Early to School

For the first time in two weeks I'm actually not stuck in early morning Katipunan Traffic. And it feels wonderful.

Traffic has been consistently bad the past two and a half weeks in Katipunan. For some reason, everyone seems to be heading towards ateneo from 6am to 8am. Last tuesday it got so bad that it took me almost 2 hours to get to school. I left my house at 6:10 am and got to Ateneo at 8am! Just to get from Mcdonalds to Ateneo's gate 3 took 35 minutes. It was so frustrating.

To avoid that nightmarish event again, we left home at 6:02 today. Talk about an 8 minute difference. From my two hour nightmare (that included a round trip to ever and philcoa), it was reduced to a mere 7 minutes.

Oh why did I ever choose to get a 7:30 class?!

The Onliest One

I like days like today-- days when you have nothing in particular to do but you accomplish a lot of things. I'm never one for planning and I always do things last minute. A crammer at heart so to speak. But today I felt good coz I did a lot of things and I enjoyed it. Got to watch a nice video, went shopping (who doesn't love shopping?) , ate pizza (minus the pineapple) and nachos (yummy!!), and even made a fool of myself in public (classic blooper yon, diba partner?).

Now that is a good day. I hope it won't be the onliest one as Tigger would say.

Speaking of Tigger, I saw Tigger the Movie today on video. It was really nice. It's been a while since I was able to watch a really good cartoon. I thought Peter was kidding when he said I would cry. I did. Funny isn't it?-- crying while watching cartoons. Somehow it reminded me of my childhood days. I remember crying while watching Cinderella when I was a kid. Happy endings make me cry. I even cried while watching Space Jam (okay I wasn't so young then but what the heck, =P)

I've always been a sentimental fool I guess. I cry while reading my favorite stories, I gush over romantic movies. I even cry while watching my sports heroes play. When my sister graduated from high school I even shed a few tears.

Call me cheesy and even corny but that's me.

So now that the day is finally over, I can't help but wish, sana it didn't end na lang. Or sana tomorrow will also be a good one. For once I didn't play badminton but we did drop by SB. As ella would say, "di na kumpleto ang araw niyo kung di kayo dadaan ng SB."

****
maybe you're right. maybe i am. maybe.

Aching Bones and Tired Bodies

Played gruelling matches last night at shuttlesbest with the badminton addicts. Now my entire body hurts like hell. Imagine the girls played 7 sets non stop with no water or rest breaks. Then played a hard mixed game with macre, mark, and peter. I pity partner coz he was running all over the court. I realized in that game how hard it was to shift from one event to another. Playing mixed right after playing women's was really a challenge for me.

Why do we torture ourselves? I guess it's the challenge. And the feeling of accomplishing something. I am no athlete. Prior to badminton I really had no real sport. I dabbled into archery in high school but I never really took it seriously. Because of my ITP I wasn't allowed to go into sports much. In fact I was exempted from PE most of my life. With no innate athletic ability, whatever I have achieved on court is really a product of sheer determination, will power and practice.I know my coach len gets frustrated at me at times coz I can't hit the ball that well. I really admire her patience with me =) Here's what I can promise though, that even if I lack the skills and the power, I can make up for it with determination and will. I will not stop trying even if it kills me. Somehow my pain thresholds increases dramatically when I am playing.

So muscles may ache and my bones may become weary but I will still love this game-- a game that brought me not only achievements I've never thought I'd ever accomplish but also great friends that I will treasure for the rest of my life

Monday Mornings

Its another monday morning.. Start of another week,start of another adventure..

I wonder what will happen this week.

Survey TIme

Kakulitan lang...

Surbey
1. AN0 TAWAG SAYO NG MGA KAIBIGAN MO?
Hazel or Jaime (pronounced as "jaymee").

