It's Complicated

Oliver showed me a nice entry from his friend this morning. There was a quote there that struck me. So I'm reposting that quote here.

COMPLICATED

It’s when you don’t know where you stand in a person’s life.
It’s when you are hanging on to dead air and knowing you can be thrown off anytime.
It’s like when you are more than friends but not really.
And it’s like you are lovers when it’s really otherwise.
Sometimes, you would want to wish to have never met that person at all,
But at the back of your mind, you are thankful you have

Who wants complications? I know I don't. But I think the reason why we gravitate towards it is because the excitement of it makes life interesting and if for some reason its the only way to be with someone you want to be with, the complication gives you that spark of hope that one day things might end differently. But then again, its a matter of choice isn't it? Ang tanong diyan eh gano ka tatagal sa complication? hanggang kelan ka magtitiyaga?

Ika nga ni Laida, maniwala na lang sa goodness.

hahaha...

The Great Adobo Challenge

For those who read my previous entry.. this is the adobo story that I promised to write..

Kung may isang ulam na dati rati ay proud na proud akong lutuin, yun ay ang adobo. Grade 3 ata ako nung una ko siyang natutunan lutuin. At sa dinamidami ng versions na alam ko, kahit nakapikit maluluto ko ito (hep! wala munang kokontra!). Until today. Sabi ko nga ke neighbor, ilang milyong beses ko na siguro niluto ang adobo and kanina ko lang nakuha ang tanging reklamo (o siya maliban dun sa time nakalimutan ko siya at nasunog ito) about my ever favorite pinoy dish.

Maalat ang adobo. See I told you, walang kokontra... Promise di ko talaga malasahan ang alat (hmm my tastebuds must be haywire?). Pero sabi ng aking food critic, maalat daw. Plus minasaker ko daw ang pakpak ng manok at namukhang minced chicken siya (they just crumbled you know! haha). A for effort ang grade ko but S for Salty sa taste. May kanta pa yang katumbas (pano nga uli yun? basta asa tune ng london bridge.. kanina LSS ko yun eh).

My self confidence went down the drain (o sige table ng Nando's). Sama mo pa diyan ang blooper ng itlog na pula (Itlog na maalat) na di lang kulay itim dito sa malaysia eh kelangan pa palang lutuin (malay ko bang may option pala sa malaysia na fried salted egg or scrambled salted egg..Sa tin naman iisa lang ang pulang itlog.. at siya ay luto). Parang bigla tuloy akong napaisip--Marunong pa ba akong magluto? (Lasagna will be my redemption!) Sabi ni Food Critic may saving grace naman daw ako-- masarap daw ang garlic fried rice.

But in fairness, the criticism was constructive (with a lot of pang-aasar on the side). Di tayo pikon so we should learn to take criticism with a grain of salt (hep! maalat again!). Although ilang beses ko din siyang muntik masaksak ng tinidor and nabatukan, I must admit, nabusog ako agad sa kakatawa (hmm.. bagong diet tip ito). Saka nainsulto man ng husto ang aking formerly world famous adobo, naubos din naman nila (kasi gutom daw sila.. sige na nga!). So all's well ends well.

So now there is a challenge- My food critic told me that he would cook me an adobo that would cause me to forget my name in the process (talaga lang ha!). Papakita daw niya kung pano ang tunay na pagluto ng adobo. Sige na nga, payag na ako.ng malaman ang katotohanan (mataas ang standards ko!). basta aabangan ko yan.. Teka kelan ba yon? For my part, I will be making my famous lasagna again (so lets rename this as the adobo vs lasagna challenge) and I promise to redeem m myself.

at sisiguraduhin ko ng luto ang itlog na maalat.

Sana may application na ganito sa facebook.. ang saya siguro nun.. :P

Went Up The Waterfalls and came down with a New Toy

I went up the mountains of Selangor today to take photos of the Sungai Chongkak waterfalls. It was a totally different experience for me since it was my first time to take serious photographs in a forest setting. I woke up early (5:30am) to prepare my gear (Lesson 1: always remember your battery, diba?) and dress up. After breakfasting at Mcdonalds (Lesson 2: tradition eto..bawal ibreak), we were on our way to experience the ice cold streams of Sungai Chongkak in the state of Selangor.

My first impression was that the waters were kind of deep (lesson 3: fashionwise, mali ang uniform natin! ang kulet kasi.. mag uniform nga dapat..) But what the heck, a serious photographer will wade through mud if needed to take that one perfect shot right? So ayan, nagpaka dyesebel kuno ang lola niyo at lumusong sa ubod ng lamig na tubig.Ilang beses din akong muntik madulas at madapa (Lesson 4: Dignity and Decorum). Syempre kelangan set ang priorities-- Camera first before safety. Mahulog na ang lahat wag lang ang camera.

But I will tell you this. It was worth it. I learned to use the ND filter set thanks to my mentor (and number 1 taga asar!) and learned a new skill in landscape photography. I never thought I could capture those sceneries in exactly the way I envisioned them to be. I was happy even if my butt was wet and I had to take a pee inside the "gabi ng lagim" like hole they called a toilet (lesson 6: dont look, just pee). hahaha.

On the way back we stopped by the Semenyih Dam and the lookout point where we not only got to take gorgeous landscape photos of the dam but we also witnessed a very interesting "scenery" on a nearby car at the lookout point. hahaha. Panalo talaga ang telescopic eyes ng aking mga kasama.. napansin pati ang pumping scene (ewwww) na nagaganap sa aming tabi(Lesson 7: pag may balak gawin, siguraduhing walang makakakita)

After a long late lunch and Nando's with matching pangaasar from my food critique (Lesson 8: sige na! maalat na ang adobo! huhuhu... abangan na lang ang entry dito..) na may matching kanta pa (eraserheads? di ko kasalanan bat nagkahypertension si ely buendia no), we went to look for a camera strap (strap lang!) but ended up going on a retail therapy mode (Lesson 9: always have an excuse: my excuse-malungkot ako sa adobo;his excuse-kelangan ni hazel ng kadamay) and bought a new lens. It's the lens that I was once told to "be a sin if you don't have it"- 50 mm lens from canon. For just 370RM (with UV and close up filters, I had a new toy. Although it was totally out of my plans for the month, I couldn't resist the great deal (Lesson 10: happy naman tayo diba?) so I withdrew from my grief allowance (Lesson 11: meron pala ako nun) and bought a new toy for my favorite toy (of course ano pa? Hep!eh di yung camera!) Nagamit ko ang aking convincing powers (di daw effective pero Bad influence daw ako...hmm... sino kaya?) and napabili din si guru although mas sosyal yung kanya (Lesson 12: happy ka naman diba?)

So I went up to see the waterfalls and ended up with a new toy-- thanks to my lovely credit card and the convincing powers of one photoaddict like me... Masamang combination daw kami. Sa susunod iwanan ang credit card sa bahay. hahaha.

Kasalanan to ng adobo eh.. at nang api sa adobo..peace :P

My Weekend Date

I had another date yesterday with the dentist . I woke up in so much pain so I decided that I will see her and find a way to get rid of the terrible feeling once and for all. The verdict? I needed a root canal. Just the thought of having one scared the living daylights out of me. I've always been afraid of dentists and ever since the mere mention of the words "bunot, pasta, drill, injection,etc" is enough to make me run for the door. But yesterday I had to face a choice-- live in pain for the the rest of my days here or face my fears. And since I couldn't stand the piercing pain that was giving me migraines, I semi agreed to the procedure (semi lang coz were on a we shall see agreement depending on the state of things..and the state of my wallet! hahaha). The dentist placed me on double dosage of anesthesia and for the next 1.5 hours drilled her way to my roots. I was high on anesthesia but was still so tense that I had to ask for two bathroom breaks to relieve my bladder. I focused on the most mundane things on the cieling to distract myself (symetrical pala ang lahat ng sides ng water sprinklers at slightly blurred pala ang print ng brand na philips sa flourescent lamps nila..). At times I would look spaced out that the dentist would ask me every couple of minutes or so if I was okay. I told her I was focusing my energies on thinking about happy thoughts and she laughed. Every ounce of courage that I had was tested to the limits especially when I started seeing all those tiny needles. I really hate needles. But I had no choice. I had to be brave.

I left the dentist past 2:30 in the afternoon, tired and hungry but proud of myself that I survived . I couldn't feel my face and I felt my smile was a bit weird. I was warned about eating as I might accidentally bite myself. I met my cheering brigade at Sogo where I had my first real meal for the day-- chicken nuggets and fries from mcdo. Syempre puro pangaasar inabot ko (pero patawarin natin since pinatawa naman ako the whole day which i must admit kept me sane..) since I was not only eating so slowly, I couldn't even bring my lips together to sip the iced lemon tea! bwahaha.. panalo. Para kong may bell's palsy (tama ba ang ispelling?) Wala pa din silang Yoda so di pa wagi ang collection namin. After eating, I did some retail therapy and bought a gift for my mentor, Pabu. When I got home, I fell asleep almost immediately. Saka na lang ang quest ko for 1M points in bejewelled. 2 Rest muna. Hayaan na nating manalo si gidiyap for now.

