I dont think the title of my blog is apt for me today. Less than 24 hours before I take my comprehensive exams, I am a walking nervous wreck. After 24 years of studying, this is it-- my FINAL EXAM. The last one I have to take for life. And I'm not sure how to cope with it.
I know I should not be too tense. After all, I've been here before. I've taken the comps before during my MA days. And it shouldnt be something totally alien to me. Yet, the nagging feeling of not knowing what to expect is still there. And I can't help but hope and pray that soon this will all be over. Part of the pressure I guess is the knowledge that a lot of people are banking on me to do good. I wish I could live up to the expectation. Today is the day i need to harness all the self efficacy and self esteem beliefs I have so that I can truly believe in myself. Thank God for great friends who have been cheering along the way.If not for them, I'd probably be headed for Mandaluyong today. =P
Here's how I've been out of sync lately-- in three weeks I've had three badminton related injuries. I injured my finger in the left hand when my friend accidentally hit it during a game. Then a week later, another friend smashed his racket to my right wrist (fortunately it hit my racket first and did not cause a fracture) leaving a big bruise. Then last wednesday, I fell badly on court and scraped my knee badly. Talk about lack of grace and embarassment. But more than that, it HURTS!! Up to now I can still barely walk. I have to limp when i go up and down the stairs coz the wound is still open. And worse of all, I have to attend a wedding on sunday. Talk about an unsightly accessory.
Before I sound like a total klutz on court, I do think that my "nawawala sa sarili" moments are linked to the dreaded comps. I've been too distracted.. Yesterday my tooth hurts badly and i realized it was totally psychosomatic. A psychologist having conversion reactions?! what a joke! hahaha. Well i guess it just proves that before being a psychologist, IM ALSO HUMAN
I once wrote in my thesis "believe in your power to create miracles". I hope that miracle will work for me tomorrow.