Long Day

I had a long day today. Some would probably think that I don't do anything at work given my flexible schedule but today was quite tiring. I arrived at work early-- 830 am, an hour earlier than office schedule. I checked my personal emails then when 930 came I started working on my office mails. Had a bunch of emails from Tom and Angeli so worked on that the entire morning. I needed to do some market research and thanks to the wonderful invention called the world wide web I was able to get the much needed information in no time. It was a matter of plugging in the right key words. It looked easy but by the end of the day my eyes were already tired.

So when I finally got home I was so fatigued that I slept like a baby for several hours. Di daw ako magising at all. I woke up at 11pm already. I missed dinner na. If I wasn't afraid of getting hungry I would have slept na lang the whole night. But since there's nothing much you can buy here in the mornings, I decided to eat before I retire again. We went to the mamak stall nearby to eat our ever staple maggi goreng ayam. Bumped into Glenn, Obet and Ann so it was an impromptu reunion na din. :)

Now I'm back here in my room trying to download the ginebra championship games from youtube. Grabe! my ever favorite barangay is in the championship again. Parang kelan lang I was such an addict to their games. Kaya kahit dito sa Malaysia nakikicheer pa din eto.

Once a kabaranggay, always a kabaranggay.

Kung hei Fat Choi

I celebrated chinese new year for the first time in my life this year. Usually I just celebrate it vicariously through the boxes of tikoy that come my way every chinese new year. This year being in a country where it is celebrated more than christmas, I actually got to experience the real chinese new year.

We had long weekend-- 4 days in all. I was sick most of the weekend due to a bout with UTI but it was fun still. On saturday I went to see Ghost Rider at the midvalley mall. Nicholas Cage did justice to the role and I enjoyed the movie. I didn't like the scary scenes though. I also got to buy a new pair of sandals at Studio R. It was on sale so I couldn't resist. After the short shopping trip it was off to home for our weekly badminton game. Since it was the holidays only 4 people showed up. Another one made habol after an hour so it was one tiring game for us.

Sunday I woke up late and after a short brunch in Mcdo and some grocery shopping at Carrefour, we were off to Marisa's place for a bbq. It was raining horribly in puchong that afternoon but it did not stop us from eating some of the yummiest food ever. Marisa and Mike hosted the dinner and prepared four kinds of bbq. Then we (Charles, Jesse and I) made afritada (Ay correction si jesse lang pala... kami ni charles, observers) which was also a hit to our new friends. Bala and Natasha were late due to some unexpected visitors. They brought with them Bala's pork dish which was spicy but absolutely yummy. We joked that it was a fusion of different races bonded together by food--Iranian, Malaysian, Indian, Chinese, and Pinoy. Talk about ethnic diversity.

We got drunk (or rather they did--I couldn't drink coz I was on antibiotics) and pigged out (I contributed a lot here!). We laughed a lot and shared so many stories. Marisa and I even exchanged movies downloaded over the net. We left at around 11pm. Philip brought us back to Sri Petaling which was so nice of him since it was raining once more.

When we got home the SB boys Obet and Glenn were having a drinking session with Ann so we stopped by their place as well. We brought them our take home bbq for pulutan.

On Monday I bummed around Ann's place with Obet. We watched the NBA all stars live at ESPN. I haven't seen a real NBA game in a long time and was very disappointed the way the game played out. Not that I loved the eastern conference guys but I hated the fact that they lost so dismally. Almost 30 points in all! By third quarter when the lead balooned to 31, the players were not playing basketball anymore. It became an exhibition of dunks and all those incredible shots that you wouldnt dare attempt in a normal game. There was no defense at all. corny. I ended up sleeping.

The night was capped with a good ol meal of sinigang. Our disappointing lunch at Rajah's pushed me to think of something nice for dinner so i decided to cook. Home cooked meals pa din ang the best. Nothing compares to it.

Yesterday I basically rested and went around KLCC a bit. I wasn't feeling well so I went home early. I went out na lang uli late in the afternoon for dinner by the pool.

Now its back to work.. Ang hirap din pala to be on holidays in a place far from home... Walang Ella na kagimik. Walang classmate na pwedeng kulitin. Most of all Walang tindahang bukas! hahaha.

What if?

I had a nice talk with a friend yesterday and we talked about her accident and other stuffs. Amidst everything there was a question that burned in my thoughts for hours--what if? She asked herself that-what if she died in the accident?

Oftentimes we ask ourselves that question. What if? What if we chose differently? What if we could relive times in the past? What if we decided to look the other way? What if we decided to leave? Lots of what ifs.

I remember the story of jamie in a walk to remember and how she made a list of things she wanted to do before she died. She didn't have what if's in her system. She made sure that she never had what ifs.