2. LAGI MONG GINAGAWA?
Work, play badminton, play badminton, play badminton, internet, read, listen to music, eat.

3. NAG TUMBANG PRESO KA BA?-
of course! Pati langit lupa at touch ball.

4. PABORITO MONG KANTA SA NGAYON?
anything as long as hindi heavy metal.

5. KAPUSO O KAPAMILYA?
kung badminton ang usapan, kapamilya syempre.. Kung tv...depende sa palabas.

6. HULING NAPANOOD MO SA SINEHAN?-
Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Batman Begins

7. AYAW MO SA TAONG...
Plastic, bwiset, backstabbers, mahangin

8. FAVORITE RESTO MO?
Kitaro, Superbowl of China, sige na nga Bonfire grill! hehehe
Any resto will do basta masarap!

9. SAN KA NAPADPAD NUNG NAKARAANG LINGGO?-
Friday I was in Shuttlesbest playing. Saturday, nilakbay ko ang Malate tapos pumunta ng SB. Then hang out sa house ni Len.

11. PABORITO MONG LAPIS?
Mongol.

12. BOLPEN?
Yung cute na purple pen sa national. Cheap na maganda pa.

13. KAPAG MAY KASAMA KANG UMIIYAK ANONG GAGAWIN MO?-
I try to comfort the person and just listen to him/her. Be there and be a friend

14. EH PAG TUMATAWA?
Nakikitawa din. Kahit di ko nagets nakikitawa pa din! hehehe

15. NAKARATING KA NA BA SA MENTAL HOSPITAL?
Yup! trabaho ko yon eh.

16. ANONG NARARAMDAMAN MO KAPAG KAHARAP MO CRUSH MO?-
Hmm... ano nga ba? Observe me na lang. That is kung alam mo kung sino siya! hahaha

17. MADALAS MONG KAUSAP SA PHONE?
Si Ella

18. MAHILIG KA BA SA TAONG SELOSO/SELOSA?
Don't think so.

19.ANO/SINO ANG NASA ISIP MO SA NGAYON?
Secret!!!!... ano kaya ang kakainin ko mamaya?

20. GANO KA MAGMAHAL? Please refer to my previous blog entry. hehehe. kidding aside, we all do stupid things in the name of love. I may have had pathetic attempts at it but at least I know I loved with my heart. =)

Wandering

We are wanderers in this journey of life.

Sometimes I ask myself what is the purpose of my life. Why am I here? And what I am meant to be? Sometimes the answers come clear to me (just like in that email survey. =P) but most of the time I still wonder, who am I meant to be?

I know I've accomplished a lot and I've been through a lot. Been through hell and back and back to hell and back again countless of times. I've cried, I've laughed, felt loved and gave love. I've lived. Yet I know there's something more out there. Has to be.

Last night I was talking to my friends and someone told me that I don't really have a say about relationships for the reason I've never been in one (ouch!). Yeah I know but it doesnt mean I've never loved. Some question my ideal optimism at times and they say its textbook. I don't know and I beg to disagree.

What I do know is that I know what its like to love and lose someone and learn to pick yourself up again. I've been a trooper in this relationship circle. I will admit that I don't know a lot of things when it comes to love relationships (I'm pathetic at mine!) but it doesnt mean I dont try. And to correct the notion that I am picky and I intimidate the men in my life- I do not (not intentionally that is). This is me. I have loved (unfortunately, more often, was not requited) and I have turned away those I know I don't have feelings for (honesty is the best policy)..

Underneath all these achievement hoolahbalooh is just an ordinary girl (narinig ko na ata to!hehe!). And that there are some things that really matter to me more than people actually know.

I'd like to believe that true love still exists. And that no matter how jaded the world has become, I'd like to believe in that truth. Call me eternally optimistic or even a crazy little girl but I'd rather believe in that one craziness that spend my life thinking that things will never work out.

****

why do you mean so much to me? what made you matter?
ewan.

Hanging Thoughts

Been having a series of hanging dreams lately-- you know those type of dreams that just when youre about to get to the good part or the ending of the story, you wake up? Kaasar! And you can't go back to the dream again so you're left just like that--hanging. Last night I had a hanging dream again. It was a continuation of a previous dream the week before, then just as I was finally about to get to the ending, boom! I wake up! Inis! hehehe.

If we are to go psychological, one could say that dreams are methapors for events happening in our lives. I guess it does hold true for me. A lot of things have been just like that lately--hanging. I don't know if I should be happy about it or not. If I'm ready to answer the hangings or not. A lot of maybe's and what if's lately.

Life is like that sometimes. "You may never get the answers you want. But it doesn't mean you don't go looking for the answers though, does it?" ("Cady", Lost and Found)

Will I ever know? Or rather will I ever find the guts to find out?