A whole weekend with the dentist. It wasn't exactly the weekend I had hoped for. I had a different gimik in mind. But I guess life has its way of surprising us. And despite everything, I did have a good weekend. I may have cried a lot but I did laugh a lot. Di man natuloy ang original plans ko, nagkaron naman ng mga ibang plans na masasaya din. Andyan ang birthday ni Kobet na puno ng kulitan, ang telethon na nang ubos ng load ko at ang mga tawag nga mga taong chineer up ako the whole day pati ang phone calls ni mamsy at ang mcdonalds chicken nuggets with bbq sauce.

Most of all I realized how many people do actually care for me (Thanks!) And for that I feel blessed.

In Pain

My tooth hurts. I had a filling replaced yesterday because for 2 days it was hurting slightly. Now that hurting has worsened. And I don't know what to do with myself. The dentist told me to take mild pain relievers like panadol. But I know panadol cannot alleviate this nerve pain. Half my face is already in pain.

What makes things worse is that taking pain meds is not exactly an option for me. Ever since I can remember, they have been one of the triggers of my ITP relapses. And my platelets right now is not exactly at an optimum level. I just can't risk it. Even at a stable level of 112,000 (as of 3 weeks ago), it's still not normal. I just hope I can stand the pain a little bit longer. Otherwise I might need to break my " in case of emergency" glass and take that medicine that I know will remove the pain but might cause havoc to my count. And honestly, my psychological powers is being tested already to its limits. I seriously need a distraction...

just breathe..

My Travelogue

Ella and I were talking recently about our travels when she realized that I travelled at least once a month this year. I didn't even notice. Looking back I didn't realize how much I've travelled that past 9 months and how much travels I still have to look forward to the next 3 months.

January-- Davao (for the new year); Back to KL (January 13)
February-- Bangkok with Angeli for my Birthday; Pulau Penang with Jay, Tina and Wilai
March-- Pulau Redang with Jay, Tina, and Wilai
April -- Day trip to Melaka with Anthony and Jesse; Overnight in Port Dickson with Anthony
May-- wala.. (ata..)
June-- Cameron Highlands with Jay, Reg, and Tina
July-- 5 weeks of no weekends due to work so I had to stay put. Plus I landed in the hospital
's ER
August-- Manila and Davao (with momsy, anthony, and the rest of the PAP folks)
September-- wala pa (start pa lang eh..) pero dadating si Oliver next week so gala again
October-- Hongkong Cruise with Angeli and her family (with Stopovers to China and Vietnam)
November-- Cambodia with Jay, Reg and Tina
December-- Philippines again with a "Tara Byahe Tayo theme" (for short, gala time again)

Whew! The list alone makes me feel tired. It is by far from exhaustive. May mga "not to be mentioned" trips here and there pa yan. hahaha.

None of these trips were planned when the year started. Most of them were spur of the moment thingies with the exception of Cambodia and my Xmas trip home. The rest were hatched and planned mostly 1 week or so before the actual date. The shortest planned was Penang which was hatched less than 24 hours before we departed. Our trip to Redang got moved because of the rains so in our effort to find a replacement "byahe," and thanks to the wonders of the internet, my friends and I got sidetracked to Pulau Penang where I ate the nicest food ever.

The list made me realize that the reason I'm poorer this year is because I spend most of my money on plane, bus and boat tickets all over. But what the heck, we're supposed to do what makes us happy right?

Reg and I made a pact that before we move back to the Philippines, we'd travel the entire southeast asia region first. I think I am well on my way to achieving that goal.

Tara Byahe Tayo...

One Rainy Day

I was supposed to go out this afternoon. Unfortunately KL's erratic moonsoon weather didn't cooperate with us. So I ended up staying at home and fixing my room (or shall I say attempted to do so). I had brunch with my neighbor atebillie, tita nitz and K earlier before I had my date with the dentist in carrefour (lost a filling two days ago). I even did my version of singing in the rain walking back from c4 to endah villa. Fortunately no one witnessed my near slip in the foyer downstairs. After talking in Skype with a friend I decided to rest and and take a nap.

I think I got about 15-20 minutes rest before my prednisone induced mania kicked in and pushed me out of bed. I cleared the bed and kept my clothes that were laying around. After that I fixed the mess all over my room. With nothing else to do, I browsed the net for some vacation tips and ended up talking to my student about Cambodia travel tips. I googled my way out of boredom and ended up making an itinerary for our adventure in November. Funny, how life finds a way to keep you occupied.

It's quite ironic that there are days when you seem to have no time on your hands to fit everything that needs to be done. Then there are days like this when you have so much time on your hands.

Gutom na ko.. Makakain na nga lang...

Fasting Month Moments

Last monday, I was having dinner with two friends in the mall when we were asked by the waiter if we wanted to wait for buka puasa before our food would be served. Hungry as we were, we had to quickly explain to the waiter that we were not Muslims and were not fasting. That was the second time I got questioned about my eating during Ramadan since I moved to Malaysia two years ago. Funny, coz I've always taken it for granted that I was a non-Muslim in a predominantly Muslim country. At times I would find myself confused as to why people were staring at me when I would eat during the fasting month. I tend to forget that I look like a local. My friends also looked local. So it came as no surprise when we were stopped from eating.

The same thing happeend on Wednesday when the server at Nando's was apparently waiting until buka puasa to take our order. I was so hungry and was constantly signalling the waiter to please come and take our order. When they realized that we were not fasting, ayun pina order din kami.

I can't imagine myself ever fasting. Yung 2x a year requirement nga ng Catholic church never ko pang nagawa. I've always had the excuse since I was hyperacidic. I can abstain from pork during the holy week but to actually stop me from eating anything is impossible. That's why I really admire those who can.

10 Lessons Learned at the Merdeka Parade Through the Eyes of a Would Be Photographer

10. The Early Bird catches the Worm este the train-- Di pa sumisikat ang araw lumayas na ako ng endah villa. 6:15am exacto tumawid ako sa carrefour para habulin ang bus. Umabot. Kaso pag dating sa LRT wala pang train. Kakaalis lang niya. Dapat pala mas maaga pa ako sa 615. 15 loong minutes later may dumating din kaya't nakaalis din ako sa kadiliman ng istasyon ng Sri Petaling. May araw na ng dumating ako sa Mcdo Masjid Jamek, just in time para sa aming 7:00-7:15 meeting time nina gidiyap at stanley (yahoo di ako late!)

9. Patience is a virtue-- Kung balak mong maging isang ganap na photographer, kelangan patient. Never take no for a final answer ("no deal!") at wag magpapadeter sa mga pulis na mukhang masusungit. Ika nga na aking "guru" paglumingon yung bantay sa kabila, diretso na lang ang lakad. After all, only the brave gets the gold.

8. Height is might-- disadvantage talaga ang "cute" pag gusto mo maging photographer. Puro ulo ang makikita mo sa lugar na siksikan tulad ng Dataran Merdeka. Pero sa singitan, panalo ka. Pwede kang sumuot sa mga lugar na di kaya puntahan ng mga giants. Wag ka lang papahuli sa gwardya kundi matutulak ka palabas.

7. Check your gears-- wag na wag sasabak sa labanan na di kumpleto ang arsenal. Sa gitna ng parade, biglang nagdilim ang langit. Narealize ko na wala akong payong. Patay. Kung ano ano tuloy na battle plan ang naisip namin just in case umiyak ang kalangitan. Syempre ang first order of the rains ay protect the camera at all cost unless waterproof ang camera mo.

6. Mag Costume-- Kung balak maging photographer, kelangan eh live the look. Di ka lulusot sa gwardya sibil kung di ka mukhang press people. Diyan ko idol yung manong sa LRT. Kumpleto sya from camera to vest to tripod to even a hat. panalo. Gusto ko nga siyang tanungin kung may antenna pa siya ni ernie baron sa vest niya kasi parang buong bahay niya ang nakasabit dito. Kaso wag na lang baka magalit eh or worse di niya magets.

5. Vanity is not a sin-- Di excuse ang pagbilad sa araw or paglalakad ng matagal para di maging well groomed. Kelangan ang kikay kit ay kasama sa list of must things to bring. Andyan ang towel, alcogel, facial wipes, tissue at syempre ang suklay. Samahan na din ng powder at leepistik kung may sisingitan ka pa. Remember, beauty is also a deadly weapon. Isang ngiti lang sa masusungit na bantay eh makakalampas ka kung maganda ka. :D

4. White & long is the best-- Kung ang lens mong bitbit ay kit lens, mere mortal ka lang sa merdeka parade. Kung naka telepoto ka, wagi ka. Kung naka L lens ka, ganda mo. Pero kung papalarin kang makagamit (or better yet eh magkaron ng kaibigan na papahiramin ka) ng isa sa high end fixed focal L lenses na kasing haba ng baril ang itsura, plus 1 million cutey points ka! Kanina natry ko ang 70-200 F2.8 Canon Lens at ang 100-400 Canon Lens. Wala akong masabi. Hanep. Parang nag dudumbbells ka nga lang sa bigat ang camera mo, pero men sulet the effort. Kahit ata yung langaw sa noo ng tao sa kabilang kalsada eh pwede mong kunan. Sabi nila "once you go black, you'll never go back." Mali. Once you go white, you'll wish you had a sugar mommy or daddy to buy you one. hehehe.

3. An empty tummy is a sad tummy-- Mahirap ang sumabak sa parade ng gutom. Mahaba ang program. Kaya kelangan bago ang lahat, magpakabusog muna. Kanina kumain kaming 3 sa mcdo bago pa man ang lahat. Hayaan na nating wala tayong maupuan sa parada. Ang importante, wag galitin ang mga alaga sa tiyan... oo nga pala, wag din kalimutan magbaon ng tissue, para sa call of nature after. hehe.