But unlike my namesake jamie, I do have my own set of what ifs. Talking to jom made me think of one of them last night. And till today I am still thinking of it. What if. But at the back of my mind I know what's past is past and all we have is the future. So I'll try to thread on and forget the once upon a time what if's.

I enjoyed our talk last night. Been a while since I've been to a girltalk. I kinda miss it na rin pala. I texted ella today and told her how I missed having her around.I miss having my bestfriend around.

I guess I simply miss home.

Valentines' Eat All You Want

To some valentines is all about flowers and hearts and all those mushy stuff. And to others its about lamenting why they are virtually single in a world where 4Billion people live. As the years go by, I've often approached valentines with a light heart. I never really hated valentines despite being single coz I've always found ways to enjoy it. I think it was two years ago when I started to wear red on v-day just to make a point that valentines' was not to be dreaded for the unattached. I found it very amusing how people would stare at me while I was walking. hehe..

Yesterday was Valentines' day. If my mom hadn't went into labor early, I would have been born on valentine's day. Kaso sabi ko, buti na lang din kasi pag valentine's ako pinanganak bukod sa kabirthday ko si kris aquino, lugi pa ko kasi isa lang ang gift ko for my birthday and valentines' hahaha.

I celebrate the hearts' day by downloading stuff from the internet (hahaha) while working on my revisions (another hahaha) and eating at hartz chicken-- malaysia's eat all you can place. I didn't expect anything special for v day so when jesse told me we'd eat out I looked forward to it. Good food, great company-- what more can you ask for?

The place looked like a cross between wendy's and kenny rogers. And the chicken taste almost like jollibee (the crispy ones) and andok's (the roasted ones). There were 4 buffet tables. The first one had an array of salads and fruits. There was also soup. I tried the vegetable soup which tasted great. The next table housed the chicken--all kinds--crispy, spicy, roasted, fried gizzard, liver, potato skins, potato wedges, onion rings, assorted breads and muffins, etc. The third one had the weirder foods-- mashed potato and the weird gravy, casseroles, curry, rice. I didn't venture to that table much except to try the mashed potato. The fourth one had the desserts. They actually had those ice cream vendo machines like in mcdonalds. The ice cream was good, although the brownies tasted dry. I liked the cookies most of all.

By the time we stood up and left the table I was so full I could barely breathe. At one point my pants' buttons popped coz i was holding my breathe for so long. We walked around the mall a bit before heading home and meeting up with the real estate agent. I was sooo sleepy in the LRT dahil sa kabusugan.

So that was my valentines' day.. I learned yesterday what valentines is all about. It's not about roses and hearts and all the romantic trimmings. It's not even about the places that gets all filled up because of the day.

It's about spending it with the people who make you laugh and believe that the world is still a beautiful place to live in despite its craziness.

It's about hope that at the end of the day, all of us will eventually have someone who will make us smile.

After A While

A long time ago I chanced upon this poem in a book. It reminded of what was it like to love and how we should love at all times.

I know that there are times when loving someone becomes difficult and that we are bound to get hurt from time to time. Then you realize that after a while you learn..that life does go on...

AFTER A WHILE (Veronica Shoftshall, 1971)

After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept
your defeats
with your head up
and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child

And you learn to build
all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground
is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way
of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.

And you learn
that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn...

Then After "after a while" you change and build your hopes again. And pray that maybe this time it will be different. And you hold on to that hope because in the end that's all you really have..

AFTER "AFTER A WHILE"

After 'after a while'
You want to hold a hand not to chain a soul but
to enjoy its company,
and you want someone's lips to kiss,
not because you are lonely but because you are
happy, and you want to give presents
and you want to make promises.

After 'after a while'
You begin to accept your defeats like an adult,
but like a child, will want someone to listen
and care,
and you want someone who will build roads with
you today so maybe you can pave the way for your
future together.

After 'after a while'
You want someone's sunshine and warmth,
but also accept the rain and the cold,
and you want to give flowers picked from your
own garden.

And when your garden is picture perfect,
you want it to be more than a picture
even if it means having to be imperfect
because you want someone in it to stay and to
live.

Then you'll see that there is
such a thing as love...
and that you were made to live in someone else's
garden...
and you'll know that there is more to life than
yourself.

AND NOW...
You realize that no matter how tightly you hold,
if you're meant to let go, you can
And then you will understand that love
gives you reasons to understand
even the most complicated situations
And you will grow older believing that just
because you have convictions
doesn't mean you're always right

You will remember lips because of the smiles
that made your day,
the words that touched your soul, not only
because of the sweet kisses

And as you graciously accept defeat and absorb
the meaning of lessons
learned,
You feel that you are finally being the person
you never thought you'd be

So, armed with courage, strength and confidence,
you will face the world
head on...
With or without an army behind you
Because you know your worth and that alone is an
armor

With more heartbreaks you will cry
But after every heartache, you will rise

Life is a garden ... it takes long to make it
beautiful.
But it's always worth the wait..