Ewan

Something to think about

Got this message from a friend thru text... "The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can never end...How would you feel if you loved without thought of it all ending, if you gave yourself fully to the experience of love without the jaded outlook of an adult? There lies the magic of first love."

If life could only be that simple. =P

goodbye lola paz

Lola Paz passed away at 12nn today. One more brave soul moving on to the next life. She will be missed but she will also be remembered well.

Long day is over

Have you ever had a day when you feel so tired at the end of it yet you know you havent really accomplished much? That's how I feel today. This morning I was telling myself that I had so much to do-- yet couldnt find the spirit to start what needs to be done. Now that the day is over, Im feeling tired yet at the same time I know I didnt do so much. Weird! =)

Saw Mr. & Mrs Smith. Sat in between two couples. Felt like a chaperone, fortunately I didnt know them. hahaha. Was there all by myself. Mixed feelings about the movie. Don't know if I like it and I dont know if I don't. Something's just missing in the movie I guess. I just don't know what.

Somehow not playing badminton for two days leaves a feeling of weirdness. Addict. hahaha

Things to Do

I know I have a lot to do today but I can't seem to get started on any of them. Was late for class (fortunately, my prof was also late!) and my photouploading seems to be taking forever.. I did accomplish one important thing today-- I finally submitted the first two chapters of my dissertation proposal to my adviser.

Dont want to think anymore for today. If only that was possible.

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Spent the entire day just lazing around the house. Got some much needed shuteye to recover from two days of early morning habits. How I wish everyday would be a sunday like this =)

Had a great game yesterday on court. I don't know which was more tiring-- playing a hard game of badminton or laughing our hearts out on court? Not to mention the hours we spent just sitting around and chatting. Our saturday habit was complete yesterday-- great play, good food (pancit molo and tuna belly) and great friends. What more could you ask for?

Thomas Wayne told his son Bruce that we fall because we have to learn to pick ourselves up. How I wish that life was that simple.

When we were kids, we do that--we fall then we pick ourselves up. Sure, we cry a bit, run to mommy, but afterwards were ready to play once more. Life was simple then. But as one gets older (not necessarily wiser) the act of falling and picking yourself becomes a bit complicated. Perhaps its because falling is not part of play anymore, but part of some of life's harshest realities. Losing precious objects, failing at a certain task, or losing someone can sometimes be too hard to bear.

I used to think I was fearless and that I could face any storm. Now I know better. I have to admit that I get scared too. Mind you I do a lot of daring things. Ask my friends and they tell you how I can do the gutsiest things without batting an eyelash. But in some ways Ive also turned into been more risk averse..I guess there are simply some things that are too precious for me to risk. Maybe I've turned into a chicken or maybe I'm simply afraid that if I fall this time, I might not have the heart to pick myself up again. My heart has simply been bruised and battered so many times in the past. While I have endured, I know that there are some things I am now more wary of. Part of growing up and growing old I guess. And I find it sad. Sad because I once promised that I will not lose that optimism in me. I hope it's still there somewhere, waiting for me to reach out again.

I wish I could go back to the childhood days of playing and falling again. Maybe we all need to learn that-- learning to pick ourselves up when we fall. And even if no one catches us eventually, we have that inherent trust that things will turn out okay.

I hope that the next time I fall, I have the courage to do what Thomas Wayne said-- learn to pick myself up.

****

But talking about the movie-- the movie rocks.. Batman Begins is the best Batman so far. Loved the story and loved Christian Bale. Batman finally gets a soul.

anonymous comment

to answer your question.... ewan din! =P Dont think I am ready to know the answer yet to whatever questions I have brewing inside. Di pa ko handa bumalik sa thinking mode-- summer break pa ang brain ko. Or maybe I don't want to know the answers yet.

diba life is one big ewan at times? =)

As the saying goes, in his time... it will come... the answers will come. For now, ewan na lang.

Loving Fridays again

I remember last sem when I stopped loving fridays.. Now fridays are jolly days again. I may have class but I dont have to wake up super early anymore because I dont need to be in school till lunch time. =)

Feeling sleepy. Training yesterday drained my energy. I had to pretend to be "awake" during our homeowners meeting and i had to pinch myself so often so I wont doze off to sleep.

