Friday, December 23, 2005

My Grown Up Christmas List

I used to pray to Santa every christmas to give me a really nice gift. And years after I discovered that Santa and my parents were one and the same, I still pray for his magic to visit me every christmas time. This year is no different. I still hope that santa will listen and deem me nice enough to give me my christmas list. I do not wish for much now-- gone are the days of barbie dolls and toys. I have a simple wish this christmas-- I wish I could celebrate a christmas without tears.

I wish that I could finally be free from all the sad events that seem to haunt me.
I wish I could finally be free to just be me.
I wish I could make her understand that I am not perfect but I am happy.
I wish I could make her realize that my happiness is may not be happiness for others but its happiness for me
I wish she would understand that my dreams are mine and I can't live hers for me.
I wish I could smile again.
I wish he would call.
I wish I'd win the lotto so that I don't need to go through these crappy things.
I wish I get to finally find the guts to go for my heart's innermost desires and go for it.
I wish he was here.
I wish I finally get to hear the words I've so long to hear.

I had a magical moment last night that made it all worth it. And for that my heart still hopes that maybe one day my grown up list will finally come true.

Well, I'm all grown up now.
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream

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