2.Mahirap ang Buhay Paparrazzi-- Grabe pala ang pagod na inaabot ng mga taong humahabol kina Britney Spears at Madonna. Kaya naman pala ganun na lang ang singil nila sa mga pictures nila. Ang buhay ng isang paparazzi ay parang buhay ng isang nakatakas na preso. Tago ng tago sa mga humahabol na bantay. Matututo kang gumapang, lumuhod, tumayo, humiga, atbp makuha lang ang tamang anggulo ng litratong gusto mo. Lahat ng ways gagawin mo para lang makuha ang "that one perfect shot."

1. You must love me-- Yan ang sabi sa kin ng camera ko. It takes a form of passion and love to be a photographer. Di pwedeng half hearted commitment ang ibibigay mo sa hobby na ito. Bukod sa mabubutas ang bulsa mo, this passion requires all the heart you can give from composing the shot to taking and editing the pictures. It is a very expensive hobby-- both financially and emotionally (lalo na kung frustrated ka sa tinake mong pic). Pero I guarantee, it is something worth doing.

09/01/2008
1am

Worth Fighting For

Some things are meant to be let go of but there are things that no matter how hard, no matter how painful, you find a way to fight for it.

I told my best friend recently that she shouldn't let the chance of working things out with someone she had a misunderstanding with go especially when I know how much that friendship meant her. I jokingly told them both that they shouldn't let it escalate to the point that it would turn into a "me" and the "him" 2 years ago. And although I've moved on and have lived a generally happy and fulfilled life, that has always been a sad memory for me- the fact that I lost a good friend.For all the things that were said and done, we had 12 years of wonderful memories.

So I told my bestfriend... fight for the friendship and just tell the whole world to shut up. The world may try to dictate what you ought to do, but in the end, what you believe in is what matters. And at the end of the day, we stay with the ones we want to be with.

Sabi nga ni classmate, "Geniune Happiness for us!"

Laughter is the best Medicine

I just came from an impromptu coffee gimik with Idol. We walked from his hotel (sige na nga dorm) to the Damosa Gateway area to have coffee. After a whole day of listening to papers on adolescents and other "depressing" issues, it was a nice change of pace. We had a full day at the conference site. And we didn't exactly enjoy the food (lalo na ang depressing lunch). I was tired as from my presentation (at the same time agonizing over two other presentations I still have to do) and I just wanted to sit back and relax. So we ditched Momsi and went to the nearest coffee shop we could find. 

So we just sat there and laughed. We had some semblance of serious conversations every now and then but most of the time we just gossiped about the latest issues in town.. Mga pawang laitero talaga kami pag magkasama. Kawawa tuloy ang mga biktimang sina "Emerging Adulthood" at si "Forensic" (sama na din sina biboy, bibay, atbp).  I have this knack for making Idol laugh. Siguro likas lang akong funny or mukha akong clown?  

Nakakatuwang isipin na ang dami na naming nalakbay ni idol at madami dami na ding coffee shop ang aming nabisita.  We've been all over MM, Kuala Lumpur, and now Davao. It's nice to just be able to sit back and relax and just laugh your hearts out. As my friend Ronnie said this morning, happiness is the best cure for all ills! I totally agree.

Bukas balik presentation na naman.. Mag dedebut na ang tarp na dinesenyo nina gidiyap at mike. My mom is excited. "Proud Mama" is her persona tomorrow since the paper is a joint research between me and my sister Ves. I hope it would turn out well. 

Sana lang magising ako. hehehe.

Lifesavers

The past two days have been chaos thanks to my ever colorful life (sabi nga ni Joseph, "hazel, ang kulay ng buhay mo!") and my cramming nature (aaminin ko na i am getting to be good at this) plus the fact that I was reeling from some of the side effects of my medicines. I also had a lot of errands to do (bank, car tune up, papers, etc etc) for the house. But I made it (so far!) thanks to lifesavers and friends.

Sa dalawang araw na nakaraan, natutunan kong iappreciate ang aking mga kaibigan at pamilya na kahit taranta to the max na ko sa poster na yan eh "Go go go" pa din ang cheer (Thanks Mareng Divina). May greetings pa from as far away as the UK at KL to cheer me up all throughout the past two days.

Ang dami kong naabala dahil sa poster na yan. Sina Divina at Friendship Maan ay ilan lamang sa mga nagulo ang umaga (at gabi). May ginising pa ko ng ubod ng aga (kilala mo kung sino ka) para lang kulitin niya ang kanyang kaibigan na gawin ang disenyo ng poster ko. To think na busy busyhan din ang kanyang araw at nakatulugan ko siya nung gabi bago kahapon (hehe).

Nakakatuwa ding isipin na may mga taong kahit di ko pa man sila kilala pero handang tumulong sa isang eng eng sa larangan ng poster making na tulad ko. By the simple virtue na friend of a friend siya eh naging instant friends kami. Buong araw ko din siyang kinulit kulit sa text. Pati yung printer sa may Marikina na nirush ang aking tarpaulin kanina eh ang sarap yakapin. Minsan minsan lang na ang serbisyong pinoy ay with a smile pa. Sana lahat ng tindahan sa Pilipinas ganun.

In between all these chaos, I had visits and gimiks along the way. Oliver came by to visit and I enjoyed our impromptu merienda all the way to dinner chickahan while on standby sa aking tarpaulin design. Sumegway din kami ni ella, adrian, nicole at maam liza sa Dannylicious para muli kong matikman ang isaw at bbq na matagal ko ng inaasam. Kanina naman dumaan ako kina Len at George para sa ming traditional lunchout ni len pag ako ay umuuwi. Pancake house naman kami. Pinastahan din ni Witart ang aking ngipin. Good as new na siya.

Kalimutan na muna ang diet. Next week na lang muli.

Huling araw ko na pala sa Manila. Di ko man lang naramdaman.

Bukas Davao na!

Ang kulay ng buhay

Trains

11.08.2008
7:00am

Several years ago while driving to Manila, Ves and I found ourselves in a life and death situation. We got stuck in traffic along the railway tracks in espanya and the train was already coming. The cars around us were starting to panic yet I managed to just laugh about it. I don't know why but I was just sure that we'd get out of there alive. We managed to move just in time(syempre kung di just in time eh di wala na ako dito ngayon). That experience became our running joke that whenever we'd go through crap and stress, we'd always tell ourselves that if we got past the train in Espanya, we'd get past through anything.

Last night I had an "Espanya" moment. Maybe it was fatigue, the heat, the meds or a combination of them all but I wasn't doing well last night. When I got home from MOA I was suffering from my vertigo symptoms again and my head felt like it was splitting into two. Everytime I'd close my eyes the symptoms worsen. I had trouble breathing again. Add all those to my ever cramming nature and of course viola! I needed to finish a poster for the PAP conference on thursday and I found out that all my files were in KL. Then there's the issue of how to layout the poster for which I have no idea of (thank goodness may photoshop guru diyan..)

It became so bad last night that I just fell asleep because of the bad symptoms. I was supposed to talk to my friend about the poster layout and I didn't even here his messages. patay! Woke up around 1am only to realize that I totally missed the call.

Hay life. Exciting. May iniwan pang regalo si Large sa carpet.

Then I saw Ves' email this morning. She was having a crappy day herself. She wrote "wala naman akong jtaime powers against the Espanya train." And I found myself remembering-- I did it before. Why can't I bring myself to believe right now?

My sister believed in my panic mode powers. I nearly forgot I had that ability to withstand pressure despite everything. So maybe I need to just remind myself of that. I made it (well we made it) through the Espanya train. I can do this.

5 minutes of self pity over.

Back in Good Ol Pinas

08.08.08
7am. Pinas

Matapos lahat ng drama sa aking kalusugan, ako'y nasa bayan na naman ng Pilipinas. Wow! di ko akalain na aabot ako dito kahapon. Para akong addict sa dami ng gamot na nakapasok sa systema ko kahapon (steroids, anti side effect ng steroids, anti side effect ng side effect ng steroids, atbp) pero yun lang ang paraan para masurvive ko ang 4 na oras na lipad ng eroplano. Ilang araw din kasi akong hilong hilo dahil sa side effects ng gamot ko. Masyadong bumaba daw ang hemoglobin ko dahil sa dapsone. Kaya kinailangang tanggalin ito. Buti na lang si Mr. Platelets eh normal na so pwede na muna kaming magbreak ng dapsone.

Syempre may drama pa sa loob ng airasia. Di kami naka landing agad sa Pilipinas! haha. Unang beses kong naranasan na mag take two ang landing dahil sabi ng piloto "we were not fully prepared". Di ko alam anong ibig sabihin niya sa "fully prepared" (hmm nakalimutan niyang ibaba ang landing gear? prumeno? or na ccr na kaya siya?) pero yun na nga, kinailangan ang take two sa landing. Pagkababa, inabot ng santo santo ang aming maleta (kala mo naman napakalaki niya) at matapos ang kaunting glitch sa customs (nacurious si manong sa mga baon kong bra. joke!) kami ay nakalabas din ng paliparan ng diosdado macapagal (welcome to philippines! mabuhay!!!)