Back to reality

Back to school, back to reality. I'm just not sure if Im in the school mode yet. Hangover of summer I guess. Trying to jumpstart my brain into the thinking mode again. Have one tough year ahead of me with internship and dissertation along with work and not to mention badminton to keep me sane. Still trying to work out my sched and trying to figure out how do i lead a balanced life despite the hectic pace of my activities. Yesterday I tried coffee for the 11th time in my life and it caused me heart palpitations and tremors. Don't think I can do that again.

One more year. March 25, 2006 is freedom day.

some random morning thoughts

what if?
Ewan

Some things are just better left unanswered for now

»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§«:*´`³¤³´»§
And there we were, in a kind of harmony; and the evening was so beautiful,
that it made apain in my heart, as when you cannot tellwhether you are
happy or sad; and I thoughtthat if I could have a wish, it would be that
nothing would ever change, and we could stay that
way forever... -Margaret Atwood "Alias Grace"
»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§«:*´`³¤³´`*:»«:*´`³¤³´`*:»§«:*´`³¤³´»§

Enjoying the last weekend of freedom

My friends

Pamilya Badminton 4 Winners

Fruitful Weekend

Had a very eventful weekend.. Friday night was inuman night at the house with badminton buddies from Shuttlesbest to celebrate the end of comps. Cooked dinner for my closest buddies and had a great time laughing together and getting drunk. Star of night si Macre who will be now forever known as the one who said "Macre is a girl!" Karen's kitchen antics will also be forever remembered along with the great CR adventures of George and Mark...

Thanks Peter, Ella, Mike, Mae, Raul, Mark, Macre, George, Len, Emerson, Tito noel, tita nel, kei, RB,Tey, and Karen. =) Comps would have been such a dreadful experience without your support.

Saturday continued the adventure as I found myself stuck in UN avenue after my car became "pawis steering" instead of power steering. The power steering cable got anihilated along the way to Manila. 3 hours of Eat Bulaga was the price to pay while waiting for Shell UN Ave to fix my car. Pure torture according to Ves... By 6pm I was off to court (addicts!) to play with the gang despite our 2am sleeping time that morning. Fun games turned a bit sour when a sourgraper started acting up on court. But as tito would say, "si ______ yon! dont stoop to his level!" Binawi na lang sa kain sa bonfire. Sisig and nilaga! yummy!

Sunday was the best. May talent pala si Macre sa singing! hehehe. Pamilya Badminton Round 4 was the event of the weekend. Partnered with Mike (liit) and had a thrilling 3rd place finish against tough opponents Mae and Luis. My partner was the best-- powering our comeback from a 2-12 deficit to win the second set 15-12. Thanks partner!!! Decided to share the glory with Mae and Luis after major cramps kept stopping our game in the third set. It was one great fight. Up to now I'm still dead tired. Best game was against Luis and Mae. Scariest game was against partner Peter (and his famous game face). The shuttlecock was literally shaking when I was serving against my favorite partner.Took over 300 pictures..The champions? Sino pa eh di si mike and macre (Bullies! nang loveset!). Intermission number nga lang daw sila according to Mark.

Dinner at Bonfire and videoke at planet after the games. Macre is the new corrs superstar while peter is ric segretto's new prodigy . Mae is the topnotcher-- pwede ng maging VJ Mae (may kwento lahat ng playlist niya). Ella's picture was the best and bossing mike remains undisputedly the super star of videoke. As for me, taga alaska. hahaha. Buti di pikon si partner (peace tayo partner ha!)Took 2 hours to say goodbye to the folks (bakit kaya?hmmm... sino ba kasi yung uwing uwi na na di makasegway ng uwi?Sino nga ba?!=P) nga lang.. By the time I slept, I realized that it was already Monday and it was the last day of summer vacation.

Tomorrow its back to reality.

Hectic Wednesday

Doing some major testing today. And it looks like Im gonna be in here for long time. One of my client is answering a 600 item questionnaire and one hour after she started, she's still in item 125. Thank God there's a computer nearby.

My knee hurts from badminton last night. Major running was done that stressed me out. It was one of those days when shots seem to be out of sync and I can't seem to get past the net. hahaha. Frustrating a bit but you just learn to live and let go. As a friend of mine says, "may mga araw talagang ganyan.."

