Last night amidst my frustration about finally completing my dissertation panel, I wrote down a list of things I'd rather be doing at that moment.
1. be with the person who makes me smile
2. eat popcorn while watching a good movie
3. go to the beach
4. play badminton
5. not be a driver for a change
6. go out and not worry about any responsibilities that I've left behind
7. eat white icing cake from shoppersville
8. Read a good book
10. be happy
11. drop everything and just forget about my dissertation for a while
12. eat isaw and fishballs
13. have a good laugh
14. play cards
15. run wild in a field of flowers
16. go on a picnic
18. eat ilocos empanada in ilocos
19. go on a vacation
None of the items in my list included most of the things I'm doing now (except for badminton and being with my friends). I guess I'm at the point when I'm just too overtaxed from the stress of school and work. I thought writing a dissertation would be stressful enough, but no, it's the events and people around it that makes it all the more stressful. If I had my way, I'd stop everything and just walk away.
So what is stopping me from doing so? I keep my promises. Always. I made a promise several years ago that I'd finish this. When I started my phd I promised my mom I'd finish it. And so here I am making good on that promise. It's hard to understand for some but that's just the way I'm built. But more than a promise to my family, I promised myself one morning 12 years ago, that I'd do this. I made a bargain with God that day. And I intend to keep my end of the bargain.
So I thread on...
YOU keep me from giving up and you are the reason for my smiles.