Sinundo kami ng tito ko at pinsan ko. First stop? Sa SM Clark para kumain sa Max (jufran! jufran!). Nagdetour din ako para magshopping (vicarious grief allowance ni ate billie) ng passport holder at ng bench cologne para ke charlington (mission accomplished). Matapos nun eh lumakad na kami papuntang Maynila (o sige nag kotse pala). Dinaanan namin sina tita dada at vince sa Bulacan tapos ay tuloy na hanggang sa aking home sweet home.

Sa sobrang tagal kong nawala di na ko kilala nung gwardya namin. Muntik pa akong itawag sa bahay. Syempre umiral ang pagkamaldita ko at sinabing "im doctor ramos." Nalito siya kasi ang Dr. Ramos para sa kanya ay ang nanay ko. Pano pa kaya kung kapatid ko naman? Isa pang Dr. Ramos yun. nosebleed na si manong malamang! In fairness, eh narealize ni Manong number 2 kung sino ako a few seconds later at sinabihan si Manong 1 na "anak yan!"

Pagdating sa king bahay nakita ko agad ang aking baby--si Oliver ang pinaka cute kahit gusgusin ang look kahapon na pusang kalye sa mundo. Nakilala ako agad ng aking kampon at tumakbo papunta sa kanya nagiisang "mommy". I was home. Naramdaman kong sulit lahat ng pagsusuka, pagod at drama. Nayakap ko na muli si polie. At kahit mukhang isang buwan siyang di naligo, kebs ko na lang kasi yayakapin ko si baboytelli.

Nagluto si mommy ng spaghetti para sa aking pag dating. Madaming nabago sa bahay. For one thing ang dami naming picture sa sala. Dumami na din ang mga bulaklak sa paligid. Malalaki na ang mga papaya (para daw ke classmate) sa zen garden (with papaya and malunggay) ni Mother.

Matapos ang kaunting pahinga, sinundo naman ako nina ella at classmate adrian para simulan ang aming foodtrip. Malapit lang muna. Diyan lang sa taas ng bahay (clubhouse) kung san may dencio's na overlooking QC. Healthy daw muna kami kaya umorder lang kami ng Bulalo, Sisig, calamares at ensaladang mangga (kaya nga healthy!) ANG SARAP. Kalimutan na muna ang diet (although half rice lang po ako!). Ika nga ng aking kaibigan sa KL "mangginggit ba?" Maagang natapos ang gimik. Pagoodshot muna ako. Ngayong gabi na lang muli.

Nakauwi din. Sa wakas.
olympics na pala!

Home at last

I got discharged this afternoon.My platelet count has risen to 41000 (not yet normal but already considered safe) so my doctor deemed me fit to finally get out of my hotel (este hospital pala) room. I went through the discharge process like clockwork. Gleneagles was quite efficient from preparing my bills to taking out my IV (although medyo nanghina ako nung nag spurt ang dugo..). Am I glad na covered ng employer ang aking bills. My four day stay cost nearly 50,000 pesos in hospital charges alone. Yikes!

I just got home and am still reeling a bit from all the nausea of the ride. It was traffic going back and the taxi was quite hot. But I'm just glad to be back.

Now the real battle begins. The side effects of the drug is starting to come out-- hotflushes, thirstiness and my ever favorite manic phase. hehehe.. imagine pag dating ko dito sa house, i felt the urgent need to just classify my stuff. I organised the pantry (sabi nga ni reg, mare malala ka na pag pati kwarto ko inayos mo!), and sorted out the leftover freebies from the hospital. I felt the need to do something productive. I'm drinking water like crazy and I feel like a boat. Pinigilan ko na lang ang sarili kong linisin ang kusina. Over na yon. hehe.

I know it will be crazier in the next few days as I negotiate the side effects of prednisone and dapsone. And I am apologizing in advance to all those who will witness my kaadikans (tama si gidiyap.. magaadik na naman ako nito. hehehe). I've been through it before. Buti na lang may KFC to comfort us.

But these moments will past. I know they will. I have to believe they will.

31/07
7:30pm

16000 and counting

My platelet is up to 16000 as of yesterday. My first major good news since landing in this hospital last Sunday. I actually one my bet with Liz last tuesday-- we had a bet on what my count would be. Hers was 10000, mine was 16000 (say mo Madame Auring, exacto ang prediction ko!) and the price was was lunch over at Mamma Klassik Kitchen (vegetarian set for 1.60RM?)

Of course, there is a price to pay for this boost-- I now look like a real honest to goodness oompah loompah. O sige para mas cute ng onti-- mukha kong monay. hahaha. Pramis. I can't even feel my face now. Ganito siguro ang pakiramdam ng mga nagpapabotox. I told my friends that I feel like helium gas was pumped into my cheekbones and I look like a balloon.

Pag naging kahawig ko na si Hetty, i think time to panic na yun. Worse pag si jollibee na. hahaha. For now sabi ni ves, magpakasaya na lang muna akong maging newest member ng "teletubbies"

:D

My Bestfriend's Birthday

I'm taking time out from my health issues today (30/07/08) to greet my bestfriend on this special occasion. Ella and I first met back in 1998. I was a batch older than her but since I shifted I hanged around UP a couple more years after my batch graduated. We became friends because of Peter, who was like me, a forever tambay of the org UP MMC. I still vividly remember the first time we really became friends--she asked Peter to ask me if they could use my car to get her PC from the house. She and her groupmates needed it for a project in school and since she was color coded, she couldnt go home. After that encounter, we started hanging out more and more.

I think our friendship just bloomed naturally. We became real close and we'd hang around almost everyday. We became the eternal lunch buddies and we'd even meet up as far as away as makati for lunch (even when we were working) just to eat together. The years went by and we became the best of friends.

Now 10 years later, we are soul sisters. Ella knows me far more than any other person in this planet. She saw me triumped, fall, pick up the pieces, and try again. Throughout the drama of my so called life, she has always been there. And even though there were times when I'd neglected her, she never left my side. Kahit na nung isang araw, nageemote ako because of my platelets, she refused to let me feel sorry for myself.

So I thank her today and wish her the best birthday ever. And eventhough I wouldn't be able to fulfill my promise of celebrating her birthday with her personally this year, I am there in spirit. belated na lang ang celebration namin next week when i get home. For now, classmate ikaw na muna ang proxy ha! :)

July 30 2008
10:35am

I Hate Needles

I was woken up at 530 this morning by the nurse to get my blood and other vitals (Bp, temperature, pulse rate, etc). Half asleep, I gave my right arm to be pricked. Without warning, she just jammed the needle right into my right arm. Anak ng tinapa ni Batman at superman!!Masakit men!!! Sige exag yun ng onti. Pero shet pwet I nearly stood up and punched her there. I already semi warned her that I am scared of needles. I've never really gotten used to them despite being pricked probably thousands of times since I was 4 years old. Usually the other nurses would give me the pep talk first (okay just breathe, etc etc) and warns me right before that big prick. But no! siguro inaantok din siya or akala niya I was joking when I said that I was afraid of needles. After all at my age, I shouldn't be (but I'm unique!!hehe). The worse part was after the prick, she had to show me the blood dripping. And do you know what I'm scared of more than needles (well sige, heights but more than that?) BLOOD. Hay lord! natest ang powers ko.Gusto ko na mag faint pero nakakahiya (buti na lang Vanity is a sin talaga!) It was so darn painful for the next 30 minutes that I wanted to punch someone only I couldn't because I would get a pasa in the process.

Buti na lang may net na this morning. At masarap ang nasi lemak for breakfast. :)

Kidnapped For Ransom: My Platelets

After nearly 3 years of being officially under remission (5 years after my last relapse), my lifecoach is back-- my ITP that is (to all those who are unfamiliar with this, itp refers to idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpurra. Spelling? Pink na lang po! hehe.. its a bleeding disorder). Yesterday I discovered the presence of red petechaies (red lang talaga ang petechaie, cannot be blue, or green) all over my legs and arms (imagine na pinagtripan ako ng mga kids at sinulatan ng red pentel pen all over).

After attending the dedication ceremony for Chris' daughter (syempre nakiparty muna bago magpaconfine diba?) and naaki "alive alive" kay Pastor Rudy (na gustong palitan ni ninong jay) I went to Gleneagles hospital (our version of Asian hospital) and had a blood test. Pinagpustahan pa ko ng mga residente at attending sa ER kung gano daw kababa ang platelets ko. Ayos! gawin ba kong lotto number? Ayun awa ng dios, talo silang lahat. Kasi ang platelet ko is down to a magic number called "4" hehehe. (fyi ang normal is 150 x10 to the 6th power). Mas nagpanic sila sa kin dahil naglalakad pa daw ako. A transfusion was ruled out by the hematologist since I wasnt bleeding. I just needed to stay put in the bed.

One day later eto, nagpapakapasaway pa din. Syempre kelangan ko mag internet. Namamatay na ako sa boredom. hahaha. kaya please kausapin niyo ko sa YM. haha.. Im normal apart from the pasa and bruises. Same old hazel na taga book ng badminton court (although si charles ang in charge muna.. uy! parang yung tv show!) si hazel na nangungulit sa mga tao. Now i have no excuse to finish my two presentations for the PAP conference 2 weeks from now (see im still planning my vacations).

