Thursday, November 17, 2005

Practice Love(life)

Is there such a thing such as a practice lovelife? Over dinner last night, Lyzet was telling me to find one. And I find myself wondering, is there such a thing?

According to my friend, its the boyfriend (or girlfriend) you never take seriously-- the practice kind-- the one whom you just practice your skills with before you find the real thing. AKA the boylet. I need that according to Lyzet. She even asked Peter to find me one. hehehehe.

A hopeless romantic, I 've never really thought of love that way. I guess I've always believed (and hoped) that when you ask someone to be in a relationship with you, you actually mean it.Perhaps there's something wrong with me, but I find it hard to think of love as a game that you play. I guess I'm just not built that way.

I have to admit I am pathetic at love relationships. I've never had one-- one that is beyond the sort of-almost-but not quite us-pseudo boyfriend-girlfriend kind. Sometimes I end up laughing (or sometimes crying) over my love experiences. They always end up like each other. Talking to my two friends last night, I find myself thinking, is there anything wrong with me? Though I've never had problems with having guy friends around, finding that Mr. Right seems to be taking quite a complicated path. I've always been one of the boys and as much as I am around guys all the time, I often end up as their buddy than their gf.

Two things I know about relationships-- 1. When you love someone, you love them enough to want them to be happy and 2. Treat another person's heart as you want to treat yourself. I think its the second one that's keeping me from resorting to that practice lovelife. How sad it must be to be treated as a panakip butas or practice lady. And I don't want to treat another person as such. Perhaps waiting may take a long time and maybe I am indeed one track minded in the name of love but at least I know that when I give my heart to someone--its the real thing.

One thing my friend told me that I agree with. I've already met him-- the real thing that is. We just haven't "seen" each other yet. Medyo slow kasi kami. =P

I think I know why its hard to find that practice bf. Because my heart has long been taken even if I do not admit it. I cannot give away something I've already given to someone. It's been yours all along.

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