Thursday, November 24, 2005


So how does it happen, great love? Nobody knows... but what I can tell you is that it happens in the blink of an eye. One moment you're enjoying your life, and the next you're wondering how you ever lived without them (Alex Hitch, "Hitch")

Sometimes, someone arrives at your doorstep and changes the way you actually live your life. Little by little your life begins to change and without you knowing it, you realize that things are not the same anymore. But Life was so different for me when this year started. Everything changed this year. I used to know what I want and where exactly I want to be next year. Now everything is left in question. I'm actually asking myself all these existential questions that I thought I have answered a long time ago.

I don't feel bad about it. In fact I'm happy. I've never been happier than these past few months. But I also know that I've never felt miserable also as these past few months. How can one be happy and sad at the same time? I think its part of the package. And maybe that's what makes all these things real-- knowing that the one thing that makes you happy is also the one thing that has the power to make you sad. Sometimes I ask myself if what if I just go back to the way things were before-- I was ok then. But I wasn't as happy as well. I was ok. And now okay is not enough anymore.

Life can be unfair at times. Or maybe I'm fast becoming a cynic. Or maybe I just feel tired. Or maybe I just miss the smiles that I look forward to seeing.

I mean, I've waited my whole life to feel this miserable. I mean and if this is the only way I can stay connected with her, then... well this is who I have to be (Albert, "Hitch")

okay back to reality...
" Because that's what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise. you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the *hell* did I jump? But here I am, falling, and the only one that makes me feel like I can fly... is you" (Alex Hitchens)

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