I am not in denial. Nor am I not taking this illness seriously. But I've had this ITP since I was four. And one thing i've learned through our 27 year friendship is that ITP was never meant to make my life miserable. It was meant to make me appreciate life more. And I hate it when people look at me with pity in their eyes. I have enough self pity to go around thank you. But just like Morrie (Tuesdays with Morrie), I only allow myself 5 minutes of self pity per day. Then I move on. I need to move on. Because I only have 23 hours and 55 minutes for that day left to live the best life I could live.

So thank you to all those who texted and wished me well. Thanks to all those who visited and called. But most of all thank you to those who made me feel that I was still the same old me even if they were having a hard time hiding their concern. You don't know how much I appreciated that-- to be treated just like I was the same old me.

So kung sakasakaling masalubong niyo ang platelets ko, paki sabihan na umuwi na sa rm 502 ng Gleneagles. Para naman makapagempake na kami sa paguwi ko sa pinas. Excited pa naman akong kumain na muli ng crispy pata at maging coffee kay idol sa starbucks (ay Figaro na ba tayo?).

If there's a will,there's always a Jaime.

Impossible? Not!

Mushy Movie Night

"Dear Holly, I don't have much time. I don't mean literally, I mean you're out buying ice cream and you'll be home soon. But I have a feeling this is the last letter, because there is only one thing left to tell you. It isn't to go down memory lane or make you buy a lamp, you can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me, how you changed me. You made me a man, by loving me Holly. And for that, I am eternally grateful... literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure, or you lose complete faith, that you'll try to see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I. You made my life, Holly. But I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal, when life as you know it ends. P.S. I will always love you" -Gerry Kennedy (P.S. I love you the movie)

I was talking to a friend the other night while watching a movie I recently downloaded. It was an old film starring Hilary Swank and that guy from 300. Basically in the film HS lost her husband and every month for a year he sends her letters telling her how to move on and live a life without him. It's absolutely mushy i know. But there was something about the film that moved me. Especially when Gerry sent his last letter. I was really crying after Holly read the line "Dont be afraid to fall in love again." My friend laughed at my admission of being mushy again. Imagine me sitting infront of the pc bawling my eyes out hahaha. It's been a while..

The film reminded me of our fear of getting hurt. Life isn't always about happy endings and for some it could be one sad goodbye after the other. And sometimes, those hurts pile up until they reach a point when we become so afraid to even try. We become cynical and closed to even the possibility of investing in our feelings once more. And that to me is the saddest possible thing that could happen.

So I always remind myself of that-- that I shouldn't be afraid to care or to risk. The chance of laughing and smiling like crazy once more is enough to warrant taking a leap of faith every now and then. Gerry was right. If we fear making mistakes then we are in the wrong species. ("Then you're in the wrong species, love. Be a duck")

My kapitneighbor ate billie told me a while ago how I'm so easy to read and how I light up everytime I am happy. And now I realize that I want that light to always shine on me.

Coz I deserve that kind of glow.

Itago niyo na lamang ako sa pangalang...Hazer

Magsusulat ako sa tagalog para sa "entry" na ito. Wala lang. Para maiba lang ang istyle ng kwento. Saka mas masaya siyang ikwento sa wika natin. So ano ba ang kwento? Excited ka naman masyado.. o sya sige. eto na siya.

Nagpareserve ako sa Restoran King Crab kahapon para sa hapunan ng aking mga kaopisina at kaibigan. Huling hirit bago muling maglakbay si bossing (sabi ni atebillie yan). So yun nga, tumawag ako, isang tsekwa ang nakasagot. Sabi ko, "can i make a reservation for dinner later? 6 persons." (with matching British accent pa). Tinanong niya kung kanino ipapangalan at sabi ko, "Dr. Hazel Ramos" Pinaspelling pa niya sa kin kaya kahit hirap na hirap akong isipin ang A-B-K-D, dahan dahan kong binigkas (again with Matching British accent and spelling) "Haytch- Ei- Zed-E-L, R-A-EM-O-ES" Sabi nung babae, "okay see you later!"

So ok na diba.. Fast forward na tayo sa oras ng kainan.. Gutom na gutom naming binagtas ang Kelana Jaya LRT line at naglakad patawid ng hiway (para kaming naglalakad patungo sa dulo ng bahaghari). Pagdating sa restoran (ganyan ang spelling dito) eh tinanong ako nung receptionist "do you have reservations?" Buong gilas kong sinagot, ng "Yes, under Dr. Hazel Ramos." Parang di niya ako naintindihan so pinakita na lang niya sa kin ang listahan, wala ang pangalan ko, pero may isang kahawig.. Hmm.. inisip ko, ako ba ito? siguro naman.. Di ko na kinontra at since gutom na ako, sabi ko na "that's it pancit." Tinuro niya ako patungo sa isang malaking lamesa sa may dulo ng kwarto. Pagdating sa aming hapagkainan, may malaking papel (cartolina na pinutol upang maging isang nameplate) na may pangalang nakasulat.



Ayos. Binigyan ako ng panibagong pangalan. In the feyrness, andun ang doctor. At least tumama dun diba? Sayang naman ang anim na taon ko sa sa grad school kung di man lang magagamit minsan minsan ang aking titulo (kahit na sa restoran lamang). Yung Hazer pwede na din.. sounds like naman.Parang binigkas ni Batman ang "Hazel" (Para sa mga nakapanood ng The Dark Knight, napansin niyo ba na nagiging nasal si Batman pag siya ay Batman at di na si Bruce Wayne? Siguro naiipit ng costume niya ang ilong niya no?) Pero yung Loros? hmm.. sang planeta galing yun? Maingay ako tulad ng isang loro (di ako nagpapanggap na shy tulad nina Shyboy 1 at Shyboy 2) pero malayo naman ata sa Ramos ang Loros (inispelling ko pa diba?). Hmm.. baka naman yun ang apelyido ng aking soulmate? Nagkita na ang aming pangalan pero kami hindi pa? (naligaw na naman siya?! Oh gosh pulgash, he desperately needs Mapking)

Mali man ang pangalan ko, masasabi ko pa ding, panalo ang Restoran King Crab (para sa inyong impormasyon, may branch din sila sa Johor kung nalalapitan kayo masyado sa Petaling Jaya Branch). Ang sarap ng Crabs (syempre Restoran King Crab nga eh!) pati na ang steamed fish, Tofu with mushrooms and itlog na pula, Chicken in dried chili (na may pinya huhuhu.. kaya pinasa ko ke shyboy 2 ang manok), mixed veggies (para healthY) at nasi puti (kanin po). Kahit na sobrang sakit ng tiyan ko (food poisoning ang drama ko the whole day), kain pa din (crabs to noh, walang sakit sakit ng tiyan dito). Salamat sa aking drug dealer (este Mobile Mercury Drug pala) na dinalhan ako ng kremil s at gamot sa dyspepsia ("Baka naman dyspepsia yan!" wika ng ad sa pinas) ay nakakain ako ang malumanay. May second round pa. haha.

Matapos ang 2 oras ng paglamon, naubos din namin ang pagkain.. Parang dinaanan ng bagyo. Nagbayad kami (super sulit men!) at nagyosi break ang mga yosi boy and gel habang ang iba sa min ay namasyal sa aquarium ng crabs. Kelangan daw kasi naming humingi ng tawad sa mga kamag anak ng mga alimangong minurder ng kusinero para sa aming kasiyahan at magiwan ng aming mensaheng "sa susunod kayo naman ang kakainin namin"

Naglakad muli kami pabalik ng tren at umuwi na sa aming mga tahanan.

Ayan tapos na ang kwento. Ang hirap pala magtagalog. Shucks, its been so long (bwahahahaha)...

Dati call me stanley ang drama ko (mas mahabang kwento ito, saka kung gusto mo malaman, kelangan maging mega super duper overly close friend kita muna) pero ngayon,

itago niyo na lamang ako sa pangalang HAZER.

Frozen Delight

I now know how meat feels in the freezer. I'm in Chulan tower right now for our class on "Occupational Health and Safety Laws: An international perspective" and we have the whole floor to ourselves (all 5 of us). And its freezing like winter. I've already downed several cups of hot water that my tummy now feels like a hot water bag. My head is aching and I am shrivering. It's not helping my feverish feeling at all.

I don't really understand how come there's no darn thermostat control in this office building. It's either galit sa TNB (malaysian version of Meralco) ang mga tao dito or gusto nilang isimulate ang UK weather sa Nottingham Malaysia Campus. Even Angeli (whose from the UK) is already complaining.

Hmm... I wonder if i could request for a fireplace here. Para authentic na talaga ang winter theme namin. :D

Just for Today

And there we were, in a kind of harmony; and the evening was so beautiful, that it made a pain in my heart, as when you cannot tell whether you are happy or sad; and I thought that if I could have a wish, it would be that nothing would ever change, and we could stay that way forever...
-Margaret Atwood "Alias Grace"

Some things are worth remembering. Even if you can't say them.
An ordinary day turned extraordinary
One simple grace at a time.
Enough said.

Miss Universe Question

Student: What is the relation between these movies and our lectures?

Hazel: (thinking out loud)... wala gusto ko lang kayong torturin at papanoorin ng global warming.. We are talking about health after all and the challenges of developing policies for health and safety. With that comes a multitude of issues and questions such as those posed by the issue of global warming (what the heck.. wala akong maisip na iba.. pwede na ba?)

Student: Ok.

Hazel: (thinking out loud pa din)... yun lang! yun lang ang reaction mo..
Class Dismissed.

