Conversations

Had a nice talk (or should I say text brigade?) with Cha last night. We thought about how people sometimes exhibit perverted ways of showing you how much they care. And that sometimes even they want to help, they actually are not helping you at all. It's not deliberate but sometimes the people whom you thought know you don't really know you at all.

Shit happens in life. We all know that. We cope in different ways. I cope in my own way. It may sound stupid to some but its my way. I was telling Cha last night that the best judge about how we feel is really ourselves. And sadly I realized that in the end it is only I who can really understand what I am going through and what I went through. Reading my dissertation this morning I came upon the wise words of two researchers-- "a patient's experience is by nature their experience alone." And no matter how we try to tell them "I know what you are going through", we actually don't. And I realized that there's nothing bad about it.

I wrote in my journal once that I want to live a life that is mine. I think I now grasp what it means. It's not just about living a life-- it's about living a life that is your own. I live with a condition that is so uncertain--I don't know if I will be alive tomorrow or not. But each day I try to live my life the best way I know and if people don't understand that, I understand.

Tama si Cha, people do care and they want to care. But sometimes they just don't know how.

And there's nothing wrong with that. We are all human beings living in a world of challenges. We are simply being us.

I guess sometimes it's just hard to be Me in a world where everyone is trying to make you someone else.