forget them at times.

2 comments:

jb said...

ma'am! i am so impressed with your strength! good luck.. i just hope that you get better. don't ever give up hope... kailangan pa nating maging self-actualized di ba?

Omi said...

ei ma'am. don't worry, i'll be praying for you. at kung may problems of the heart ka man, 'wag mo nang isipin yun. dagdag pasakit lang yan! laging pakatandaan: SMILE!