It wasn't my best moment today. Not only was I dead tired from the day long administrative but I was also suffering from a bad migraine. The cafeteria food did not help (Kelan pa naging chicken burger ang tasty bread?) nor the rains that made the entire building freezing. I wasn't really supposed to teach but unfortunately my colleague wasn't well. kaya ayun, nasabak muli ako.

Another adventure in a day in the life of a teacher..

Next question please

Falling from Grace

I did a Miriam Quiambao yesterday. I was walking with Angeli along Bukit Bintang when I lost my footing and tripped. I fell on the side of the road right in front of the JW Marriot Hotel/Starhill galery. I immediately got up and walked away as if nothing happened. haha. I didnt even check for broken bones. My only concern was if anyone around was laughing. hahaha.

To my credit Angeli said I did fell gracefully. I think I've mastered the art of slipping/falling thanks to badminton that the moment I knew I was falling I braced the fall to minimize damage to my bones. Unfortunately my knees graced the hard cement and caused two peso size bruises to appear.

For several minutes, I felt like I was five years old again to the time I fell flat on the on ground while chasing after a basketball rolling down the street where we lived. I came home bleeding on both knees and receiving a long sermon from my mom in the process. Now 26 years later, I was still my clumsy self. Only this time I was wearing heels.

When we got to the restaurant, my knees were stinging. I finally found the guts to look at them and true enough there were bruises and cuts all over. I silently said a prayer of thanks for the minor bruises (it could have been worse you know) at the same time laughed at myself for the act of stupidity.

There's a saying that the reason why we fall is because we need to learn to stand up again. With every stumble, we get up and try once more. That's life. It's all about falling down and getting up, falling down ang getting up once again. ..And sometimes when we are lucky enough, someone will there waiting to catch us. Kaso mukhang naligaw ata siya.. di kasi gumamit ng mapking. hahaha.

Tiub

I was walking from KL Sentral to the Monorail station when a sign board in one of the stalls along the narrow pathway caught my eye-- Tiub 10RM. I thought to myself, what the heck is a "tiub?" I was thinking, there must be some new fad that is gaining popularity as there were a couple of signs that posted it. Then it hit me-- the store meant "Tube" or what we girls like to wear under see through blouses or as a standalone top. I was laughing all the way to the office and couldn't help but remember all those funny road signs that we have in manila. Meron din pala dito.. parang Iejept ni Manny.

All throughout the day whenever I wanted to laugh I would think about that small sign. It has been a really long day. I had my class for Org Development and Change, I prepared for my Law class tomorrow (yes, you heard it right folks, im teaching law... este Health and Safety Law), and even went to the Philippine embassy to get my OEC and driving license authenticated (na hinayupak na 96.25 RM..panalo! mas mahal pa sa actual license kong 247.50 lamang sa pinas).

The "tiub" reminds me of appreciating the simple stuff-- and the things that make life unique. After all, according to Jerry Maguire, "we live in a cynical cynical world." I mean despite the stress of work and cramming, I still had a relatively good day. I got to relearn strategic leadership from Peter Senge's point of view. I got to eat ruffles sour cream cheddar chips which is an absolute comfort junk food. I had a really nice lunch of bbq roasted chicken with shrimp dumplings. I managed to get my OEC without needing to queue up for a long time. And I managed to finish my lectures and readings for tomorrow so I could actually take time off to write this blog. After class I went out for dinner and ate my favorite club sandwich from DOME cafe which is a must try for anyone. And after a long chat with Angeli, I managed to get back home safe and sound.

See sometimes appreciating simple things really do change our perspective. Mali man ang ispelling at mali man ang pagkabigkas, pinaalala pa din nito na sa isang sulok ng kanilang mundo, may mga bagay na nabibili pa din sa maliit na halaga. Sa halagang 10 RM may bagong TIUB ka na.

And at the end of the day you'll realize that everything that happened made sense. That everything is part of the giant adventure called life. And you just have to learn to enjoy the ride.

The Return of the Other

The last time "the other"visited was several years back.I was still in Manila living a totally different life. I was very optimistic then that I welcomed the other's arrival with open arms. I thought at that time it was things will turn out differently. Unfortunately it didn't happen. Life had its way of changing course at the least expected moment. And so despite a heavy heart, I had to say goodbye. After all it wasn't something that I could hold on to. I held on to the good memories but I've learned to let go of the bad.

I learned about "the other" from my favorite author-- Paulo Coelho. Call it fear, insecurity or both. It usually comes after the moment of bliss. It arrives the moment you learn to admit that you care. You start feeling insecure and helpless, as if your heart is being torn into pieces for no reason at all.

When I left, the other left and stayed away. And though it meant having no fears, it also meant that a part of me died-- the part that remained hopeful about the mysteries of yet to come. I remained the dreamer that I was but part of me stopped believing in those dreams. The other was never meant to destroy us but rather to strengthen us and make us choose the right path to take. The other was sent for us to take that leap of faith-- to jump into the unknown and embrace whatever comes your way.

The other night I had a dream. I was watching a video and I was trying to make sense of the violence in the video. I told my friend who was there that I needed to understand--I needed to understand what happened so that I could keep my faith in people intact. I believe the dream was speaking to me about my own faith in people and how in the recent years my faith in people have wavered. Maybe I've grown a bit cynical or maybe I just went through so much that I needed to become wary. I don't really know.

But now "the other" has come back. I sensed it creeping slowly. And though I am scared, I feel a sense of bliss-- because with its return also meant that the part of me that died several years ago is coming back to life. And maybe little by little I am slowly going back to how I was before.

I am rambling again. And I dont really know why. Maybe its time to take that leap of faith. Or maybe I am just being me once more. :)

Twilight

It's been a while since a book kept my interest peaked that I forgot to stop reading until I was almost finished with it. Maan has been telling me to read the twilight trilogy since our long chat over 2 weeks ago. I couldn't find the books (particularly the first book) at first and I was actually resigned to just waiting until I get back to Manila in August to read them. Fortunately yesterday I managed to find a copy among the teen books section of MPH.

So in my effort to keep myself preoccupied during the education fair at KLCC today, I brought the book along. Not only did it keep me from sleeping, it actually kept me glued to the story of Edward and Isabella almost the entire time. By the time the fair closed at 6pm I was 3/4 done. I continued to read even while I walking towards the train station and while I was on the train until I arrived at my house in Sri Petaling. How I managed not to bump onto something or get run over was one for the record. hahaha.

The story is actually simple- its a love story between a human and a vampire. But the twists and turns along the way kept me on the edge of my seat and craving for more. I literally had to pull myself away from the book so that my eyes could rest and that I could play badminton. I'm down to the last 70 pages or so and I'm quite excited about the ending. Part of me doesnt want it to end and another part is excited to read the next book in the series-- New Moon.

Friendship Maan was right-- This book is not for those with tight schedules and those that need more than 8 hours of sleep a night. Because once you begin, there's no turning back.:)

Letting Go

Over lunch I told my friend that he shouldn't be too attached to things and that we should all learn to let go. How ironic that a few hours later I find myself pondering over the very same issue. I have this history with celphones that could fill the pages of a book entitled "A hundred and one ways to lose a phone." I thought I already managed to try every possible way of losing my phone (i.e. theft, forgetting where i hid it, crushing the lcd from the car door, etc). But no, I had to another today.

And so it goes this way-my phone of almost 2 years died of an untimely death this afternoon courtesy of the bottle opener key chain in my bag and the cross trainer in the gym. How it happened I do not know. And up until now I am still berrating myself for another act of stupidity that ranks highly on "jaime's blooper list"

It wasn't as devastating at first. I told myself, its just a phone. Let it go. It's not the end of the world... then I realized that it wasn't just the phone that died-- but all the stuff i placed inside it as well- particularly 21 saved messages that I keep close to my heart. They were messages from friends all over ranging from the usual hi's and hellos, to forward texts, and take cares. Simple stuff. But they mean the world to me.

Funny isnt it that my last entry was only a couple of hours ago and I wrote about Bliss and how finding it was simply magic. I think of that moment right now and realize that those memories are really really important because they keep us going in times like these.

ayan kasi sabi na wag magpapaka senti..

let go nga eh.

Bliss

Every now and then you find yourself in a place where everything is simple and life even for a short time, relieves itself of complications. It's a moment when things just fall into place and you realize that though you may not have everything you want, you have everything that you need. And somehow you wish that it could just stay that way forever.

That's Bliss. Pure and simple.

I saw Disney's Beauty and the Beast last night at the KLCC Plenary Hall. It was my first time to watch a musical here in KL and so I was very excited to watch this Tony awardwinning Broadway Musical brought to KL. The last major play I watched was Miss Saigon in Manila back in 2001 (with Lea playing Kim). I missed Mama Mia when I was in Hongkong back in 2004 so when I heard the news that a broadway musical was coming into town (the UK production), come hell or highwater I was determined to watch it.

Reg, Wilai, Jesse and I managed to secure tickets in the upper balcony (thanks to Wilai's 30% discount, it cost only 105 RM instead of 150). It was quite far from the stage but still close enough to see the faces of the characters. After all we didnt need to be upclose since we are all familiar with the story of Belle and the enchanted beast.

Though the story and songs were familiar, there was just something magical about watching a live action musical come to life infront of your very eyes. My favorite character was Lumierre who was so funny. Chip was as cute as ever. And true to form, Beast was still "cuter" when he was a beast instead of a Prince. The rest of the characters were funny and heartwarming. Even Gaston was lovable (talk about self esteem!) The highlight of the show was the "Be our Guest" number. But my favorite scene was when Beast let Belle go. Haay, how romantic. hahaha.