***
this is for all of us who patiently waits
It will be worth the wait... keep the faith.

Celebrating life at 30

None of my original plans about how I was going to celebrate my 3oth birthday came true. And although it may sound terrible it wasn't that at all. I realized that in the end I got to celebrate my birthday in the most perfect way--spending it with people who made me smile.

My celebration started at midnight at the Bakuteh stall where I had late dinner with jesse and we waited for midnight. I was born at 12:35am so when my watch finally registered that time, my birthday officially began. We pigged out on beer, sate and of course bakuteh. Kinalimutan ang cholesterol! I didn't exactly picture myself to be in a foreign country when I turned 30 but I guess life has its way of bringing you to places where you are meant to be taken.

I opened my mail when I got home and I had a surprise from my mom and sister who made this cute powerpoint presentation featuring my baby Polie and Pochay. I miss my cats so much and seeing them sitting on top my car sure did bring tears to my eyes.

I was supposed to cook dinner for friends but unfortunately plans went a bit haywire. I was disappointed at first but of course it never ruined my day as it was my birthday. I was so intent on enjoying every minute of it. After all, turning 30 for someone like me is a miracle by itself. As I told my friend that night I never imagined that I would ever reach this age--not because I was only 16 then and 30 seemed so far away but because literally I wasn't well enough then to even get past 16. And now 14 years later, I am still here. Surviving, living and happy.

The whole day I was in the city walking around and doing some window shopping. I was able to go to church and say my prayers. I was even able to see a nice art exhibit at the petronas galeries called "Voyage"-- how fitting the title isn't it? My life has indeed been one interesting voyage. I dropped by the office for a time and said hello to steve. Went online to chat before heading back again to KLCC where I watched "the holiday" with jesse. It was a nice feel good movie.Quite long but very nice. I loved how the characters had each their own weirdness which I could identify with--cameron diaz's super strong persona, jude law's romanticism, kate winslett's martyrdom and jack black's comic comments. It was a movie about love and how it can come from the most unlikely places. The movie lasted for a little over 2 hours. My movie partner kept teasing me for being a crybaby--I couldn't help not crying after Jude law cried on screen?!!

Prior to the movie we had dinner at secret recipe where I got to have my birthday cake of chocolate indulgence and mocha walnut. We even ordered lasagna since I didn't get to cook it that day. hehe.. I loved the cakes. Super yummy.

After the movie we took a walk in the park. A couple of weeks ago I wrote here how I pictured the perfect birthday celebration to be a picnic in the park. I didn't have a picnic but the walk was perfect enough. We had coffee from starbucks and a nice moonlight on the side. You could see the park light up from the glitters of petronas towers and the fountain was in full glory. What else could I ask for? I may not have had a party this year but honestly, it turned out to be even better. I passed by a wishing well during our walk and despite my wanting to make a wish that night, I couldn't think of anything to wish for. What I had for my birthday was more than enough. It was a birthday to remember.

The birthday may have had some tense moments because of some issues at hand but nothing could beat the events that came after it. I realized that I didn't need a party to make my birthday special. Everything became perfect the way it was. And that makes me happy and grateful.

The day reminded me of a song Ves and I loved to play from the broadway musical Sunset Boulevard. The lyrics are these...

I don't need a crowded ballroom
Everything I want is here
If you're with me, next year will be
The perfect year

Thank you for making the year start perfectly.

The Day Before The Big Day

In less than 24 hours I will turn 30 years old. Some people dread the big three-oh I guess because it points to the sad reality that 1/3 of your life is over. But for someone like me who once thought that life was ending at 4, making it to the big three oh is something worth being thankful for.

I nearly died when I was four years old. When my ITP was discovered life completely became different for me. I learned the harsh reality that life could end for me at anytime. So I grew up kind of afraid that things I liked to do might eventually harm my fragile body. My parents became very protective of me and I led a very protected life. After all I was only 4. Life hasn't even begun for me.

When I was 16 I nearly died again. I was rushed to the hospital for severe hemorrhage. I had to be transfused with blood and platelets. My parents could not find blood donors because none were available and the blood that I needed only came hours later. Then while I was going through transfusion, my body went on a severe allergic reaction and I nearly died again. I remember telling my mom my final "habilins" like asking her to take care of my cats and saying sorry to my then best friend whom I had a falling out with. That was my worst relapse ever. Few people knew of a bargain I made that fateful night. When I was slowly losing my ability to breathe I was praying to God for some relief. A few hours later I woke up and saw the sunrise and that was when I made my bargain with him.