My sister just learned that she's the class topnotcher! wow! My sister, the nerd. hahaha. But kidding aside, she's the one person in this world whom I know can master any amount of paperwork, information and tons of readings without battling an eyelash.The only one who can find the discipline to study even during christmas day and who can make herself stop watching her favorite show so she can read her notes. Idol.

Dinner

SB closed early today. Had dinner with the guys instead. Yummy butter chicken and sizzling tadyang from papa jeks. Even the mango masaker was good.Why was it called mango masaker I really have no idea... diet destroyed but what the heck. It was worth it. The rains started again but it was still okay. ...Somehow we seemed to love the color blue that the four of us were all wearing it--we looked like a boy band from the great somewhere...

I like nights like these.Simple but fun. Good food, good company. What more can you ask for?

The ultimate sign of badminton addiction-- when you begin to worry what will happen to the court when the rains come. Sana kasi di na binabaha ang shuttlesbest. Wish ko lang....It has been like the second home to us the past year (di ba bossing mike, and peter?hehehe) and I can't seem to imagine days without my daily fix of just hanging around the court.

***
Happy birthday to you whereever you are even if you chose to forget me. Despite everything I honestly wish you well.

Rainbows after the rains...

I passed my comprehensive exams. Somehow the additional letters to my last name seem so surreal when the news finally came. I was actually on court, playing my sanity game (badminton) when I received the news. And when I called to confirm if I indeed passed, it felt if a huge burden was taken off my back. For several days, I was in limbo trying to calm my restless spirit who every so often would ask myself whether I passed or not. For someone whose comps motto was "failure is not an option," it was indeed one nerve wracking experience. The agony of waiting was simply so great.

The comps made me realize one very important thing-- that I have so much to be thankful for. And that words will never be enough to thank all those who gave me their support through the weeks of hell called comps. I'd probably need an entire blog account just to thank everyone who touched my spirit and prayed with me.

Peter, Mike, & Emerson, (tatlong pasaway who took time out to spend the great day with me last friday); Len, Pamilya Badminton (Tita Nel, Tito Noel, RB and Kei), Luis, Mga marekoys Jeanette and Joy, parekoy patrick, karen, p10, cara, mommy, ves, ces, greatness oliver, joven, phen, tita sansu, my psy 101 A summer class, chin, bambi and obeng (my MA compstudy gang cheerers) and so many others I failed to mention.-- salamat

And to Ella, who has been with me throughout the ups and downs and craziness of life. The only one who truly knows the insides of my soul. Sana nga magkatotoo na ang mission mo sa kin. =)

And to those who made life a bit simpler for me and even those who made some days really miserable, salamat pa din.

In my MA thesis I wrote the following words and I am writing them once again-- "Believe in your power to create miracles.Thank you for the gift of love."

nostalgic

A student of mine asked me yesterday how I was. He was referring to my past posting here. I told him i was okay. It may come as a surprise (?) to some but I really am okay. Im a trooper and I've always landed on my two feet. When you've been through some really tough storms, little typhoons do not rile you anymore. Sure it was kinda hurtful at that time but I've learned to take things in stride. Life is too short to spend it wallowing on pity--especially self pity.

Today would have been the 30th anniversary of two good friends of mine. But as they say, sometimes things are just not meant to work out.

after a while you learn that even sunshine burns when you get to much..
...so you plant your own garden, decorate your own soul.... and with every goodbye you learn..

With every Goodbye you learn

happenings

A lot of happenings the past few days both happy and sad.. Powerade 2 finally ended and my friends won. It was a blast cheering for Len (my coach!) and macre, peter and mike, mae and joy, rodel & mark and the rest of the SB gang who joined the games. Nearly lost my voice shouting, and nearly anihilated mae's fingers while jumping (sorry mare!!!)

On a sad note, saw two special people got hurt--My sister got held up and a friend got hurt as well. To quote chin, may the "bad people rot in hell." Wish I could do something about it though. But I can't. We can't all be superheroes.

Back to happy notes, R and R at the office yesterday. We went to Forrest club. It's been years since I've been on a hotspring. And mind you, was it hot! It was hard to stay in the pool for a long period of time. But the place was nice. It was quiet and peaceful and lots of yummy food to eat.

Now if only comps results will finally arrive... The waiting continues.