I was a bit disappointed though when they changed the scenes for the "Something there" number. It was one of my favorite part in the original cartoon (when Beast and Belle were playing in the snow). And of course no one could still beat the original singers, especially Angela Lansburry's version of the theme. Belle's golden dress looked better in cartoons. In real life it looked like a giant cake topper. hahaha.

I hated the audience members who were rudely texting and some were even taking pictures! Talk about poor theater etiquette. If you're going to just text the night away, why bother going to the theater at all.

The play ended at about 11pm. For almost 2 hours I was magically transported to a world different from mine--where candlesticks and napkins dance, clocks and wardrobes talk, and a beast could be tamed. It was worth every ringgit spent.

The last time I went hiking/camping was years ago when we went to Caliraya Lake in Laguna (the tent collapsed while we were sleeping during the night). So it was a welcomed retreat when Marissa invited me to join them in a day out to the Sungai Tekala Waterfalls in Semenyih.

The waterfalls was about 20minutes away from the nottingham campus. We hiked all the way to the highest possible falls in order to avoid the crowds which camped out in the lower grounds. The only problem though was that the toilets were down in the lower area. The group numbered about 12--mostly expat friends of marissa and mike. Jesse, Purna and me were the three Filipinos. Apart from the expats, we also had a cat in our midst (Marissa's pet Snooky) who enjoyed herself with all the attention that was showered upon her.

We had a potluck for lunch. We brought chicken adobo as our share. I also made some salsa since we had a lot of cherry tomatoes from Cameron Highlands. The place was nice even if the huts were mostly dillapidated and some of the changing rooms reeked with the stench of urine. I just felt a bit sad when I saw some of the "campers" littering. After all, such a beauty of nature shouldn't be treated so unkindly. The whole gang swam except for me. I didnt want to risk my ears again since I'm supposed to stay off swimming for 6 weeks.

Overall, it was worth the trip. For a mere RM1 as entrance fee, the place was a good place to relax. My advice to those who intend to go there-- stay away from the lower area and go up as high as you can through the forrest. And most of all-- bring your cameras!!

My litter sister all grown up

My baby sister (my only sister) is leaving for the US tomorrow to start her own adventure in life. She's doing her own version of grey's anatomy (hopefully minus all the dramas) by doing her residency in the US. I guess I've always known that this day would come but I felt sad anyway. This morning when I received her email saying she was leaving tomorrow, I thought she meant today. Her flight is at 2pm and it was already 12nn. So I dialed my mobile phone immediately hoping to catch her one last time to say goodbye. Turned out yahoo got the time stamps mixed up so I still had my chance to say goodby tonight via skype.

With the onset of technology I know communicating with her will be easy. But still, there's that slight sadness that I feel knowing that starting tomorrow my entire family will be spread all over the world. We wont have our usual dinner arguments anymore or our mini fights over who gets to control the remote while watching tv.

But still I am happy and proud. My baby sister is finally spreading her wings. She's finally following her dreams. She's finally getting her chance to show the world her "awesomeness"

Maktub.

Strawberries @ Cameron Highlands

The moment I saw the picture of the strawberry strudel in the Billboard, I was put on a trance. For a mere 6RM, you could actually taste a piece of heaven in three layers of flaky pastry with cream and fresh strawberries inside. YUMMY. The restaurant was called Strawberry Moments located at the center of Brinchang town in Cameron Highlands. From the name itself everything on the menu was strawberry based.

My travel buddies (Jay and Tina with the new addition Reg) and I went to spend the night in Cameron Highlands last May 24. We took a a tour package we picked out over the internet (Naging BFFs kami ni Mr. Tan at Mr. Thiru) and endured a 5 hour trip (one way) to eat the freshest strawberries and vegetables in Malaysia (not to mention see the biggest Tea Plantation in Southeast Asia).

The place was perfectly cool (19degrees) during the daytime that you won't even feel the sun's hot rays. We stayed at a hotel called Irish House. It was nice and clean and spacious enough to fit all four of us in one big room. It was also fairly close to the town centre so we could just walk around town free and easy.

We enjoyed the pasar malam where we shopped and ate till we drop. I tasted the sweetest corn in the world(I call it the two toned corn) and tried the weird looking but yummy deep fried mushrooms.

Our package included a tour of the city so we visited Cameron's famous sights-- The BOH tea estate, the butterfly park, the honey bee farm, the market square, the rose and orchid garden, the strawberry farm, and the chinese temple. It was hectic and tiring but the sites were magnificent.

Going back we endured another 5 hour bus ride (with a bunch of noisy girls who wouldnt stop talking and some "smelly passengers" to add flavor to the ride! hehehe). Reg downed two tablets of dramamine while I drowned myself with the songs saved in my ipod. It was a fun filled trip.

Another successful adventure from the travel buddies of KL.

Till the next adventure.

Dignity & Decorum and a Free Movie

We saw the ad in an issue of Today Newspaper in Campus-- free movie passes to the premier night of Made of Honour, a new movie starring Mcdreamy himself. Reg and I made a pact-- we'd go to the event but we wouldnt do anything extraordinary like run, sing, scream, etc. We would maintain dignity and decorum at all costs. Most importantly, it was going to be a top secret mission that would stay one if we were not successful.

It was one of those things that would be part the "things I to do before I die" like going to a fans day for a favorite artist (done that!) or riding a rollercoaster (hmmm..still thinking) or visit the eiffel tower (planning to..).

Anyway, so off we went to Pavillion Mall in KL which is about 60 kms away from our campus. We got there about 630pm and by then the line was about a hundred meters long. It looked doable so we lined up. 45 minutes later we were armed with our first movie passes to a free premier night. We had an extra ticket so we did a good deed by passing it on to a group of locals who lacked one ticket. Throughout the line I was silently praying that no one I know (esp the students) would recognize me. hehehe.

Afterwards we celebrated with a hearty meal at the Pancake House (yes! you heard it right! may pancake house na sa KL). I had my favorite Tacos and I tried the Tinapang Bangus (tinapang bangus! tinapang bangus! masarap at masustansya....tinapang bangus)

The movie was okay. A typical chick flick that would make the hopeless romantic say "sigh" an "aww." Mcdreamy delivered his dreaminess and the rest of the support cast were so funny. We had fun despite the fact that we were seated on third row with our heads almost in a horizontal position because the screen was right infront of us (but no complaints! after all libre ito!). My eyes hurt like hell afterwards and by the time we got home at 12mn, I was deadtired and my migraine was acting up.

All for the chance of watching a movie for free.

hahaha..

Crispy Pata, Sisig at Pakbet: New Adventures of the Food Fanatic

One hot sunday afternoon, the food fanatics travelled to the other end of the Kelana Jaya lrt line in a quaint little restaurant called Cagayan to sample a taste of home-- our much missed Crispy Pata, Sisig (with egg!) and pakbet. 

It was a artery clogging taste of heaven. Yummy! Worth every cholesterol and trans fat (or whatever fats) that will probably shorten my entire lifespan for a couple of hours or so. 

Met up with Jay and Tina at the Masjid Jamek LRT around 12nn and despite the heat of the sun, we trekked all the way to Bandar Utama to eat at the Pinoy restaurant. I was excited to eat my favorite Crispy pata which I have missed a lot.  Tina ordered sisig (which is another yummy dish) and just to add some semblance of health on the cholesterol laden dishes we ordered, we had some pakbet. 

There was just something about eating something very pinoy when you're in a foreign country. I guess it adds more "specialness" to the act of eating something seemingly ordinary. We gobbled everything as if there was no tomorrow. Galit galit muna.. There was nothing to complain about the place. It was truly authentic. And for almost an hour there, I thought that I was actually in Manila and not in Malaysia. I just wish they had a honest to goodness authentic pinoy halohalo. I miss that. Kahit na yung chowking version lang.. But syempre the best pa din yung sa tabi ng kalye.. homemade.. with all the germs and bacteria. haha.

After our hearty lunch we walked around a bit and did some window shopping. We then transferred over to nearby 1 utama where I finally managed to find my long searched size of crocs! After almost 2 years of searching I finally managed to find a size for me. Tina and I bought matching pairs. Unfortunately Jay didn't have a size in the design he liked. We were still full but we craved for some Mcdonald's Sundae for dessert so we searched for Mcdo and I had my craving for chocolate sundae filled. 

It was one long day. Going home we got stuck in the LRT station for about 15 minutes. The train just stopped and refused to budge. It was raining heavily so there must have been some technical glitch somewhere. It didn't dampen our spirits though. We were just simply too happy to spoil our day. I was excited to try on my new crocs. Tina couldn't wait anymore, she wore it as soon as she bought it. 

I got home barely having enough time to dress up for badminton. I had to burn the fats off so I was quite excited to play. I played 3 sets before I retired for the night. 

 Another food adventure... Another food craving satisfied..Onto  the next one...

***

ella wish ko andito ka.. para me kadamay ako sa king new diet--eating diet! haha ;)

Words of Wisdom..(Repost from Jean Pierre)

If the time comes that you are not already sure where you stand in someone’s life, it’s best to leave things behind so that if they drop you off, it will be easier to forget them. Don’t waste time waiting for nothing; when efforts are not recognized, it’s best to ust give things up. You’ve done your part, let them do theirs…

… though it’s hard maybe it's the right thing to do...