I asked God to grant me some more time so I could make a difference in this world. And after that I'd gladly go with him. And I even gave him a time frame-- thirty years old. And that bargain is supposed to end tomorrow.

I know it's morbid to talk of death a day before your birthday. But I guess that helps frame why I've lived my life this way for the past 14 years. I've been literally living on borrowed time so I guess that made me more aware of the things I wanted to do. That is also why I seem to live in such a hurried life.

Imagine to cram everything you want to do in 14 years. And I've literally done that. That's why finishing my phd before I turned thirty was that important. Coz that was part of my promise to God.

So am I ready now? Yes. There are still other stuffs and dreams I'd like to do like go to Italy or visit the alps. And perhaps even have my own family. But if God were to ask for my end of the bargain now, I'll be happy to say yes.

He gave me so much the past 14 years already and making it to my thirtieth birthday (well almost na) is enough to be thankful for. He has given me 14 beautiful years already and I am glad for that.

So have I fulfilled my promise to make that difference? I hope so. Or at least I tried my best to do so. There were three things that I asked him for time to do: First was I wanted to make sure that my family would be okay. Second I wanted to finish my phd. And third I wanted to learn how was it to love.

My mom and my sister are okay now. We're not perfect but we've been happy. We went through so much as a family the past 6 years years but we managed to more than survive--we managed to live a happier life. I've learned to also forgive the man who nearly broke our spirit and learned to accept that my beloved daddy is simply gone. In a way I am thankful for that loss. Because he taught me the best lesson of my life-- that no matter how bad things become, you have a choice to wallow in hatred or learn to love.

My mom raised me and my sister well. She taught us how to love always and to forgive but to always remember that sometimes in life the people whom you thought you could count on the most are the ones who will also break your heart. As for my dad, I am still grateful for him coz he showed me how I could be a better person despite everything. By leaving he gave us the chance to live.

I earned my phd. I earned it in record time. I now only have to make if fully official with the submission of my revisions.

In 14 years I've loved, lost, loved again, lost again, and loved again. In 14 years I learned to keep my faith in God and my faith in people. And most of all I made someone smile. Ella once told me that we seem to be magnets for complications. I guess it's because God knows that we have that much faith in people. And maybe that's our fault--we trust so much in the good of people. But I guess I'd rather have that blind faith than live a life of paranoia and distrust.

So tomorrow I'm celebrating my birthday. I wish my family and friends were here. I wish I could wake up to the site of polie sleeping beside me on the bed and hearing his baboy like meow. I wish I could blow candles from my traditional birthday cake from shoppersville. I wish I could have that picnic at the bel field again. And most of all I wish I could have my birthday lunch out with ella.

But what the heck, kahit wala pa ang mga trimmings na yon, I am still going to celebrate my birthday.

Good bye 29, hello thirty..

Tama si mariel... mapapaisip ka talaga ng husto when the day comes nearer.

****
I got this nice email from trina.. I thought it was beautiful..

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

Early Birthday Gift

Gave myself an early birthday present (and a belated christmas one) yesterday. Bought a new phone! I have been thinking of getting a new one for some time now but never really found the chance (and the budget) to do so. So after months of wishing and wondering, I finally found my new baby in the form of nokia's 7373. The phone is part of their La Amour collection and it's an improved version of the old 7370 (now it has 2 megapixel camera, expandable memory and a music player that plays mp3s and mp4s). Cool. It's so tiny and so feminine that my old 6600 looked like a bulky phone. I wanted the pink version originally but it cost so much more kaya I settled for the stylish bronze black na lang.

I was out shopping the whole day yesterday since it was a holiday in Selangor and KL. I went to the Pertama Complex and bought a fresh tube of shuttlecocks and had charles' raquet restrung. Then I went to Sungwei Wang and Low Yat in search of my new phone. It was fun walking around on my own in search for my elusive new toy. So when I finally closed the deal in Low Yat I was so happy. I decided to have late lunch at KLCC so I can have a view of the park while I toyed with my new phone. I didnt realize the time coz it took me almost three hours to migrate my phonebook to my new phone. Whew! At least I wasn't bored. I took a quick look at times bookshop before I met up with Jesse for his dinner treat. He took me to chillis and we pigged out on salad and pasta. I was so full after! Calories to burn once more!!!

I was dead tired when I got home I literally fell asleep immediately after my head hit the pillow. I didnt even to get to read my text messages until it was early morning already.

Today is the start of our class for OHSL. No weekends for me for the next two weeks. Ouch!