From my former students' Eunice and Jean Pierre. 

No further explanations needed. I think the words say it all.. 

Giving up is not necessarily a bad thing. It simply means you're giving yourself the chance to start fresh...all over again...

The Measure of Happiness

... laughing out load while having your haircut.

... eating your favorite food without care for calories

... petting polie while he blissfully sleeps in my lap

... finding charsiew pork in the middle of pasar malam

... travelling close to 60kms just to eat lunch 

... seeing the world's beautiful beaches

... Reading a well written essay by one of my students

... setting up my new WIFI router and not destroying it

... playing a good game of badminton

... eating butter prawns 

... Finding clover at Mercato and Nagaraya at Sogo (pinoy food junkie!)

... tocino on a lazy sunday afternoon

... planning my next travel gimik

... having great songs on ipod

... learning to use my new camera

... taking a great picture

... watching a good movie

... having a nice chat

... getting to know someone

... talking to ella

... talking to my mom and sister

... finding a good book

... spending time with the ones who matter

And there we were, in a kind of harmony; and the evening was so beautiful, that it made a pain in my heart, as when you cannot tell whether you are happy or sad; and I thoughtthat if I could have a wish, it would be that nothing would ever change, and we could stay that way forever... -Margaret Atwood "Alias Grace" 

Does Heaven or Hell Exist?

A friend asked me this question while munching through Mcdonald's french fries and chicken nuggets one lunch time. I've always believed in heaven and hell and I think all of us do in a way. But did we ever wonder what do they look like? A lot of movies have asked the question like Robin Williams' "What dreams may come?" or Meryl Streep's "Judgment City." 

I gave my friend a weird answer. I think I said I don't really know. But I'd like to believe they do. And if they do exist I'd like to believe that all of us will end up in heaven because after all God loves us (in the words of comedian George Carlin, "he loves you!"). Seriously, I'd like to believe that everyone has a place in heaven. 

So what about hell? I don't know. But what I do know is that if I ever end up there, I'd make it the happiest place for me. 

After all happiness is a choice right?

Steamboat Night

Always in search of great food finds, my friends and I went on another food adventure last night despite my being ill and the rains that threatened to dampen our day. We went to Sunway Pyramid and ate at the Steamboat place (I never got to really jot down the name!) across the mall near mcdonald's. For a mere 18RM each, we ate the prawns and other streamboat favorites that we could stuff ourselves with. 

Jay, Tina, Jesse and I arrived about 5 minutes to 5pm (the official opening of the place). Jay was right when he said we had to be there early. By 6pm the place was packed with a long queue waiting outside for the next vacant table. We sat near the buffet table and was immediately started off to my first steamboat adventure by the waiter. We had half chicken soup and half tomyam soup for the steamboat. I basically just took as much prawns and shrimps I could eat. That was it. haha. I tried some of the fish and squid balls and even tried the mini lobsters but I was in prawn heaven most of the time. 

I tried their famous chicken wings which literally flew off the buffet table the minute it was laid there by the servers. Jay had to fight his way through the small crowd to get our much awaited chicken wings. It was worth it though-- it reminded me a bit of Don Henrico's buffalo wings (which I love in Manila). 

After gobbling all those seafood, veggies and meat, we ended the dinner feast with endless scoops of ice cream (I had mango, strawberry and chocolate) topped with coffee jelly. Yummy. I could barely walk out of the restaurant and was burping the whole night long. By the time we all landed at Endah villa, we were all sleepy. hehe. Jesse managed to play badminton (to work off the calories daw) but the three of us just basically sat down and relaxed. 

great food, good company, lots of laughter, and more great food.. what more could one ask for?

A little unwell

There is a saying that "when it rains, it pours." I think the saying goes the same way with respect to my health. I don't usually get sick but when I get sick it really pours. Since coming back from Redang I've been to the doctor three times already. And it looks like I'm going again tomorrow. My ear is terribly painful. Two days ago it was the flu. The week before that it was my ear again. 

It is during these moments that I miss home the most. In manila if I get sick, the doctor is just one room away. Here I have to plan how to get to the hospital. And most of the time I have to wait for at least a day. 

I just wish I could feel better tomorrow morning

143444 (The Pulau Redang Adventure)

This is not an entry about love-- it doesn't even closely resemble anything about love. I promise you I won’t write anything about people holding hands with matching “pa sway sway pa!” It's not an entry about romantic trysts and lovebirds dating.

But why the famous "numbers" (plus one that is)? 143444 was the vault combination in our room at the laguna redang resort in pulau redang where I spent 3 days and 2 nights last March 29 till the 31'st. The trip was originally set for the end of Feb but unfortunately the weather was not permitting hence the delay.

We left for Kuala Terrangannu Friday night. I felt as if I was on the amazing race since I was coming from work at 9pm and the bus was leaving at 10pm. True to form I had a classic "hazel" blooper moment when my thing just fell out of my bag while running from the monorail to the LRT station in Titiwangsa where Jay and Tina were waiting for me. Afterwards we met Wilai at the PWTC bus station where our journey was set to begin. The bus took 7 hours. We had a quick breakfast at KT (nasi lemak and teh o ice limau) while waiting for the Merang Jetty port to open then afterwards we took a 1 hour boat ride from the jetty to the resort.

12 hours after our journey started we finally made it to Pulau Redang. The heat was scorching hot but the beach was so inviting. After a quick freshening up in our fully airconditioned room, we trekked to the buffet hall where we pigged out on local and western dishes. I enjoyed the beef and lamb dishes and the roasted chicken was also great. After lunch we went back to the room to dress up for our first trip to see-- the open water snorkeling.

Snorekling in the open water was such a wonderful experience. The coral reef was amazing and the fishes were a sight to look at. I've never seen so many colorful fishes in my life. The fishes were so friendly that you need to only submerge your head in the water and they will actually come to you. We fed the fishes with some bread and enjoyed the cool and clean water. One hour later we headed back to the resort to swim in the pool.

While waiting for Tina and Wilai to shower Jay and I enjoyed a cool beer by the beach. We met the pinoy bartender and a couple of other pinoy resort personnel. Afterwards the four of us headed off to dinner-- buffet number 2. This time they had the roasted beef and man was it good! After dinner the four of us went back to the room and drank the mango rum I brought all the way from the Philippines. I guess it was the fatigue of travelling and swimming that after 4 shots I was sleeping already.

I woke up really early the next day-- 7:00am which is considered still very dark in malaysian time zones. Jay was about to leave for his sunrise photo session so I quickly got dressed and followed him. I walked along the shoreline while watching the sun rise. It reminded of a previous blog entry I made-- the things I'd do if i had 24 hours left to live. Now I'm glad I didnt have to wait till that day came to watch the sunrise. There were a number of early birds--couples and photo buffs in the beach area. Willai said I was easy to spot because I was all by myself playing by the water. I didn't feel alone though. It was just pure bliss. One doesn't get this chance to experience one of nature's miracles too often.

After breakfast we went for a swim in the waters. Jay and I taught Willai to swim (funny, i don't know how to myself hehe). Tina on the other hand decided to go for a walk in the beach. Willai and I had the time of our lives gazing at the hunks that seem to magically appear everywhere in the beach. haha. We thought of nica and how he would be so happy to be there (although he did say he was happy to be back in KL with Roby. hehe)

By 12 noon we were too hungry to swim. We went up to the buffet hall again (its my favorite place in the resort) to eat lunch. The sun was very hot already so we decided to hide for a few hours. I had a short siesta before waking up for our Marine park trip.

The marine park was the island's protected area for sea creatures. About 15 minutes away from the resort, we were taken there by the resort's boats. We fed the fishes and marvelled at their beauty and number. I've never seen so many fishes in one area in my life! There were fishes of all colors-- blue, green, combinations of gold and black, white and black, blue and green, etc. I loved watching the schools of fishes roam around searching for bread crumbs brought by the tourists.

After getting back to the resort, Willai and I went to the resort's shop to buy conditioner. I also bought some souvenirs for myself. After showering, Jay, tina and I went for a walk along the other end of the island on top of the rock formations. We took some majestic pics (see Jay’s flickr site for more of these—http://www.flickr.com/gidiyap_padingdong). Willai joined us a little later and afterwards the four of us headed to the BBQ buffet where I had the best beef bbq (ok, it’s the second best next to Bala’s cooking).

We spent our last evening in the resort drinking the rest of the mango rum and playing cards. We did several rounds of tong its, the classic 1-2-3 pass and bluff. Panalong panalo ang mga sinungaling(Go jay cool! Hehe).Favorite ko yung “Four threes!” ni tina while bringing down only three cards.

The next day itwe woke up early to watch the sunrise one more time. We took countless pictures and the island gifted us with the most magnificent sunrise ever.

After a quick breakfast, we quickly packed up and went back to reality—we took another 12 hour journey back to KL. We finally made it to PWTC at 8pm. We had dinner at the Chinese mamak near Jay and Tina’s place and afterwards Willai and I went back to our homes in Sri Petalling. The vacation was over.

So like I said, this is not an entry about love. But it’s about a lovely time. It’s not anything remotely romantic but it can be sentimental. After all you have a dreamer here telling the story. It was 3 days of beautiful memories—memories that I’ll treasure forever.

For more pictures.. visit my shutterfly site: http://redangadventure.shutterfly.com